Empty
by Hev99
Summary: Set after Edward left in New Moon, assuming that he never returned and Jacob never helped Bella to heal. Two years later Bella's life is a nightmare until she is reunited with the family she misses so desperately. Can they save her from herself?
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**_: _**I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. I do however own a very dusty piano on which I am attempting to learn Bella's Lullaby!**_

_**A/N **_**_OK so I've never written anything in my life before, except in English lessons at school, which was long enough ago for me to not tell you when it was! I have no idea whether this is any good but I've been asked to put it up so here it is. _**

_**I should warn you that I'm English, so if you think it's spelled wrong let me know, cos I don't know the American spellings for most things! If it's spelled wrong even in English apologies, I don't have a beta and my grammar etc is truly appalling! **_

_**Big thanks to CatMasters for walking me through the uploading process. It would be almost impossible to describe in words how technologically inept I am! She is my forum angel, making the pretty pictures appear under my posts and everything!  
**_

_**So this is set two years after Edward left Bella in New Moon but assumes that they never returned and Jacob never befriended Bella.**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

**Empty**

**Chapter 1**

"You used to captivate me by your resonating light

Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase."

_My Immortal - Evanescence_

**Bella's POV**

I felt a familiar sense of detachment coursing through me as my head slammed into the wooden door hard enough to leave a dent in the white paintwork. The strong hands around my arms were throwing me around like a rag doll while I disappeared inside myself, the way I always did.

His breath smelt strongly of stale beer and cigarettes, a smell now so familiar to me that it no longer made me cringe. My mind took itself away from the pain in my body, taking me to my Edward, to the meadow, to the happiest time of my life. Those beautiful topaz eyes, gazing into my very soul, filled with love. This was my happy place. My safe haven, taking me away from the horror that my life had become.

I forced myself back to now, back to the hatred filled hazel eyes only inches from my face. I couldn't be absolutely sure what it was that had brought on this particular rage, but I could see from the look in his eyes that we were nowhere near done yet.

I didn't even flinch as his fist made contact with the side of my head. I had enough experience now to know that flinching or pleading just drove him on. He liked me to beg him to stop, to cry out when he hurt me. So, stubborn as ever I kept completely silent, taking the beating and silently willing it to be over soon.

My head swam dizzily as I felt the thick blood pouring from my head where his fist had been seconds before. Even in the midst of this nightmare, my aversion to blood was strong enough to make me pass out. My last thought before the darkness took me was of my Edward, of those cool strong arms embracing me, so gently that I could barely feel it. Then nothing.

**Carlisle's POV**

Leaving Forks so suddenly for the sake of my son was one of the hardest things this family has ever done. My poor Esme mourned the loss of Bella the way she would have mourned any of our children leaving us. Her heart broke into thousands of tiny pieces that day, and the pieces continued to shatter apart every time she looked into Edward's empty, expressionless eyes. To see our son so broken was almost to much for either of us to bear, and Alice's pain at the loss of her one and only ever human friend was just about killing poor Jasper.

We relocated to our home in Ithaca and I quickly secured a job working in the emergency room in the local hospital. As selfish as I knew it was to leave Esme to deal with the pain of our home situation, I found myself throwing myself into my work more and more, and spending less and less time at home. The pain and grief that shrouded our home was overwhelming and the staffing situation in the hospital gave me an easy escape.

I had never seen anybody, human or not, so broken as my poor son. Edward, for so long the light of our lives, before our other children arrived with us, now just sat and stared. Not even staring at anything in particular, his eyes rarely focused on anything. His beautiful piano sat, unused since we left Forks. When he left Bella behind that day, I truly believe he left himself behind with her.

Now, two years later, the situation had not changed at all. It almost felt like it had become worse, not better. He never spoke to anybody, not even Esme, he hadn't hunted in who knew how long, and I feared that my beloved family were starting to fall apart. Alice and Jasper spent so little time in the house.

Poor Jasper felt everybody's pain so acutely that I could hardly blame them for wanting to get away, but their continual absence just broke the pieces of Esme's heart a little more. I knew I had to do something, but I couldn't think how to be of help. So I worked. And worked. Dealing with my patient's pain meant that I could leave my own at the door. I knew it wasn't helping anybody, but I just couldn't see how to do that.

I was sitting now, in a rare moment of quiet in my office, thinking about the things I tried so hard not to think about, when the shrill sound of my bleeper pulled me from my thoughts. I was out of my seat and to the door before I had even thought about it, there must be some sort of emergency case coming in and I would be needed to lead.

A chart was thrust into my hands as I re-entered the ER, a nurse walking swiftly by my side giving me important information about the patient they had just brought in.

"Young girl, a student we think, looks like she's been beaten. The neighbours called the police after they heard banging and shouting. Multiple injuries, unconscious at the scene…."

My mind could no longer listen to what I was being told about my patient, as my eyes scanned the chart. If it was possible my heart would have skipped several beats as I registered the name across the top of the chart. I forced myself back to concentrate on the matter at hand, thinking how many Isabella Swan's there had to be in the Continental US, and what would she be doing here in Ithaca anyway?

I froze as I walked into the treatment area and saw a mess of dark brown hair and pale skin, hidden by horrific injuries.

"Oh God Bella no!" I exclaimed as I ran forward at a barely human pace to try to confirm that this was somebody else's child, and not the beautiful girl I loved as a daughter. One look at her poor battered face confirmed my worst fears, and for the first time in my medical career I had absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Doctor Cullen?" One of the nurses tried unsuccessfully to pull my from my horror. My mind was going crazy, thinking about all the ways that she could have picked up these injuries. I refused to even consider the idea that somebody could have done this to our dear Bella deliberately, as everybody around me seemed to think.

"I'm… sorry." I hesitated, "I can't take this case, Doctor Brown, please…" My eyes pleaded with my colleague as the realisation hit me that I wasn't capable of treating Bella. My mind could only focus on my horror at seeing her this way after our long painful separation.

Doctor Brown swung into action, immediately doing what I could not, to help Bella. I stood, just staring at her broken body, ignoring my colleagues attempts to help me.

I felt kind hands on my shoulder, as one of the nurses steered me carefully from the room.

"I'm sorry Doctor Cullen, do you know that poor girl?" Her face showed concern and confusion at my state of mind. I realised quickly that none of my colleagues had ever seen me unable to cope with a medical situation before.

"Ah, yes. At least I used to. It's been two years but…" I trailed off. How could I explain to this nurse that I had once thought of this girl as a member of my family. That in actual fact, the paternal feelings I had for Bella never truly went away.

"I sure am sorry doctor, it must have been quite a shock seeing her like that." Her kind eyes seemed to understand how much Bella meant to me, even though I couldn't put it into words for her. She reached out and lay her arm around my shoulders, comforting me. I allowed her to pull me into an embrace as tearless sobs started to shake my body, releasing all the pain and grief I had been feeling for two years, and the horror I felt at seeing Bella looking so broken.

Suddenly, I felt the shame of what I was doing. Wallowing in my own grief while Bella lay in the next room needing my help. I steeled myself for seeing her again, then marched back into the treatment room to take over her care. I had got barely beyond the door before I realised her condition had changed. Doctor Brown had clearly done a good job and Bella was awake, sitting up, and staring right at me, her mouth hanging open in shock.

**Jasper's POV**

"Alice, Alice baby, what do you see?" I clawed at her hands, trying to pull them from her distraught face, as it went blank again. Her vision, whatever it was had filled her with anxiety, guilt and pain, making her tremble with the force of it. A small squeaking sob escaped her before she collapsed into my arms her whole body shaking with the tears that she couldn't cry.

"Alice, please." I pleaded with her to tell me what she'd seen.

"Oh Jazz, " she forced out though the heaving sobs she didn't seem to be able to control. "It's Bella!"

I stiffened at the name. Edward had specifically asked Alice not to watch her future, and as far as I was aware she hadn't been doing so.

"Alice, I thought…" I started before she interrupted me.

"I haven't been watching her Jazz, honest I haven't. It's Carlisle, he's been so sad, and spending so much time at work, I've been watching him, just to make sure he's ok."

I sighed, that was my Alice, always thinking about everybody else, even when she was suffering herself. She was a lot like her old best friend in that sense.

"Jazz, he's treating her!" She cried out, causing me to freeze on the spot. My mind ran through all the possible things that could be wrong with her.

"Alice, she's probably just tripped over her own feet or something, you know how she is." I tried to make light of the situation, while I knew that Alice wouldn't look so pained if it were just a sprained ankle or another cut requiring stitches.

The thought of stitches took me back to that day. Her birthday, when I had single handedly ruined our wonderful family's happiness forever. I would never forgive myself for what I had done that day, and for what I had forced Edward to do. The whole family had suffered because I hadn't been able to control myself in the face of a tiny little paper cut. Alice had told me time and time again that Bella hadn't blamed me for what happened, and I believed her, Bella was selfless enough for that. But I constantly saw the accusation in Edward's eyes, when he actually managed to focus on my face long enough to express anything through his piercing glare.

"No Jazz, she's been hurt, her face is all messed up and she's not opening her eyes, Jasper, what if she…" The incomplete sentence lingered in the air for a moment as the horror of the idea hit us both. Without another word we were both up and running for the hospital, not able to go near the house and warn Esme in case Edward read our thoughts. Who knew what the thought of Bella in this situation would do to his already fragile hold on sanity.

Halfway to the hospital, when we had started moving at a more human speed due to the increasing number of passers by, Alice suddenly froze again. Her face went blank as my hands held onto her, rubbing what I hoped were comforting circles on her back. A look of intense relief flooded her face as she came back to me smiling.

"She's awake." Relief swept over me until Alice's next words, "and she's seen Carlisle." I couldn't help but wonder how Bella would react to seeing one of us after the long separation she had been effectively forced into. Instead of asking Alice for details, I continued on towards the hospital, desperate to ascertain that the girl who I thought of as my little sister was going to be ok.

**Bella's POV**

My head hurt. I could feel the throbbing pain before I opened my eyes to the world again. Something within me was disappointed that I was waking up at all. There was so much pain filling my life these days that it had almost been a relief to sink into oblivion and feel myself drifting along in a peaceful place. The hole in my chest didn't hurt half as much when I was out, and for that I was actually grateful to Jack for providing me with the oblivion. The pain of the injuries was rarely as bad as the jagged edges of that hole, threatening to pull me apart all day every day.

I had learned the hard way, that the saying 'time heals all wounds' was just that, a saying. Nothing more. Because for me, time just gave the wound more time to fester. More time to pull me apart at the seams until there was nothing left but an empty shell for Jack to play with.

Jack wasn't a friend, never had been really. He was just a man who needed a room mate, and I needed somewhere to live while I was at college. He offered a low rate of rent when I went to look around the flat. I should have known then that there was something not right about him, but I was too caught up in my own pathetic pain to really wonder too much about this guys motives for taking in a young female room mate. I'd found out pretty soon though.

Only two weeks after I moved in he showed himself for what he really was. He switched overnight from the perfect gentleman, to a monster. My first instinct was to run after his first drunken night time visit, but run to where? I literally had nowhere to go. I couldn't bear to return to Charlie after what I put him through in that first year after He left. Now when I looked into his eyes I could see that pain that I put there, and I couldn't bear it. The physical pain that Jack inflicted was easier to take than the realisation of how badly I'd hurt my parents. I wouldn't.

No, I couldn't drop out of college and disappoint them again, and all the other affordable places were taken already. So I had no choice but to stay. I dreamt often about a strong pair of marble arms lifting me up and taking me away from the pain. But I kept those thoughts where they belonged. In dreams. Because he didn't want me anymore. He had made that perfectly clear when he left me in the forest that night, and by his continued absence from my life ever since.

I had stuck it out in Forks until graduation before the pain of the constant reminders of him drove me to New York, to Ithaca, to attend Cornell college. I had no great desire to study, or to get a decent job afterwards, or even really to breathe in and out anymore, but I owed it to Charlie to at least make a pretence of living a normal life.

I forced my eyes open now into the dazzling overhead lights of a sterile white room. This wasn't the living room where I remembered being last. A concerned face loomed above mine, the stethoscope around his neck betraying his status as a doctor to my confused brain. So I was in the hospital. How did I get here? Surely Jack didn't suddenly have an attack of conscience, he never had before.

"Hello Isabella, my name is Doctor Brown. Do you remember what happened?" His voice was kind and soft, but his eyes flashed with something that looked like anger.

"Um…" I didn't quite know what to say here. I couldn't tell him what happened, I would pay for it if I did. But I couldn't sit here acting like a mute either.

"You were hurt sweetheart, you're in the hospital." Another voice, female this time. I put a face to the voice as I looked to my right and saw a nurse staring at me with concern all over her face.

"Are you in any pain?" The doctor again. I murmured something incoherent about pain in my head and saw the doctor nod to the nurse, who immediately went to inject something into a drip bag.

Oh my, I thought woozily, I must have a needle in my arm. I pushed that thought away quickly, refusing to look down to have it confirmed. The last thing I needed right now was to pass out again. I struggled to try to sit up, and the nurse, realising what I was trying to do, helped me and put a pillow behind my back to make me comfortable.

My whole body ached, suggesting to me that Jack didn't stop having his fun with me when I passed out. I didn't remember him going for my ribs, but there was a definite ache there now. I was just about to ask the doctor whether Charlie had been called - hoping desperately for a negative response, the last thing he needed was to see me like this after all the other pain I had caused him - when the doors swung open and an all too familiar face entered the room.

I gazed across the room, my mouth falling open at the sight of the perfect face in front of me. I felt the jagged pieces of my chest spike painfully as I looked into the eyes of one of the family I had once dreamed of belonging to. I winced at the pain in my chest and saw him move towards me his face full of concern.

"Bella, honey are you ok?" His question registered with me, but I could do nothing but stare at his perfect features, and let the pain have me. I knew I would pay for this moment of joy later, when he was gone again, but for now, here was a member of the Cullen family, right in front of me.

"Bella?" More insistent now, his face creased with worry.

"C-Carlisle, what are you…?" I managed before the tears started.

**Carlisle's POV**

Seeing Bella's face contort with pain as she stared at me broke my heart just a little bit more. I rushed forward to find out where she was hurting and to make it go away by any means necessary. She started to ask me a question, before breaking down into heart rending sobs.

I immediately rushed forward and gathered her up into my arms. Trying to be gentle because of her injuries, I cradled her in my arms as her tear ducts ran dry. The other staff subtly left the room, not wanting to intrude on what was, quite obviously, a private moment. The tears that Bella was crying seemed to hold in them a whole world of pain, not unlike the dry tears I had cried only moments before. Was her life now, as hard as Edward's seemed to be? Was she really hurting as much as he was? Or were these tears merely the result of the trauma she had clearly been through today?

I held her close, her face buried in my shoulder, until her body stopped shaking with the tears, and she mumbled something into my chest. I couldn't hear what she was saying so I tried to pull her away from me to ask her to repeat herself. At that she clutched at my shirt, almost hysterically, not allowing me to move her away from me without using force, which I had no intention of doing.

"Bella honey, what did you say? I didn't hear you sweetheart." She pulled away from my chest just far enough to look into my face, her eyes red with the tears, the purple circles under her eyes all too visible.

"I said I'm sorry." Her words confused me entirely. Why would the poor girl be apologising to me. Hadn't we been the ones who had left her behind?

"I don't understand Bella. What are you sorry for?"

"Everything." She cried out. I was more confused now. Not wanting to push her when she was clearly so fragile, I merely looked enquiringly at her.

"I'm sorry for being here, for ruining you shirt, for everything, but I'm so happy to see you."

"I'm glad to see you too Bella, you don't know how I've missed you. But I do wish I could be seeing you in different circumstances. Do you want to tell me what happened to you today?"

Her eyes wandered, for the first time, from my face to the blanket that was covering her.

"I guess I fell down the stairs again or something. I don't remember." The blood rushed to her face, the blush giving away her lie as easily as ever. The fact that she felt she needed to lie about what happened to her caused my concern to increase, but I knew better than to push her when she was feeling so vulnerable.

She sat then, in silence, chewing her bottom lip, the way she always did when she was nervous. I didn't want her to feel that way around me. I wanted her to trust me the way she once did.

"Bella, I'm sorry too honey, I don't believe for a second that you fell down the stairs today, but I won't push you. Just know that if you want to talk about it I'm here for you, and I want to help. Please don't feel alone Bella." She looked as though she was going to start to cry again, which was not what I wanted, but then she seemed to think better of it, and spoke instead, her words whispered and shaky.

"I _am_ alone, and I fell." Then, detaching herself from me entirely she lay back down on the bed and turned her face away from me. I reached out to pull a stray hair away from her face, but froze as she flinched away from me.

"I'm sorry Bella." I whispered before walking quietly from the room.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. I do own a very large bottle of coke and an even bigger bar of chocolate to see me through the heart fail coming in my favourite stories!**_

**_A/N OK so you guys were way too good to me after the first chapter. I was expecting rotten tomatoes and instead I got nice reviews and an inbox full of alerts! I love you all. Seriously!_**

**_Huge thank yous to my fabulous new beta 4StringQueen who managed to plough her way through my crazy lack of grammar and punctuation to make the chapter legible! (She could probably even tell me whether the plural of thank you at the beginning of this sentence was right or not! Probably not!)_**

**_More big thank yous to_**** BellaEdwardCullen for setting up the forum page. I would link it here but I have no clue how sorry! (I know I know!) And to CatMasters who is slowly teaching me the ways of the 21st Century but it's slow progress I'm afraid! Not her fault, mine! **

**__****Also thank you to my sister, who isn't on here, for helping me to find lyrics for the chapters. Love you Em! x**

**__****Sorry for the long A/N I'm a little crazy today, it's best just to ignore me!**

**__****

* * *

  
**

**Empty**

**Chapter 2**

"Best friends are made through smiles and tears

And sometimes that fades over miles and years

But I knew right away when I saw you again

Emily, we'll always be friends."

Beth Nielson Chapman - Emily

**Bella POV**

I pulled away from him. What choice did I have? I could have stayed there all day, cradled in his arms, feeling his compassion, but I had to pull away. To have stayed there would have been psychological suicide. I already knew that the nightmares I'd been working so hard to suppress would return with full force tonight, when he wasn't here anymore, but I couldn't allow myself to get too attached to him again. Edward didn't want me anymore so I couldn't have his family either no matter how genuinely pleased Carlisle seemed to be to see me.

It was almost physically impossible for me to move away from his arms and lie back down on the bed, and even harder to turn my back on him. However, I had to do it, for the sake of my sanity. I heard him retreat from the room, whispering that he was sorry, and felt even guiltier. Had I hurt his feelings? He didn't believe what I told him about how I got hurt. Typical. The Cullens knew me so well. They could always just tell when I was lying, but somehow I wanted him to know what happened. I had never wanted anybody to know before. I always covered up the evidence with my clothes and make-up for fear of anybody finding out.

Truth be told, I was ashamed of what I'd become. I was allowing this guy to hurt me regularly and didn't have the guts to do anything about it. If I was honest with myself, I almost craved the physical pain he gave me, to overshadow the emotional pain that tore at me all the time, night and day. What were a few bruises and broken bones compared with a hole where your heart ought to be?

I felt the easy tears welling up again as I lay, alone now, and try as I might to suppress them, they came out anyway. How many tears can one person cry in one hour? I'd thought my tear ducts had to be dry after Carlisle had comforted me, but here I was again, crying like a baby. I lay there for a while, silently sobbing to myself, until I felt cold fingers on my cheek, softly brushing my tears away.

"Don't cry Bella." The bell like voice stirred something inside me and I shot up in the bed, causing pain in almost every part of my body, but I didn't care.

"Alice, oh Alice!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms around her dramatically. My self preservation plan from only minutes before was completely forgotten. Here was my best friend in the world who I had missed almost as much as her brother. She chuckled lightly at my dramatic hug, but hugged me back just as fiercely. I felt a sudden wave of calm run through me and searched the room until my eyes landed on the tall, handsome frame of Jasper.

He was stood in the furthest corner of the room, looking unsure of himself. Was he worried about my wounds and the blood that could be around? I looked anxiously into his eyes to see if he'd hunted recently, and was relieved to see shiny topaz eyes staring right back at me.

"Jasper, are you alright?" I questioned him softly. He flinched slightly at my words as though they caused him some sort of pain.

"Am _I _alright? Bella, you're lying in a hospital bed, and you're worried about whether I'm ok."

"Typical Bella." Alice added brightly.

"You look kind of sad Jasper. I just wondered why." I whispered, not wanting to hurt him again. He just looked back at me, an incredulous look in his eyes. Then, instead of answering my question, he asked one of his own.

"What happened Bella?" His eyes searched mine as I felt the same anxiety I had felt every time somebody asked that question. "Alice just saw you lying there, unconscious, so we panicked and ran over here."

I almost giggled out loud at the idea of them running here. Knowing how fast they could run, I imagined that they might well have shocked a lot of people.

"I don't remember Jasper, I must have fallen or something." I kept up the same story I had told Carlisle. I didn't want them comparing notes afterwards. Alice's eyes narrowed as she suspected the lie, but she didn't push the issue. Not like her at all, I thought to myself. If only she'd been so accepting of my excuses when I didn't want to go shopping.

I wanted to sit and talk to them… To ask them about the family, what everybody was doing... But I was so tired. I could feel my eyelids drooping as I spoke, and my head was throbbing painfully.

"You should get some rest and we will leave you be." Alice's words panicked me and I fought to maintain control as the hysteria threatened to overwhelm me.

"No, no Alice, please don't leave me." I begged her, not ready to say goodbye to them just yet.

"Relax Bella, we'll be just outside, not far at all." I relaxed slightly at her words.

"You promise not to leave without saying goodbye?" I threw the question out there and saw both their faces tighten as the memories evident in the question hit them.

"I promise Bella, we'll be right here when you wake up. Now get some rest."

I wasn't sure that I could rest now despite my tiredness. I didn't trust that they would still be here when I woke up. What if it was all a dream? I started to panic until another wave of calm ran through me. I scowled at Jasper who looked back at me determinedly.

"Bella, you won't get better if you don't rest. Please let me help you to sleep. You have our word that we won't leave, we will be right outside when you wake up."

I held his gaze for several seconds, before nodding slightly at him. His manufactured calm hit me again, and this time I gave in to it.

**Esme POV**

I loitered around the house, finding things to do in the already immaculate house while my thoughts constantly ran to my son, quietly falling apart upstairs. I have never felt so helpless as I did now unable as I was to alleviate his suffering. I truly believed that the only thing that could ever really make him smile that crooked grin we all adored again, was to hold Bella in his arms and feel their love reconnect. I missed my son, and I missed Bella. I had come to think of her as another daughter, and it broke my heart to leave her behind. The worst thing was not getting to say goodbye, to reassure her that we would all always love her, even though we wouldn't be around anymore.

I thought back now to those happiest of times in Forks, while trying to find weeds to pull in the already perfect garden. I thought of how Edward had changed when he met her. How the light that had been missing from his eyes for so many years was finally ignited. How my once moody and tortured son had become almost like a different person.

I thought also of that night, Bella's birthday, when poor Jasper had lost out to the monster inside him. I thought of the fear in Bella's eyes as he lunged for her, and then the instant forgiveness she seemed to give to all of us for what we were. She could forgive where Edward could not. I didn't believe that Edward blamed Jasper although I knew that Jasper believed just that. Edward blamed himself for forcing himself into her life in the first place.

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the telephone. I would have left it, but Emmett and Rosalie were out hunting and Jasper couldn't bear spending too much time in the house so he and Alice were off out somewhere and I knew that Edward would no sooner answer the phone these days than he would talk to any of us. I dashed inside quickly and searched around for the cordless phone. On the sofa. Typical.

"Hello." I answered finally.

"Esme darling, it's me." My husband's voice sounded strained, it pained me to hear it.

"Carlisle, how nice to hear from you. Are you on your break or something?" I was surprised to hear from him, he so rarely called from the hospital these days.

Pain ran through me as I realised how much I missed him. I didn't blame him for spending so much time at the hospital, but all the same, I longed to spend some time with him, away from the tension and pain at home.

"Esme.." He started but his voice broke.

"Carlisle, what is it?"

"It's... She's here Esme." I knew immediately who 'she' was. Who else could it be?

"What do you mean? She's where? At the hospital? Is she hurt? Carlisle please tell me she's ok."

I rushed the questions out so fast that he had no time to answer them.

"She's been hurt honey, but she'll be ok. She knows we're here. I'm not sure how she feels about us right now."

My head went into overdrive then, thinking of all the ways that she could be hurt.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure, I don't think she's exactly being honest with us about what happened to her, but I don't know why yet."

"Can I come down there? Carlisle, can I see her?" I longed to see her. I wanted to take her into my arms and never let her go again, but Carlisle had said that he didn't know how she felt about us right now. What did that mean?

I was about to push Carlisle for an answer as I heard him hesitating on the other end, when I heard a creak on the stairs, and suddenly the phone was pulled from my hand by a livid looking Edward.

"We're going to the hospital." He said fiercely, as he disconnected the call. Then, without pausing, he was out of the door before I could even draw a single breath.

"Edward, wait." I called after him, but he had gone. I did the only thing I could think of to do and followed him in the direction of the hospital, anxious to see her, to make sure that she would really be ok.

**Alice POV**

We sat, around the corner from her room on chairs we found in the corridor. Silent, our hands gripped tightly together as we listened to the gentle sounds of her sleeping. I couldn't believe that she was really here. That I had seen her, spoken to her, and felt her gentle heart pounding as she flung herself into my arms.

She was lying about what happened to her. Of that much I was certain. Why she was lying was less obvious. Had somebody done this to her? Why would somebody hurt the gentlest soul in the world so horrifically? I had seen the wince of pain that shot across her face every time she moved, and ached to be able to take her pain away. Jasper at least had been able to help her to sleep comfortably.

We listened now to her steady heartbeat and breathing as she slept deeply. Jasper was tense beside me. His control was much better these days, but what nearly happened at Bella's birthday party had broken his heart, and he had been so determined ever since that he didn't seem to suffer the way he used to. He had never been tested quite so harshly before. Being in the hospital was so hard for him, and I could feel him stiffen every time the scent of blood was in the air.

"Jazz, why don't you go home? I'll wait here and I'll call you with any news."

He just tensed even more, staring straight ahead, and replied, "I promised her Alice. I promised we'd be here when she wakes up. After everything that happened, I think I owe her that much, don't you?"

Agony swept across his face as he was no doubt remembering her birthday.

"Jasper, she doesn't blame you for that. You know that she doesn't."

"That's because she's so selfless it borders on insanity. Alice, I'm fine. I can do this. I want to be here when she wakes up. Her eyes, Alice, they're so empty. It's like there's something missing from her. The emotions I felt coming from her were so confused, I almost couldn't discern one from another."

I leaned my head onto his shoulder sighing softly. His fingers started to trace patterns down my cheek where the tears would have been, if I could have shed them.

In the quiet, both of us suddenly stiffened. The sounds coming from Bella's room had changed. Two heartbeats now. One racing erratically, her breathing had sped up, almost hysterically. Then a male voice, not one I recognized

.

"Who have you told?" The voice was harsh, edged with menace. I heard Bella whimper and had to control myself to move at human speed to her door with Jasper right on my heels. My hand was almost on the handle when I was knocked out of the way and the door flew open.

* * *

**_Reviews are like hugs with words! _**

_**Now you should all go and read CatMasters' story Darkest Before the Dawn. It's brilliant and intriguing and has sexy Stalkerward in! **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but I do own New Moon tickets for tonight! Oh yeah baby!**_

_**A/N Thanks as always to my fabulous beta 4StringQueen for making me look as though I can spell and understand grammar and punctuation! Go check out her story The Legend of Green Eyes, the last chapter made me cry a little bit...**_

__  
_**Thanks to my forum girls CatMasters and BellaEdwardCullen for being awesome and understanding my lack of technical know how! They both write great stories too, go check them out! **_

_**And thanks to everybody who has reviewed so far, I never understood the whole reviewing thing until I woke up one morning to an inbox full of them. It feels goooood so thank you! **_

_**Dedicated to my mummy cos it's her birthday today and she's the best! **_

_**

* * *

  
**_

**Empty**

**Chapter 3**

"There's nowhere left to hide

In no one to confide

The truth runs deep inside

And will never die

Lips are turning blue

A kiss that can't renew

I only dream of you

My beautiful."

_Sing for Absolution - Muse_

**Bella POV**

I had to admit, Jasper's gift was impressive. For the first time in almost two years I slept soundly and dreamlessly. My nightmares didn't appear to haunt me, but there was just an overwhelming sense of peace flowing through me.

I was startled out of sleep suddenly by a hand over my mouth. After the gentle embraces I had encountered today, it felt harsh and rough against my face. I opened my eyes and stared up into Jack's furious eyes. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, wondering if he was here to finish me off, to make sure I couldn't talk.

"Who have you told?" He spat at me, releasing my face and grabbing my wrists instead. I whimpered from the pain, my whole body trembling with fear.

Where was Alice? "Please, help me," I thought to myself, no longer interested in keeping secrets from her. I was about to tell him that I hadn't told anybody, and to beg him not to hurt me again, when suddenly he was no longer in my face.

"Edward!" I gasped as I saw my angel throw Jack from my bedside and into the wall. His muscular form fell to the floor, evidently unconscious from hitting the wall. My breathing hitched as he turned to face me, his eyes full of rage. I shrank back into the bed, afraid that he was so mad that he would hurt me. His eyes softened as he stared into my own. We stayed that way for what felt like hours. Just staring into each others eyes.

Why was he looking at me that way? Like he had when he first told me he loved me. He had left me. He didn't want me. I reminded myself of that forcefully before I could sink too far into his eyes.

"What are you doing here Edward?" I whispered. Seeing him would be that last straw for my sanity. I knew that. When the day was over and they were all gone again I would lose it. The hole in my chest nagged at me painfully as I thought of having to say goodbye to them once more.

"Bella, I… I'm sorry, I should…" His sentence incomplete he ran from the room, knocking past Alice and Jasper who stood in the doorway. They eyed me anxiously.

Carlisle entered the room, his face full of concern as he took in the scene before him. Jack started to groan as he began to come around, reminding me horribly of his presence. I had to get out of there. I started tearing at the wires and tubes that held me captive in the bed, desperate to find Edward, to see him again, even if it finished me off.

Cold hands took mine, gently but firmly stopping me from disconnecting myself. I fought them with all the strength I could muster but it was futile and I knew it.

"Bella honey, don't do that. He won't hurt you, we won't let him." It was Carlisle speaking softly, looking at Jack on the floor with Jasper standing over him menacingly.

"He's gone." I stammered, "Where did he go?" I was verging on hysterical now, still fighting against Carlisle's strong hands. Understanding dawned on his face, as he realized that I wasn't trying to run from Jack, but I was trying to go after Edward.

"Alice, please." He gestured to her to take over for him, but there was no need. I knew that Edward would be long gone by now. Alice took my hands from his gently and I relaxed back into the pillows, dejected.

Carlisle moved across the room to check that Jack was ok. He's ever the compassionate doctor. He and Jasper pulled him from the room, perhaps more roughly than was strictly necessary. I closed my eyes tightly, fighting against all my emotions of fear, anger, confusion, hurt and desperation. Desperation to see him again, no matter how much it hurt later. Alice just sat with me, her fingers running in reassuring circles on my wrists. I don't know how long we sat like that before I heard the door open again. The wave of calm that hit me told me that it was Jasper.

"It's ok Bella. He's ok. He's with the police now. They want to talk to you." He hesitated, "when you're ready."

He moved across the room, and sat beside Alice on the bed. He kissed her gently on the forehead; the tenderness they shared made me ache for what I once had with Edward. They were both looking at me with pain etched on their faces.

"Bella, what's been going on?" Alice's words were desperate, her voice pleading with me to be honest with her. "Who was that guy, and why was he here?"

Time for the truth I guess.

"He's my roommate Alice." Was that relief that swept across her face? "I live in his house…. For college you see." I was pleading with her to understand. So I didn't have to say the words.

"He hurt you?"

It was Jasper this time. I felt his eyes boring into me, but I focused my eyes on the dent Jack's body left in the wall, before nodding almost imperceptibly.

"Son of a…" He was almost to the door when I interrupted him.

"Jasper, please." He stopped, but did not turn round. His hands were balled into tight fists at his side and he was almost vibrating with anger.

"Don't do anything stupid. Please, think about it. I don't want you to unleash the monster because of me."

"Bella, he…"

"I know Jasper. I was there remember." I interrupted him again. Afraid that if I let him continue, I would start to agree with him, and want him to hurt Jack. "But if you go in there and do what it is you're planning on doing, it will make you just as bad as him. I don't want that for you Jasper."

He shifted uncomfortably, apparently unsure what to do with himself. Then suddenly he was pulling me to him, his strong arms drawing me into a hug.

"Bella I'm so sorry." He gasped out almost shouting. "I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry about your birthday, and I'm sorry they all had to leave because of me."

I threw my arms around him, desperate to comfort him and make him understand that I didn't blame him for any of it.

"It's not your fault Jasper." He snorted loudly then pulled away from me.

"Bella I could have, no _would_ have killed you. You realize that don't you?"

"Of course I do, but that's not who you are. Don't you see? It wasn't you that reacted that day. You can't help what you are Jasper. I never blamed you for what happened, not even for a moment."

His brow creased as his eyes scanned my face for any sign that I was lying to him. He relaxed when he apparently ascertained that I was being honest with him.

"Why did he run away?" My voice cracked as I asked the one question I had been dying to know the answer to. "He didn't even want to see me?"

I curled up into a ball, ignoring the pain that stabbed through me, hugging my knees to my chest as the truth hit me. He didn't want to see me. Not even for a moment. But then why had he come here? Why go to the effort of throwing a fully grown man into a wall, but then run away when he was done?

"I don't know Bella." It was Alice now. Her voice was sad as she shook her head. "He's not been coping well, you know, without you."

What? He left me. He didn't want me. Why would he be coping badly?

"I don't understand Alice. Why would he not be coping? He seemed fine the day he walked away from me." I couldn't control the emotion in my voice, as I forced myself to remember that day that I had fought so hard to forget.

"I think you need to speak to him about this Bella. He's a mess, has been since we left. I don't know what he told you when we left, but I'd wager it wasn't strictly true."

My heart fluttered at what she was suggesting. Was he lying when he said those words to me in the forest? Was he suffering as much as I was? Did he hurt so badly that even breathing in and out was sometimes too much to bear? I forced myself to stop on that thought path. I knew that once I went there, I would kill myself having to claw my way back if it weren't the case.

Alice's head shot up sharply, only seconds before there was a gentle knock at the door.

"It's the police Bella. They want to talk to you. Are you ready? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Her words were kind, anxious. I shook my head calmly.

"I have to do this eventually Alice, it might as well be now."

They both stood up to leave as two police officers walked into the room. I was glad they were leaving. This was going to be hard enough, without them having to hear it too.

**Esme POV**

I made it to the hospital, probably well behind Edward by now. He was so fast, always faster than the rest of the family, and much faster than me. I made my way into the emergency room and started towards Carlisle's scent to find him when I was hit full force by what felt like a tornado.

"Edward, what's wrong." I asked as I grabbed onto him and held onto him for dear life. I could not have him going off on his own when he was evidently distressed.

I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but sorrow there. I pulled him into my arms, as a mother to her child, and felt his body collapse onto me, as he gave into the pain he was feeling.

"She doesn't want me mum." He forced out through the sobs that were rocking his whole body. "I saw her there, she was so broken, but she doesn't want me. I got what I wanted, she's moved on."

His words cut through me life a knife through butter. I refused to believe that our Bella would have moved on.

"Tell me what happened son." I requested, calmly, hoping that my calm would rub off on him. It seemed to work as he relaxed slightly in my arms.

"I heard her heart as soon as I got through the doors. How could I miss it? It's the sound I've been wanting to hear for so long now. But it was wrong somehow. Too fast, like she was scared. So I ran towards it. I didn't want her to be scared, not again. I found her, but she wasn't alone. There was a man. I heard his thoughts. He hurt her Esme. It was him, and this wasn't the first time. He was threatening her. I'm sure of it. I guess I lost it. I pulled him off her and threw him across the room. She looked so scared. She thought I was going to hurt her. I saw it in her eyes. Those eyes…" He drifted off, no doubt torturing himself about what happened.

"You're telling me that somebody, this man, hurt Bella on purpose? More than once?"

"Yes." His voice was a growl now, it was clearly taking all his self control not to go through and rip this guy's head off, and to be honest, if he had wanted to go, I would have let him. The thought of someone, anyone, hurting that sweet girl made me feel sick.

"Where is she now Edward?"

"Alice and Jasper were there when I left."

"Why did you leave her Edward? This is all you have been wanting for so long, but you ran. I don't understand."

"She was afraid of me." It clearly hurt him to say the words but he spat them out. "She looked like she was going to scream out in fright after I threw that man, that scum bag across the room."

"Nobody could blame you for doing that son. Nobody. He hurt Bella, he had it coming."

He looked shocked to hear me say those words. He expected me to reprimand him for using violence. I didn't usually approve of physical violence, but in this case I had to feel it was justified.

"I think you should stay here Edward. Stay. I'm sure she will want to see you. How could she not?"

I beseeched him to stick around. I desperately wanted to see Bella myself, and I couldn't allow him to go off alone in his present state.

"Please Edward. I care about her too."

He looked at me for a moment, then nodded slightly.

"I'll stay. I want to be certain that she's going to be ok, and that that creep gets what's coming to him."

"Be careful Edward. I don't think Bella would want you to hurt him, no matter how badly he hurt her. You know how she is."

"You think I'd attack him again after the look in her eyes the first time? I just want to make sure that the police get what they need to send him down. They can throw away the key as far as I'm concerned."

I was relieved that he seemed to be finally thinking clearly. Maybe even just seeing Bella so briefly had helped him to come back to us a little. His now pitch black eyes were finally doing something other than staring at blank space, and for that I had to be grateful.

"Where is she Edward?"

He pointed in the direction of a line of treatment rooms. I took his hand and we walked towards them together, stopping with a start when we saw Alice and Jasper, standing frozen as though they'd just had bad news. I rushed over to them certain that something bad had happened.

"Alice, Jasper, what's going on?" I asked, noticing, in my peripheral vision two police officers coming out of a treatment room, Bella's scent following them out. The female officer seemed to be holding back tears as the male officer tried to comfort her.

Alice and Jasper were not moving, but just staring straight ahead, reminiscent of how Edward had been for nearly two years. Alice's face was written all over with pain.

"Alice, honey, you've got to tell me what's happened."

"He… he…" She didn't seem able to get the words out.

"He what Alice?" Edward was fierce now, gripping Alice's arms tightly, shaking her to get a response.

"Please don't make me say it Edward. Please."

A low growl emitted from Edward's throat as he evidently saw the answer he was looking for in Alice's mind.

"We heard her speaking to the police through the door. She told them what that… that bastard did to her."

I was shocked. I never heard Alice use even the most delicate expletives. Then it hit me what she meant. The realization was horrifying and I was moving into Bella's room before anybody could stop me.

* * *

_**Reviews are better than coke...and I never think anything is better than coke! **_

**_Thanks for reading, now go check out The Legend of Green Eyes... go on...now... why are you still reading this? This is rubbish! _**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer**_**_: I do not own Twilight Stephanie Meyer does. I do however own a can of coke that Rowzy gave me in a review! Thanks Rowzy, I appreciate it!  
_**

**_Mini disclaimer: When I said nothing is better than coke in the author's note of chapter 3 you all got that I meant coca cola right?! I'm not on drugs!_**

_**A/N As always thank you to my fabulous and incredibly efficient beta 4StringQueen who managed to get 3 chapters back to me in a single day! There are no words, you are brilliant! **_

_**Thanks to the girls on the forum who keep me company when I'm bored and only occasionally tease me about my craziness and inability to understand technology!  
**_

_**Thanks for the reviews, you guys rock. HARD!!!  
**_

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 4**

"Take a look at my body

Look at my hands

There's so much here that I don't understand

Your face say these promises

Whispered like prayers

I don't need them

Because I've been treated so wrong

I've been treated so long

As if I'm becoming untouchable."

_My Skin - Natalie Merchant_

**Bella POV**

I watched the retreating backs of the police officers, hugging my knees to my chest as tightly as I could, desperately trying to hold myself together. I had honestly never been gladder to see the back of two people in my life.

I couldn't bear the look the female officer gave me when I told them about Jack and what he'd done to me. What I'd allowed him to do to me. Her expression was a sort of weird mix of pity and confusion. Evidently she didn't understand how I could let somebody who I had no real ties to get away with hurting me, with violating me, repeatedly.

I rocked back and forth, crying silently as my brain went over and over the memories the police had forced me to dredge up. I could almost feel his rough hands all over me as the pictures flooded through my mind, so fast that I felt dizzy.

My chest constricted as I felt him inside me, his hands forcing my shoulders into the floor roughly, until I felt like my ribs were caving in on me and I couldn't breathe. I tried to force air into my lungs, gasping hysterically, my mind whirling dizzily as my body felt the lack of oxygen.

Suddenly I felt cold hands touch my cheeks gently and my head snapped up and looked directly into the kindest eyes in the world.

"Bella, my darling, I know it's hard, but you have to calm down. Breathe honey, just concentrate on breathing."

Esme's voice was soothing, and the images in my head slowly retreated as she brought me back to the present. I concentrated hard on getting my breathing back under control as she held on to my face, forcing me to keep eye contact with her. Her voice gently reminding me to calm down and breathe.

As my breathing stabilized, I slumped forward into her arms. My body completely spent from all the trauma of the day. She pulled me closer into her embrace, lightly placing a kiss on the top of my head, and rocking me gently the way you would a small child. Being here with her like this made me realize how much I missed my mother Renee. I had very deliberately, systematically removed myself from her life over the last year. After the first year of causing her and Charlie too much pain to bear, I felt that I had to do what I could to spare them further agony, so I backed away from them both. Now, being held this way by someone I once considered a second mother, I felt a desperate urge to see her again.

"There, now how do you feel?" Esme pulled my face up again and studied my features carefully. I could see her eyes take in the bruises. Each one added a new layer of pain to her expression. "You're thinner." Her tone was matter of fact, but she couldn't hide her concern.

I shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to go there and trying to pull my face away from her scrutiny, but she held on, my strength no match for hers. She seemed to be expecting some sort of response, but I didn't know what to say. I just sat and stared into her beautiful eyes, waiting for her to release my face.

We sat that way for a few minutes and then she sighed lightly before pulling me back into her motherly hug.

"You don't want to talk about it." It wasn't a question.

"Please, not again." I pleaded with her desperately. "The police, they just left. I don't want to… I can't…" She shushed me quietly.

"You don't have to do anything you're not ready for. Nobody is going to hurt you now."

I felt so safe there with her, I never wanted to move again. After feeling nothing but pain and fear for so long, it felt like somebody had removed a ten ton weight from my chest just by being here with Esme.

**Esme POV**

As I stared at the poor girl's face, her eyes boring into mine, filled with pain, I took in everything, from the brand new bruises which plastered her beautiful face, to the older ones hidden beneath. The ones that the doctors wouldn't see, but I knew were there. I could sense them even though they were virtually invisible by now. I could see that she was exhausted physically and emotionally, and there was no way I was going to force her to relive her nightmare again.

Her features, behind the hideous bruising, showed very little of the beautiful and vibrant girl we left behind in Forks. Her deep brown eyes, once so alight and full of life, were empty and expressionless. I could feel through the flimsy hospital gown she was wearing that she had lost weight, and the sleepless nights were all too clearly etched into the purple, bruise-like shadows under her eyes.

She seemed relieved when she realized that I wasn't going to question her, and sat in my arms for a long while. I wanted more than anything to scoop her up in my arms and take her home with me. To take her away from this horrible world of pain that she seemed to be stuck in, but I knew that that wasn't my decision to make.

The whole family would have been overjoyed to have her back, Edward most of all. But could she ever forgive us for leaving her behind? For leaving her to face this misery all alone?

I wondered absently whether Renee and Charlie were on their way to the hospital to see her, and whether they knew the situation she had been in. I couldn't imagine that they knew. No parent would allow their child to go through this, and not do something about it, and certainly not Charlie Swan. He loved this girl more than anything in the world. So where was he? How had she hidden this from him?

After a long while I felt her body relax and her breathing steady as she fell asleep. I lay her back gently onto the pillows pulling her hair from her face. Even in sleep she seemed sort of restless somehow. It was like she wasn't really at peace. I hoped fervently that she wasn't having bad dreams.

I heard a gentle sigh behind me and turned to see Edward walking towards her. Confident now that she was asleep and that he wouldn't scare her. He stopped by the bed, touching her face lightly with his fingers, tracing the edges of her bruises with his index finger, agony etched into every line of his face.

"Bella my love, I'm so sorry" he whispered so quietly that even I could barely hear him. He leaned forward then, and placed a kiss on her forehead, running his fingers tenderly through her matted hair.

"Edward." She sighed gently.

I thought maybe she had woken up, but he seemed to know that she hadn't. I seemed to remember him joking once with her about how she spoke in her sleep. Her saying his name seemed to make him happy as a small smile crossed his face.

That tiny smile made me happier than I had been in two years. It was the first time the corners of his mouth had lifted since he left her behind.

"I'm here Bella love." He answered her almost soundlessly. Her body shuddered suddenly and she shifted onto her side, her fingers seeming to reach and grasp for something. When they didn't meet anything, she seemed to panic, her face screwing up as though she was in pain, her head moving frantically from side to side. Then suddenly she sat bolt upright screaming "No!"

Her eyes shot around the room, softening when she remembered where she was. They took in first me and then they landed on Edward. He tensed as she noticed him, obviously worried that he would scare her, but her posture was definitely not one of fear. She gazed at him intently, as though she had finally found what she had been searching for in her nightmare. I suspected that that may be exactly the case. I pulled myself up from the bed, and retreated unnoticed from the room, leaving them to their reunion.

**Bella POV**

It was definitely my nightmare. The feel of it was so familiar, and yet it was different too. I wasn't in the forest this time. I was running frantically through the corridors of the hospital searching for him. I cried out to him, sensing that he wasn't far, and heard him respond gently. Those words. They weren't usually part of the nightmare.

"I'm here Bella love." His velvety voice sounded so real that my heart beat furiously against my chest. I reached out for him desperately trying to find his arms in those cold clinical hospital walls. But my hands came up empty. "No!" I cried out.

The corridors were gone and I was sat bolt upright in an unfamiliar room. I looked around frightened until I remembered where I was. My eyes found Esme, still sitting beside me. How long had I been asleep? Then I looked to my left and gasped.

There he was, standing with his hands stretched out towards me as though he was reaching for me. His eyes were blacker than I'd ever seen them, but they weren't frightening now. He looked at me as though he had never seen me before, his eyes searching my face, as though he was looking for something there.

His outstretched arms wavered slightly, before he moved them down to his side, his hands clenched tightly into fists, as though it pained him to put them there. I was afraid to move, to break the silence in case it made him disappear.

I knew it was ridiculous after all the evidence to the contrary, but I was scared that he wasn't real. That he wasn't really here in front of me looking as though he wanted to reach out and touch me. So there we stayed, just gazing at each other, neither one of us moving so much as an inch. I wondered why his eyes were so black. How long since he had hunted?

I was embarrassed by my appearance. I knew my face was a mess, the bruises covering a large part of it, and my hair was all matted and sticking out all over the place. I had permanent purple shadows under my eyes from all the nights I was too afraid to go to sleep in case the nightmare came, and the nights when I woke up screaming, unable to find him in the forest.

Eventually my eyes flickered away from his and I noticed that Esme wasn't there anymore. When did she go? I sort of felt bed that I hadn't even noticed her leave, although I imagined that may have been how she intended it. My movement seemed to stir something in him and he started to speak, in that velvety voice I knew so well.

"Bella…" He started, but didn't seem to know what to say.

My breathing hitched at hearing his voice caress the syllables in my name. I had heard that sound so many times in my head, wishing I heard it for real, but I had never got his perfect voice right. How could I? It would be impossible to replicate any part of him in a daydream. He was too perfect. So perfect that I remembered why he left me. He didn't want me. I wasn't enough for him. He was perfect and I was beyond ordinary. I really didn't want to cry in front of him, but I felt the tears welling up nonetheless and before I could stop them, they were rolling down my cheeks.

He moved towards me, his hand reaching for my face. It took everything in me not to fall into his arms, but I managed to flinch away from him, certain that any physical contact would just make our inevitable separation even harder than it was already bound to be. His face fell almost as far as his arm when I pulled away from him.

"Bella, I'm not going to hurt you. I could never…"

"How can you say that?"

I was shouting now with anger flooding through me at his words. How could he say that he would never hurt me after he broke me apart by leaving? The pain he had caused me was so much worse than anything Jack had ever done to me, didn't he know that?

"Bella, I never.."

"You left me!" I interrupted him, my finger pointing at him accusingly. I saw him stagger back, obviously surprised at my anger. "You hurt me more than anybody has ever hurt me in my life."

I could almost feel the pain radiating off him as I pointed out to him what he had done.

"Edward, why are you here now? Did you just feel like breaking me a little bit more? Is this like sport for you or something? See how much I can hurt her before she breaks completely? See just how much she can take before she just ceases to exist?"

I didn't even care now how badly my words were hurting him. I had two years worth of pent up pain to get out, and I wanted him to feel it.

"Bella, I came here because I wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you were ok. I wanted to be near you again. I'll go if you want me to."

I was now completely confused. He wanted to be near me. What the hell did that mean? He could have been near me anytime he wanted to, but he left.

I thought the whole point of him leaving was so that he didn't need to be near me anymore. I did know, however, that the thought of him leaving right now scared me more than the thought of him staying.

"I don't understand Edward." I sighed, trying to work out what his motives could be. I wouldn't, no, _couldn't_ allow myself to think that maybe he regretted his decision to leave because that's way insanity lay. I did know that much.

"If you wanted so badly to be near me, then where have you been for the last two years? How could you possibly think that I could be ok? You left me Edward. You fucking _left_ me!"

I was almost screaming at him now, aware that everybody in the hospital could probably hear me and that the room would almost definitely be full of Cullens within seconds. Somehow I didn't care. I needed to say what I never got the chance to say two years before.

A light cough confirmed what I had thought; Carlisle walked forward, standing between us, with concern written across his face.

"Is everything ok in here? Bella?" His voice was calm, but a slight waver betrayed his anxiety about the situation as he put his hand on mine, pushing it out of Edward's face firmly, but not unkindly.

I turned away from them both, curling back into myself on the bed facing the wall. I was so confused. I didn't know whether I wanted them to stay or go. I concentrated instead on keeping my breathing steady, not wanting to hyperventilate again. I heard his voice behind me, pleading with me.

"Bella, please."

"Please what, Edward?" I asked through gritted teeth. "What do you want from me?"

There was a long pause before he replied, his voice strained.

"I'm sorry Bella, I guess I'll leave."

"Is that what you want Bella?" Carlisle asked, calmly.

I had no idea what I wanted. How could I answer that? My head was telling me that this was too hard, and that I was just going to end up getting hurt even worse than last time, but my heart was telling me that this was all I had wanted for two years and I should hold on to it for as long as I could.

"I don't know." I replied, honestly. "I don't know what I want." Suddenly there was one person I wanted to see more than anybody. I realized I desperately needed a girlfriend to talk to. "Alice. Where's Alice?"

"She's out in the waiting room. Would you like me to go and get her for you?"

"Yes please." Carlisle turned to leave.

"Carlisle?" He turned back around, waiting. "Thank you." He smiled at me then left the room, leaving me alone again with Edward.

He shifted uncomfortably, apparently unsure what he should do. I realized that I never answered Carlisle's question. I was spared the need to only seconds later when Alice bounded into the room. She looked serious, but she seemed happy that I'd asked to see her.

"Buzz off Edward, we need some girl time." She nudged his shoulder gently, and he gave me one last hurt look before walking swiftly out of the room. I watched him go, unsure that I would ever see him again. My face must have shown what I was thinking because Alice immediately reassured me.

"Don't worry Bella, he won't be far away. He'll go find a dark corner of the hospital to brood in for a bit. There's no way he'll leave this place while that creep is still here."

He was still here? I flinched at the mention of him.

She gasped, and covered her mouth. "I'm so sorry Bella. I shouldn't have mentioned him." Contrition was written all over her face. "He can't hurt you now though. You know that right? We won't let him get anywhere near you again."

I couldn't help wondering what would happen when they left my life again. I would not testify against Jack in court. There was no way I could do that. I just wasn't strong enough. So I would end up vulnerable to him again and now he was mad. He knew that I'd told the police what he'd done. Mind you, I thought to myself, after the Cullens left me again, I might well want him to finish the job off. I couldn't see any way that the near future wouldn't bring pain, physical or otherwise.

Alice cocked her head to one side, appraising me intently. Suddenly serious, she seemed unsure what to say.

"Are you ok Bella? How do you feel now? Are you still in pain?"

"Which pain are we talking about here Alice?" She looked confused.

"Well, er, Carlisle said you had broken ribs and loads of cuts, and you had to have stitches in your head."

"Yeah Alice, it still hurts." I might as well be honest. "But it's kind of nothing in comparison to…" I trailed off.

How could I explain about the jagged hole in my chest that had opened up the day they left, and never healed?

"What Bella?" She was concerned. "You have pain somewhere else? Should I get Carlisle?"

"No Alice, it's not that. Carlisle can't help me with this. It's just that…" I hesitated, unsure whether I should tell her this.

"Go on Bella, you can tell me anything."

I was silent for a long moment, my fingers fiddling nervously with the threadbare hospital blanket. Finally I found the courage to tell her what I was feeling, what I had been feeling for two long years.

"Alice, it never stopped hurting. When you all left I couldn't move on. I tried. I really did, but it was too hard. I thought when I moved here to go to college that it would help. That getting out of Forks would help, but it just got worse. And then I ended up living with him." There was no need to use his name since Alice knew who I meant.

"I know what he did to you Bella. I'm sorry. I heard through the door, vampire ears you know." She looked contrite, as though she thought she shouldn't have been listening. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that. I hugged my knees to my chest again, ignoring the pain in my ribs, suddenly ashamed, now that she knew.

She would never want me for her sister now. Not now that she knew I was damaged goods. Who could want me for their brother now? And if Alice knew, that meant that he knew too. I looked down at my knees, refusing to make eye contact with Alice. I didn't want to see the accusation that was bound to be there.

"I'm sorry Alice."

"Sweetie, what are you sorry for?" I shrugged. Wasn't it obvious? "Bella, none of this is your fault." I felt her hands stroking the length of my hair gently. "I don't understand though. Why stay? Why didn't you leave, when he started hurting you? Why didn't you go back to Charlie?"

"I've hurt Charlie enough, Alice. When I came to college I swore that I wouldn't hurt him anymore and that I'd let him think that I was happy and settled here. After what I put him through, I think he was almost glad that I held back from seeing him anymore."

"What do you mean? How did you hurt him?" Her beautiful face was wrinkled up in confusion.

"He had to pick up the pieces Alice." It was all I would say.

Apparently it was enough. She sighed heavily.

"I'm so sorry Bella. But please believe me, I never wanted to leave you. I fought him over it, but he's so stubborn and Carlisle was adamant that we should respect his wishes. He wouldn't even let me look out for your future, he made me promise."

"He made you leave?" I asked slowly, confused again.

"Yes Bella, he said he wanted to give you a clean break from us all, so you could move on without us. I told him he was talking shit and that you loved him, but he wouldn't have it. He was absolutely resolute that it was what was best for you. It just about tore him apart to do it, tore the whole family apart in fact, and apparently it was completely pointless. It seems that you're as useless without him as he is without you."

As a small smile crossed her lips, my mind was in complete turmoil, confused thoughts were flying around in there all at a million miles per hour, the effect was dizzying and I couldn't make sense of any of it. Why would it tear him apart? It was what he wanted. I remembered his words all too clearly about how he didn't want me to go with him. I wasn't good for him and he didn't want to pretend anymore.

"I don't understand Alice. He didn't want me anymore, why would it tear him apart?" She looked at me confused again.

"Bella, what did he say to you in the forest? I've wondered ever since we left how he managed to say goodbye to you, I thought you would have followed him somehow, no matter where he went. I was so surprised that you never called demanding to speak to him, or to know where we were."

I was surprised that Alice didn't already know the whole conversation; I would have thought she would have seen what was said. With her gift I expected that she had seen the whole thing.

"You didn't see it?" I asked curiously.

"No. To be honest, I thought it was private. I didn't want to pry into that moment. I deliberately didn't look. But now I'm curious. What did he say to you to make you stay away?"

I regaled the whole conversation to her word for word. It was not as difficult as that was one conversation that I would remember forever. Realization seemed to dawn on her face as she understood what had caused me to stay away from them and what had stopped me from calling any of them. I wasn't wanted, or so I had believed.

"You believed him Bella? I mean, I know my brother is a ridiculously skilled liar, but how could you believe that he didn't love you?"

"Pretty easy Alice. I mean, look at me. It was always too good to be true that he was drawn to me in the first place. He's completely perfect, what would he want with me? I just figured he'd finally come to his senses and realized he could do better."

"Oh Bella!" She replied, shaking her head disapprovingly. "You really don't see all the wonderful things about yourself that everybody else sees do you?"

I just looked back at her skeptically. She seemed to be about to argue some more when I heard a gentle tinkling sound coming from her pocket. She pulled out a silver mobile phone.

"Hi Emmett." She smiled at me and then moved across the room and talked in that irritating way they had where it was too fast and too quiet for human ears to understand.

I thought with affection of Emmett, the big bear of the family. He was always happy and friendly, and always teasing. I wondered what Alice was saying to him, hoping that she wasn't telling him about me. I didn't want anybody else knowing about my shame, and certainly not Rosalie, who Emmett would undoubtedly tell if he heard.

Alice walked back towards me, a smile on her face. "Emmett says hi."

"Alice, please tell me you didn't tell him what happened?" I was certain that she had, but there was a tiny bit of hope there, until she looked confused at me replying.

"Of course I did Bella, we don't have secrets in our family."

"Yeah well Alice, it might have escaped your notice, but I'm not actually part of your family." She looked hurt.

"Well apparently Emmett thinks you are. He's pretty mad that he doesn't get to avenge his little sister. His words, not mine."

* * *

**_Reviews are like smiles people, the more you give, the more there are! _**

_**Do you guys pay any attention to the stories I tell you to read? If not you should cos they're brilliant! This time you should all go and read The Girl Under the Bed by Nostalgicmiss. Seriously, it's an amazing story. You won't come back here once you've read it I assure you!  
**_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own a disturbing exclamation mark obsession! I can't seem to stop using them!!! I am currently seeking help! ;-)_**

_**A/N Thanks again to 4StringQueen my awesomely talented beta. She understands grammar and everything, it's great! **_

_**Thanks to the girls on the forum, as usual you rock! Come join us, you too can mock me for no extra charge! And thank you to everybody who has reviewed so far. I get a little giddy when my inbox is full!  
**_

_**This chapter is mostly conversation so sorry to those of you who like it wordy! **_

_**Posting this a day early in an attempt to make my mate CatMasters feel better! Hope it helps and your day is better tomorrow!  
**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

**Empty**

**Chapter 5**

"Desperate, meaningless

All filled up with emptiness

Felt like everything was said and done

I lay there in the dark, I close my eyes

You saved me the day you came alive."

_Come Alive - Foo Fighters_

**Emmett POV**

Ok, this was officially weird. I mean, I know my family isn't exactly normal, but where the hell were they? As far as I was aware Edward never left the house, and yet here he was gone.

The house was completely empty. It had been four hours and there was no note with no messages or anything. I wasn't sure whether to be pleased at the extra alone time with Rose, or concerned that even my reclusive brother seemed to be out. After considerable thought, I opted for the second option. I knew that Carlisle was at work and Alice and Jasper were out all the time these days, but Esme had planned on staying home today to make sure Edward was ok, and as far as I was aware he didn't have any plans beyond staring at the wall all day. So what was going on now?

I tried calling Esme's cell phone, but heard it trilling out some random piece of classical music in the kitchen. She never went out without her cell. She must have left in a hurry to have left it behind. I knew ringing Edward was pointless, so I tried Alice next.

She answered pretty quickly.

"Alice, what's going on? Where is everybody?"

"Erm.. Emmett, we're at the hospital."

Why would they be at the hospital? We didn't know anybody who could get hurt. None of us except Carlisle had been near a hospital since we left Forks. Almost as though she could read my mind Alice explained.

"Emmett, it's Bella. She's here. The guy she was living with has been hurting her, and this time it was pretty bad. She's ok, but pretty messed up."

"WHAT?" Ok now I was mad. "Who hurt her? Where is he and when do we get to kill him?"

The questions came out in a rush but I know Alice caught every one. Her voice was low, as though she didn't want somebody to hear her. I figured she must be with Bella since keeping it down for anybody in our family was pointless and futile.

"No Emmett, that's not what she wants." Alice's voice was suddenly stern. "She's spoken to the police, told them what's been happening to her, about him beating her up all the time, and…" Her voice trailed off.

"And what Alice?" Panic rising in me as I thought about what else this guy could have done to her.

I could hear her hesitate on the other end of the phone. She didn't need to say it. I already knew from her silence what else he'd done to her. I felt my hand go through the wall in anger as Alice confirmed my worst fear.

"He raped her Em." It came out as a sob. I wished I was there right now to comfort both of them. I didn't know what to say to that. What the hell could I say?

"Emmett? Are you still there? Please Em, Bella doesn't want us to deal with him. I don't know why, but you know how she is."

"So, hang on, let me get this straight. Some creep messes up my little sister, and I don't get to kick any heads in?"

"It's what she wants Em, and after everything she's been through, I think we owe her that much don't you?" I sighed heavily. I couldn't believe what I was hearing,

Some bastard had had his hands all over my kid sister, he'd forced himself on her, beaten her badly enough to land her in the emergency room, and I was just supposed to let the police deal with it.

"Fine Alice, whatever." I was resigned, Bella was stubborn and I knew it. "But I'm coming down there. I want to see my sister. It's been too long."

"Ok, but calm Emmett, yeah?" There was warning in her voice, but it was unnecessary, I wouldn't go against Bella's wishes.

**Bella POV**

Emmett barged straight into the room, almost taking the door off its hinges, with a huge grin plastered across his face. He lifted me right up off the bed into one of his best bear hugs. I gasped in pain as his big arms contracted around my sore ribs.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Bella." He put me down quickly, his face falling slightly, but not losing its grin.

"Hey Emmett. It's ok; it's nice to see you." I could see from his face that he was desperately trying not to beg me to let him deal with Jack. He lasted all of about 5 seconds.

"Bella, please. I feel it's my duty as your big brother to make sure this guy doesn't use up anymore perfectly good oxygen than he already has."

"Yeah Emmett, I understand, but I also feel it my duty as.." I hesitated. "As your little sister, to stop you from doing something that you may end up regretting. I am not going to let you end him Emmett. You're better than that."

"The hell I am!" He exclaimed loudly.

I had to admit that I found it kind of sweet that he wanted to kill Jack for me, but I didn't want any of the Cullens becoming cold-blooded killers because of me. Killing because they lost control of their thirst was one thing, but to kill for no other reason than to end somebody's life was different. I didn't know if there was any coming back from something like that.

"Please Emmett. Let the police deal with him." I pleaded with him and he smiled brightly.

"Anything for you little sis. So have you and Eddie hooked up yet or what? Honestly Bella, I gotta say I'm glad you're back. He's been a right royal pain in the butt without you."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his words.

"As usual Emmett you display all the tact and discretion of a bull in a china shop. It really is straight to the mouth with you isn't it? Ever thought of getting Mr. Brain involved at some stage too?" Alice chimed in, her voice chiding, but very definitely amused at the same time.

"Sorry Bella." He tried to look contrite. "Sore point?" I couldn't be mad at him. He was obviously so pleased to see me, and he was the first person to make me genuinely smile in a long time.

"I really missed you Emmett." I decided to be honest. He moved forward again, this time pulling me into a much gentler hug, and kissing my hair.

"I missed you too little sister." His voice was gentler now. "It hasn't been the same without you."

He looked across the room and his grin widened. "Carlisle, my man, how's it going? Look, we got Bella back." I couldn't suppress the giggle that escaped me then. Carlisle beamed at me, seeming happy that I was giggling.

"Bella, they want to keep you in overnight because of the head injury. Is that what you want? I mean, you could always…" He trailed off. It seemed like people were doing that a lot today. I guess that when every little thing you said seemed to make somebody cry then you started to be a bit more careful about what you said. I blushed at the thought of how much I had cried today.

"I could always what Carlisle?" I was curious as to what he meant.

"Well I thought we could take you home. You would be more comfortable there and I would be happy to take care of you."

I wondered at his use of the word home. Whose home did he mean? I wasn't even sure if I had a home right now. Oh God, I was homeless. That was Jack's house I was living in. He wouldn't have me in there now that I'd got him arrested.

"Oh crap!" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Emmett chuckled at my language.

"You know what Bella, I think that's the worst language I've ever heard you use. What's up sis?"

I looked up at him, horrified.

"Emmett I think I'm homeless." He looked confused. My eyes met Alice's and saw understanding there. She nodded darkly at me then explained to Carlisle. He looked slightly frustrated when he spoke again.

"Bella, did you think we were just going to let you go back there anyway? What if he gets bail?" I shuddered at the thought.

"Do you think he will?" I was terrified at the thought of him being anywhere but behind bars. Now that he knew that I'd told. What if he came after me?

Suddenly Emmett's plan didn't seem such a bad one, but I would never tell him that. I knew that even that tiniest hint of a green light from me would have him down at the police station within seconds with Jack's heart no longer beating not long after that.

"Listen to me Bella. No matter whether he gets bail or not, he will never hurt you again. Do you understand that?" His hands were now gripping mine tightly. Almost too tightly, but the pressure was comforting. It showed that he really meant what he said.

But I couldn't go back to their house, could I? Not after how I had shouted at Edward. He probably wouldn't want to see me again, let alone in his own home.

"It's your decision Bella, but we'd love to have you."

I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to decide what to do. I desperately wanted to go with them. It was all I had wanted for so long. But I would have to speak to Edward first, apologize for screaming at him, and see if he could handle me being there.

"Yesssss!" Alice leaped forward smiling happily; she had seen my decision before I had told them. "I'll go get him for you." She scurried from the room, trying to keep her pace human. Carlisle beamed at me.

"I'll go tell Esme, she'll be thrilled."

I felt Emmett sigh then release me from his hug.

"I'll leave you lovers alone. Be gentle with him sis." He winked at me happily, and strolled lazily from the room, leaving me alone with Edward.

He seemed nervous, not surprising after the way I had howled at him not so long ago. He started forward, looking like he was going to say something, then thought better of it and smiled at me shyly instead.

"Hey Edward. Any chance we can do the whole reunion thing all over again? I didn't do it so well the first time round did I?"

He smiled my favorite crooked smile and took a hesitant step towards me. I pulled myself up out of the bed. It hurt like hell but in that moment I didn't care. I wanted to hold him to me and never let him go, and as far as I was concerned, the sooner the better.

His hand found my face, caressing my cheek gently, his eyes gazing into mine.

"I'm so sorry Bella." He sighed softly.

"Ssshhh. There's plenty of time for that. How about we just enjoy the moment right now?"

"That works for me."

His smile lit up his face as he leaned in towards me. My heart fluttered wildly as his marble lips brushed gently against mine. He chuckled with his kiss bringing the inevitable blush to my cheeks the way it always had.

"Ah, now that, I've missed." He crooned contentedly. "I love you Bella."

The words seemed to heal over the hole in my heart in that single instant.

"I love you too Edward. Always have."

His lips brushed mine again, and then moved down planting kisses along my jaw and down my neck. Finally his head settled against my chest listening to my heart beating erratically as he ran his fingers through my hair. After so much pain, for so long, my heart was complete again. I was home.

* * *

**_Reviews make Hev happy and smiley! _**

_**Recommendation for the chapter: Storms by AliceEl1zabeth. It's beautifully written and heartbreaking at times. Read it and review it, she likes reviews they make her happy and she's sad right now cos it's all rainy and flooding in her home town. Go, make her smile! (I've also just literally finished reading a new one-shot she's posted called Google It and it's so sweet, read that too!  
**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. **_

_**A/N Thank you so much to my awesomely brilliant and incredibly supportive beta 4StringQueen who along with CatMasters and BellaEdwardCullen have convinced me to post this chapter, in spite of me being too much of a wuss to! So if you like it, thank them, if you hate it, blame them lol! Incredibly nervous about this chapter, so please be gentle with me!**_

**_OK so I had a few reviews commenting on Bella's decision at the end of chapter 5 to go with the Cullens and saying that it seemed like she forgave him too quickly. I feel I need to explain a little. Apologies if you've already had this off me in a review reply. _**

**_At this point in the story Bella's judgment and decision making are all to pot. She's lost, confused, frightened and alone. The kindness she's received from the Cullens that day in the hospital is the first kindness she's received from anybody in over a year and she's clinging on to it with everything in her._**

**_At the moment she just isn't strong enough to push Edward away, she has, quite literally had her strength beaten out of her. For a few chapters you will get annoyed at her decisions and actions because she isn't thinking clearly about what she's doing and Edward's lack of real understanding of her situation does not help. Please trust me though, it's all deliberate, and she will find her inner strength again. It's just going to take her some time. She's been broken, first by the Cullens and then by Jack. All she wished for every time Jack was hurting her was for Edward to come and save her, to take her away from it all, and now he has. However, this is not the end of the story by any stretch of the imagination. Bella is all kinds of screwed up at the moment as you will see at the end of the chapter, her problems are more serious than the Cullens have realised so far. _**

**_

* * *

  
_**

**Empty**

**Chapter 6**

"You deserve so much more than this, girl

'cause I'm running on the power

And living on the promise

In your last kiss.

Because I had a dream

My love would last forever

I had a dream

Tonight my dream came true

And if you'll hold me tight

We'll be riders on the night."

_Rendezvous - Bruce Springsteen_

**Alice POV**

Bella was coming home with us. She seemed to have made things up with Edward although I was pretty sure they still had some serious talking to do. However, for now it was enough that she was coming to stay with us.

Carlisle was pleased. He wanted to be the one to take care of her, to make sure that she was ok, and we all knew that if she was with us she would be protected better than anywhere else, especially if that creep managed, by some miracle, to get bail.

I didn't think he ever deserved to see the light of day again for what he had done to our Bella, but she had insisted that we leave him be, and we were determined to adhere to her wishes.

When she realized that Bella was coming to stay, Esme shrieked with joy before running off to go prepare the house for her. She was listing all the things she needed to do as she ran.

I couldn't wait to have my best friend back. We were definitely going shopping the first chance we got. Bella would need loads of new things. She couldn't go back to that house. Even if he didn't make bail, I didn't want her to ever have to go back there, to have to relive what that monster did to her. The whole house would be full of memories for her and I wouldn't put her through that.

Jasper chuckled as he sensed what I was thinking about from my emotions. He was so attuned to me now that he could tell when I was thinking about shopping.

"She won't want to go. You do know that don't you? Bella hates shopping." He was laughing while running his hands up and down my arms with his forehead pressed up against mine. I pouted at him, realizing that he was probably right.

"Then I'll go shopping for her Jazz." I stuck my tongue out at him childishly. "I'll get more done on my own anyway."

"Whatever makes you happy baby." He smiled at me brightly. His smile had the ability to light up any room. If only he smiled more often.

Edward appeared at the door then with Bella cradled in his arms like a baby and her head rested wearily against his shoulder. Apparently he was planning on carrying her to the car.

"You two made up then?" Emmett displayed his usual tact, yet again. He winked at Bella, and she flashed him a small smile then pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and chewed on it ferociously.

"Let's go then." I squealed excitedly. "Carlisle, we'll see you back at home."

He still had forty minutes left of his shift before he could come home. He had given us detailed instructions of what we must do for Bella in the meantime so we could go home and Bella was clearly anxious to get away from the hospital as soon as possible. Carlisle handed Edward the keys to his Mercedes - he would run home later - and we left.

**Bella POV**

The house was huge, bigger than the house they had in Forks. It looked pretty old although I'm no architect, and the garden was breathtaking. Esme had obviously been working hard on it. Like the house in Forks, it was set in the middle of the forest, but it had a wide area of land around it with large patches of lush green grass separated by flower beds blooming with flowers and plants of so many colors that it almost hurt to look at them.

There was a driveway twisting around the edge of the forest between the trees and the landscaped garden. Jasper drove the Mercedes around the house and I gasped. The view from this side of the house was stunning. The forest standing boldly on either side of it acted as a frame for the gorgeous, flowing landscape. The house was clearly set on a hillside, although that hadn't been obvious on the drive up here because of the cover of the forest, but we were looking down at a swollen river, chopping beautifully outwards towards the hills that provided a backdrop to the scene. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and just looking at it brought tears to my eyes.

"What do you think Bella?" Edward's voice was soft, not pulling me from gazing in awe at the view. Evidently Jasper had stopped the car outside the garage so that I could take it in.

"It's so beautiful."

My voice shook as I forced myself to look away from the beauty in front of me to look at something which, in my mind was just as beautiful. His face was shining with happiness as I smiled at him.

"I'm glad you like it."

**Carlisle POV**

After my shift finished I was eager to get back to the house to ensure that Bella was doing ok. It didn't take long at all for me to run home. Once I was into the forest I could move freely without fear of being seen.

Walking into the house I could feel that the tension which had been palpable for so long had lifted already. Bella lay on the sofa covered in thick fluffy blankets, resting against Edward, and her eyelids drooping softly. When she heard me enter she became wide awake again. I felt bad for that. The poor girl needed to rest, but I was anxious to carry out a physical examination of my own. Not that I didn't trust Doctor Brown, but until I had seen for myself that everything was ok, I would not be fully satisfied. Hearing my thoughts Edward chuckled softly.

"Where do you want her Carlisle?" Bella looked around, evidently confused by his question, which as far as she was concerned had come out of nowhere. Noticing her expression he explained.

"It's ok Bella, he just wants to examine you himself, and to make sure the doctor at the hospital didn't miss anything. He's just being over protective is all."

I was baffled by the look of panic that crossed Bella's face but she covered it up very quickly.

"In here is fine if everybody wants to leave us alone for a while."

Everybody got up to leave the room, including Edward.

I moved forward to examine Bella, reaching out to pull up her t-shirt in order to check her ribs. She gasped and clutched at the bottom of the shirt, pulling it down as far as she could.

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't think. Do you want me to fetch Alice or Esme to be with us?"

I assumed that her actions were a result of her being frightened. She shook her head vigorously.

"No lets just get this over with shall we?" Her voice was shaky, but I was unsure whether I ought to call Alice anyway, and she seemed pretty sure so I decided to go on. I pulled up her shirt gently and gasped horrified.

I expected the bruises. I'd braced myself for them. What I hadn't prepared myself for was how much weight she had lost. I had noticed from her face that she seemed a little thinner, but her face was so swollen with bruises that it had been hard to tell. Now, looking at her shrunken form, her ribs jutting out painfully, I was worried about more than just her physical health.

"Bella, ah.." How to approach this? I decided to try the direct approach and hope for the best. "Have you been eating properly?"

Her hands immediately jumped to pull her shirt back into place and she moved as if to stand up.

"Actually Carlisle I'm pretty tired, can we do this later?" I sighed, so the direct approach wasn't going to cut it on this occasion. I should have known really.

"Yes Bella, we can do it later. But we have to do it sometime; otherwise I would have to take you back to the hospital. You have to let me treat you the way I would there. I don't want to get this wrong. I couldn't bear that." She sighed and lay back down.

I started to examine her again, mentally checking everything that I knew could be wrong after an attack like this. I did a set of neurological observations on her to make sure that her head injury wasn't giving her any problems, and it seemed that everything was fine.

"Well, considering what you've been through today, you're looking pretty healthy." She shot me a slight smile before getting up and walking for the stairs.

"Bella?" She paused, but didn't turn around to face me.

"Are we going to talk about this now, or later?"

"Talk about what?" She asked. Trying, and failing to sound nonchalant. She never was a good liar.

"About how you don't look like you've had a square meal in months."

My voice was stern but I hoped it was kind too. I wanted Bella to know that she could talk to me about anything, but I didn't want to force her to open up to me if she didn't want to. Maybe Esme or Alice would be better?

"Later works for me." She answered, before starting up the stairs. "Much later." This was muttered under her breath, but wasn't a problem for my sensitive ears.

"Bella, please promise me that you will talk to somebody about this."

"Sure, whatever." And she was gone.

* * *

**_Reviews are like sunshine and lollipops n stuff! _**

_**Recommendation for chapter: I can't imagine there are many folks out there who haven't already read it, but just in case I'm telling you now if you haven't read Emancipation Proclamation by Kharizzmatik you are missing out! It is hands down the best piece of fan fiction (and possibly just fiction) I have ever read. So go, read it!  
**_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. I do own a freshly baked batch of banana muffins though. Little dubious about the banana part, we'll see! _**

_**A/N: Thank you a million times over to my amazing beta 4StringQueen. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate you making it look like I can spell and punctuate properly. You are amazing. Seriously! **_

_**Love to CatMasters and BellaEdwardCullen for talking me down off the ceiling about chapter 20. I will stop deleting it eventually I promise!**_

_**Thank you to everybody who reviews, every one means the world to me and I respond to them all. **_

_**

* * *

  
**_

**Empty **

**Chapter 7**

"I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me

About growing up and what a struggle it would be

In my tangled state of mind

I've been looking back to find

Where I went wrong."

_Too Much Love Will Kill You - Queen_

**Rosalie POV**

I didn't know what to think. I wasn't upset that Bella was back the way that I knew my family expected me to be. In fact, the way the atmosphere had lifted at home made me extremely grateful to her, and I was glad to see Edward smile again. However, I was painfully aware of the fact that I'd never been especially nice to her in the past, and after what she had been through today I didn't think she would want to see me. So I had to admit I was a little surprised when she saw me on the stairs and smiled widely at me.

"Hey Bella." I responded to her smile with a shy one of my own.

"Rosalie, how are you?" Seriously, she was asking me how I was. What was that about?

"Better than you by the looks of things."

I was trying to pretend that I hadn't just heard her conversation with Carlisle. I would guess that that was something she would have liked to have kept private, not always an easy thing in a house full of vampires. She smiled again lightly in response.

"I'm ok Rosalie, really, it looks worse than it is."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to be a sister to her, but I didn't know whether she would run a mile if I offered it.

"Listen Bella, I know that I haven't always been that nice to you, and I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't know how much he needed you, but I've seen him without you these last two years and I know now that you shouldn't be apart. And Bella, well I know a little bit about what you've been through. I'm sorry, I know you'd probably rather we didn't all know, but it's pretty hard to keep secrets in this place. I know what he did to you, and I want you to know that I'm here if you wanted to talk about it with somebody who understands."

The words came out in a jumble as I rushed to try to get my point across without upsetting her, or making her feel uncomfortable. She stared at me for a long moment, her eyes appraising my face, as though she was searching for truth there. She seemed to find it.

"You… understand?"

"Yes Bella, my circumstances were very different from yours, but I know how it feels to be violated in that way. For me it was my fiancée and four of his friends, but I imagine the feeling is the same."

Bella's face was horrified, had I upset her?

"I don't understand." Her voice wavered as she whispered the words. "Rosalie, what happened to you?"

"Edward never told you?"

"No, he doesn't like to tell other people's stories. He's so aware of the fact that he hears more than you tell. He doesn't want to tell me more than you guys would want me to know."

"You want to talk?" She nodded shyly, obviously still unsure about me. I wanted to put an end to that. I wanted to be her sister. I took her hand as gently as I could and pulled her along with me to the bedroom I shared with Emmett.

"Out Em." I ordered him, smiling. He grinned back at me, shot a wide smile at Bella then sauntered from the room, winking as he left.

**Bella POV**

I had to admit I was shocked when Rosalie spoke to me so kindly. I knew she had never been my greatest fan, so I was expecting her to be hostile to my sudden re-entry into their lives, but she seemed to want to be nice and I so badly wanted her to like me, to want me to be part of their family.

When she implied that she had been through something similar to me, I was intrigued and a little bit excited. Not that I wanted anybody to have been through that, but it would be nice to be able to talk to somebody who would understand how it felt. I knew that Edward had told me that human memories fade after a while when you became a vampire, but I wondered if something was beyond horrific whether it would stay with you no matter how hard you tried to forget it.

When she told me about how she had been all set to get married to this guy, and was planning a life with him, wanting to have a family and grow old with him, and then he turned on her and he and his friends attacked her and left her for dead, my eyes poured with tears. How horrendous it must have been to be treated that way by somebody who was supposed to love you, to cherish you and protect you from the world. What I had been through seemed to pale in comparison.

"Rosalie, I'm so sorry, that must have been terrible." I sputtered out through the tears, feeling like the words weren't really enough to express how awful I felt for what she had been put through.

"Honestly Bella, I rarely think of them now. I have my Emmett, and a family here, but I will always regret not being able to have a family of my own. I always wanted to have a child, but Bella, I didn't tell you this to upset you, or to make you feel sorry for me. I came to terms with it a long time ago. I told you because I wanted you to have somebody you could turn to, somebody who understands. I know they all mean well and they want to take care of you and make it all go away, but that stuff doesn't just go away does it? It sticks with you and screws up everything you ever try to do. I don't want you to let it do that to you. I want you to be able to work through it, so that you can have some sort of normal life. So Bella, is there anything you want to talk to me about? Anything at all?"

Her voice was kind while she made the longest speech she had ever made for my benefit, and at her final question her eyes searched my face. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't as eloquent as any of them, and I didn't know how to put into words how I felt about all that had happened. I hesitated. I had nothing, nothing I could bring myself to say. I shifted uncomfortably on her sofa, not wanting to say nothing, but she might be offended by that. I honestly didn't know how to talk about what had happened to me.

It had always been something I had tried to cover up. I avoided making too many friends at college so that I didn't have to explain anything to them. I had always been somewhat of a loner anyway before the Cullens had come into my life the first time round anyway.

"This is an open offer Bella." Her voice startled me out of my thoughts. "You don't have to talk about it now. You don't have to talk to me ever about it if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you want me. Nobody is going to force you to do anything you don't want to here."

I wondered if that was true. After Carlisle's questions while he was examining me, I could think of one very specific activity which I didn't want to partake of, but would be left very little choice in. Rosalie noticed me frowning at her words.

"I mean it Bella, nobody is going to hurt you here."

"I know that." I mumbled down into my hands.

"Then why did you look like you didn't really believe me when I said nobody would force you to do anything?"

"Forcing people to do stuff and hurting them can be totally different I guess." The words were out before I could stop them.

"Bella, what…?"

She was cut off prematurely by a knock at the door. She sighed.

"Come in Edward."

I turned, eager to see his face once more. Stupidly, in the short time I had been away from him I had started to ache again. How could you miss somebody when you were still in the same building as them? My face found his, but the crooked smile I loved so much was missing. His eyes were narrowed, laced with concern. He'd obviously been talking with Carlisle.

"Bella, we need to talk."

I stayed where I was, unwilling to discuss this just yet. I kept my eyes firmly on Rosalie, who, to my surprise had her eyes narrowed at Edward.

"Bella, we can do this here, or in private. Either way we are going to do this."

"Edward no!" Rosalie's exclamation surprised us both. "I just promised her Edward. I promised her that nobody _here _would force her to do anything she didn't want to."

She emphasized the word _here_ and looked at him pointedly.

"It would be a pretty poor promise if it was broken within the same minute that I made it."

"Rosalie, this is important." He seethed through gritted teeth.

"What could be more important right now than making Bella feel safe and comfortable here? Forcing her to talk about things that she isn't ready for will just frighten her away, surely you can see that Edward?"

Her eyes seemed to be boring right into him, and I could tell that she was throwing thoughts at him. I would have wondered what she was thinking, but I was too grateful to her for helping me out. He sighed, turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, shooting me a hurt look before he disappeared. I hesitated and then decided to follow him.

As much as I didn't want to discuss anything right now, I didn't want to be away from him anymore. I wanted to feel his strong arms around me again and know that I was safe.

"Edward, wait." I called after him. He stopped just down the corridor. "Give me a minute." He nodded and I turned back to Rosalie. "Thank you, I…I…"

I wasn't sure what to say. She got up and pulled me into a hug, the first time we had ever had any sort of physical contact since I met her. I hugged her back enthusiastically as she whispered lightly in my ear.

"The offer is open ended, remember that Bella. Now go to him, but don't let him force you talk about anything you're not ready for." I shot her a grateful smile before turning and running into Edward's arms.

He caught me and carried me into his bedroom where he set me down gently on his sofa. He sat down next to me, looking intently into my eyes. I couldn't bear to see the emotions and questions pouring from his face, so I shifted back into his arms, and buried my head in his chest while he ran his hands softly up and down my back. I started to feel my eyes drooping tiredly while we sat.

"Edward, I'm kind of tired. Can I get some sleep?"

He appraised my face quietly before nodding. His face was still tense and full of questions, but he pulled me up and led me to another room, one I hadn't been in before. In the room was a huge double bed made up with the most comfortable looking sheets I had ever seen.

He scooped me up in his arms, and then lay me gently under the sheets. He made as if to leave me alone in the room, but I moaned in protest.

"Where are you going?"

"I was going to let you sleep. I need to talk to Carlisle."

Panic filled me at those words, I'm sure he must have seen it on my face, but if he did, he didn't let on.

"Stay with me… Please?" I patted the huge space beside me in the bed. A small smile spread across his face and he came and lay beside me. I wriggled myself closer to him, and he put his arms around me. It was like he had never been away. I couldn't even feel the nagging pain in my chest which had been there for so long now it felt like part of me. Lying there in his arms again, I felt my body's exhaustion take over and fell into sleep quickly. I awoke what felt like moments later to the sound of hushed voices. I kept my eyes closed and my breathing steady and listened to what the voices were saying.

"…nothing all day Edward. She'll get sick if she doesn't have something soon."

The voice belonged to Esme.

"She's sleeping now, I'll give it to her when she wakes up."

"What if she won't..."

"I'm not forcing her Esme." He interrupted her. "Rosalie's right, she's been through enough already. I'm not going to add to her stress, or make her wish she hadn't come here. When she's ready to talk about it she will with whoever she chooses, but I'm not going to make her. I love her Esme. I want her to be safe and well as much, no _more_ than you do, but I want her to feel secure too."

I heard Esme sigh heavily then I heard her leave the room. I still felt tired, and not much like facing any conversations yet, so I carried on pretending to be asleep until I truly dropped off again. When I awoke again I reached across the bed to find Edward but my hands came up empty. Opening my eyes properly I noticed a sheet of paper on the pillow next to me.

_Bella, I'm not far, just talking with Carlisle and Esme. I didn't want to wake you. _

_Edward x _

I stretched, feeling refreshed, but how long had I been asleep? It was dark outside now. How late was it? I groaned as I felt the pain in my ribs. The painkillers Carlisle gave me had obviously worn off. I heard a gentle tap at the door.

"Um… hello?" I winced in pain, speaking hurt too. I wondered whether Carlisle would give me some more painkillers. The door opened and Alice and Jasper walked in.

"Hey Bella." Alice started, smiling happily. "We thought we heard you stirring. Edward didn't want you to be on your own when you woke up, in case you were frightened or something. We were waiting just outside the door. How do you feel?"

I grimaced and pointed to my ribs.

"A bit sore, I guess those ribs really are broken." Her face fell.

"Do you want me to ask Carlisle for something for the pain?" Jasper asked with his face full of concern. I wondered when I would next look into a face that wasn't.

"Thanks Jasper." I flashed him a grateful smile and he disappeared quickly.

"Edward told me to give you this." Alice handed me a plate with a huge sandwich on it. I imagined that this was what Esme had brought earlier on when I woke up the first time. Her voice was casual, but her expression betrayed her and her jaw was tense and her eyes almost pleading with me to take it.

"Um, thanks Alice, but I'm not very hungry at the moment. Plus I don't want anything until this pain is easier."

She looked like she wanted to argue with me, but she just nodded. I guessed that Edward had told her something similar to what he told Esme before. Jasper reappeared then, bringing Edward, Carlisle and Esme with him.

"Hey Bella, Jasper says your having some pain in those ribs?" Carlisle's eyes flashed briefly to the un-touched sandwich then back to my face.

"Yes, the painkillers wore off I guess. It's pretty sore."

He nodded kindly and pulled out two tablets and a glass of water.

"These should help. If you take them now then they should start working in just a few minutes."

I took the tablets from him and swallowed them quickly, chasing them down with some of the water. I was very aware that they were all watching me intently, and I wished that they would stop. I looked pleadingly at Alice.

"I could use a shower, if that's ok."

"Sure Bella, I'll find you towels and clothes. Everybody out." Alice ordered and they all went. I wished I could have cleared them like that, I figured it was something to work on.

**Jasper POV**

Bella's emotions were all over the place. She just seemed to be throwing out a different emotion every minute. I was pretty sure she was happy to be here with us, there was definite contentment, but there was also fear. A lot of that.

I wondered briefly whether I was the reason for that, but she had said that she didn't blame me for what happened on her birthday and I believed her. So what was she frightened of now? She knew that we would never let that creep anywhere near her again and she had to trust that much. Was it something to do with what Carlisle had mentioned to Alice, about how she had lost a horrible amount of weight, but didn't seem to want to talk about it? Did she think we were going to force her to?

As I went downstairs to fetch Carlisle, I heard Alice offer her the sandwich. I felt her fear peak and guessed that that must be the problem. When I reached Carlisle he was deep in conversation with Edward and Esme. They seemed to be discussing the very problem I had just witnessed.

"She just won't talk about it Carlisle. What can I do?" Edward's voice was agonized, defeated.

"Edward, we're just going to have to be patient with her. She'll open up when she's ready." Carlisle tried to reassure him, but to no avail, Edward's anguish was filling the room.

"So I'm just supposed to wait? Even though she's hurting herself? She could die Carlisle!" He was almost shouting now, and his pain at those words cut through me like a knife.

"She's frightened."

Everybody looked at me as I interrupted their conversation.

"Every time somebody mentions food or offers her something, I can feel her fear. I think she's afraid that we're going to force her."

Carlisle sighed heavily, rubbing his face in his hands as he often did when he was thinking.

"If it continues we might have no choice. I could offer her two alternatives I guess. She can either start to eat something here, even if it's just a little, or I will have to take her back to the hospital where I can get her on a drip at least. She won't like it though. I don't like the idea of making her do anything right now and I think she's had quite enough of being pushed around for anybody's lifetime, but I don't know how long it's been since she last ate. I don't want my fear of upsetting her to stop me from treating her properly."

"When?" Edward asked through gritted teeth, he didn't like this idea any more than Carlisle, but he would go along with it in order to help Bella.

"I don't know Edward, maybe if we haven't got anywhere with her by tomorrow we'll talk to her. Jasper, it may be an idea for you to be there, we don't want her panicking. If we can keep her calm we might be able to get somewhere with her."

I was curious about this problem with Bella, I had heard of eating disorders before, but never actually come across them personally.

"Carlisle, why do you think she's doing this?"

Carlisle looked at Edward anxiously, and then turned to me to answer my question.

"I can't be sure Jasper, but these things are often linked to control. When somebody feels like their life is not under their control, they seek power over any small part of their life that they can get. My guess is that Bella felt overwhelmed by all the things she had no control over, probably starting when we left her. Then, when this Jack started hurting her I guess she felt like her life was completely in the hands of other people. I imagine that this wasn't a conscious decision that she made, but that it felt good that she could exercise power over her own life for a change."

I looked over at Edward. His face was in his hands, and he was sobbing quietly. Esme went and twisted her arms around him.

"It's ok honey, we'll fix this." She whispered soothingly.

"But we did this. I did this. It's all my fault. If we'd never left she would be fine. Jack would never have been able to hurt her and she wouldn't be doing this to herself now."

I could feel his self hatred and guilt pouring off him.

I tried sending him a wave of peace but he shot me a dangerous look, so I let him wallow in his feelings. Besides, I realized that I had forgotten why I came down to them in the first place.

"Carlisle, Bella is in pain and I said I'd come ask you for something for it. Her ribs are hurting her again."

He jumped up and pulled some medication out of his bag while Esme ran off to get her a glass of water, then we all went upstairs to give them to her.

By the next day nobody had been able to convince Bella to either eat or to talk to us about it. She slept a good deal which pleased Carlisle and he said that she needed rest in order to heal, but I could feel the tension coming from everybody as they all calculated how long it had been, at the very least, since she had eaten anything at all.

Esme made her some toast in the morning, but once again I felt the fear with an edge of panic coming from her as she fumbled around for an excuse. Carlisle, Edward, Alice and I planned to speak to her in Edward's bedroom. It seemed less threatening that way. Alice insisted that she wanted to be there for Bella and Edward thought it would be good for her to have a female there.

She had gone out for a walk, wanting to get a better look at our view of the hills, insisting that she wanted some time on her own when Edward offered to go with her. So we waited in Edward's room for her to return so that we could talk to her.

* * *

**_Reviews are like muffins people, yummy and satisfying! _**

**_Recommendation for the chapter: Silence by Padme-And-Anakin-4-Ever. It's still quite early on but it's got me completely hooked already. Plus she's a sweetheart!  
_**


	8. Chapter 8

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own a car with a knackered choke... No comparison really huh!?_**

**_A/N: A million thank you's to my amazing beta 4StringQueen who not only manages to make sense of my ramblings, but also made me a banner! Thank yoouuuu! _**

**_Thanks also to the girls on the forum who never fail to make me giggle, even when I'm blue! I will stop deleting chapter 20 soon I promise!  
_**

_**Thanks for the review muffin Rowzy, all baked goods gratefully received! I love everybody who reviews, you make my day with your comments so thank you!  
**_

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 8**

"Tears of hope run down my skin.  
Tears for you that will not dry.  
They magnify the one within  
And let the outside slowly die.

Remember when it rained.  
Felt the ground and looked up high  
And called your name.  
Remember when it rained.  
In the darkness I remain."

_Remember When it Rained - Josh Groban  
_

**Emmett's POV**

I was vaguely aware that everybody was panicking about Bella not eating or something, but I couldn't get worked up about it. Bella was a sensible girl and she'd eat when she was hungry, right? Speaking of being hungry, my throat was burning madly and I wanted to go hunting. I asked Rose but she said she was busy fixing the air filter on the BMW so I went off on my own.

I made my way through the forest to the left of the house, towards the hills. There were usually bears to be had out here and I just fancied a good long drink of grizzly. I came around the side of a small brook when I picked up on Bella's scent. What was she doing out here? I didn't even know that she'd left the house since she arrived.

I followed her scent out towards the river where I found her sitting on the end of a jetty dangling her feet in the water. The sunlight reflected off the water onto her face and sparkled off the tears that were running down her face. She was hugging her arms around her middle as though she was trying to hold herself together, and I could see what everybody had been worried about. The clothes she had borrowed from Alice hugged her tiny frame and I could see that she had lost an enormous amount of weight.

I moved forwards to sit by her on the end of the quay, watching her hastily wipe away the tears from her face. We sat together like that in silence for several minutes, looking out at the river flowing gently towards the hills. It was really beautiful. I couldn't believe that I hadn't even known this place was here. I made a mental note to bring Rose here sometime since I thought she would like it. Bella sighing brought me back to now, and I turned to see her looking at me. Was that gratitude on her face?

"You ok little sister?" I asked, curious as to why she was looking at me like she wanted to hug me.

"Yeah, thanks Emmett."

"What for?"

She hesitated. "For not looking at me like I'm going to spontaneously combust any second, and for not constantly trying to get me to talk about things that I'm not ready to talk about. I know they mean well, but it's suffocating. I had to get out of the house, and it's so beautiful here."

"I kind of figure that if you wanted to talk about it you would do it. We're all here for you Bella, but you'll get no pressure from me. Only one question though…"

She looked up at me curious.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked it with a big grin across my face, so that she knew it wasn't a loaded question. "I'm starving and I was on my way to hunt when I found you here." She giggled lightly; it was a nice sound to hear. I had missed that.

"I guess I am in a way." I was surprised that she replied to the question, I hadn't expected a response, or at least not an honest one. I didn't want to push her, but I had to admit I was curious.

"Tell me to butt out if you like and I will I promise, but if you're hungry why not have something to eat? I mean, I know I'm not a complicated soul but it seems pretty straightforward to me."

I hoped that I hadn't scared her into silence, but she was looking at me with an odd look on her face, sort of a mixture of amusement and uncertainty.

"What?" I asked, curious about the look she was giving me. She giggled again.

"Nothing, sorry, it's just that you're the first person who has actually come out and asked me straight. Everybody else is just throwing food at me, or trying to get me to 'open up' about everything." The way she made the quotation marks in the air made me laugh, and we both ended up sat there giggling like children for several moments.

"So, if I'm the first one to ask, does that mean I'm the first one to get an answer too?" I tried my luck, and was surprised to see that she didn't look uncomfortable with the question.

"I don't know Emmett, I guess I just like the feeling that I'm in control. I haven't been able to control much about my life for a long while now, like when Edward left and took you all with him, and then with Jack…" Her voice cracked on his name and she trailed off into silence.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to make you think of him."

"No, Emmett it's ok. Actually, it's kind of easy to talk to you. You don't look at me like you're falling apart because of everything I say." I chuckled lightly.

"I'm an optimist I guess. I know what happened to you was terrible, and I could quite happily kill that little scum bag. By the way, if you change your mind about the whole him continuing to breathe in and out thing just give me the nod, but I guess I just think that things will work out in the end. I figure that you're a sensible girl who is working through some pretty crappy stuff at the moment, and if the whole food thing helps you to deal, then I can understand it, even if I don't like it. But I don't want you to be sick sis, that would suck."

Suddenly she flung her arms around me, I pulled her against me gently, I didn't want to hurt her broken ribs again.

"Thank you for understanding Emmett. I know it's not easy."

"Anything for my baby sister." I smiled and then added. "You know, I reckon we could get them all off your back for a bit if you'd eat just something little. Anything at all. I'll get you anything you want. I'll understand if you can't, but I don't know how long they're going to play the sweet loving family before they crack and Carlisle starts playing the doctor instead."

She nodded, looking down at her hands.

"So, is there anything I can get for you? You can start slow. I'm not talking about cooking a full roast dinner or anything, unless you want one. I will if that's what you want." She giggled again, and then looked at me seriously.

"I could try some toast I guess. You think it will work?"

"Sure, you eat a couple of slices of toast and I'll keep them off your back for a bit until you have this thing worked out."

"Thanks Emmett." She grinned at me conspiratorially. I put my arm round her and we sat again in companionable silence, watching the river and enjoying the sunshine.

When it started to get dark we walked back to the house at human pace, and I felt her pace slow as we approached the house. She was clearly worried about our deal.

"It's ok Bella, it's just toast, and I'm not going to force you." She smiled nervously at me and I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house.

The living room and kitchen were empty and she seemed relieved at that. She sat at the kitchen table while I made her the toast. Then I talked to her about stupid stuff while she nibbled at it, trying to take her mind of the fact that she was eating. It seemed to work, she giggled at the jokes I told her and pulled faces when I told her about the taste of grizzly bears.

She almost seemed surprised when she looked down and saw that the plate was empty. She had eaten it all and she hadn't even noticed. There was that grateful smile again and I smiled back before pulling her into another bear hug.

"Well done sis. that should keep them happy for a little while. Was it ok?"

"Yes, I mean... I guess I barely noticed that I was eating it. You're a good distraction I suppose." We both giggled again, before there were feet on the stairs and then the room filled with Edward, Alice, Jasper and Carlisle.

Edward took in the empty plate in front of Bella, and the bright smile on her face, and his tense face relaxed visibly. He looked at me questioningly and I nodded, thinking to him _she had some toast dude, she's fine, she just needs some time. _He nodded almost imperceptibly and then smiled widely at Bella.

"How was your walk?" He asked her as I released her from our hug and he pulled her into his own arms.

"It was great." She replied softly. "It's so beautiful around here, I went to the river, then Emmett came and joined me and we hung out."

"I was on my way to go hunting when I found her. I decided to spend some time with my kid sister instead. I've missed winding her up." I didn't know whether she wanted me to tell them about our conversation at the riverside, so I left it for her to tell them if she wanted to.

"How is your pain now Bella?" Carlisle, ever the doctor, enquired.

"Pretty good, I can barely feel it now. Not even when Emmett bear hugged me." I grinned sheepishly.

"I did try to be gentle." I got in, before Edward ripped my throat out for not being careful with her. They both just giggled instead. Edward's eyes lit up at the sound of her laughter, it wasn't a sound he had heard much of these last few days.

"Thanks for making her smile Em." His words were so quiet that Bella wouldn't have heard them. I just winked at him and replied, "Glad to be of service bro," before leaving them to it, to go and see how Rose was doing with the BMW.

**Bella POV**

"Will you play for me Edward? I missed your music so much." I hit him playfully on the arm. "You stole my CD. You make a big fuss about how I can't accept gifts appropriately, and then when I do, you steal it from me."

He chuckled sheepishly, and then confessed that the CD and the other gifts I thought he had taken were never really gone at all. Apparently he had hidden them under the floorboards in my bedroom, thus wanting to leave a part of himself with me, even though he had promised me a clean break. It sort of pleased me to know that they had been there all along and that he had cared enough to leave part of himself with me. I was just sorry that I now couldn't retrieve them. I hadn't been back to Forks in over a year and didn't want to upset Charlie by turning up on his doorstep now. He was better off without me. At least that much I knew.

Edward grabbed my hand and we went into another room. It was a large room with the beautiful grand piano standing at one end and a shiny red drum kit at the other end of the area. The rest of the space was filled with a large comfortable looking burgundy sofa and several multi-colored beanbags. I looked at the drum kit questioningly.

"Emmett has been exploring his musical side. He's already been through four kits since he keeps hitting them too hard. When he manages to control himself he's actually pretty good."

"Do you guys play together then?" He looked down at his hands, looking uncomfortable.

"I haven't really played much… well, at all actually since we left Forks."

"Why not? I thought you loved to play." I asked, curiously.

"I didn't really do much of anything after we left Bella. It turns out that I'm pretty useless without you."

I didn't really know what to do with this piece of information. I just stared into his eyes, seeing the contentment there, and then threw myself into his lap on the piano stool and kissed him. It was a different type of kiss to the ones I was used to with Edward, not cautious and gentle, but passionate and uninhibited. I had to force myself to pull away from him in order to breathe. I was starting to get dizzy and he stared into my eyes.

"God I missed you Bella." Then he turned and started playing a tune I knew so well that it was almost part of me. I had never heard him play it with quite so much feeling before though, and as I leaned against his shoulder my lullaby filled the empty room with its enchanting melody. The last note hung, hauntingly in the air as he turned to me, taking my face between his cool hands, gently stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. There was pain written across his face, and he seemed to be fighting the urge to say something.

"What is it Edward?" I whispered softly.

"I just want you to be ok Bella. I love you so much, I couldn't bear to lose you again."

"I'm right here Edward."

I couldn't bear to see the torment in his eyes. I felt him pull me closer to him, releasing my face and pulling my head to his chest, he cradled me there, rocking me like a baby.

"I want to be able to make all the pain go away. I can't bear that you're hurting, and I can't bear that you won't let me help you Bella. It breaks my heart that there is so much anguish in your eyes, and that I know that I'm the one who put it there. For what I did to you, and for what others did because I wasn't there to protect you, I will never be able to forgive myself."

"Why did you leave me Edward?" I knew it was cruel to ask when he was already torturing himself, but we had to have this conversation sometime, and since he had brought it up I figured I was safe to ask.

"I wanted you to be safe. Everything in me was screaming at me to run back to you from the moment I said goodbye in the woods, but I so badly wanted to remove you from our world, to stop you from becoming a target again. After what happened with James and then on your birthday, I couldn't bear that my being in your life had put you in danger time and time again. When I told you in the woods that I didn't want you anymore it was the hardest lie I have ever told. I knew you wouldn't be able to let go, so I had to lie to you. It broke my heart when I saw how hurt you were by what I said. I'm so sorry Bella, I had no idea that it would be so hard for you when I left, and if I hadn't gone then that… that scum bag would never have had the chance to hurt you."

He was sobbing now, tearlessly of course, but I could feel his body convulsing with the tears he wanted to cry. I rubbed his back, trying to sooth him.

"Shhhh, it's over. We're together now. It doesn't matter what happened before. I'm glad you told me why you left, but I'm sorry it was so painful for you. You understand why I needed to ask though?" He nodded through his tearless weeping. I held him for sometime until his body stilled.

"Play for me again Edward. Please?" I disentangled myself from him and pushed his hands onto the keys of the piano. He laughed hoarsely at my mock forcefulness. We both knew that if he didn't want to play then my hands couldn't have forced his onto the keys. He played several more pieces as I curled up in one of the plush beanbags on the floor. I wondered whether Emmett would teach me to play his drums, and made a mental note to ask him sometime.

I must have fallen asleep listening to Edward play because when I woke up, I was in the bed again and his cool arms were around me. I turned and looked into his eyes. He smiled contentedly.

"Good morning sleepy head."

I smiled back at him lazily, and then sat up, feeling the now familiar ache in my ribs, and also a much more familiar dull ache in my stomach.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked me, edgily, obviously worried about my response.

"Could I have something to drink?"

"Of course, what would you like?" I was tempted to say water, but I felt a sudden urge to make an effort. For him. For all of them.

"Do you have fruit?" He nodded, obviously curious as to where this was going. "Can we make smoothies?" I grinned sheepishly. The smile that lit up his face was the widest I had ever seen.

"Hell yes."

He scooped me up into his arms and flew from the room, enthusiastically.

"Bella, right now I would happily let you eat whatever you wanted even if we had to cross the world to find it. You want kangaroo, then we'll go to Australia." I giggled at his enthusiasm and felt that it might be worth having something to eat as well.

We got to the kitchen to find Carlisle, Esme and Jasper were already sitting at the table. Carlisle and Jasper were playing chess and Esme was watching them with her hands running through Carlisle's hair tenderly. She stood up as we entered.

"Bella, honey how do you feel? Can I get you anything?"

"I'm good thanks. Still a little sore, but I'm going to see how I go without painkillers today. They seem to kind of knock me out. I've never slept so much in my life." Carlisle looked up from his game, interested.

"There's no need to be in pain though Bella. If those tablets don't agree with you, you can always try different ones. Let me know if the pain gets too much won't you?"

I promised him faithfully that I would and then turned and couldn't help laughing at what I saw.

Edward had pulled from the refrigerator every single piece of fruit they had. It was piled on the counter next to the blender. He was looking at it all with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"Maybe I should do this Edward." I managed to get out through my laughter. I was aware that they were all staring at me, obviously interested in the fact that I was planning on consuming something. I caught Jasper's eye before he was able to look away and he beamed at me encouragingly.

Was I going to have to do this in front of them all? I threw a banana, some strawberries and raspberries into the blender with some milk and turned it on before returning the rest of the fruit to the fridge. Then when the smoothie was done, we joined the others at the table, and Carlisle and Jasper continued their game. I was grateful to them for at least pretending not to watch me drinking it, and I had to admit that it tasted really good. I could only drink half of it. I guessed my appetite had reduced, as I felt uncomfortably full from just that.

Edward's face fell when I got up to get rid of what was left, so I put it in the fridge instead.

"I'll get the rest a bit later I guess." I said, and his face brightened slightly. I wasn't oblivious to the small smile that passed between Carlisle and Esme, but I pretended not to notice.

**Jasper POV**

I monitored her emotions as she drank the smoothie, which we all knew wasn't enough, but it was a start. None of us knew what Emmett had said to her out there yesterday, but whatever it was it seemed to work. Her emotions remained fairly steady in the kitchen and she was even happy which made me smile as I caught her eye.

We continued our game of chess while Carlisle watched Bella out of the corner of his eye to see how much she had. She drank half a glass which seemed to make Edward ecstatic, but I saw Carlisle frown ever so slightly before smiling encouragingly at Esme.

Then, like a whirlwind, my Alice was pulling Bella into a sisterly hug, congratulating her on eating something. Bella blushed deeply, forcing the venom into my mouth. I swallowed it down determined that I would never be a danger to her again. I could feel Bella's embarrassment hit me, and I realized we were all staring unashamedly at her, all thrilled that she had at least made an effort. I decided to put her out of her misery, and shift the focus elsewhere.

"Hey bro, Emmett asked if you wanted to go hunting today. You're looking a little black in the eyes there, and he never hunted yesterday."

"I'm not sure I should go just yet." He looked worriedly at Bella, who looked back at him with a stern look. Ah, so this was going to be the kitten anger he used to talk about.

"Edward Cullen, you don't get to lecture me about diet, and then refuse to hunt yourself. It's a tad hypocritical don't you think? Not to mention the fact that I'm fine. I do not need a babysitter. Now _go_. No arguments or I'll have Emmett drag you out."

I had to admit Edward was right, it was pretty funny. She even stamped her foot at one point. Edward looked at her adoringly, and kissed her lightly on her forehead, chuckling gently to himself the whole time.

"Ok dear." He sighed, and went to find Emmett.

I patted the seat next to me, smiling.

"You want to join us while he's gone?"

She slid into the seat, grinning gratefully at me, Alice sat on the other side of me, and linked her arm with mine.

"So Bella, how is your chess then?" Alice asked curiously.

"Honestly? It's pretty much non-existent. My dad tried to teach me once when I was little, but I just wanted to play with the pieces. I think I may have been a little too young." She half smiled sheepishly, before adding "plus, I wouldn't stand a chance in this house anyway. You all cheat!"

Alice put a hand to her heart, in mock offence.

"Cheat? Moi?" She and Bella giggled together, already so much like sisters. Then Alice grasped Bella's hands, pulled her out of her chair and dragged her towards the stairs.

"Alice, where are we..."

"I've been shopping for you." Alice beamed as Bella groaned. She turned to Carlisle with a grimace on her face.

"Carlisle, if we're going to be playing dress up Bella Barbie I think I'm going to need some painkillers." He nodded, smiling, then rose to get her some. Alice just rolled her eyes and then stood there tapping her foot impatiently.

"Jeez Alice, what's the rush?" I snorted, knowing perfectly well that when my wife was in make-over mood there was no stopping her. I had to be kind of grateful to Bella for playing doll today, and it got me nicely off the hook. I loved Alice more than anything in the world, but hours on end standing still while she dressed me was my least favorite of our activities together. "Be gentle with her honey, and don't forget she is still injured." She just tutted loudly at me. Then as soon as Bella had swallowed the pills Carlisle gave her, they were off.

Carlisle turned to me then, his face suddenly serious.

"How is she Jasper? Really, how is she doing?"

"Her emotions have stabilized a lot. She's still a bit frightened, but I guess that's to be expected after what he did to her. But she's happy too Carlisle. She's really happy."

"What about before, when she had the fruit drink? How did she feel then?" His face was uneasy.

"She was ok. There was a little bit of the fear she felt before, but I think she genuinely believes that we aren't going to force her. Emmett must have worked some sort of miracle out there yesterday, because the change in her emotions since she got back is amazing."

Carlisle smiled, and I could feel his pride for how Emmett had helped Bella radiating off him.

"I'm not sure what I should do for the best here, Jasper. If she was just a normal patient then I would be having her admitted to hospital, whether she liked it or not. But she's not just any patient. How can I do that to her? If I have her admitted against her will then she would never trust me or any of us again."

I could feel his pain at the thought of having to betray her, and his indecision frightened me a little. He was the strong one in the family. He was the one who always took charge and always knew what to do.

"Do people get over these things all on their own?" My knowledge was very limited and I wanted to know more, to see if I could help.

"It can happen, Jasper, yes. What concerns me though is that she's dealing with so much right now that she might not be strong enough to fight it."

My hands balled, unconsciously into fists as I thought about what had happened to her, and what I would like to do to that moron if I ever saw him again.

"Will she have to go to court to testify against him?"

"It's not something that I've spoken to her about yet, God forgive me I think she has enough to deal with right now, but yes, if we are to secure a conviction against him then she would have to testify."

"Do you think she's strong enough for that?"

He sighed deeply, rubbing his hands over his face.

"I don't know Jasper. Maybe the thought of him behind bars will give her the strength, but I fear if she decides that she can't testify, he will walk free."

I gasped. The thought of somebody like that out on the streets again, free to do to other young girls what he had done to Bella, made me feel sick.

"Carlisle, we can't let that happen." He just shook his head, not saying anything in response.

* * *

**_Reviews are love people! _**

**_Recommendation for the chapter is Counting on Rain by Totoro. It's over on Twilighted and it's brilliant!  
_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own a large bottle of coke which I intend to crack open tonight and not move from in front of my puter until chapter 20 is written! (Still talking about cola btw!)  
_**

**_A/N: Thank you to 4StringQueen beta-extraordinaire (sp?!). You are amazing! _**

**_Big love to everybody who reviews, I love you all, you're fabulous people and there are special seats in heaven waiting for you all!_**

**_Chapter is for my mummy who has to have an operation on Monday. Love you mum! x  
_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 9**

"Crack the shutters open wide

I want to bathe you in the light of day

And just watch you as the rays

Tangle around your face and body

I could sit here for hours

Finding new ways to be awed each minute

'Cause the daylight seems to want you

Just as much as I want you."

_Crack the Shutters - Snow Patrol_

**Bella POV**

Trying on clothes with Alice was, surprisingly, kind of fun. It was nice to have my friend back. It had been such a long time since I had spent time with anybody, just for the sake of having fun. Alice had always been so easy to be around, even if spending time with her involved being dressed up like a doll for several hours, until Carlisle came and rescued me.

He said that he wanted to do another examination just to make sure everything was healing ok. I agreed readily enough, and there was nothing that he would see this time that he hadn't seen last time, and as Emmett's plan seemed to be working I wasn't too worried.

He took me into the room with the bed, which had now become known as my bedroom, and asked me to lie on the mattress. He checked my ribs, pressing gently on them to see if they were healing. It hurt a little, but the painkillers were definitely working, and these pills didn't knock me out the way the first lot did. He checked the stitches in my head and said that they were fine. He frowned slightly when he took my blood pressure, but he didn't say anything. I wondered whether this examination was really necessary, or whether he was just building up to something.

He stepped back from me after checking everything was ok, his arms crossed over his chest, his face serious. I braced myself for whatever he was going to say. From the look on his face, I wasn't going to like it much.

"Bella, I know this is really hard for you, but I want to talk about Jack."

I flinched involuntarily at his name, and saw guilt sweep over Carlisle's features.

"What about him?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Well, obviously he's in police custody at the moment, but in order to make sure he stays that way I'm afraid that you would have to testify against him in court."

At these words my mind went into meltdown. I couldn't bear the thought of ever being in the same room as him again, to be forced to look into those hateful hazel eyes again, while I talked about what he did to me in front of a roomful of people. And then, what if, after going through that, he got off? He wouldn't let me get away with telling all those people, for trying to get him locked up for it.

That first time, when he was on top of me, squeezing the air out of my lungs with his weight on top of me, he had told me that if I ever told anybody, anybody at all, that he would find me and make me wish I was dead. I hadn't told him then that I had beaten him to the punch. I had been longing for death since before I had even met him.

Now things were different. I didn't want him to find me and I didn't want to die. I had just got my family back and found Edward again. I had no doubt that Jack would take great pleasure in ruining that for me. I didn't even realize that I was hyperventilating until Carlisle pulled me from my thoughts.

"Bella my love, I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you. Please calm down. It's ok, you're safe here." I heard him call out for Jasper, and the next thing I knew I was being filled with a deep sense of calm and peace which helped me to get my breathing under control.

"I'm sorry." I gasped out. "It's just, I was thinking about…about him. I don't think I can do that Carlisle. I'm sorry, I just can't." He took my hands in his, and looked intently into my eyes.

"It's ok Bella, I shouldn't have brought this up yet. It was too soon for you. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" His eyes beseeched me for forgiveness.

"Carlisle, there's nothing to forgive. I'm sorry, I wish I could do this, I wish I was strong enough, but I'm not." I sobbed and felt two marble pairs of arms embracing me at the same time. Jasper's soothing calm filled me again, but it wasn't enough to stop me from feeling utterly useless and pathetic.

Why couldn't I be stronger? Why couldn't I bear the thought of facing him again in order to stop him from ever hurting anybody else? Why was I so weak?

"Stop it Bella." Jasper's voice was kind but firm. "You shouldn't feel that way. It's only natural that you would be frightened of him. Nobody who had been through what you have would relish the thought of being forced to face the person that did it to them again, but, you do know don't you, that if you change your mind, we would all be there with you? We wouldn't let you go through that alone, and you have no reason to be scared of him anymore. He'll never get to you here or anywhere else ever again."

"I can't see him again." My sobs were heaving now, Jasper's gift couldn't contain all the emotions that were brimming over out of me, and I didn't want to pretend anymore. I didn't want to let everybody think that I was alright, because I wasn't.

"I still see him, every time I close my eyes, and he's there, leering at me. I can smell him on me no matter how many times I shower. I just can't see him again. Please don't make me." I was pleading with them, hysterically. I heard a soft gasp, and then a familiar velvety voice cry out my name softly.

"Bella?" Edward ran forward at inhuman speed and pulled me into his arms. "Bella what is it? Are you ok?"

I didn't answer him. I couldn't. I couldn't get any words out between the desperate sobs that were rocking my body. He was silent for a moment, holding me tightly and patting me soothingly on the back, the way you would a crying child, and then he growled deeply.

I realized then, that he had been reading the minds of Jasper and Carlisle. I looked up into his face and saw that it was written all over with anguish and guilt. He grabbed my face between his hands with his touch gentle but desperate.

"Nobody, do you hear me? _Nobody_, will ever hurt you again."

He stared deep into my eyes, he seemed to be waiting for a response from me, but I couldn't say anything. I just stared right back at him into his now beautifully topaz eyes, knowing that he could read every emotion there.

After what felt like hours of just staring into each other's eyes, he pulled my head into his chest and cradled me there rocking gently, his unnecessary breathing ragged and uneven. I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for putting him and his family through this. This wasn't their problem to deal with, it was mine.

"I'm sorry Edward." He pulled back from me and looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"Whatever for my love?"

"For making you sad, for pulling your entire family into this. You should never have had to know about any of this. I'm so sorry."

I felt the tears welling up again, but I fought them this time, determined not to upset them any more than I already had.

"Oh my Bella." He sighed as he breathed the words. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

His fingers moved to cover my lips as I started to protest.

"I love you so much, you are my life now and I want to share in everything. Maybe if I can share in your pain I can play my part in easing it."

I pulled myself into his arms tightly again, my head curled into his chest. I never wanted to leave the safety of his arms again.

"I love you too Edward." I whispered quietly.

"Would you like to go for a walk? Emmett said that there's a spot by the river that you really like. I'd like to see it with you."

I nodded silently, still trying to hold myself together.

We walked to the jetty in comfortable silence listening to the sounds of the forest and the river around us. Then we sat on the end dangling our feet in the water with his arm around my shoulders, and watched the sun go down. The light of the fading sun fell across the shimmering water reflecting colorful patterns onto our faces. Edward's skin was sparkling beautifully like light off a diamond.

I felt totally at peace here in his arms. He shuffled slightly and looked at me intently for a moment before resting his eyes again on the sunset. He sighed contentedly.

"Marry me Bella?" He breathed gently.

"Ok." I replied, not moving my head from his shoulder. Identical broad smiles covered our faces as we idly pledged our lives to one another.

"Now this is a touching moment." Edward's body tensed as an eerily familiar voice sounded behind us. "It almost seems a shame to break up the party."

We turned in unison to the sight of a malicious grin surrounded by flaming red hair. Piercing scarlet eyes bored into me as I looked into the face of Victoria.

"Bella. Edward. You never call, you never write. You know, I mean you killed my mate." She growled at that, her voice dripping with dangerous sarcasm. "Not even a sympathy card." She tutted. "It's just rude you know? Now, let me have her Edward. A mate for a mate, it's only fair."

Edward pushed me roughly behind him, his stance protective. I could feel my heart beating through my broken ribs as I realized that this was it. I would die here, of that I had no doubt. Victoria wouldn't be stupid enough to attack unless she knew that she had the upper hand.

I would never see any of the Cullens again and never get to be Edward's wife. Just when everything had fallen into place, somebody had to come along and ruin it. I peered at that somebody now from behind Edward's shoulder. Her face was amused, if I wasn't mistaken. She seemed slightly deranged, but far from comforting me, that fact only made her more menacing.

Then as suddenly as Victoria had appeared, I felt strong cold arms pull me backwards and into the swollen river. The freezing cold water cascaded over me as the arms tightened their grip on me. I gasped and choked for air, fighting against the arms desperately, but pointlessly. Of course they were far too strong for my feeble protesting to have any effect.

* * *

**_Reviews make me bounce... a lot! _**

**_Recommendation for chapter: It's not a fan fic, it's a book, but aside from Pride and Prejudice it's my favourite book in the world and everybody should read it! The Raging Quiet by Sherryl Jordan. Go read it... like now!  
_**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do now own a triple Christmas CD, oh yeah I'm in the spirit! _**

**_A/N: Thank you so much as always to my amazing beta 4StringQueen. If you haven't already you should mosey on over and read her story The Legend of Green Eyes, it's beautiful and hypnotic! _**

**_Thank you all so much for your amazing reviews, they genuinely mean the world to me. Love to the forum girls as always, you make me laugh when even Blackadder doesn't so thanks!_**

**_Special thanks also to Nostalgicmiss for talking me down off the ceiling at 5 o'clock this morning when having a meltdown about later chapters! You should definitely get that kettle story published! ;-)  
_**

* * *

**Empty **

**Chapter 10**

"Comfort in sound

It's all around

Ease back the strain

Come heal your pain

Comfort in sound

Its all around you now."

_Comfort in Sound - Feeder_

**Jasper POV**

"Your turn Alice."

I looked up from the chess board to see that Alice's eyes had gone blank and her head was tilted back on her neck. Her whole body was trembling, and she was gasping and repeating the same words over and over.

"No, no, no! Not her, not now."

I grabbed her shoulders and shook her firmly, trying to pull her from her vision.

"Alice what is it? What do you see?"

Her eyes shot open wide. They were full of fear and she took a moment to focus on me.

"Oh God Jasper, it's Victoria, she's found them. She'll kill them both. She's not alone."

By now the room had filled with the rest of the family, Emmett was already halfway to the door.

"Where are they Alice?" His voice was furious, his hands clenched into fists.

"They're by the river somewhere, I didn't recognize it."

"I know where they are, come on." Emmett ran and we all ran after him. The forest flew by in a blur as we ran.

We reached the edge of the forest and could see the river. I heard Victoria's voice speaking menacingly to them, and could just make out Edward's form, standing protectively in front of Bella. It broke my heart to see how frightened she looked. Not again, I thought to myself. She can't be hurt again.

I didn't know how much more my little sister could handle. I thought about what Alice said about Victoria not being alone and made a snap decision right there. I doubled back slightly then dove silently into the river. I would take Bella back to the house and protect her there. If there was going to be a fight then she would be caught up in the middle and would more than likely get hurt. If anybody came after her at the house then I would be there to protect her.

She fought against me when I pulled her into the river with me, her desperate flailing and struggling completely useless against my strength, but I didn't want her to be afraid.

"Bella, relax, it's me, Jasper." Her fighting didn't stop, she couldn't have heard me. I shouted the words again, and this time she seemed to hear me.

Her body relaxed into my grip and she allowed me to tow her along towards the house. I spoke reassuringly to her, unsure whether she could actually hear me above the roar of the river, but I had to try. I could feel so many emotions coming off her that it almost physically hurt to feel it: fear, guilt, a small hint of something that felt like happiness, but an overwhelming amount of dread. She was obviously frightened for Edward, and she wouldn't be aware that the rest of the family was there now too. I would keep it from her for as long as possible.

As we reached the river bank, I pulled her up into my arms, and then ran into the house, not stopping until we were in the bathroom where I wrapped her shivering form in a large fluffy red towel. Her teeth were chattering loudly and her heart thumped heavily in her chest. Tears were streaming down her face as she looked at me, evidently waiting for some sort of explanation.

"I'm sorry Bella, I had to get you out of there, and if they were going to start fighting then you could have been hurt."

"But Edward is all alone, what if..." She stuttered off, shaking uncontrollably.

"It's ok Bella, the others are all with him, and they will be fine. We need to get you warm. I don't want you to get sick."

I pulled a blanket from the closet in the hallway and wrapped it round her tightly. She took it absentmindedly, and then we went downstairs and waited. She sat on the sofa, her body rocking with sobs, and still trembling with the cold. She was silent for such a long time that I was just about to ask her if she was ok when she turned to me, her eyes full of tears.

"He asked me to marry him." Her voice was sad, like she didn't believe that he was going to come home.

"That's great Bella, welcome to the family."

I smiled as encouragingly as I could, but I couldn't help but worry about Alice, and the rest of the family fighting out there. I had no idea what Alice meant when she said that Victoria wasn't alone. That could mean that there were two of them, or hundreds. I hoped fervently that I hadn't acted rashly and left my family in danger. What if they were outnumbered?

"Thanks." She sniffed, before grabbing my arm frantically. "Go to them Jasper. Please, you have to go help them." Her eyes were begging me, frantically.

I was torn, part of me wanted to do just what she was asking of me, to go and help my family, but I didn't want to leave Bella here unprotected either. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her because I left her alone, and I knew that Edward would never forgive me either.

"Bella, I can't. What if somebody comes here for you? I can't leave you here alone." Her eyes flickered briefly with fear, before she pleaded with me again.

"Jasper, do you think I'll care if something happens to me if Edward is gone. I just got him back and I can't survive losing him again. Please Jasper, please." She was almost hysterical now and I couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes as she talked about losing Edward. What had she gone through when we left?

"Bella, I…" I trailed off as I heard voices approaching the house. I tensed and pulled Bella up and behind me in one fluid motion. I could hear her heart thudding loudly behind me. Her fear was filling my senses so thoroughly that I couldn't discern whether the voices outside belonged to my family or somebody else.

Then, the best sound I had ever heard filled my ears as Alice's bell like voice called out my name as she ran through the door and flung herself at me. I took her into my arms and held her there as though I would never let her go. I sensed rather than saw a similar reunion behind me as Edward and Bella's feelings of relief filled the room.

I felt Edward's hand on my shoulder, and he swung me round and pulled me into a fierce brotherly hug.

"Thank you Jasper. Thank you for getting her out of there." His voice was full of gratitude and his feelings reflected it. I searched around the room to ensure that everybody had made it back and my still heart surged with relief as one by one I took in the faces of my family.

**Bella POV**

"Bella, honey you're freezing."

It was Carlisle speaking. I had forgotten the cold the moment that Edward had pulled me into his arms. But I felt it again now. My entire body was shaking and my teeth chattering together painfully. I felt a pair of strong arms around me; Esme was pulling me up the stairs, away from Edward. I protested feebly, but couldn't get my words out through the chattering. I stretched my arm out to him and he followed.

"I'll run you a nice hot bath sweetheart and that should warm you up nicely. Can I get you a hot drink? Or maybe some soup?" She looked at me then, an expression of concern on her face.

"A b-b-b-bath s-sounds g-g-good." I stammered out, tactfully ignoring the second part of her question. She didn't force the issue and I was grateful. After seeing Victoria again, I knew that I couldn't stomach anything, and I wanted to know from Edward what had happened out there.

All I knew was that somehow Victoria had got away. All the Cullens had made it back in one piece, I had carefully checked that, and then checked it again, when they arrived. I was unbelievably grateful to Jasper for rescuing me. I knew how hard it must have been for him to leave Alice like that.

The bath felt so good and I could feel all my muscles relaxing as I lay in the wonderful hot water surrounded by sweet smelling bubbles. It felt good to be alone too. It felt like a long time since I had been alone and it seemed that there was always somebody watching me these days. I didn't mind, I knew they were just worried and I liked that they cared about me, but it was kind of exhausting being under constant scrutiny.

Here, alone in the relaxing bath I was able to give in to my fears and let myself feel scared without worrying about hurting Jasper, or worrying everybody else. What had Victoria wanted? She had said something about a mate for a mate. So she was planning to avenge James's death with mine. I knew I ought to be scared at this point, but I felt like there was something important I was missing. What had happened after I was pulled away? Edward had refused to tell me anything until I had warmed up, promising me the whole story when I stopped shivering.

"Charlie!" I jumped out of the bath so quickly that I slipped on the wet floor and had to grab onto the sink to steady myself. The thought that had entered my head was sickening and made my head spin. My dad. He was in Forks, unprotected and Victoria was out there. Would she go after Charlie? I knew perfectly well that she was capable of that, and she already knew where he lived.

I dried myself almost at vampire speed, and pulled on the clothes that Alice had laid out for me, grateful that they were practical rather than stylish. Then as soon as I was dressed I dashed down the stairs, my hair hanging soaking wet down my back.

"I have to call my dad." I exclaimed as I ran into the living room where everybody was gathered. "If Victoria is out there, she could go for him next."

"Calm down Bella, of course you can ring Charlie, here." Edward handed me a phone, and I braced myself for the call.

I hadn't spoken to my dad in months. The last time we had spoken it hadn't ended well. I told him I was going to withdraw from his life so that he didn't have to see me in pain anymore. I'd told him I wouldn't be going home for Christmas, and I said I was going to stay at college instead and get a job to make some tuition money. The truth was that I didn't want him to see the bruises, or to see the shell of a person that I knew I'd become.

I hesitated, my finger hovering over the numbers on the keypad.

"Bella?" Edward looked at me questioningly. "What is it?"

"I haven't spoken to Charlie in a while so this might not go well."

"Charlie loves you Bella, he will be thrilled to hear from you, no matter how long it's been." Carlisle's words were kind, and feeling slightly reassured I dialed the familiar number into the phone and listened to it ring three times before my dad's voice answered.

"Charlie Swan speaking." I hesitated again, unsure what to say. "Hello? Is there anybody there?"

"Dad." I breathed lightly, and heard his breathing catch on the other end.

"Bella? Bella is that you?" He sounded worried.

"Hi dad, it's me. Erm… how are you?" I could hear his breathing speed up and he replied.

"Bella, honey, it's so good to hear from you. Are you ok? How's college?" Hs words came out in a rush, so unlike the quiet reserved father I remembered.

"I'm fine dad. College is good I guess. I just wanted to say hi, see how you are. I'm sorry it's been so long dad." He sighed heavily.

"I understand Bells, I know you needed a clean break. I get that. I miss you though. The food around here sucks without you." He chuckled slightly at his own joke, and I tried to laugh too, but I came out more as a choking sound than an actual laugh. "Honey, you sure you're ok?"

"Yes dad, I'm fine. How's Billy? And Jacob? Still watching all the games together?"

"Billy's ok honey, but I haven't seen Jacob in a while. I don't know what's going on with him, but Billy's always a bit cagey when I ask after him. Maybe he's going through a rebellious stage too eh? Matter of fact Bells, Billy's on his way over now with Sue Clearwater. You remember her?"

"Yeah dad. I remember." I replied softly, my mind filling with memories of Forks.

I wondered briefly what was going on with Jacob, but I figured he was just rebelling like dad said.

"That's the doorbell now, I better go Bells, it was great to hear from you. You gonna call again?"

"Yeah I will if it's ok."

"Anytime baby girl. Love you."

"I love you too dad. Bye." I heard the soft click on the other end as my dad hung up the phone. I stared at the phone for a long moment before I felt cool fingers take it off me and my favorite pair of arms in the world pulled me into a tender embrace.

"It's ok Bella." His velvet voice said, comforting in my ear. "Charlie will be fine, right Alice?"

We turned to face Alice, who was sat in the loveseat with Jasper with her face contorted in concentration, looking irritated and confused.

"I can't see anything." She said after a few moments. "I can't see Charlie at all, I don't think that can mean that something bad has happened because Bella just spoke to him, and I would have seen it, but there's just nothing, just a weird swirling blackness."

"What could be causing that?" I asked.

All eyes turned to Carlisle, who looked just as baffled as the rest of us.

"Charlie could be in danger."

I started to panic, and was surprised when Jasper didn't try to calm me. I looked over to him and his face was not much calmer than mine.

"Bella, would it help if some of us went back to Forks to protect your father?" Carlisle asked softly.

"I can't ask you to do that. What if something happened to one of you? I'd never forgive myself."

"We can take care of ourselves sis." Emmett was making for the door. "Who's coming with

me then?" He looked around the room for volunteers.

"No!" I shouted, the effort hurting my ribs and making me wince. "I'll go." I sighed.

"Bella, don't take this the wrong way, but how are you going to protect Charlie?" Emmett asked, his face incredulous.

"It's me she wants right?" I looked up at Edward, his jaw tensed as he nodded slightly. "So if she gets me, then maybe she'll leave Charlie and everybody else alone."

"No way, no deal Bella, that is _not_ happening."

Edward's hands around my arms were almost painful as he gripped onto me tightly. The whole family was on their feet now, all shaking their heads frantically.

"How about we all go back?" Esme's voice was quiet. I almost couldn't make out her words, but I knew it would have been clear as a bell to everybody else.

The room went completely silent for a few seconds then suddenly the room burst into action. Apparently a decision had been made in the silence. It occurred to me that maybe it had only been silent to me. Had they been talking too low for me to hear?

"Emmett, Jasper, Edward, you go on ahead with Bella. We will follow along when we've sorted everything we need to take." Carlisle's voice was authoritative and certain, as though he was absolutely sure that this was the right course of action. It was comforting to hear in the midst of all this turmoil. Before I knew it, we were in Edward's Volvo with Jasper at the wheel, speeding back towards Forks.

* * *

_**Recommendation for the chapter: Survival of the Soul by Lady Saffir. I had it recommended to me on Twitter and I'm completely hooked. I read 17 chapters in one day! **_


	11. Chapter 11

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.I do however own a new copy of The Muppet's Christmas Carol which I intend to have worn out by this time tomorrow!  
_**

**_A/N Big hugs and thanks to my amazing beta 4StringQueen who manages to find actual English in amongst my inane ramblings. It's all her! _**

**_Thanks also to BellaEdwardCullen who nominated Empty for the bellie awards. I'm still not entirely sure what they are, but I'm incredibly touched nontheless! _**

**_Love to the forum girls and to Weezy my hand holder extraordinaire and lover of awesome music! Thanks for all the reviews, I love them all so much, you are all amazing!  
_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 11**

"There were nights when the wind was so cold

That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel

That all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left

And I can't remember where or when or how

And I banished every memory you and I have ever made."

_It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Meat Loaf_

**Bella POV**

My mind was whirling with all the thoughts that ran through as the car cut through the dark on the way back to the past. _To our past. _It had been so long since I had returned to Forks. Too many memories hung in every familiar place, waiting to pull at my tattered heart that I hadn't been able to bear it the one time I had returned to visit Charlie from college.

He had stood by helplessly watching me fall apart again as the memories haunted me and tore me apart at the seams. How would it be now? Now that I had Edward back? Now that he had asked me to marry him? The thought of his casual proposal made me smile and burrow closer into his body as he held me in his arms in the back seat. His arms responded to my movement by pulling me tighter into him, exactly as I wanted with his fingers trailing contentedly through my hair.

A soft sound came from his chest which sounded like a purr. It seemed odd in the midst of all the worry about Charlie and what Victoria would do to me if she caught up with me, but I actually felt happy, truly happy for the first time in so long. I felt the familiar tingling sensation as his fingers lightly touched my face trailing a soft pattern down my cheeks before coming to rest on my neck. His face was lit up in my favorite crooked smile as he gazed avidly into my eyes.

"My God you two, could you be any more sickening if you tried?" Emmett's teasing voice pulled us from our thoughts. He was leaning back from the front seat grinning widely. "You really haven't heard a word we've been saying have you?" He questioned.

I was confused. I genuinely hadn't even noticed that he and Jasper had been speaking, and one look at Edward's confused face told me that he hadn't either.

"Wow bro, you're really slipping, first you don't notice the psychopathic vampire standing behind you on the jetty and then you don't notice us talking. You know what, Bella? I think you're having a bad influence on him." If it was possible his grin got even wider, as he winked at me.

Edward stiffened. He had been really angry that he hadn't noticed Victoria behind us on the bank. He blamed himself for being so distracted by me saying yes to him that he hadn't noticed her presence. It was so unusual for him to be caught unawares and I was almost impressed at Victoria's stealth.

He still hadn't told me what had happened out there. We had gotten distracted by my concerns for Charlie, and he seemed only too happy to keep me in the dark for now.

"We were saying that while you were gazing adoringly into each other's eyes, that we will drop you guys off at the house and then go check on Charlie."

"Hey, I'm coming with you." I blurted out, not understanding why we couldn't just go straight there.

"Think it through, Bella." Jasper said, scaring me to death by turning round and facing me, while he continued to drive at something approaching light speed. "If Charlie saw you now, how do you think he would react?"

His eyes fell on the now yellowish bruises, pointedly, which were spread across my face and then he turned back to face the road.

"Oh.. Right. Yeah I guess you're right. I just miss him I guess. I can see him soon though right? When the bruises have gone?"

"Of course you can, Bella. You're not a prisoner you know." Emmett's forehead creased as he spoke, leaning over from the front seat again. I just smiled at him and he returned the smile enthusiastically.

As we approached the house I started to feel apprehensive. It felt like an eternity since I had been here, and there were so many memories, both good and bad, connected with the place. It looked just the same, but the familiarity wasn't comforting, it scared me somehow. I thought back to the last time I had seen the house and the memory pulled at my chest painfully.

It had been a few weeks after Edward had left me in the forest. The first time I left the house. Charlie had gone back to work after I had screamed at him for trying to send me to Jacksonville. I left the house with my mind focused on only one thing. I had to find _him._ I needed to prove to myself that he was real. I tripped and stumbled all the way to the Cullen's home in the woods, barely noticing how the ground cut my bare feet to ribbons, and the driving rain soaked through my flimsy pajamas.

I had hammered my fist on the door desperate for somebody, anybody to answer, but of course there had been no response.

I clawed at the door, trying to pry it open with my fingers, almost completely out of my mind, until my fingers were raw and bloody. The door remained stubbornly closed, and as my grief and pain overwhelmed me, I had collapsed onto the ground in a heap and curled up tightly into a ball, trying unsuccessfully to hold myself together. I had no idea how long I had been there, lying in the pouring rain, before Charlie found me. The neighbors had called him, concerned when they saw me stumbling down the street in my pajamas. He immediately worked out where I would go and came to get me.

I felt guilty now when I thought of how I had recoiled away from his touch because it wasn't the one that I wanted, and about how I had fought with him when he tried to carry me away from the house, kicking out and screaming hysterically. I broke down into rasping sobs when he was forced to use all his physical strength to pry me away from the fence post as I clung on for dear life.

"Bella?" Jasper's soft voice lulled me from the memory, confusion in his eyes. He must have felt the pain from the memory coming from me. I looked towards the house nervously, unsure if I was strong enough to face up to the pain that being here could cause me.

**Jasper POV**

It was good to see the old place again. Of all the places that we had homes, Forks was my favorite, and I knew that Alice had been devastated to leave. I could picture her face in my mind when she came back here and the thought made me smile happily. I saw her tiny form dancing lightly from room to room, singing to herself excitedly. Of course she would want to immediately redecorate our room again, and I would indulge her just to see her eyes light up the way only hers could.

A sudden and unexpected jolt of pain pulled me from my daydream. Bella's breathing had become erratic and she was almost doubled over with her eyes fixed on the front door as wave after wave of anguish rushed at me. Edward clutched at her desperately, his face contorted in worry, wondering what had made her react like this.

"Bella?" I questioned softly, not wanting to startle her.

She looked up at me, then towards the house again, her distress was still there, but not as strong, and it was joined by a new emotion. She was nervous. What was she nervous about?

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward's voice was shaky, his eyes never leaving her face, tracing it for any clue as to what was wrong with her.

"Um yes sorry, I'm fine." Her voice was even shakier than Edwards, and the emotions I was reading from her suggested that she was far from fine, but I said nothing. I was all too aware how overprotective Edward felt towards Bella and I didn't want to make him worry. Edward's brow creased in confusion, but he took her by the hand and led her into the house without saying anything.

I tensed as I approached the front door. I could smell blood. Bella's blood. Not fresh, but it was definitely there. I looked up and saw it around the door frame, surrounded by scratch marks. It looked almost as though she had tried to scratch her way into the house. One look into her face told me that that was exactly what she had done, and that this was probably the memory which had caused her so much pain. I had a feeling that we really had no idea what we did when we left her behind in Forks. How many incidents like this had there been?

I remembered what Alice had told me, about how Bella said that it never stopped hurting when we left. How Alice's silent heart had broken when she realized how her friend had been left hurting when we left her behind. I could feel my brother's concern now, radiating off him as he put his arm around her protectively. Would it help him to know what had caused her to buckle? To know that she was reeling from a memory of pain caused by him? It could surely only serve to increase his guilt, and that was not something I was willing to contribute to.

"Come on then Jazz, let's go check on Charlie." Emmett whacked me on the shoulder and then we ran towards the town. I caught a grateful look from Bella and replied with a grin of my own before we left.

**Bella POV**

We were alone. The house rung with the silence that hung from every syllable we didn't speak. He could tell that something was wrong, and I knew from his expression that he had noticed the mess on the door. How could I explain that to him without causing him more pain? His eyes focused on me now, searching my face for any sign of the torment I had been through just a few moments ago.

Being inside the house though, was different. The memories here were almost exclusively happy ones. I didn't include my 18th birthday in that of course. The one bad memory in this place which had, in turn, caused all the other painful ones that I now fought hard to keep buried. I couldn't fall apart again. It wasn't fair to Edward, and it seemed that falling apart was just about the only thing I'd done since our reunion.

I looked around me now at the beautiful house. It was still furnished as it had been before they left. How had I not noticed that their house in Ithaca was full of different furniture? They had never truly moved out of this house apparently. I wasn't sure why, but the thought gave me comfort. It was like they had always intended to return someday.

He shuffled now, seemingly unsure of what to do next. I took his hand in mine and pulled him across the room to the sofa by the huge window. I had some questions I needed to ask him. The first of which was how on earth Victoria managed to get away when she was so badly outnumbered.

His face was pained when I asked him the question, and he tried to avoid answering by changing the subject to one he knew I would be uncomfortable with.

"Can I get you something to eat, or at least a drink?"

He stood and moved towards the kitchen. I reached out, my hand on his arm. I knew I couldn't physically restrain him and force him to tell me, but I had other tactics on my side.

"Nice try, Cullen. I don't know whether you remember, but only a few hours ago, you asked me to marry you. I want to be with you forever more than anything in the world, but if we're going to do this, we're going to be a partnership. I'm not having you making decisions for me anymore. I'm not some scared little girl who needs protecting from the truth Edward. I don't know whether you've noticed, but I have survived some pretty serious shit recently without any help from you."

He winced at my words, and I felt a little guilty for that, but I was so sick of being treated like a child.

"Now tell me what happened or I'll just ask Emmett. You know perfectly well that he will tell me. He doesn't seem to think that I need coddling."

That was a low blow and I knew it. Edward had been somewhat baffled about how Emmett had succeeded where the rest of the family had failed, and was perhaps a little hurt too.

"Bella, please, I will tell you the whole story I promise, but please, I'm begging you, eat something. You've barely had anything for days. I'm scared that you're going to get sick."

He was begging me so hard, and yet I couldn't oblige. I wanted to make him happy so badly, but I had seen what happened when I gave in. Everything was going ok, and then I relinquished control and Victoria showed up.

I knew it wouldn't make any sense to anybody but me, but I really felt that as long as I could regain and keep control again, that Charlie would be safe. How would I feel if I gave in to Edward's pleading, and then something bad happened to him, or to one of the Cullens?

"Just tell me Edward. She didn't just slip past you, not with six of you there. So what? I have a right to know, seeing as I'm apparently the one she's after. I'm guessing she didn't take it too well when they killed James?"

He looked for a moment like he wasn't going to budge on the whole food issue, but then he seemed to think better of it and sat back down again, sighing heavily, and running his fingers through his hair. He looked at me for a long moment, his expression blank before he said anything.

"She wasn't alone Bella. There were two others with her. We managed to take down the other two, but Victoria managed to get away. We couldn't be sure that there weren't more of them and we were worried about you and Jasper being a potential target at the house, so decided not to go after her in case you were in trouble. Jasper is an experienced fighter, but I wouldn't bet on him against too many of them."

He stopped then, watching my reaction to what he was telling me. Suddenly it all made sense. I had known that there was something amiss when he told me that Victoria had gotten away. However, this was not good news. There were possibly a group of blood thirsty vampires out there after me, and my scent would very likely still lead them to Charlie's and even if my scent wasn't there anymore, Victoria knew where I used to live. Would she know that we had come back here?

My mind was reeling with shock and fear. Fear for my own life and for the lives of all the people that I loved the most. Jasper and Emmett were out there now, just two of them. No matter how good they thought they were at fighting, would they be any match for a large group of their own kind?

"Edward, you have to go to Jasper and Emmett. What if they come here? There are only two of them and they could be killed."

I was pushing at him, desperately, but completely without effect. His face held an odd expression, one I remembered seeing before, but I wasn't sure when.

"Bella, do you really think that I would leave you here, completely unprotected? Surely you know me better than that."

I knew now where I had seen the expression before. It was when I had accused him of regretting saving me, when Tyler's truck had almost crushed me, my first semester at Forks High.

"It wouldn't be the first time."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I regretted them instantly as I saw his face contort with guilt with his jaw tensed and his eyes tight. I shifted uncomfortably, looking down at my hands.

"I'm sorry Edward, I shouldn't have said that." I felt his fingers under my chin, gently pulling my face up until my eyes were level with his.

"Don't be sorry, you were right, I left you, and you got hurt. I will never forgive myself for that, but please don't ask me to make the same mistake twice."

I couldn't believe I had been so cruel, to make him feel like that when all he was doing was trying to protect me. I felt a traitorous tear falling from my eye. His hand moved from my chin and he caught my tear with his thumb. I nuzzled my head into his hand, and then curled forwards into his arms, into my favorite position in the world. He held me close to him, resting his chin on my head, his hand still on my face, ready to catch any more stray tears.

Time seemed to stand still as I sat there in his arms. It felt like nothing could possibly be wrong anywhere in the world with him holding me, with him wanting me. I felt him shift slightly, and his head dropped so that his mouth was next to my ear. His voice was soft and enticing as he whispered in my ear.

"Tell me why Bella."

"Why what?" I knew what he meant but I didn't want to answer him so I stalled. He rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh before answering.

"You know what Bella. Please, I need to understand. I'm so scared for you Bella, people die from this disease."

"I don't have a disease Edward." I was indignant now, and besides, when I'd seen him at the hospital it hadn't looked like he'd been hunting too much himself. "When you first came to see me, your eyes were pitch black. Why was that?" His eyes never left mine as he answered the question. His answer surprised me.

"I didn't hunt after I left you that day Bella. Not without being bodily dragged from the house and forced to. I guess I was punishing myself for leaving you, for lying to you. In all honesty Bella, I didn't do very much of anything after we left. I pretty much just curled up and let the misery take me."

All this time I had been imagining him, happy with his family, or if not happy then at least distracted and able to move on. The fact that he was questioning me about my dietary habits, when his had been just as bad if not worse, seemed a little hypocritical to me, and I told him as much.

"Yes, but Bella, I'm immortal. Not hunting just makes me thirsty. It won't kill me. You on the other hand…" He trailed off, his hands balling tightly into fists. "Please, tell me why."

"You don't want to hear it Edward." I didn't want to cause him more pain by admitting to him that this was basically all his fault for leaving me. "It will only hurt you more."

"I can handle it." He said through gritted teeth, maybe knowing what was coming.

I sighed heavily. He wasn't going to let it drop until I explained it to him, in spite of the pain it would cause him.

"I never meant for this to happen Edward, but you left me. You all left me, and I didn't get to say goodbye to anybody but you. I don't just love you Edward. I love every single member of this family, and when you all left I felt like a gigantic hole opened up in my chest. The pain was so much it almost swallowed me whole, and I felt myself spiraling out of control."

His arms tensed around me, his grip on me now so strong that it almost hurt.

"But then I found that when I tried to regain that control, over anything at all, that it didn't hurt so much. I wanted so badly to be beautiful, so that if I ever saw you again you might want me. I figured if I was thin it might help, but then it sort of overtook me I guess. I found that I liked the feeling of being in control, especially when Jack started to…" I trailed off here. I hadn't made eye contact with him through the entire speech, although I heard his sharp intakes of breath here and there, so I knew it had caused him pain to hear it.

He said nothing. His whole body had tensed, and I waited for what seemed like forever for him to say something, but the silence just grew and grew until I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Say something, please."

I looked up now to see that his face was tortured, self loathing written over every inch. He opened and closed his mouth several times, as though he was trying to speak, but no words came out. He pulled me tighter to him, one hand pulling my head into his neck. I didn't know what to do, what to say. In the end I said the only words I could think of.

"I'm sorry Edward."

Wrong thing to say, it only seemed to hurt him more. His body started to shake as sobs erupted from his chest as he held me even closer. So close, I found it hard to catch my breath. I had no idea how to fix this. My stupid mind couldn't think of any words that could make this easier for him, so I just stayed in his arms and allowed him to succumb to his pain.

* * *

**_Recommendation for the chapter: Breaking the Silence by SparklingTwilight. _**


	12. Chapter 12

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does._**

_**A/N Thank you to my awesomely cool beta 4StringQueen who could probably tell you whether awesomely is actually a word! I send her the chapters all jumbled and messy and they come back all neat and in proper English, it's sort of like magic actually!**_

_**Thank you also to my hand holder and fellow Jasper fan Weezy for all your help with everything I throw at you. You truly are amazing! **_

_**Thank you to everybody who reviews, I love every single one of you and would buy you all your very own Jaspers for Christmas if I could. **_

_**Big love to the gals on the forum, BellaEdwardCullen and CatMasters you rock and keep me smiling. Love ya!  
**_

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 12**

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am."

_Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls_

**Carlisle POV**

So we were to go back to Forks. Victoria's sudden and unwanted return into our lives had shaken us all, and Bella was desperately worried about her father. The phone call with him had been stilted, unlike the relationship I remembered them having before we left. Had we done this too? Had our leaving not only caused Bella unimaginable pain, but her father too?

I had always had great respect for Charlie Swan, both professionally and as a fellow father. He had loved Bella to the moon and back and anybody could see that much, but she hadn't wanted him called when she was in the hospital nor did she want her mother. Could he possibly be aware of this eating disorder that she seemed to be in the grip of? If he wasn't, was it my duty as a doctor to tell him? I didn't want to betray her confidence, but her father had a right to know all that his poor daughter was going through. I shuddered to think about what his potential reaction would be if he found out about what that roommate of hers had done.

So here we were now, Esme, Alice, Rose and I arranging for what we needed to be taken to Forks. It wasn't too complex as all the furniture could stay. Emmett had asked for his drums to be moved over. This was the first kit he had managed to keep in one piece and he was very attached to it. Then there were just personal belongings which were easy for us to pack away ready for the moving van which was due soon. I had contacted the hospital and explained that a family emergency had left us no choice but to leave immediately. They were disappointed but understanding.

Alice was so excited about going back to Forks. She danced lightly from room to room, packing everything needed at light speed, desperate to get away quicker. Her lack of vision when it came to Charlie had shaken her up, and she was anxious to make sure that everything was ok. Knowing that Jasper and Emmett would be keeping watch made us all more comfortable about his safety.

Alice was in the kitchen now, throwing a few things into a box neatly, singing gently to herself, when she suddenly gasped and dropped the pan in her hand.

"What is it Alice?"

"I can't see him. Jasper. He's disappeared. His future has disappeared. Emmett's too. I didn't see anything happening to them and it's just gone blank. Carlisle, what can it mean?"

Her voice was panicked, worrying about Jasper, and I had nothing for her. I had no idea what was causing these problems with her vision, but apparently Alice had no intention of sticking around to find out.

"I have to go to him Carlisle."

"Alice wait, at least call him first, it's probably nothing."

She flapped hysterically, trying to find her cell phone, I handed her mine already calling Jasper's number. I heard him answer after the second ring, able to hear the whole conversation.

"Hello."

"Jasper, are you ok?" Alice gasped out.

"Sure Alice, we just got to Charlie's house and everything's fine. He has friends around, and they seem to be watching football. Why? What's wrong? You sound stressed darin'."

"Jasper you disappeared, both of you, your futures just went black, like Charlie's. I panicked, I thought that maybe…" She left the sentence hanging in the air, Jasper knew what she meant.

"Baby we're fine, both of us, really. Maybe this whole vision thing is something to do with Charlie."

"Hmm maybe, but I'm coming down there anyway, I don't like this Jasper, it's too weird."

"Ok, whatever you need to do. I guess I'll see you soon then." He sounded happy at the prospect of that.

"Yeah, see you soon, love you, bye."

"Love you too."

**Alice POV**

It was raining when I arrived in Forks. Shocker. The drive there had been long and torturous; not being able to monitor Jasper was damn near killing me. I drove straight towards Bella's old house, knowing that was where he was. I parked a little ways away, and then ran straight for the house, picking up Jasper's scent and running headlong into his arms. He looked kind of amused. I guess it seemed sort of crazy with me coming all this way so quickly when I knew perfectly well that he was fine. Regardless, he looked pleased to see me too. We had only been apart for a few hours, but it felt like longer. It always did. Taking an unnecessary deep breath, I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"What's that smell?" I asked the pair of them.

"No idea." Jasper shrugged. "Been in the air the whole time we've been here though. Vile isn't it?"

"Ugh, how can you stand it?" I stopped breathing so I didn't have to catch another whiff of that smell. Jasper just smiled lovingly at me, and Emmett chuckled quietly to himself.

Back at the house I arrived to find Edward alone on the sofa with his head in his hands and his fingers tearing at his hair brutally.

"What is it Edward? Where's Bella?" I tried hard to keep the panic out of my voice.

"She's sleeping, she's exhausted." His voice was full of despair which I didn't understand. Had she decided that she didn't want him? No, I would have seen that.

"Edward, what's wrong? Please tell me."

"It's all my fault Alice. She told me why she's doing this to herself, and it's my entire fault. I did this to her when I left her."

I stood behind the sofa where he was sat, and put my arms around him from behind, my chin resting on his head.

"Edward, you can't keep going over this. She loves you and you love her. You made a monumental screw up, but if she's willing to forgive you for it, then you have to forgive yourself and move on. Otherwise it will tear you apart. What Bella is going through right now really sucks, and believe me it's not just your heart she's breaking,but we have to believe that if we just love her, and make her feel safe, that she can snap out of it. She's strong Edward, stronger than any of us have ever given her credit for. She's survived a lot recently that would have finished off somebody weaker. You can't blame yourself for what Jack did to her. That's all on him and the sooner you work that out, the better."

He was silent then for a long time. I hoped he was thinking about what I had said. Then suddenly, his face shot up.

"Alice, what are you doing here? I thought you were coming with the others." I explained to him about Jasper's future disappearing, and his brow creased in confusion.

"This has never happened before?" He queried, his voice shaking.

"No, never. I can't understand it at all Edward, and I don't like it. How can I know for sure that Jazz is safe if I can't see him?"

Even now, after seeing him only moment before, my mind was working overtime worrying about Jasper, and what could be causing his future to disappear like this.

"Ah Edward." Bella's voice drifted down the stairs, it was different, softer and more slurred than usual. I noticed Edward smile slightly, affection all over his face.

"No Alice, the mall is a stupid place for a wedding."

"She's talking in her sleep." Edward was laughing now, a wonderful sound that had been missing for too long.

I realized that I hadn't had the chance yet to congratulate him on his engagement. Everything had moved so fast nobody had the chance to stop.

"So congratulations bro, I gather she said yes."

His face lit up in his most dazzling smile at that. It was a shame that Bella wasn't there to see the effect her acceptance had had on him. It would have done her somewhat shaky self esteem a whole world of good.

After a few moments, the tone of Bella's sleep talking changed.

"Please, please no." Her voice was frantic now, pleading. "Jack no, please." Edward was gone in a blur to be with her, to pull her from her nightmare.

**Edward POV**

I ran into the room where she was lain out on my sofa with a fluffy blanket lay on top of her. Tiny fists clutched at the blanket. Her forehead puckered in fright as her head shot from side to side, her chestnut curls tangling over her face. I didn't need to be able to read her mind to know what she was seeing in her subconscious.

I went over to her and put my hand on her face, gently calling to her to wake up. She woke suddenly, screaming out. Her eyes met mine, but they did not register who I was. Evidently still frightened from her nightmare, she cowered away from me with her heart racing and her whole body trembling. It broke my heart to see her terrified like this.

"Easy Bella, it's me, Edward, you're safe here sweetheart, nobody's going to hurt you." I whispered comfortingly, taking her cheeks in my hands and making her focus on my face.

She took a moment, and then crumpled into my arms in relief. Her breathing and heart rate slowed back to normal.

Now that the bruises were starting to fade, I could see that her face underneath was not much better. She was deathly pale, almost like one of us, and she had deep purple rings under her eyes, which looked to have been there for a long time. Her cheekbones jutted out awkwardly from her face, making her eyes look huge in her tiny face. Her once porcelain skin was dry and peeling in places, and her lips were chapped and sore. When I held her in my arms, I could feel all her bones sticking into me where once there had been a soft layer of flesh there.

She had always been petite anyway. I couldn't understand why she had thought that starving herself would make me love her any more than I already did. To me she had always been perfect. Even now, looking like death, she was still unbelievably beautiful, and had it been possible, she would have stopped my heart every time I looked at her. As it was, she already took my breath away.

I used the thumbs of both hands to trace along the lines of her face, wishing I could rub away the evidence of the suffering she had endured because of me. I knew that Alice was right. That annoying little imp always was. We both needed to move on from this in order for Bella to start to heal, but how could I live with myself when she still wasn't eating? I had thought that she was getting somewhere after she spoke to Emmett that day, but then after Victoria's abrupt re-entry into our lives, she seemed to have backtracked again. My chest tightened as I thought of the pain that she must be suffering in that very moment, both physical and emotional. How could one little person withstand so much? Alice was right again, Bella was much stronger than we ever gave her credit for.

She looked at me now and I could see the depth of her pain through the agony in her eyes. She smiled at me, but it did not reach her eyes. She was trying to make me feel better. Typical Bella. Always worrying about everybody else. She whimpered slightly when I pulled my hands from her face as though she did not want me to let her go. I moved them instead to pull her into my arms again. I felt complete when she was there, cradled in my arms, my fingers tangling in her soft hair. Her heart beat steadily, a sound I was as addicted to as an alcoholic to wine.

I rocked her there gently until her breathing steadied again and she fell asleep. I lay her back down, her hair splayed across the pillow, as I pulled away from her she moaned softly and her hands gripped at my shirt frantically.

"I'll stay right here, Bella love. Sleep."

I ran my fingers down her cheek softly. Her skin felt warm and clammy from her nightmare I presumed. I started to hum her lullaby softly in her ear, and my heart warmed when the corners of her mouth lifted in a small smile.

I had missed watching her sleep, how her small face looked so peaceful as her ruby lips slightly opened to allow her to breathe her precious breaths. I watched over her protectively now, poised and ready in case her nightmare returned. She should never have to even think about that scum bag again, let alone be subjected to his tortures repeatedly in her subconscious. My fists clenched tightly as I thought about all the things I would like to do to him, all the ways I would make him wish he had never even met Bella, let alone hurt her the way he had. She was adamant that she didn't want him harmed, and that the police could deal with him. I knew why that was, and I loved her for it. She didn't want me or my family to become cold-blooded killers for her sake.

I was the luckiest man in the world. This woman, this beautiful, sweet, caring woman wanted to be my wife. I wondered if she still wanted what she had wanted before we left. Whether she wanted to become immortal, to spend the rest of eternity with me? Selfishly I found that I had started to want it too. The thought of her being immortal, of her not having to suffer physical pain any more was so appealing that it almost overshadowed my concerns for her soul, and for the pain she would go through during the transformation. How could I put her through that? No matter how badly we both might want it. I shook the thoughts out of my head. It was all just pointless speculation anyway. I had no idea whether it was even still what Bella wanted. I had hurt her so deeply that she might not even want that anymore.

Alice's thoughts hit me from outside the door. _Is she alright Edward? Can I come in? _

"Yes Alice, she's ok, come on in." I whispered, not wanting to disturb Bella while she seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

She danced lightly into the room and her eyes fixed immediately on Bella's face, her thoughts full of concern and fear for her best friend.

It hit me then that it hadn't been just Bella I had hurt when I pulled my family away from her. I had deprived my favorite sister of her first ever human friend, somebody she cared about as much as anybody in our family except perhaps Jasper. I was suddenly overcome with love for my sister who had followed my lead even though it had hurt her so badly. I took her miniscule hand in mine and pulled her towards me. I kissed her forehead and pulled her into a crushing hug.

"Alice I'm so sorry I hurt you, sorry that I forced you to leave her even though I knew how upset you were to leave her behind."

"It's alright Edward. Everything's going to be ok now. I'm glad you have her back. It wasn't just Bella I missed."

She looked at me pointedly there, and I realized that I hadn't exactly been the brother she knew after we left either.

"I love you Alice, you know that don't you? You're the best sister in the world."

"I know I am." She sang happily, a big smile on her face. "And don't worry Edward, Bella will be ok, she just needs some time."

"I feel so helpless though. I wish there was something I could do for her, to make everything better."

"Wave a magic wand you mean? Edward you've been around long enough to know that that isn't how these things work."

"I know Alice, but it's different when it's the person that you love. Look at her. I mean really look at her. She's broken Alice, and it's my fault. I have to fix this. I can't lose her, not again."

"Don't be ridiculous Edward, Carlisle won't let it get that serious. He would hospitalize her first."

Bella's heart suddenly jumped in her chest and I realized that she was listening to every word we were saying. The thought of Carlisle forcing her to have treatment obviously scared her badly. Alice shot me a knowing look. She had heard it too.

"Bella, what are you afraid of?" She asked, leaving no room for any doubt that she knew for sure that Bella was awake.

Bella's face was resigned, as she sat up against the pillows. She pulled her knees up and hugged them against her chest, resting her chin on her knees. She didn't say anything. She just looked down at the bed covers as though she saw something interesting on the fabric. Alice's thoughts were determined, and she pushed Bella for an answer.

"I don't want to talk about this right now Alice." Bella finally replied, her eyes never straying from the bed sheets.

"Tough." Alice glared at her, sternly. "You have to talk about it some time, and there's no time like the present. This thing sucks, and it's about time we got it sorted out. How can you be so stupid Bella? How can you do this to yourself?"

I could see what Alice was trying to do. The gentle approach had failed completely to have any effect, so she was trying the bad cop routine instead. I was instantly protective, but the thoughts Alice shot at me kept me from intervening. Bella's face lifted from her knees, and to my surprise it was full of anger. Was this progress?

"I said, I don't want to talk about it. I'm sick and tired of being forced to do things that I don't want to do. Everybody just thinks that I'm here to be walked all over, and I'm fed up of it. Just because I'm some little broken human, does that mean I don't get the same rights as everybody else? Does that mean that everybody can just do whatever they want to me and I'm just supposed to lay down and take it? Why can't the world just go bully somebody else for a change and leave me be? All I ever wanted was some peace."

She was almost screaming now, her hands still clinging protectively around her knees with her whole body rocking back and forth frantically as she yelled into my sisters now smiling face. Alice leaned forwards to pull Bella into a hug, but she flinched away from her jumping off the bed in one fluid motion. I had never seen her so coordinated.

"Just leave me alone Alice."

She pointed her finger out towards Alice's chest, in a familiar gesture. Her hand was shaking uncontrollably, and what little color had been there had now drained from her face.

"Just leave me al…" The rest of her words were lost as she sunk unconscious towards the ground. I caught her in my arms before she landed, her body feeling as light as a feather to me.

* * *

_**I know I know I'm sorry for the cliffie! I know how much you all love them! ;-)**_

_**Recommendation for the chapter: I know I've already pimped it, but I'm doing it again cos it's amazing. The Girl Under the Bed by Nostalgicmiss is all kinds of awesome and not to far from being completed *sniff*. Go read it, it's amazing, seriously!  
**_


	13. Chapter 13

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own a gigantic problem in the form of having done no Christmas shopping yet and working everyday between now and Christmas. Anybody wanna do it for me?!_**

**_A/N: Thank you and huge Christmas hugs to my awesome beta 4StringQueen for making me legible! I adore you!_**

**_Big love and gratitude to Weezy for putting up with my neurotic ramblings and constant deleting threats. You're amazing and I don't know what I'd do without you! (You've all read her story The Girl Under the Bed now right? If not go read it now!)_**

**_Christmas loves to the gals on the forum. You rock my socks and I love you._**

**_Free cyber mince pies to all of you who review. I love hearing what you think, even when you tell me off for my evil cliffhangers. You are all brilliant, and deserve great things!_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 13**

"I breathe in slowly. _Food is life_. I exhale, take another breath. _Food is life_. And that's the problem. When you're alive, people can hurt you. It's easier to crawl into a bone cage or a snowdrift of confusion. It's easier to lock everybody out.

But it's a lie."

_Laurie Halse Anderson - Wintergirls _

**Bella POV**

There were voices, lots of voices, but I couldn't discern what it was that they were saying. They all seemed to be speaking at once, and my mind muddled them all together into one blurry sound. I wanted to shout at them, to tell them all to shut up and let each other speak, so that I could hear what they were saying, but my body wouldn't obey me.

My eyes stayed stubbornly shut, despite my efforts to open them, and I couldn't seem to move my arms or legs. Everything felt too heavy. Where was I? The last I could remember I was shouting at Alice and now I seemed to be floating somewhere with lots of people speaking, but no control over my body. I was vaguely aware of a pinching pain somewhere on my body, but I couldn't work out where it was, or what was causing it.

I felt tired even though I was sort of aware that I was sleeping now, but this didn't feel like normal sleep, not restful the way it usually was. This felt like I was just waiting, waiting to wake up, but unable to force myself to.

I felt something cool brush against my face, and then move down lower. Was that my hand? It felt familiar to me but my mind was so foggy. The coolness felt close to where the pinching pain was. It was so frustrating not being able to tell one body part from another, and whose were those voices? Was Edward here? And Alice? Or was she too mad at me after I yelled at her?

I hadn't wanted to yell like that, but I had just felt so angry. Not at her, or at any of the Cullens, just at life in general. Just when I had finally been starting to feel happy again, when it had seemed that everything was going right for once, stupid real life had to jump in and ruin it as usual.

Why did Victoria have to be here now? That moment with Edward where we sat in the most beautiful place in the world, dangling my feet in the water while he asked me to marry him, should have been perfect. Now it would forever be tainted with that psychotic red head coming along and trying to kill us. She really knew how to spoil a moment.

**Edward POV**

They had to sedate her when she wouldn't stop pulling at her intravenous lines. Even half conscious, she was desperate to avoid any sort of nourishment. So she lay there now, silent and still, looking more vulnerable than she ever had before. Pain tugged at my chest every time I looked at her pale face, at her skeletal arms, lost inside the huge hospital gown. Everyone was talking, too loud. Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie had rushed here when we called to tell them what had happened. They were here now talking with Alice about where we were going to go from here as I spoke gently to Bella, hoping fervently that she could hear me.

I stroked her face gently hoping to elicit some sort of response from her, but there was nothing. Did she even know I was there? I took her hand instead sitting down beside her on the bed. Her hand felt so small, so fragile in mine. I was terrified of crushing it. There was a needle sticking into her arm pushing much needed nutrition urgently into her body. The doctor had threatened to put a tube down her nose into her stomach to feed her through if she carried on refusing to eat when she woke up. Alice wasn't able to see what would happen yet, and wouldn't be able to until Bella made a decision.

Carlisle was blaming himself for not hospitalizing her sooner; his thoughts were full of remorse that he had allowed his fatherly feelings for Bella to get in the way of his professional judgment. I had tried to reassure him, but he was determined to take the blame. Of course I knew all too well where the blame lay. I'd heard it from the proverbial horse's mouth. She was lying there with tubes sticking out of her, drugged up to the eyeballs because of me. Again.

The sudden bang as the door was thrown open shocked us all into silence.

"Bella, Bella honey, what's going on?" Charlie's thoughts were as frantic as his voice as he surveyed his daughter. It took him a moment to even register that we were there. When he did his thoughts turned nasty.

"Get away from my daughter." He yelled at me, as he pulled me off the bed and slammed me into the door. I let him, after all I deserved it. Images flashed through his mind as he took his shaking hands off me and looked back at his daughter. I cringed at the tirade of memories of Bella falling apart after I left her. Of her eyes, empty and expressionless, staring into space as she lay curled up on her bed. Or screaming out in the night waking from her nightmares shaking and crying out "He left me, they all left me."

The worst was the one that explained the blood around our front door, and the way she had reacted when we first arrived back in Forks. Her screaming out hysterically and gripping onto the fence post as her poor father had to drag her away as the rain soaked them both.

"What did you do to her? I swear to God, if you've laid one finger on her-" His eyes flashed dangerously. I wanted to deny responsibility for this, but how could I? I was about to attempt to explain to him what was wrong with his only daughter, but Carlisle intervened, speaking for me.

"Chief Swan, I'm sorry we're seeing you again under these circumstances, but Edward didn't do this. You need to talk with her doctor; Bella is quite unwell, I'm sorry."

"I don't want him anywhere near my girl. I won't let him hurt her again." He had calmed down slightly now, partly thanks to the arrival of Jasper who I could hear outside the door.

"Of course Charlie, that's your decision. We'll leave now if that's what you want."

Charlie was surprised at Carlisle's willingness to comply. I was decidedly unwilling to leave, but I knew that Carlisle was just trying to make this easier for Charlie. After all, he was about to find out that his little girl was in the grip of a horrible disease, and that at the moment she was refusing to fight it.

He looked at her now, his face full of anguish.

"Bella?" He whispered. "What happened to you?"

His mind registered her gaunt appearance, and the bruises on her face. He briefly wondered whether the bruises were my handiwork, but he dismissed that possibility quickly as he had never seen me be anything but excessively gentle with her. He turned to me now, questions rushing out of him.

"What is going on? Why is she even here? She's supposed to be at college. What are you doing here? Does she know that you're here? Who hurt her?"

"Charlie, you have to calm down-" I started.

"Don't tell me to calm down when my baby is lying there unconscious and I don't even know why." He growled at me through gritted teeth. "Now either get out, or tell me what's going on."

Alice stepped forward then, easing his worries with a gentle smile, she always knew how to get round him.

"Charlie, I'm sorry, but Bella hasn't been eating."

His hands ran down his face as he tried to make sense of what Alice was saying.

"But… but there are bruises, you don't get bruises like those from no food."

"She fainted. That's all Charlie. Her body is protesting against the lack of food. They had to sedate her because she was pulling at her drip. I can't tell you about the bruises Charlie, I'm sorry it's up to Bella to tell you about those."

He was gripping Alice's hands now, obviously trying to maintain his composure.

"How…how long will she be like this?" Carlisle stepped forward again now.

"They're already reducing the sedation and she could come round anytime. They'll see then how she handles being on the drip. You have to be prepared Charlie. If she tries to pull it out again then they will be forced to sedate her again, and they will insert a naso-gastic tube to feed her directly into her stomach. I'm sorry; we don't know how long it's been since she last ate a proper meal. They've been doing some tests to see how bad it is and the results should be back soon."

Charlie was struggling to cope with all the information he was being given. It was bad enough for him that his girl was in hospital, but to find out that it was self inflicted broke his heart. Alice guided him to the chair by Bella's bed, and pushed him into it kindly. He crumpled forwards, resting his head in his hands, his fingers pushed hard into his eyes. His thoughts were all over the place; this was way too much for him to take in.

"Bella?" Esme had been quiet in the corner up until now, but she dashed forwards, careful to keep her speed human, as she saw what I now noticed. Bella's eyes were starting to flicker open.

"You. Out. Now." Charlie looked at me then at the door.

I wanted to fight him, to stay with her. It took every ounce of strength in me to walk from that room knowing that she was waking up. My family followed, only Alice remained with Charlie, at his request.

Outside the door, Jasper and Emmett were pacing the corridor impatiently. Emmett was wracked with guilt, unnecessarily.

"Stop it Em, this is not your fault."

"I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought she was getting better. I'm sorry Edward, I've just made everything worse."

"No, Emmett. This is just too complicated; she needs help from somebody who knows what they're doing. I'm grateful to you for trying to help her. For what it's worth, I think what you said really helped until Victoria showed up. That seemed to set her back." Both he and Jasper cracked their knuckles at that.

"That psycho bitch is going to be a pile of ash if she goes near my kid sister again."

**Bella POV**

Charlie was mad. His face had turned that horrid puce color and his eyes were bulging as he questioned me about what was going on. Weirdly though, it didn't seem to be the fact that I was in hospital that was bothering him, but it was more who he'd found in there with me that had him raging.

The doctor treating me had recognized me as Charlie's daughter and called him to let him know I was here, thinking that I'd want him here. I wanted to be mad at him, and he had no right. I am an adult, but he was only doing what he thought was best, the same as everybody else.

Charlie hit me with a barrage of questions almost as soon as my eyes were open. I had heard him dismiss the Cullens as I was coming round, my mind still hazy, but Alice remained and Charlie let her. I looked to her now, desperately pleading with her using only my eyes, to help me to explain this to him. How could I tell him about Jack? I would have if I wanted to stop him from blaming Edward for the bruises. Her eyes narrowed at me for a moment, her expression cold, but they softened after a moment and she nodded slightly.

"Charlie, I think Bella needs to rest, she looks spent. I know you want answers but it won't do her any good to go over all this now."

He looked like he wanted to argue with her, but Alice's face was stern and Charlie had always adored her. He listened to her now, but turned to me, his face like thunder.

"Okay, but don't think you're getting out of this. You have to tell me sometime and I'm not going anywhere."

Oh God! He was going to force me to relive everything all over again. I was so sick of talking, of rehashing all the painful memories. How did people expect me to move past all of this when they wouldn't let me forget? He seemed to see the fear in my eyes at his words and he pulled away slightly, his expression smoothing out a little.

"Well, um… I'm going to go speak to your doctor Bells; you should get some rest I guess."

I watched him walk from the room before turning my attention to the tube sticking out of my arm. Panic swept through me as I realized what they were doing. Didn't they know what this would do? How it would mean that Victoria would come back for Charlie. I grabbed at it to tug it out of my arm, desperate to stop it from flowing into my vein and hoping that it wasn't too late. Maybe if I could stop it now it wouldn't change anything?

Dammit, I had forgotten that Alice was there. Her strong arms held my hands firmly in hers stopping me from being able to pull it out. I struggled against her, knowing it was futile, but I had to try. I went for the tube with my mouth, determined to get it out by any means necessary, yanking at it with my teeth. I heard Alice crying out for her family to help her, but I didn't care. I had to do this. I had to stop Victoria from hurting my family.

I felt the tube pull free from my arm and smiled triumphantly before feeling several pairs of strong cold hands restraining me. It was too late. I had won. I was free and maybe I had saved Charlie from Victoria. I wriggled about, using all my strength to try to get free of the hands which were holding me down. It felt too much like before when I was being pinned to the ground.

I waited anxiously for the blows which were bound to follow, bracing myself for the pain, but it never came. I kept my eyes closed waiting, but nothing. Then a velvet voice I knew so well spoke to me softly and I wondered how I could have ever expected him to hurt me.

"Bella, what have you done?"

His voice was agony to my ears. It was so full of pain. I felt the hands release me, perhaps realizing that they were too late. I curled up into a tight ball on the bed covering my face with my arms so that I didn't have to see the seven angry faces peering down at me.

**Jasper POV**

She whimpered slightly as Edward pulled her off the bed into his arms and sat cradling her there gently. The room was full of so many emotions it was stifling. Guilt, anger, fear, pain, regret and a tiny glimmer of happiness assaulted my senses; it was almost too much to bear. The glimmer of happiness came from Bella; evidently she thought she had achieved something by pulling her drip out. She was going to be hysterical when she realized that they would sedate her again, and this time they intended to put a more intrusive tube in, one which would be far more difficult to pull out.

I was all too aware of where her mind had gone when she had been pinned down to the bed, her fear ran through me like a knife, and I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what she was thinking of when she flinched away from us with her eyes closed, bracing herself.

Alice ran from the room and in her grief forgetting to move at human speed. I followed her anxious to both comfort her and to escape the tirade of emotions in that now oppressive room. As it was Alice's emotions were more than enough to contend with as she collapsed into my arms. Her body wracked with sobs desperately trying to cry tears that could never come.

"Why won't she let us help her Jasper?" She forced out through the heart wrenching sobs.

"Because she's afraid baby. I don't know what she's frightened of, but something is stopping her from getting better."

"Victoria?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I can just feel that she's afraid. It would make sense for it to be her though I guess."

"Jasper, we have to deal with her. Maybe when she's gone Bella can move on and get better?"

Her face was determined; I could tell that she really felt that this was the key to helping Bella.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go find her." She smiled up at me adoringly, her eyes showing that she was ready for action.

"Hey I'm coming with." Emmett punched me lightly on the shoulder. His face was as determined as Alice's. Rosalie was hanging onto his arm. Apparently she was in too.

"Where do we go Alice?" I asked as we made for the doors.

**Edward POV**

When the doctor came back with the needle to sedate her again she was almost hysterical. I had no idea where Jasper was. He had disappeared somewhere with the others, but I could have done with his skill right then. She panicked and fought against me even though she must have known it was futile. She screamed and begged me not to let him do it, trying everything to get me to release her.

Everything in me cried out to me to let her go. To do what she was asking of me. Listen to her where I had failed to do so many times before. This was for the best, and although it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I held her to me tightly, restraining her as the doctor administered the sedation. I cradled her as she gradually went limp in my arms as the drugs spread through her body.

"Bella, I'm so sorry sweetheart." I whispered the words in her ear softly as I lay her down on the bed, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. I hoped fervently that she could hear me. I knew that what I had just done would seem like another betrayal to her, and I wasn't sure that it was one she would forgive, but I had to hope that one day she would understand why I had to do it.

I felt a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and turned into Carlisle's embrace.

"You did the right thing Edward."

"Then how come it feels like I just let her down again?" I asked, fiercely. "How come it feels like all I ever do is let her down?"

"It was what was best for her son. She might not see that straight away, but sometimes the easy thing to do, the thing that our heart cries out to do, isn't the right thing."

"Can't you do it?" I asked him, knowing that if he was the one to insert the tube, I would trust that it had been painless and done with love. He looked enquiringly at the doctor who was preparing the equipment needed. The doctor nodded. He knew Carlisle well and had worked alongside him for several years with the last time being when we were in Forks.

**Carlisle POV**

It had been the longest two weeks of my immortal life. I was so used to time passing me by and not really ever noticing its passage, but now every day felt like a year as we waited. Waiting for news from our children, who were hunting for Victoria, and waiting for news from Charlie who had promised to call us if there were any changes in Bella's condition.

He had been decidedly displeased to find us there with her when he arrived and wanted Edward nowhere near her. He didn't say it, but we could all tell that he blamed him. Well, he all of us really for the state she was in. He did not understand her condition at all and said he hadn't seen her in over a year since she went to college. His pain when he looked at his broken daughter had filled the room in the same way that mine did now as I watched my son fall apart for the second time in only a few months.

He had been banned from seeing her by Charlie and I was adamant that we should respect his wishes. In spite of his anger towards us, he had seen how concerned we were for her and his face had softened ever so slightly when he agreed to contact us if there was any change in her condition. So Edward had come back to the house and wandered around aimlessly for hours, staring at everything that reminded him of Bella. He sat on the piano stool for two hours solid without once actually playing anything however much Esme pressed him to.

He had tried on several occasions to get out of the house, to get round us and go visit her at the hospital. I had no intentions of using physical force on him and had never needed to in the past. In this instance we found that a little begging from Esme did the trick nicely.

"Please Edward. This isn't forever. Charlie is just upset right now. Think of what he's having to deal with. Give him some time, and give Bella the chance to explain to him if…when she comes round again."

Her small slip of the tongue had not gone unnoticed by Edward as a small growl escaped from his lips. He disappeared then up to his room where we heard him pacing the floor anxiously for several more hours.

I had managed to get my old job back at the hospital in Forks with remarkable ease. Apparently they had had terrible problems trying to replace me, and were delighted that I wanted to return. The official line was that Esme had not enjoyed living in the city so we had moved back here.

It would have been easy to use my status as a member of staff at the hospital to look in on Bella and find out how she was doing, and Edward had asked me to do it on several occasions, but I felt that as a fellow father, I owed it to Charlie Swan to follow his orders to the letter. At least until Bella was well enough to decide for herself.

It had been such a whirlwind time for the poor girl. She has had to deal with so much in such a short space of time that it hardly surprised me that she was having these problems.

The phone rung now and he loud bell made both myself and Esme jump. We had both been so lost in our thoughts. I answered it quickly, hoping that it would be Charlie with good news. Edward had appeared by my side before I had even said hello. I kept him at arms length with one hand on his chest as I spoke to Bella's father.

"Doctor Cullen?"

"It's Carlisle Charlie, yes."

"She's gone!"

* * *

**_So yeah... sorry about the cliffie again! I just can't help myself apparently!_**

**_No recommendation this week except for everybody to have an awesome Christmas. Love you all! _**


	14. Chapter 14

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own a huge stack of presents which I will play with just as soon as I get away from work! _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta 4StringQueen who removes all my unnecessary commas and makes it look like I know where to use them. _**

**_A million thank you's to Weezy for helping me with this chapter and even offering to write part of it for me when I was being a baby and whining about it! I most definitely love YOU more. Ner!_**

**_Love to the forum girls and to everybody who reviews. I love all the reviews, even the ones that just told me off for the cliffie. I am so sorry that I wasn't able to get this out before Christmas, life just grabs you by the throat sometimes doesn't it? _**

**Empty **

**Chapter 14**

"Their words mostly noises

Ghosts with just voices

Your words in my memory

Are like music to me.

I'm miles from where you are,

I lay down on the cold ground

I pray that something picks me up

And sets me down in your warm arms"

_Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol_

**Carlisle POV**

The silence that hung in the air like a fourth person in the room was thick with the connotations of those simple three words. I heard a gasp and watched helplessly as Edward fell to his knees his hands tearing at his hair ferociously, interpreting Charlie's words in the worst possible way. My heart shot into my mouth as I reminded myself that "she's gone" could mean any number of different things. Flustered I asked Charlie to clarify what he meant, and felt relief course through me as he replied.

"I only left her for a few moments. I was so excited when she asked me to get her a soda. It didn't even occur to me that she would run."

Charlie's voice was low, confused. He was blaming himself for leaving her alone, he had felt hope in that moment when his daughter had asked for the one thing that he knew she needed, then had it crushed when it had be revealed as a trick. He clearly had no understanding of what was really going on with his daughter. Who could blame him? I was a doctor and I was having trouble comprehending it.

If I was honest I was just glad that the news wasn't the worst. That it wasn't the news the very thought of which had brought my son to his knees in grief. I knew that had that been the case Edward could not have lived with it. Beside me he had started to breathe again, his body poised and ready for action, his hands no longer torturing his hair but clenched into fists at his sides, waiting for permission to help the love of his life.

I was aware that asking for permission was likely a waste of time, there was nothing in the world that could stop Edward from leaving this house to go and find her. The thought of her out there alone, cold and frightened was tearing at my heart, I could only imagine what it was doing to Edward as he stood there, desperately fighting for his composure.

"Charlie, please, let us help you look for her. I'm sure we can be of use." I pleaded with him knowing that Charlie had no idea just how much use we could be with how attuned Edward was to Bella's scent. I had no doubt that he could find her quickly.

The November night was wet and cold, and in Bella's condition I was extremely concerned about the possibility of hypothermia. She was so weak that I didn't know if her frail body could fight something like that off.

I didn't even want to think about what could happen if Victoria got to her before we could. I allowed the emotion I felt at the thought of her out there alone, cold, frightened and potentially in danger to seep into my voice as I begged her father to let us help to find her.

I heard Charlie sigh heavily on the other end of the phone before he gratefully consented to our help.

"I think I may need your help, I'm scared that she might have left the hospital. It's freezing outside, if we don't find her…" His unfinished sentence hung heavy in the air, each of us aware of what the consequences would be if we didn't find her and find her quickly.

"We'll find her Charlie. It's going to be ok, we'll be there as soon as we can."

**Edward POV**

The scenery flashed past me in a blur of greens and browns as I ran full tilt to get to the hospital so that we could find Bella's scent and follow it. Knowing that she maybe didn't want to be found was tearing at my heart so fiercely that I almost buckled from the pain. Only the thought of my Bella being out, alone, and scared in the pouring rain and piercing cold drove me forwards.

The moment the devastatingly familiar scent assaulted my senses the flames to leapt to my throat and my entire body froze.

"Carlisle, she's nearby." My father stopped in his tracks. He smelt it too. "I'll go…maybe… we don't want to overwhelm her."

He nodded his agreement, thus telling me silently that they would stay around in case I needed them.

I followed Bella's scent into the forest moving at human pace, and doing everything in my power not to frighten her any more than she was already. The forest was rapidly getting darker as the twilight took over from the day. The heavy raindrops fell in cascades through the gaps in the trees overhead, dripping from the leaves and soaking everything beneath.

I didn't know how to feel about the fact that she had run from the hospital and come in the direction of my home. Was she trying to get back to me or had she just run for the forest without any idea of where she was running to?

It wasn't long before I could hear her heartbeat, not steady and strong like I was used to hearing it, but slow and labored. How long had she been out in this rain? How could her poor starved body possibly cope with it? I quickened my pace slightly, working hard to keep silent. Then I saw her.

She was lying on her side against a rock curled up into the fetal position with her arms around her knees, shivering uncontrollably. Her entire body was shaking with the cold. Her hair was soaked through and hanging in strips across her deathly pale face and down her back. Her breath was coming in gasps as she fought to keep air going into her lungs.

"Bella?" I whispered softly as I lowered myself down to her level.

Her eyes were staring into the dark, empty and expressionless. She didn't even seem to have noticed that I was there with her. I touched my hand to her cheek, and was shocked to find that it contained almost no warmth at all.

"Bella honey, please. It's me, Edward."

Nothing. She just lay there, unmoving not registering my presence at all. I had to get her back to the hospital and back into the warmth where they could help her. "Please God let them be able to help her," I prayed as I gathered her up into my arms. She stirred slightly when I lifted her, moaning gently in my grasp.

"It's ok Bella, I'm going to take you back. They can help you there."

Her gaze snapped onto me at that. Her eyes suddenly alive with fear. She struggled uselessly against my grasp, kicking out at me with all the strength her weak body could muster.

"Let. Me. Go!" She screamed out as I tightened my grip on her.

What was I supposed to do? How could I let her go knowing that she was in this state? But then, how could I betray her again by forcing her back to the hospital against her will?

"Bella, please listen to me." She continued to struggle against me, her eyes boring into mine, betrayal written all over her face. "You're really sick. I can hear your heart, and baby it's barely beating. I'm sorry. I know you're scared, but I have to do this. I can't live without you. Please don't ask me to do something that will make me lose you. Please Bella."

Her body went limp in my arms and her features empty again, surrendering.

"Please forgive me." I pleaded lightly as I held her head against my chest with my hand, stroking her beautiful hair lovingly.

She just glared at me while her teeth chattered loudly and curled her body into itself against the biting cold and the driving rain.

Mercifully, when I reached Carlisle and Esme, it was to find that she had been back to the house to get blankets. I wrapped Bella's shivering body in the thick wool while Carlisle frowned at her condition. His thoughts confirmed what I already knew. We needed to get her back to the hospital.

**Charlie POV**

When he ran into the hospital clutching my girl in his arms, I didn't know what to feel. Relief that she was found? Anger that he was the one who found her? Gratitude to him for bringing her back to me? Guilt for still hating him?

She was hanging limply in his arms with the long tendrils of her hair dripping rain water into large puddles on the hard floor. She was wrapped up in several thick blankets, but it must have been really teeming down out there because she was still shivering violently. Her limp body jerked around with the force of it. Her eyes were open, but there was no life in them. It was as though she had just surrendered and no longer having the strength to fight against us.

The doctor quickly bustled forwards, requesting that Edward lay her down on the stretcher he had brought. I watched as he set her down so gently that it was almost painful to watch. Was I wrong about this guy? How could I be? He left her. He left her and she fell apart. I missed my Bella so badly. I got such a short time with her before I lost her to the grief that had left her a shell of her former self and now here he was again, looking as though he was still in love with her.

The doctor wheeled her away from me barking orders at the other staff loudly as they went, leaving me alone in the hallway with Edward and his parents. I shifted uncomfortably, looking at my feet, building myself up towards thanking him. He looked unsure of himself as though he wasn't sure whether he ought to stay or go. How could I ask him to leave now after he'd returned her to me so quickly?

"Um... Edward." I started, clearing my throat nervously. "Thanks for… well, you know."

He nodded absently at me, his mind clearly elsewhere. I had to respect him for that.

His mother, Esme I think she was called, moved forward and put her gloved hand on my arm comfortingly.

"She'll be ok Charlie, I'm sure of it."

She was trying to be reassuring, but the uncertainty in her voice just made me feel worse. I offered her a half hearted smile and allowed her to lead me to a chair.

Doctor Cullen, Carlisle, Bella had called him, stood behind her, his hands rubbing her shoulders soothingly. They were all really upset by this. They really cared for her. That much I could see. It was kind of nice to have somebody here to wait with even though nobody was saying anything. I thought that the Cullen kid was going to wear a hole in the floor from the way he was pacing back and forth.

He stopped pacing abruptly and stared towards the door the doctor had taken Bella through only seconds before the doctor emerged. The kid must have the hearing of a bat. The doctor approached us, a small smile on his face.

"She's stable." He announced. Then he waffled on in some doctor speak which I'm certain that Doctor Cullen understood, but it meant very little to me. I just wanted to see my girl and from Edward's stance I figured he wanted the same. After what he had done for me today, I wouldn't stop him either.

Everything was white in the room. The walls, the floor, the bedding, even Bella's face seemed to fit in nicely. It was so sterile. It felt all wrong. Bella was lying on the bed covered in a big blanket type thing that looked like one of those lilos people float on at the beach. It was plugged in to a machine and had what looked like a dryer hose going into it. Carlisle explained to me that the tube was pumping hot air into it to warm her up after being out in the cold for so long. It would warm her up gradually so as to avoid sending her into shock.

She was asleep, but I wasn't sure whether it was a natural sleep or whether they had sedated her again. After seeing her lifeless body in Edward's arms only moments before, I found it hard to believe that they would feel the need to sedate her, but I didn't want to ask certain that the doctor had probably told me before when I wasn't listening.

The tube that had been in her nose before had not been reinserted and I wondered why. Were they giving up on her? My mind was reeling with questions about what was going on with my daughter, but I couldn't bring myself to ask any of them.

Edward had sat himself on the bed beside her with one of her hands clutched tightly in his and his other hand was on her cheek as his thumb rubbed gentle circles under her eye. He was whispering to her soothingly. His voice too low for me to hear, but he seemed to think that she could hear him.

**Edward POV**

She lay there, looking so peaceful, finally sleeping of her own free will and not because of the sedation, the bear hugger blanket wrapped around her, and the heated saline in the drip forcing heat into her hypothermic body.

I sat beside her and touched my hand to her cheek as my other hand clutched her needle free hand. As I touched her, I heard her heart leap in her chest. Did she know that I was there? I murmured to her gently, telling her that everything was going to be ok. That Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were out hunting Victoria and that she would be safe soon.

The erratic rhythms of her heart led me to suspect that she could hear me through the shroud of sleep, so I carried on talking nonsense mostly. Telling her about how excited Alice was that we were going to get married and making random plans for the wedding. I did anything to keep her with me and to make her want to come back to us. I told her how worried Charlie was about her and how she would have to get better for him so that he could walk her down the aisle.

I couldn't help but wonder whether that was something he would consent to doing. He had been understandably hostile towards us in the beginning, but he seemed to be accepting our presence now, even seemed to be grateful for it. I had never heard Charlie's thoughts very clearly. It wasn't blank like when I tried to tune into Bella, but his mind was more guarded than most, almost like he knew to block me out, but right now his thoughts were as accessible to me as any book. Apparently his concern for Bella had thrown his mind wide open to me and I could see that he was watching me with interest, almost becoming approving.

My silent heart leaped into my mouth as I felt her fingers tighten around mine, and saw her eyelids flutter delicately against the purple shadows under her eyes. As she came round, she screwed up her eyes against the harsh institutional lighting and opened and closed them repeatedly until they became accustomed to the brightness.

Her eyes flickered around the room, seeming confused for a moment, and then they alighted on mine and stayed there. Her expression was unreadable as she held my gaze for an infinite moment. I longed for her lips to curl into the smile I knew so well, the smile that could light up the biggest of rooms, but they remained as they were, curved into a slight frown as she refused to release my eyes from her piercing glare.

I wished, more than anything at this point, that her mind wasn't closed to me, and that I could know what she was thinking. Her face was so serious, almost accusing. In my heart I knew that she was unbelievably angry at me for bringing her back here to the one place she didn't want to be. I could almost see the betrayal in her eyes. I wanted to break the silence that was suffocating the room, but what could I say that hadn't already been said?

I hadn't even realized that Carlisle had left the room until he returned with Bella's doctor on his heels. Even as he moved forward to examine her, her eyes never left mine. He took her blood pressure. It was completely unnecessary since I could already tell that it was low. Then he took her temperature which was starting to stabilize and various other observations before writing them all down on his charts then settling down on the other side of the bed from where I was sitting.

"How do you feel Isabella?" He questioned her seriously.

She didn't move or even show any sign that she had heard him. She just silently carried on what seemed to be turning into the longest staring competition in history.

I wanted to scream at her that I was sorry, but the truth was that I _wasn't_ sorry. If she put me in that same situation a thousand times, I would act the same every single time because the truth was, that even if she never spoke to me again, even if she hated me forever, I would still be happy that she was alive and safe.

"Isabella, can you hear me?" The doctor tried again, concern edging his voice this time.

"Mmmhmm." It was all the response he was going to get apparently, but it seemed to be enough as he started scribbling on his charts again a frown covering his face.

"Bella answer the doctor properly." Charlie demanded of her. Without breaking her eye contact with me she responded to him.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Answer the question. He asked how you're feeling." His voice was choked, but firm, trying to act like a father in a horribly difficult situation.

"And what would you like my answer to be?"

Was it my imagination, or was that question addressed to me?

"Honest." I whispered, finally breaking away from her glare, looking down at her hand in mine instead.

* * *

**_I hope you all had a very very Merry Christmas! :)_**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta 4StringQueen who continues to make me look good. Go check out her story The Legend of Green Eyes, it's fabulous!_**

**_To Weezy, Chelle and Emma you are all amazing and I, quite literally wouldn't have got through this week without you. From the bottom of my heart thank you! _**

**_Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter and for all the banners and blinkies that you have made. Each one made me smile so big that I could fit China in my mouth. My siggie is getting out of control! _**

**_This is a short chapter. I thought you might like to see what Alice and the others are up to! _**

* * *

**Empty **

**Chapter 15 **

Off through the new day's mist I run

Out from the new day's mist I have come

We shift

Pulsing with the earth

Company we keep

Roaming the land while you sleep

_Of Wolf and Man - Metallica_

**Alice POV**

Victoria's scent was everywhere. We were following trails all over Forks and beyond and coming up with nothing. All too often it seemed to be tinged with that disgusting scent I had smelled outside of Charlie's house. It was kind of an earthy smell, not unlike the smell of wet dog, but I couldn't place it, and try as I might I couldn't seem to get it out of my nose.

We had followed the latest trail across our land, through the forest and out onto the cliff tops overlooking the Quileute Reservation. Her scent seemed to crisscross over the boundary line, almost as though she knew that we wouldn't be able to track her if she crossed over, but why would she come back across?

We lost her scent at the edge of the cliffs where there was a sheer drop down to the crashing ocean below. Emmett and Jasper wanted to jump down and follow her into the water to see if they could find where she had swum to, but it would have meant trespassing on the Quileute land, and we had no idea how strongly they still valued the old treaty. Carlisle would be devastated if, after all these years, we breached the treaty and caused a war because we were trying to keep Bella safe.

So we all just sort of stood there not really knowing what to do next. Jasper ran his arms around my waist affectionately, obviously sensing my despair. I really felt that getting rid of Victoria was the key to helping Bella and the visions I'd been having of her since we left had been more and more disturbing. When I saw her running from the hospital and out into the forest in the rain I was all for turning back and helping her, but Jasper reassured me that Edward would find her, and of course he was right.

I knew now that she was safely back at the hospital and I had spoken to Carlisle when they returned her to the hospital. He could hardly keep the distress out of his voice when he told me about her behavior since she woke up. It didn't sound like our Bella at all. It was like she had been taken over by an alien or something.

I leaned back into Jasper's arms, enjoying his closeness, breathing in his scent deeply, soothing myself the only way I knew how. We both tensed when that smell hit, it had been permeating the air everywhere we'd been, and almost making me retch on several occasions. But this time it was overpowering, like a thousand wet dogs all shaking their fur and spraying everywhere. Not like the faint trails we had crossed, but real. Whatever had made the trails was close by, and from the smell of it, getting closer.

Jasper had stiffened up, moving into a protective pose in front of me. He didn't like the emotions coming off whatever was coming. I was peering around his shoulders while he tried to stop me when five Quileute boys appeared out of the forest, striding purposefully towards us.

They were all ridiculously tall and muscular, but their eyes betrayed their real ages. These were not really men. They had the developed bodies and undoubtedly the strength of men, but their eyes still reflected their youthful innocence.

Were these the wolf men that the treaty spoke of? None of us had been around when Carlisle had made his pact with the tribe leader of the time, so we couldn't know if these were the legendary boys who turned into wolves in order to protect the tribe from the vampires, from us.

They came to a standstill several feet away from us, on the other side of the boundary line, standing in an arc with the tallest at the front, closest to us. Their strong deep brown eyes glared at us, their expressions hostile as the one who appeared to be the leader spoke to us. His words were a warning, that the treaty still stood, and we were to stay away from their lands. He introduced himself as Sam Uley, the alpha of the pack. So they were werewolves then.

Jasper was using his gift to ensure that things didn't turn nasty, although it didn't seem that they wanted any trouble, but just to bring us the message really. I was shocked when I tried to look into the future to ascertain that things were not going to turn nasty, and saw nothing but that swirling black again. These gaps in my vision were becoming more frequent and more frustrating by the day.

Jasper stepped forward towards the boundary line so that he could talk with them more freely, evidently not able to read anything sinister in their emotions.

"We were tracking another of our kind, one who does not follow our…diet. Her scent disappears over these cliffs. We have reason to believe that she poses a threat to somebody we care about."

A collective look of understanding passed over the faces of the pack, almost like they were one being, not five.

"The redhead?" Sam questioned. So they had come across her too? "We have been tracking her too, rather unsuccessfully I'm afraid. She seems to have rather a talent for evasion. This threat she poses…. the Swan girl? And her father?"

We all nodded, surprised that they seemed to know exactly what was going on.

"We have been protecting Chief Swan for several months now; there have been two of us guarding his home at all times, but now that his girl is in the hospital we have moved our patrol to the perimeter there instead. This vampire… she seems very focused on getting to one or the other of them."

I couldn't believe it. All this time they had been protecting Charlie, and we hadn't even known he was in danger. I wondered briefly whether the wolves had anything to do with the gaps in my visions before I realized that Jasper was speaking again. He was thanking them for keeping Charlie safe and explaining what was happening with Bella.

I heard a gasp from the Quileute boy standing at the right hand shoulder of Sam Uley when Jasper talked about Bella's eating disorder, and suddenly recognized him as the boy who had come to the prom at Forks High to warn Bella to leave Edward. I eyed him curiously; he didn't look like the others. They were all standing proudly, their bodies not exactly combative but alert and ready for a fight if one arose. But this boy, Jacob I think, looked almost sad, defeated in a way. His shoulders did not hold the rigid position of authority the rest of the pack maintained. His were hunched and his eyes were unhappy, as though he would rather be anywhere but here. He met my gaze and his eyes narrowed and a small growl emitting from his throat.

Sam Uley sighed heavily, shaking his head as he turned to Jacob, putting his hand out in a commanding gesture which pointed towards the forest.

"Run it off Black. Go."

Jacob looked like he wanted to argue, but almost as though he had no choice but to acquiesce he started to run towards to forest; his body shook violently. Just as he hit the line of trees indicating the start of the forest, his body shuddered dramatically almost as though it was just a disguise he was wearing. His body just sort of ripped away leaving the form of a giant wolf in its stead. It was the most amazing and beautiful thing I had ever seen and I couldn't help but stand and gape as the giant beast disappeared into the cover of the thick trees; a loud howl in the distance the only evidence that what I had seen really happened.

I reluctantly turned my attention back to the rest of the pack, who were still standing in formation, with Sam Uley looking mightily pissed off and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry about that; Jacob was a friend of Bella's when she first arrived in Forks. They played together as children; I think that came as a bit of a shock to him."

I waved him off smiling, surprised by how amenable the wolf pack were being considering we were supposed to be mortal enemies. But then, I had heard before of old foes uniting against a common enemy, and I hoped this could be the case with us too. Having the pack onside would surely help us to track down Victoria and outnumber whoever she had left with her. I was happily thinking about a possible alliance with the wolves when the vision hit.

"Jasper, they need you at the hospital. Go!"

* * *

**_Recommendation for the chapter is Girl Afraid by agoraphobiantic. It's really different to the other stories I've recommended, and it's complete! Try it, see what you think._**


	16. Chapter 16

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own a very bruised body from all the falling over this incessant snow has made me do! _**

**_A/N: Thank you so much to my beta 4StringQueen for helping me out as always, and just general awesomeness. Her story The Legend of Green Eyes just updated so go check it out. _**

**_Thank you also to Weezy for allllll the help with Empty, you are an amazing person and I do not deserve you! I definitely love you more, AN wars are most definitely not over!_**

**_Love and thank you's to Chelle and Emma for being just brilliant and keeping me smiling. I love you all!_**

**_Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter, I know it was a short one but you still reviewed like the angels that you are and I appreciated it more than you know. (Sorry about the cliffy again!)_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 16**

"I once had a heart

I was ripped from it

Chewed up then spat out

Like a cherry pit

And if I seem a little hard

It's just that I've been kicked around

I don't know how I got this far

The way that I've been kicked around."

_I've Been Kicked Around - Eels_

**Bella POV**

"I want to go home." I mumbled. He said he wanted me to be honest, so there it was. I wasn't even sure where home was anymore, but wherever it was it was where I wanted to be. I had opened my heart to him again, and he had betrayed me. Again. I pulled my hand away from his, my mind almost rejoicing to see the agony that ripped through him when I did.

"I'm afraid that's not really an option right now." The doctor frowned at me over his thick glasses. He looked kind of old, and he didn't try to hide the fact that he was exasperated with me. But I didn't care. He couldn't force me to stay here, not if I decided to leave. They might think that sticking needles in me and attaching tubes to them would keep me prisoner here, but they wouldn't.

The Cullens had all been full of it when I first saw them. About how they wouldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. So now I would test that. I would stand up, pull out these wires and walk out of here. I had no idea where I would go, but anywhere was better than here. Maybe I would go find Victoria myself and let her have me. At least then Charlie would be safe.

My first priority was to get away from Edward, to get away from the pleading in his eyes. He did this. He brought me back to this place. It had taken every ounce of energy that I had left to get out of here once. I had got as far as the forest before I had been brought to my knees, remembering how he had restrained me when that doctor forced his poison into my body. How could he do that to me especially after all the platitudes he had spouted about how nobody would ever hurt me again. I had foolishly believed him.

I glared acidly at the doctor, spitting at him that he couldn't force me to stay. I sat up then, reaching for the needle in my arm, meaning to yank it out and walk out. Surprisingly it was the doctor, not one of the Cullens who stopped me.

"Actually Isabella, we can. I'm sorry but I'm admitting you under section four of the Mental Health Act. I do not need your permission to do so. If you remove your drip again, I will have to sedate you again, and if you refuse to take the food we give you then another NG tube will be inserted. Do you understand?"

I turned on Edward then, my eyes on fire from holding back the tears of anger which were stinging there. He did this. He brought me here, and now I was some sort of prisoner. He was making my decisions for me again and now my father was in danger. I wanted to scream and shout, to yank at the drips that held me captive in the stupid bed, to tell them all that I hated them for doing this to me. All I wanted was to be left alone, to be given some peace away from all the people who had hurt me, all the people who caused this and now had the audacity to judge me for it.

"Get out." I ordered him quietly. He looked slightly shocked, and then hurt.

"Bella..."

"GET OUT!" I screamed at him. "All of you get out."

He rose from the bed, his shoulders shaking with sobs. Esme took his hand and pulled him from the room, Charlie followed closely behind whispering that he loved me as he left. If he loved me so much, why couldn't he understand that I was doing this for him? To realize that all of this was to protect him.

**Carlisle POV**

She sat there, her knees pulled up to her chest rocking violently back and forth with her hands tearing at her hair frantically, and tears pouring down her face. Doctor Tinsdale looked completely out of his depth watching her, his heart racing evidently having no idea what to do. He looked like he just wanted to run from the room and go work on a less challenging patient.

His words had sparked something inside Bella and now he couldn't take them back. He turned to me silently pleading with me to intercede so that he didn't have to. I nodded curtly to him and gestured to him to leave the room.

I watched her for a few moments more before I spoke to her firmly, but I hoped kindly.

"Stop it Bella, you're going to hurt yourself." She looked up at me then with fire in her eyes.

"I said get out!" She shouted back at me.

"I'm sorry Bella but I'm afraid I can't do that. I've been so wrong Bella. I should have put a stop to this as soon as I knew, but I was so worried about how you were coping and about destroying your trust in me. I turned a blind eye, desperately wanting to believe that you could fight this all alone. But I was wrong, and now you're here. This is entirely my fault Bella, and I'm sorry."

My words had the desired effect. Her face contorted in anger and her hands dropped to her lap where they balled up into fists that shook with the anger that appeared to be coursing through her. She was now glaring daggers at me, her eyes virtually aflame with frustration.

"Or maybe, just maybe, this could be my fault." She replied through gritted teeth. "Has anybody actually stopped their own self flagellation long enough to consider that maybe I might have had some sort of hand in this? Has anybody actually thought about the teeny tiny possibility that perhaps I might have had even the smallest amount of influence over my own destiny? That at some point in the last two years I might have had some sort of independent thought that didn't revolve around somebody else and how they intended to hurt me next? Because believe it or not Carlisle, occasionally, very occasionally I do actually do something that somebody hasn't forced me into."

Now we were getting somewhere.

"You feel like people force you to do a lot of things Bella?"

"Don't fucking psychoanalyze me Carlisle." She muttered into her knees. I cringed slightly at the profanity coming from her usually so polite mouth, but continued.

"I'm not psychoanalyzing you; I'm not a psychologist Bella. I'm a surgeon. But I'm also a father, and right now my family is hurting and I have no idea how to take the pain away. I need your help Bella." I admitted softly.

"_You_ need _my_ help?" Her voice was skeptical, sarcastic as she spat the words at me.

"Yes, I do. See when you came into our lives the first time you changed us. Not just Edward, but _all_ of us. We'd spent so many years shying away from too much human contact… keeping ourselves to ourselves to protect our secret and to protect the humans. Then you came along, this young, beautiful human girl, and just accepted, even embraced what we were. Without even trying, you managed to change our perceptions of ourselves. I have never seen my family so happy as those few months you were with us. Then, when the family was ripped away from you, everything went dark. There was no more smiling, no more laughter. Edward fell apart, Alice's heart was broken, and Jasper suffered right along with them unable as he is to block out the emotions of others. Esme felt like she had lost another child. Emmett missed his little sister and his brother. I believe _even_ Rosalie missed you when she realized the effect your absence was having on her family. And I had to stand and watch as my precious family tore itself apart. This family loves you Bella, more than you know, and I genuinely believe that in order for us to ever be happy again we need you there with us. So, you think you're the only person who ever felt helpless? Like everything in your life was spiraling out of your own control, and there was nothing you could do to stop it? Trust me, I know how you feel. You have no idea how badly I want to grab you now, take you home with me, have you marry Edward and pretend that everything is ok. But it isn't ok Bella and I can't pretend that it is anymore. If he loses you, if this family loses you, I don't know what will happen, and that scares me Bella. It really scares me."

I had never envied my son his gift before, but now as Bella stared at me, her mouth hanging open in what looked like shock, I really wished I could read her mind. She didn't say anything at all, and just sat and stared for so long that I thought she was never going to stop. Then, so softly that no human ears could have heard her, she whispered four words which made my heart explode.

"I'm scared too Carlisle." She looked up as she said it, and I looked, really looked into her eyes registering all the emotions there. The anger was still there, but it was blended in with fear, sadness and confusion.

I took her hand hesitantly, unsure how she would react to the contact. She didn't pull away so I continued.

"What are you scared of?" Her teeth chewed nervously at her bottom lip as she answered.

"Everything." Her voice was flat, but honest, her fingers fiddling nervously with the blanket that covered her. "I want to love him again, like I did before. I want to give myself to him completely and pretend that he never left me. But he did, and I can't. I'm so afraid that he'll bolt again. I'm scared that Jack is going to get out and that he'll come after me. This time he'll be really mad and he might just finish the job. It scares me that a part of me wants him to. And I'm scared that Victoria is going to hurt my dad or one of you, and it will be all my fault, and… and…" She stammered off as her breathing grew erratic, and she started to rock again. Her hands flew up to her face scratching ferociously at her cheeks and moving up to tear at her hair again.

For the second time in only a few short minutes I coveted one of my children's special talents. I would have loved to have been able to soothe her fears the way that Jasper could have done right now. She was quickly becoming hysterical again and I didn't know how to stop her. I tried using comforting words, telling her that all of her fears could be easily dealt with and that we would all be there to support her, but it didn't seem to help. I could have restrained her physically, but that would not have helped with her emotional torment and part of me registered that maybe she needed this physical outlet to her pain.

There was a gentle tap at the door and Jasper poked his head round. He took one look at Bella and filled the room with a peaceful calm. She shot him a dangerous look.

"Don't fuck with my emotions Jasper. That's not fair."

"Sorry little darlin', but I'm under orders from a higher authority. It's more than my immortality is worth to disobey Alice. Wife trumps sister I'm afraid."

He flashed her his most winning smile, one that almost everybody found hard to resist, and I was sure I saw the corners of her mouth lift slightly.

"Alice?" She asked, quietly. "Where is she?"

"We've been out tracking Victoria; she's still out with Emmett and Rose, but her trail disappeared over some cliffs." Jasper must have sensed that Bella was becoming worried, as he quickly reassured her. "Don't worry Bella. We'll find her, and she's not going to hurt you. You know that don't you?"

She didn't answer his question nor make eye contact with either of us. In fact the only evidence that there was anything going on in her head at all was when Jasper gasped and pulled her into his arms. Apparently the emotions she had been throwing out to him were pretty strong and easy to interpret. It always amazed me that sometimes Jasper's talent worked just as well as Edward's in terms of knowing what people were thinking.

"No Bella, you absolutely cannot think like that."

"Why not Jasper?" She queried, her voice hard. "It would make everybody's lives easier."

I desperately wanted to know what it was that they were talking about, but I refrained from asking. Internally I acknowledged that I was at least a little afraid to hear the answer.

"It wouldn't make anybody's lives easier Bella. It would just destroy the lives of at least nine people, and probably more. You have to believe me when I say that no good could possibly come of that, and frankly we wouldn't allow it anyway. Do you really think Edward would let you just throw yourself at her? How in the world could that help?"

I was right. I didn't want to know. She wanted to allow Victoria to have her way with her. Where was this coming from? Was it merely her desire to protect her father from harm, or was there something more to this?

She said nothing. Just sat in Jasper's arms not returning his embrace, but not pushing him away either. It was like she wasn't there anymore. Her body was there, or rather what was left of it, but her spirit, her innate Bella-ness was gone, and I had no idea how to bring her back. I had never felt so helpless in all my years.

A young nurse I didn't recognize entered the room then. Her face betrayed her uncertainty as she set down a tray of food in front of Bella. She eyed Jasper and me warily before she spoke.

"I'm supposed to stay here… t-to make sure…" She trailed off. She was evidently new to the job and nervous about being asked to watch an anorexic eating. I was angry at whoever had palmed this task off onto her, and nodded at her, smiling reassuringly.

"Of course, please, have a seat. I'm Doctor Cullen. Call me Carlisle. What is your name?"

I had hoped to soothe her nerves with my words, but introducing myself as a doctor seemed to shake her even more. I tried again.

"This is my son Jasper, and my…my…" My what? Did I say daughter? How would Bella react to that? Would I be taking liberties by saying that? But Jasper had called her sister, and she hadn't objected. Snap decision Carlisle, deal with the consequences afterwards. "This is my future daughter Bella." I finished lamely.

The nurse looked confused but was either too polite or too scared to enquire. I looked at her questioningly, waiting for her to introduce herself.

"Um, I'm Katie; I'm a student nurse." She eventually stammered out, her voice low and nervous.

"Nice to meet you Katie." I smiled warmly at her, and she appeared to relax slightly.

"Would you like us to leave?" Her face contorted with a look of panic at the idea of being left alone in a room with Bella who she was going to have to encourage to eat the food she had set in front of her. She shook her head. Her eyes pled with me to stay.

I continued to make small talk with Katie, gradually feeling her starting to relax while I watched Bella out of the corner of my eye as she picked at the food she had been given. She was very clearly unhappy with her situation, but thankfully the threat of another NG tube seemed to have worked. She listened in to my conversation with Katie with apparent interest. I even thought I saw some sympathy for the young girl cross her face. That would be our Bella, worrying about somebody else even in the midst of her own personal nightmare. I could understand it too; the poor girl looked terrified.

She was tiny, probably even smaller than Alice, with long blond hair hanging in a loose ponytail down her back with some strands falling loose at the front hanging down, shielding her face. It was almost as though she was trying to hide. Her face was kind though, and her voice gentle and soothing. I could already tell that she would make a good nurse if she could just build up her confidence a little.

"Bella, are you alright?" She stepped forward now as Bella's face turned a ghastly shade of green and she started to retch. Katie grabbed a bowl and thrust it at her just in time as she started to bring up the entire meal she had just consumed.

Bella looked up at me with tears streaming down her face as she begged me not to tell Doctor Tinsdale, and frantically tried to convince me that it wasn't deliberate and that she had tried.

"It's ok Bella, I saw you try. It's just because your body isn't used to it; that's all. Don't worry. Doctor Tinsdale will understand."

It was Katie who stepped in to reassure her now. Her fingers gently brushed Bella's hair away from her face and then took a damp cloth and tenderly wiped her mouth while Bella just sat there, evidently surprised that we weren't angry with her.

Truth be told, I was thrilled that she had even tried to eat what was put in front of her. I was dreading the prospect of having to sedate her again. I knew that the moment had plagued Edward ever since. Having to hold her to him, restraining her while the doctor had sedated her, had broken his heart. He felt like he had betrayed her trust and no matter how much I tried to convince him that one day she would thank him for it, he was still beating himself up about it.

I wondered whether it would be best for Bella if she was moved to somewhere more specialized like a dedicated eating disorders unit--somewhere they would have the staff and resources to truly help her. I motioned for Jasper to stay with her as I went to speak with Doctor Tinsdale about the possibilities. I wouldn't allow finance to be a problem; it was our fault that Bella was in this position, and we would help to deal with it.

* * *

**_Reviews are better than this sodding snow clearing!_**

**_Recommendation for the chapter: Currently a one shot but they're making it into a full story. Comby Vans and Caravans a collaberation between Nostalgicmiss and Miztrezboo and it's hilarious, so go read! _**


	17. Chapter 17

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N Love and thank yous to my amazing beta 4StringQueen. I am working on the comma obsession I promise! _**

**_Huggles to Weezy my handholder/pre-reader and above all friend. You're amazing and I definitely love you more! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 17**

"Spend all your time waiting for that second chance  
For the break that will make it OK  
There's always some reason to feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction or a beautiful release  
Memories seep from my veins  
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight."

_Angel - Sarah McLachlan_

**Charlie POV**

Riverside House was the name of the place they sent her. It was a nice name; it felt warm and friendly like it was really a home and not some sterile, clinical place where loads of ill people were forced together to get better. It was an hour's drive from Forks, a fact I wasn't too happy about, but Doctor Cullen insisted that it was the best place in the state for treating people with problems like Bella's.

I couldn't even bring myself to say the name of the disease; it would make it far too real, and the reality was in turn, far too scary. My little girl, the light of my dreary old life, was wasting away in front of me, and she wouldn't let me help her.

I wasn't even allowed to pay for the place. Doctor Cullen was adamant that he would cover the entire bill, no matter how much it cost. He seemed to be taking the responsibility for Bella's condition entirely upon himself and his family, but surely I had contributed to this too. I should have been stronger for her when they left, forced her to get over it, instead of allowing her to wallow in her endless grief. She loved this boy, that much was obvious from the start, and now he was back in her life, why couldn't that be enough to stop this self destructive mission she seemed to be on?

Doctor Cullen had explained to me that by the time Edward came back into her life she was already too far gone into this thing to just snap out of it, but he sounded hopeful that these guys at Riverside House could help her. I was clinging on to his hope with everything that I had. I couldn't bear to loose her.

Because of Bella's age, the clinic couldn't give us updates on her progress without her permission, which she had refused to give, and they did not enforce visitors, which she was also refusing. I had traveled down there everyday for a fortnight with Edward and his father and had been turned away every time by a friendly nurse who always seemed genuinely sad to send us away.

I had given up after the first two weeks when the nurse said she would call us if Bella changed her mind, but as far as I was aware, Edward was still going everyday -- sometimes with and sometimes without his father. I was actually starting to like that kid, something I had never thought would happen. After he left Bella in the woods that night I had thought I would hate him forever, but the devotion he was showing towards her now had made me question that. His father was unquestionably a great man who obviously loved Bella very much, and I had to respect that.

So I sat, in the kitchen that reminded me of her, watching the phone all day, everyday, waiting and hoping that she would call or that she would give us permission to visit her. It was killing me -- not knowing whether she was getting better. For all I knew, she was still just as ill as she was when she went in.

I could see her face clearly in my mind when we told her where she was going. Her eyes had filled with tears as she begged me not to send her away, promising that she would be good, like she was five years old or something, and I was sending her away because she was behaving badly. She had been so frightened at the thought of being sent to the centre that I almost changed my mind and took her home with me instead.

I had driven her to the centre myself in the cruiser while she sobbed in the backseat, Edward clutching her hand tightly in his. His posture was tense and his face covered with the guilt that I knew he felt. She had walked dejectedly through the front gates, hand in hand with him, as I walked behind with her suitcase.

The place looked nice enough; it was surrounded on all four sides with beautifully landscaped gardens. However, the huge metal gates that ran around the perimeter were rather imposing, and a stark reminder that this was a mental health facility and not a hotel. There were people milling around all over the place, mostly girls but a few boys too, of varying ages, doing various things in the grounds. There was a young man sat under a tree playing a familiar sounding song on a guitar as we walked past. He looked up with interest when we passed him with his eyes falling on Bella, taking in her haggard appearance and Edward's protective stance by her side.

Once inside, she was booked in at reception, and we said our goodbyes and she was bustled away by a strict looking woman. As long as I live I will never forget the look on my little girl's face as she turned back to me. The look she gave me was one of terror and betrayal. The tears flowed freely down her face as she was almost dragged to her room and away from me. When would I see her again? Would she ever forgive me for signing her over to these people? Would I ever forgive myself?

**Bella POV**

Everything was white here. I hated white. It was cold, unfriendly and sterile and I hated it. The walls were white, the floors were white, the sheets were white, and of course the inmates were white mostly too. That's what we were here, inmates. Only people in prison probably had more rights than we did.

Do they watch every little move you make in prison? I felt like a four year old again having to ask permission for everything, even to use the bathroom, and then, if you please, they send somebody in with you to make sure you're not throwing up. "Throwing what up?" I wanted to ask them. So far, despite their fascist regime, they haven't succeeded in making me eat anything at all.

I'd been here for two weeks so far and that afternoon they were brought out the big guns. Doctor Moore wanted to see me. _Great. A shrink._ That will help. How do you tell the nice doctor who already thinks you're not right in the head that if you eat, everything spirals out of control? That the psychotic red haired vampire who is pissed at you because your vampire boyfriend and his vampire family killed her mate is now coming after you and your father, and the only way to stop her is to maintain control? Tell them that and I was going to earn myself a one way ticket to padded cellsville, and very possibly straight-jacket town.

So I was sat there now in my bedroom, or cell as I preferred to call it, waiting for the prison guard/nurse to come get me and take me to see him. Did these people really think that this guy could succeed where Carlisle had failed? That I was going to listen more to a complete stranger than I would to the family that I loved and wanted to become a part of? And I was supposed to be the crazy one!

My footsteps sounded unusually loud as I walked to his office, every one was like a gunshot in the long white corridor. I realized of course that my footsteps were no louder than usual, but just that there was nobody else around, no noise anywhere. It was eerily quiet, like I was walking to my own execution or something. The nurse just shot me a triumphant look before opening the door and motioning for me to walk inside. I did so and shuddered slightly as the door clicked shut behind me. This was the first time I had been alone in a room with a male who wasn't a Cullen since leaving Jack's house. I forced that thought to the back of my mind; this man wasn't a threat to me. Carlisle would never send me somewhere I could get hurt, and I was confident of that.

Doctor Moore's office was pretty typical. Dark curtains at the window, imposing mahogany desk, walls lined with bookcases, and filled with pretentious looking books. Honestly, Carlisle had to be the only original doctor out there. There was a long couch facing away from the window, opposite a single armchair in which sat a man I assumed to be Doctor Moore. He was tall and thin and allowed his half moon glasses to sit part way down his nose, so he was inspecting me from over them. I felt like I was being scrutinized by some freaky beardless version of Dumbledore. His eyes were certainly piercing enough.

He motioned to me to sit on the couch across from him.

"I don't have to lie down do I?" I tried to joke with him, but he merely frowned at me and wrote something on his notes.

"Come on then let the healing commence," I joked. Again, he frowned and wrote. What was he writing? I'd barely walked in through the door and he was psychoanalyzing me already. This was bad. Maybe it would be best to say as little as possible?

"Isabella, my name is Doctor Moore, can you tell me why you're here?"

"Bella." I whispered under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

"I'm sorry?" Apparently not.

"My name, it's Bella, just Bella."

"Ah I see."

He started writing on his notes again. What could he possibly write about that? I was just correcting him on what to call me; did that make me a raging psycho or something?

"And my question?" He probed gently.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, looking down at my entwined fingers, avoiding his piercing eyes.

"I asked you why you think you're here Bella." I took a deep breath, expelled it then looked up at him.

"I'm here because the men in my life can't help but force me to do things I don't want to do. I guess they took one look at this place and saw an opportunity that was too good to miss." Sarcasm had always worked for me before.

"You know, Bella, some people say that when we use sarcasm it's because we're hiding something inside that we don't want people to see."

"Is that in one of those books up there?" I was avoiding the issue and I knew it, but I absolutely did not want to talk to this guy. He didn't reply, but just glared at me as though he was expecting more of a response. I rather enjoyed disappointing him.

I shivered lightly; it was cold in there. Doctor Moore had one of those fans with the bits of ribbon on. I never really understood what they were for. Were they meant to look good? Were they meant to tell you when the fan was on by streaming out in front of it? "Like you couldn't tell from the freaking sub zero temperature of the room," I thought darkly.

He got up silently, never taking his eyes off me, and walked over to turn off the fan. Then he sat again. This was going to be a long session if neither of us were going to say anything else.

The silence hung heavily in the room, like a third person, making me feel decidedly uncomfortable. Doctor Moore, however, seemed perfectly at ease with the quiet. He alternated between staring at me appraisingly and gazing out of the window at the gardens that surrounded this place.

I turned towards the window too, looking longingly at the gardens, and the forest beyond the gates. The forest made me think of him. Made me think of that night when he left me alone in the forest… of how he had told me that he never meant it, and how he still claimed to love me. I forced my mind to stop, I didn't want to think about him here, and that way madness lay. I forced my eyes away from the window and back to the room to meet his interested face.

"You don't like the gardens here?"

At last, somebody was speaking. I grimaced at his question.

"They have gates around them. Big high gates. Locked gates. So no, I'm not a big fan."

He nodded slowly, and then wrote something else on his notes. I would have paid good money to see what he was writing. I thought about asking to see, but he would probably have just written something else on there and told me no.

"So, Bella, you don't think you need to be here?"

Well duh.

"Do you?" I eyed him speculatively as I asked.

"We're not here to talk about what I think or what I want Bella, this is about you. How you feel… what you want… what it is that's making you hurt yourself in this way. Now, nobody is going to force you to tell me any of these things. Nobody will force you to speak at all if you don't want to, but if you plan on getting out of this place, past those high gates you hate so much, you're going to have to start making some sort of attempt at getting better. And in order to do that you will have to accept that you are sick in the first place."

"I'm not sick." I countered through gritted teeth. "Just sick of being treated like a child. Now let me go, please." I was aware that my voice was pleading, but just then I didn't care. I just wanted to get out of this office, away from this man who saw way too much of myself that I wanted to hide.

"The door isn't locked Bella. You're free to leave whenever you like, but I'd very much like you to stay."

I held his gaze for a long moment, unsure whether to stand my ground and leave, or to stay. His voice had sounded so genuine, kind, and he was the first person in such a long time who wasn't forcing me into anything. He hadn't forced me to speak to him, and he wasn't even forcing me to stay here with him. I nodded slightly and leaned back into the seat waiting for his next question. When it came it made my heart leap in my mouth and my breath to catch in my throat.

"Why don't you tell me about Edward?" How the hell did he know about Edward?

"Wh-what?" I stammered. His eyebrows arched at my response. He leaned forward in his chair, evidently he thought he'd hit on something. He may have had a point but I was damned if I was going to let him know that.

"Edward, your boyfriend, right? He brought you in, with your father."

Did this guy have eyes and ears everywhere or what? How did he know that?

"Right, yeah, I guess."

My heart was hammering so hard in my chest that I was convinced he could hear it or maybe I'd been around vampires for too long, thinking everybody could hear it. No, don't go there. Thinking about vampires is strictly forbidden. I wouldn't allow myself to fall apart over them again. I had no idea where Edward and I stood right now, but I did know that every time I thought of him, or his family, my chest ached like it had the first time when he left.

Part of me hated him for what he had done, landing me in here. But I couldn't kid myself into thinking that I didn't love him still. Being away from him for just the short time I had, had me craving him like I was a heroine addict or something. I wouldn't allow myself to see him. I wasn't ready to forgive him yet, and I knew that if I saw him, if I looked into those perfect butterscotch eyes, that I would fall again. I couldn't afford to do that right now. I had to focus on keeping Charlie safe, and to do that I had to keep fighting against the situation I was in right now.

I didn't even realize that I had zoned out until I heard Doctor Moore's voice calling my name gently.

I just sat there, feeling stupid, Doctor Moore's eyes questioning me. I nodded silently to indicate that I heard him. He seemed to be waiting for me to speak, but all I wanted to do was to get out of this room and away from this man who seemed to know way too much about me already. I perched warily on the edge of the sofa, ready to bolt.

After a long silence he cleared his throat nosily, and then spoke.

"Would you like to tell me what just happened?" His eyes were kind, but they gave the impression that he knew already.

"No, I…I'm sorry, I-" My sentence incomplete I charged for the door, throwing it open and barreling out of the door and straight into somebody.

"Whoa, steady there little darlin'"

Strong hands pulled me upright as I threatened to fall to ground from the impact. The strong southern drawl reminded me sharply of Jasper, but I forced that thought away and looked up into the face of a very amused stranger.

He was tall and painfully thin with a mess of dark hair which stuck out all over the place. He had piercing blue eyes which reminded me of swimming pools on summer's days. His skin was alabaster pale, almost translucent and looked like it was stretched too tight over his prominent cheekbones. He was staring at me now with a look of interest mixed with amusement on his face.

"You reckon you can hold yourself up if I let go?" He chuckled brightly as I nodded, feeling the inevitable blush rising to my cheeks. I felt his hands pull away from my elbows where they had been steadying me.

"Th-thank you." I stammered, chewing nervously on my bottom lip. He was the first person I'd said anything to in this place besides Doctor Moore. I turned around, unsure whether I ought to say more or walk away.

"You don't say much do you?" He was laughing again. I turned back to him, noticing what looked like a guitar case hanging on his back.

"Um…" I twisted my fingers together nervously. This just made him laugh even more.

"I'm Alfie." He held out his hand for me to shake. I took it shyly, feeling all the bones in his thin hand as he shook it enthusiastically. "This is where you tell me your name." He whispered at me the amused expression never leaving his face.

"Bella, I'm Bella." I realized my voice was unnaturally quiet, but I couldn't quite bring myself to speak louder and I had no idea why not.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella. You ok? You kinda ran from that room like it was on fire there." I nodded quickly -- too quickly apparently as disbelief ran across his face immediately. "Tough session, huh?"

I sidestepped his question with one of my own, hoping to avoid anymore of his.

"Is that a guitar?" He held my eyes for a moment, his expression suddenly serious. Evidently he hadn't missed my evasion. Eventually he nodded and smiled.

"So, wait. I don't even get to wear my own clothes and you're allowed a guitar in here?"

I gestured to the generic hospital type scrubs I had been forced to wear since arriving. Alfie was dressed in a pair of black jeans and a red Bruce Springsteen t-shirt. Unfair. He beamed at me provocatively.

"I'm on good behavior." I raised my eyebrow at him questioningly. "The regime. I do as they say, and I get to wear my own stuff, and play the guitar. I can only assume from your stunning attire that you ain't been playing ball so far?" I ignored his question again.

"Are you good?"

"Not really, but it makes me happy to play. It's sort of calming I guess."

I wondered whether that's how Edward felt when he was playing the piano.

"Can I hear you play?"

"Um, sure, as long as you're nice. I don't take criticism well." He gestured to his heart, a broad grin on his face. "I'm sensitive."

I giggled slightly. It felt strange on my lips; it had been long time since I had laughed -- probably not since the last time I saw Emmett. I ran my index finger in an X over my heart.

"I'll be nice. I promise."

We sat in the gardens under a huge fir tree and he played and sung to me. It was the most relaxed I had felt in forever and it felt good. He was actually pretty good, despite what he said, and I had a feeling that the songs he was singing were his own. I watched, mesmerized as his long thin fingers expertly navigated the strings, and wished, not for the first time, that I had some sort of musical talent.

He finished a song I really liked. It was kind of sad with a haunting melody and he looked up at the gates behind me.

"Your boyfriend is here again."

"Wh-what?"

"That boyfriend of yours. He is your boyfriend right? He comes everyday, and everyday they turn him away. You don't want to see him?"

My God! Did everybody here know everything about me? This was getting creepy. I forced myself to keep my eyes front and centre and not turn round and see him there.

"It's complicated." I went back to twisting my fingers together and chewing on my bottom lip nervously, hoping that that would be enough for him. Of course not.

"Hey, we've got nothing but time here baby."

I sighed heavily, knowing that he would keep probing, but somehow I didn't mind. He was really easy to be around.

"I just can't see him right now." I knew it was a feeble answer, but I couldn't exactly tell him the truth could I?

"Do you love him?" His eyes were intense, like he was genuinely interested in me.

"More than anything." I whispered, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them.

"He loves you too." I frowned at him, how did he know that? "Bella it's pretty obvious. He stands there at those gates everyday no matter how many times he gets turned away and he keeps coming right on back. So why won't you see him? It's gotta be pretty hard to resist that kind of devotion."

"He made me come here, him and his father." This was through gritted teeth as I remembered why I was mad at him.

A look of realization swept across Alfie's face.

"Listen Bella, I know you probably aren't ready to hear this yet, but I've been in this place a while now and it took me way longer than I care to admit to realize that the guys here aren't the enemy." I snorted loudly, my face incredulous. "Seriously, when I came in here I didn't even know I was sick. I was mad too… at the people who made me come here, but they're only trying to help, really they are, and you're going into your third week tomorrow."

"So?"

"So, in the third week they stop taking people's crap and start worrying about physical damage. You ever been in hospital little darlin'?" I nodded slowly, growing anxious about what he was going to tell me.

"All those tubes they have at the hospital, they have them here too, and unless you eat and drink exactly what they tell you to they will use them. See, legend has it that people die from this disease, and they don't seem to want that."

The sarcasm in his voice was not reflected in his face, which appeared to be a mix of fear and concern. I grasped around for a subject change and went for the only thing I could think of.

"Hey, will you teach me to play? As you say, we have nothing but time in here and it'd be nice to be able to do something useful."

He eyed me speculatively, a small frown creasing his forehead.

"You don't like to talk about yourself very much do you?" He asked perceptively. I shuffled uncomfortably under his gaze. It seemed that everybody could see right through me these days. When did I get so bad at covering things up?

"Neither do you." I countered. "All I know is your name so far."

"Ask me anything." He grinned widely as he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Did you write those songs you were singing?"

"Some of them."

"The last one?"

"Yeah." His eyes flickered for a moment, and then steadied.

"It was beautiful." I didn't ask about the song. He was already looking uncomfortable, and I didn't want to upset the first friend I'd found in this place. "So will you teach me?"

"Sure I'll try and teach you a bit. Be warned though, I'm no expert myself so don't expect me to be a good teacher."

I thought about what he had said about the tubes and how they would start using them tomorrow if I didn't start doing what they demanded. I was terrified for Charlie. I had to know that he was still being protected, and there was only one way that I could find out. I _really _didn't want to do it.

* * *

**_Thank you to everybody who reivews, I love to read what you think and love replying to you all. _**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my fabulous beta 4StringQueen for trying so hard to teach me to use commas properly. One day sweets, one day!_**

**_Love and thank yous to Weezy for hand holding, pre reading and just general awesomeness! Love you more! :P_**

**_Thank you so much for the reviews and PMs after the last chapter. I loved each one and some of them were so insightful they almost made me cry! You are all the BEST! _**

* * *

**Empty **

**Chapter 18**

"Hey, you know

They're all the same

You know you're doing

Better on your own

So don't buy in

Live right now

Yeah, just be yourself

It doesn't matter

If it's good enough

For someone else

It just takes some time

Little girl you're in

The middle of the ride

Everything will be just fine

Everything will be all right."

_The Middle - Jimmy Eat World_

**Edward POV**

"Is my father safe?" She stood there, her eyes on the ground, refusing to look at me.

"Bella-" I started.

"Is he _safe?_" Her voice was forceful.

"Yes." I whispered, my heart crumpling in my chest at the coolness in her voice. "Esme and Carlisle are protecting him. He's fine. He wants to see you." She didn't say anything, just turned and started to walk away from me.

"Bella, _please_." She stopped dead, but didn't turn around. "What you won't even look at me now?"

She turned but kept her head down, shaking her head sadly. She still looked so sick. Was this place actually helping her at all?

"How…how are you?"

She didn't reply; she just sighed. I wished that I could pull apart the bars of the gate that separated me from her and pull her into my arms and tell her that everything would be ok. But I had a feeling that doing it would just make her hate me more, besides drawing unwanted attention to myself by bending solid iron with my bare hands. She walked away from me again, her eyes never leaving the ground.

"I miss you Bella, we all miss you." I said it under my breath, but in the still silence she must have heard as a small sob escaped her lips and she started to run into the building.

I wanted to scream at her to come back to me, to forgive me, to let me make it all ok again. But instead I stood, frozen to the spot, my hands gripping the gates so tightly that they started to bend, and watched her go. I released the bars from my grip before I snapped them completely, and sank to the ground my back resting against the gate. I buried my face in my knees, gripping my hair tightly between my fingers. Why couldn't I fix this?

"Hey there." A male voice behind me pulled me from my thoughts. I stood up, taking care to move at a passable human speed and turned to see the boy I had seen talking to Bella before she came to me.

I had seen him there under that same tree with his guitar every day since Bella arrived. I had heard him speaking with her and I was grateful to him for comforting her while she wouldn't let me.

"I'm Alfie. You're Bella's boyfriend."

It wasn't a question, having heard his earlier conversation with Bella I knew why, but I wasn't supposed to have heard so I looked mildly surprised at his knowledge.

"Edward, my name is Edward, and yes, I'm Bella's boyfriend, or at least I think I am." I wasn't really sure where I stood right now, and it was driving me crazy.

"Look, I know this is none of my business, but I could see how upset you were just now. I just want you to know that she loves you; she just needs some time."

I nodded sadly. He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes, seeming unsure of what to say or do next.

"Alfie, please, would you do me a favor? Take care of her for me in here. I can see that she's hurting and I want to help, but she won't let me. She means everything to me, to a lot of people actually. She seems to like and trust you; she'd be a good friend for you too. She's the nicest person in the world. She'll take care of you too."

"I'll do my best man, I promise. " His thoughts confirmed the sincerity in his voice and I instantly felt better knowing there was somebody on the inside looking out for her.

**Bella POV**

"What's it to be?" The nurse stood in front of me with a plate of food in one hand and a sterile pack in the other containing the kit to insert a feeding tube.

_Charlie is safe, Charlie is safe, Charlie is safe _I recited to myself over and over in my head as I pointed to the food with a shaking finger.

Images of a big group of vampires taking out Carlisle and Esme before Victoria got to Charlie flashed through my mind. I gasped, my hand flying instinctively to my mouth, startling the nurse. She frowned at me with concern. I tried to force the images from my mind; I was going to have to do this one way or another. I knew my life well enough by now to know that there would be no choice involved.

My stomach growled hungrily in anticipation, a sound that apparently the nurse didn't miss, as she smiled smugly at me. She put the plate down in front of me, but kept the kit in my sight as though she was taunting me with its presence, a sinister threat.

I felt someone slide into the seat next to me and turned to see Alfie smiling brightly at me. He was wearing a bright yellow t-shirt today with The Beatles on. I chuckled quietly.

"What?" He asked, his smile broadening.

"Do you own any t-shirts that don't have musicians on them?" I was smiling along with him now, but apparently I had said the wrong thing. His face fell and his eyes darkened as he whispered his response.

"Yeah, one."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's ok Bella. I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just that the t-shirt, it's…" He tailed off, his eyes falling to the table, a small sigh making his body appear to droop even more. Were those tears in his eyes? What the hell had I done? I reached out and laid my hand comfortingly on his arm which was rested on the table. He inhaled deeply and raised his eyes to meet mine. "It belonged to somebody special. She gave it to me, before… before she died." The tears were falling freely now. I felt awful for opening up what was obviously a painful topic for him.

"I'm so sorry Alfie." I said quietly, knowing that it would mean nothing, but needing to say something, anything to try to make it better. He sighed and then nodded towards my food.

"You should eat that. It'll do you good." He attempted a smile but it came out as more of a grimace through the pain etched on his face.

I hesitated briefly, and then seeing the determination on his face, I turned to the plate of food, inhaled deeply, and then went for it. Alfie held my hand the entire time, rubbing soothing circles across my palm and muttering encouraging things to me quietly.

I was part way through a carrot stick when I felt a familiar churning in my stomach and panicked. I scraped my chair back noisily from the table and started to run for the bathroom. I could feel the presence of the nurse and Alfie behind me as I started to bring everything back up again. Alfie pulled my hair back and rubbed my back gently as the nurse stood back and watched with her face impassive. How many times had she watched this exact scene?

I splashed cold water across my face and sank down to the floor against the bathroom wall, my body slumping forwards onto my knees.

"Hey, it's ok little darlin', happened to me my first meal too. It just takes a little while for your body to get used to it again."

Alfie's words were comforting. Did that mean that they wouldn't instantly force that horrid tube back down again?

"Isabella?" The nurse stepped forward now, a small plastic bottle in her hand. "I need you to drink this instead honey."

"Wh-what is it?"

"It's like a milkshake; it has all the goodness of a meal in it, but it'll be easier for you to digest for now."

I took the bottle with shaking hands and sniffed the contents warily. It smelt like strawberries. I sipped it slowly until it was all gone and both Alfie and the nurse smiled warmly at me.

"Can I go now?" I asked, desperate to get away from the sharp eyes of the nurse.

"Sorry honey. You're on watch now."

"What does that mean?"

"After you've eaten, we have to watch you for three hours to ensure you don't make yourself sick."

"Euww, gross. Why would I do that?" She chuckled lightly to herself.

"It's far more common than you'd think."

"So what can I do?"

"Anything you like within the common areas."

"Hey, three hours right?" Alfie's face had lit up. "What are your opinions on _Lord of the Rings_?"

"Erm, I don't really have any. I tried reading it once, but I got bored and gave up. My mum liked the films but I never saw them."

"Then let's watch the first one. Please, please, please!" When he begged like that he reminded me of Alice, and I was no more able to say no to him than I was to her. I shrugged and indicated for him to lead the way.

"Oh my God, you are going to love it. This film has the _best _soundtrack!" His enthusiasm was infectious and I found myself quite enjoying my time under surveillance.

I found out that the nurse was named after one of the characters after her parents went through a _Lord of the Rings _fixation, and she was really quite nice. She watched the film with us and joined in with Alfie's never ending commentary. The film was the perfect length. It is longest film I've ever sat through, but it took up the time beautifully and he promised that tomorrow we could watch the second one. I couldn't believe it but I was actually enjoying myself. Here. Of all places. I was more relaxed than I had been in years. I stifled a yawn, not wanting this night to end, not wanting to go back to my bed alone where the nightmares could take me again.

"You tired B?" Alfie asked.

"When did you start calling me B?" I replied a little amused.

"I like it; it suits you. You should go to bed if you're tired. The next film has a long battle in it. You're gonna want to be alert to watch it. It's awesome."

I giggled a little but shook my head vehemently. He slid off the sofa next to me and put on a CD. I instantly recognized the music from the film.

"Wow Alfie, you really are obsessed with these films aren't you?"

"It's good music. Listen to it. It'll help you to relax."

"I am relaxed." I countered.

"Well listen to it anyway just because it's good." He beamed at me so I curled up under the blanket that was keeping me warm and let the music flow over me. It was truly beautiful, and I felt my eyes growing heavier as the music lulled me to sleep.

"Morning sleepy head." My eyes still fuzzy from sleep, I looked up into the amused face of Alfie.

Where the hell was I? This wasn't my bedroom. It took me a few moments to realize I was still on the sofa where I had fallen asleep listening to the film soundtrack the night before. I groaned sleepily and forced myself to sit upright.

Alfie was still looking at me as though I was the funniest thing in the world and I realized that he had probably slept in here too judging from the fact he was still wearing the Beatles t-shirt from the day before.

"Oh God." I groaned.

"You talk in your sleep." He teased. "It's pretty funny."

"What did I say?" Please nothing about vampires, please.

"Well I'm pretty sure you were being attacked by orcs at one point, but don't worry. Aragon saved you." Then he frowned. Oh no. "And you talked about him a lot, you know, Edward, and somebody called Jack." I gasped, I couldn't remember dreaming about Jack last night, but evidently I had. "Hey, sorry B, you ok?"

I had frozen, without realizing it at the mention of Jack. I had hoped to never have to think about him again, but I always knew I was kidding myself.

"Um, yeah, sorry, daydreaming I guess." He eyed me for a moment too long before heading off for a shower. I decided to do the same.

"Swan, your doctor's here to see you." The nurse poked her head into the kitchen just as I polished off a round of toast. Arwen, the nurse from last night, beamed at me when I managed to keep it down.

"I don't think so." I answered. "I'm not registered with a doctor round here."

"Well apparently you are now. Your dad rung ahead to tell us he was coming."

I was confused for a moment before it dawned on me what may be happening here.

"Did he give a name?"

"No, just said he was your doctor and he'd like to see you to assess how you're doing. It's standard procedure."

"I don't want to see him, sorry." She grimaced at me and realization hit me.

"It's not optional is it?" She shook her head, her expression sympathetic.

**Carlisle POV**

She stormed into the room her face like thunder, and threw her hands up in mock surprise when she saw me standing there. I should have known that she would work it out; she wasn't stupid after all.

She stood there with her hand on her hip, tapping her foot impatiently, and clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth angrily. I would have been hurt, but I was glad that she was angry. Not because I wanted her to be upset, but I was simply glad that she was feeling something, anything again.

I looked her over as she stood there. She was even thinner than when she came in. That couldn't be right, surely. But there did seem to be some color in her cheeks which had been missing before.

"How are you Bella?" She exhaled sharply in exasperation.

"Peachy."

"Look Bella. I'm sorry I stooped to this, but Charlie is going insane not knowing how you are." I worked hard to keep the disapproval out of my voice as I said that.

If I was honest, I was angry with her for shutting her father out like this, but I could understand it too. She was obviously feeling exceptionally vulnerable right now and wanted to keep those who were closest to her away so that she didn't have to face her problems head on, the way we all knew that she needed to.

"I'm not a child Carlisle. When I made the decision not to see anybody, it was because I didn't want to see them. Not because I wanted to hurt them and not because I was too screwed up to know what I wanted. I'm a grown woman and I know what I can and can't handle. I love my dad. You know I do, but do you really think that I can handle seeing the disappointment in his eyes right now? I already know that I've hurt him. I don't need to see it."

"He thinks you hate him Bella. He's blaming himself for this."

"Well then he better take a number, because as far as I can see everybody in my life seems pretty eager to take the blame for this…this thing." She stuttered off, wrapping her arms protectively around her torso.

I moved forward to embrace her, but she flinched and stepped back from me. She looked as though she was fighting hard to regain her composure and she looked back up at me with her features hard now.

"Can I go now please?" Her voice was back to the flat monotone I remembered from the hospital.

"You're not a prisoner Bella. I just wanted to see you."

She raised her eyebrows at me, her expression incredulous. I shot her a questioning look.

"Not a prisoner? Then what are the gates for? Don't kid yourself Carlisle; you had me locked up here. I'm not stupid. I know that Charlie could never afford somewhere like this let alone think of it." Her voice was controlled, but it was clear that she was angry.

"I didn't know what else to do Bella. We thought we were going to lose you. Are you desperately unhappy here?"

"Would it make any difference if I was?" My heart broke at her cold reply. Like she thought I would leave her here and force her to stay if it made her _that _unhappy.

"Of course." I wanted her to get well again, more than anything, but I couldn't bear to think that she was miserable again because of another of my decisions. She scoffed sarcastically, doubting my words. "Bella, if you're that unhappy here, tell me and I'll take you home with me right now. I'm sure there are other ways of doing this." She looked skeptical, thoughtful, and subsequently finally amused before she spoke.

"I'm going to learn the guitar. I can't leave yet. Plus I've only watched the first film. Alfie will kill me if I leave before we watch all three."

Edward had mentioned this Alfie to me. Said he had seen them together and that he had promised Edward to try to look after her in here. It appeared that he was keeping his promise as Bella's eyes lit up when she spoke of him.

"What films are you watching?"

"Oh Alfie is obsessed with _Lord of the Rings_. Apparently it was some heinous crime I had committed having never seen any of them. We watched the first one last night and we're going to watch the second tonight after dinner."

She was more animated than I had seen her since we found her again, and I couldn't help but notice that she had mentioned dinner without faltering or seeming afraid in any way.

"Did you enjoy the first one? I remember when the books first came out. They caused quite a stir." She looked slightly startled by that before she checked herself and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah it was really good. Alfie says that he's gonna teach me to play some of the music from the film on the guitar. Although I imagine it will take a while for me to get to that kind of standard."

I couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. It was so good to see her smile again. For the first time I felt that maybe we had done the right thing in bringing her here, even if it was just for the positive effect this Alfie seemed to be having on her. I did however find myself hoping that there was no romantic attachment there. I had yet to ascertain how she currently felt about Edward beside the fact that she wouldn't see him. I was still trying to think of a way to introduce the subject when she saved me the job.

"H-how is Edward Carlisle?"

"Honestly?"

"Mmmhmm." She eyed me cautiously. I debated with myself about how truthful I should be. I decided on honesty if that was what she wanted.

"He's a mess Bella. He misses you and blames himself." She flinched at my words and looked like she was fighting tears again.

"I miss him too." She breathed softly. I was hopeful.

"Then why-"

"I just can't Carlisle. Not yet. I love him so much that sometimes I can't breathe with the depth of it, but I'm just not ready yet. Please you have to understand that I have to be able to do this on my own. I have to know that I'm not relying on him to make this go away because if I do, I have no guarantees that it won't come back someday if he decides to leave me again."

I was blown away by the sentiment behind her words. After all she had been through and all she had been forced to endure all alone, she wanted to fight for her own independence, to be free of the disease plaguing her through her own merit and not by relying on somebody else to fix it for her.

"I understand." I replied simply, and I did. I knew, almost for certain, that Edward would never leave Bella again. He was an exceptionally strong person; his self control was beyond any I had ever seen, but I did not believe that he had the strength within him to walk away from her again. It had come close to completely destroying him once; I couldn't see any situation in which he could bring himself to put either himself or Bella through that again.

However, I could understand why she would feel the way she did. She felt she couldn't rely on his proximity to pull her through. She needed to re-discover her own identity and embrace it before she could fight against her anorexia with any real chance of success.

I cleared my throat gently before continuing the conversation.

"So, how is your treatment going Bella?"

"Erm…" She looked almost ashamed as she shuffled her feet while fixing her eyes firmly on the wall behind me.

"Bella?" I urged.

"Well, I kind of ran out of therapy with Doctor Moore."

"He's a good man Bella, a good doctor. If you ran out of there the chances are that he knows why you did it and is already working out how he can help you."

Her expression shifted to relief. I wanted to know what had provoked her to run from therapy, but that was between her and her doctor and it would have been unfair of me to ask.

"Well I should go now Bella. I'm sorry I forced my company on you. I hope you can forgive me. I just wanted to make sure you were doing ok." She flashed me a small, half smile and started toward the door.

As we walked out into the corridor her face lit up at the sight of a young man with dark hair, walking down the corridor with his back to us.

"Alfie!" She shouted to him. He turned to face us, and as our eyes met we both jolted with recognition.

Bella evidently didn't notice the moment that passed between us as she ran to him and dragged him by the arm back to where I was standing.

"Alfie this is Carlisle, Edward's father." She was beaming from ear to ear with her eyes flashing between us. Her smile dropped as she saw the discomfort Alfie was feeling in that moment.

He regained his composure after a long moment of silence and held out his hand to me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir." He said, not making eye contact with me as he pretended that this was our first meeting.

I played along while knowing full well that Bella wasn't stupid, and would have noticed the awkwardness Alfie felt when he first saw me. I couldn't blame him for his discomfort. The last time he saw me he was in a very different state.


	19. Chapter 19

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta 4StringQueen for all your help and patience when I sent you the wrong copy of the chapter. _**

**_Big love to Weezy for all the help you give me with my writing and just generally being awesome! _**

**_Thank you for all the reviews to the last chapter. This chapter will give you a little more information about Alfie. It's quite a short one, but the next one is enormous to make up for it! :)_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 19**

"I'll catch your smile on someone's face

Your whisper in the wind's embrace

Through diamond stars and songs and dreams

I find your love in everything

The sun, the sky, the rolling sea

All conspire to comfort me

From sorrow's edge life's beauty seems

To find your love in everything

_I Find Your Love - Beth Nielson Chapman_

**Alfie's POV**

"Alfie!" She shouted to me as I walked briskly away from her. The doctor, her boyfriend's father, had gone and now she would want answers. Answers I was unwilling to give her right now.

Why did he have to be here today? He knew everything and now he would probably stop me from hanging out with the only friend I'd managed to make in this place. He wouldn't want somebody as sweet and kind as Bella to have anything to do with somebody as poisonous as me. Somebody who had done what I had.

"Alfie please." She had caught up to me and placed her hand gently on my arm in an attempt to get me to slow down and talk to her.

"Alfie, do we ever force each other to talk about things? Have I ever tried to make you open up about yourself?"

I shook my head, keeping my eyes on the floor. I couldn't look up and see the questions that were bound to be in her eyes.

"Then what makes you think I'm going to start now? You can tell me anything; you know that. But just because you _can _doesn't mean you _have_ to. I'd never put that kind of pressure on you. Lord knows I know how _that _feels."

I finally met her eyes, bracing myself for what I would see, but none of it was there. All I could read in her expression was kindness and understanding.

I had been a fool to think that Bella would try to prise information out of me. She was so private herself, like a closed book most of the time, always shying away from deep conversations. The only times we had ever come close to talking about what troubled her she had simply frozen up and changed the subject. So I didn't press the issue. I hoped that she knew she could talk to me any time she wanted to, just the way she had offered to me But something about the look in her eyes and the way she had thrashed around in her sleep the previous night told me that she had even more demons haunting her than I did.

That name, the name she had cried out during what had appeared to be a nightmare had sent shivers down my spine. I wanted to ask her about it. I wanted her to get out whatever it was that was tormenting her. But at the same time, I was scared to know. Bella was so sweet; she had been nothing but kind to me from the moment we first spoke, but there was a hint of something in the way that she carried herself that told the world how unhappy she was. Shoulders hunched, and head down as though she was afraid to look up and face the world head on. I knew that posture. I knew it well because it was the one I had held for so long that it started to feel normal to me.

She was clearly carrying around something huge, something which ate away at her everyday, and I knew better than most that until you let that stuff out to somebody, anybody, you can never really let it go. But it was evident to me that she wasn't ready. I just hoped that when she _was_ ready, letting it all out wouldn't break her. That there would be somebody around to hold her together. Because when you finally break, when you finally fizz over with all the feelings you've been holding inside, and it all comes spilling out and there is nobody there who cares, nobody who is willing to be the strength you don't have in that moment, you can quite literally fracture into tiny pieces, and it's so much harder to be put back together.

She was watching me carefully now, an expression of expectation on her face. I realised she was waiting for me to say something. In her experience it certainly wasn't like me to be silent. Not being particularly loquacious in nature, she usually relied on me to keep the conversation flowing. Normally I was happy to oblige, once I started conversations she joined in quite happily, but it had often struck me that she rarely actually initiated conversation.

An idea struck me, a way for us to hang out together without things getting awkward and difficult because of what had passed in the hallway.

"So, you fancy a guitar lesson then?" Her face lit up in the widest smile I had ever seen from her as she nodded enthusiastically, her chestnut curls bouncing off her shoulders.

She took my hand in hers and practically dragged me upstairs to my "cell" as she had taken to calling it, in order to retrieve my guitar. It was actually snowing outside and freezing cold, but the fir tree kept us sheltered and we wrapped up against the cold. We had never said it, but it seemed that we both liked to spend our time together outside away from the bright neon lights and white walls that gave away where we were. Facing in the right direction in the garden, under the big fir tree you couldn't see the fences; you could almost believe that you were just in a park somewhere hanging out with a friend.

"Play something for me first? Please?" She fluttered her eyelashes at me, a huge grin spread across her face.

"Well I can hardly say no to that can I?" I smirked at her before I started strumming some random chords. "What do you want me to play?"

"That one you played the other day. The one you said you wrote; it's beautiful."

I fought back a sigh as she asked me to play the one song that I didn't want to play right now. I kept my expression as relaxed as I could and took the guitar from her to play.

Images flashed through my mind as I sung the all too familiar song, and by the time I finished I could feel salty tears streaming down my face. I looked up as Bella moved forward and placed her hand on my arm comfortingly. Her eyes were wide with questions which she didn't ask because she was too kind to. I sighed heavily before I started to speak.

"Her name was Dana." I whispered while keeping my eyes averted from her gaze, and focusing instead on the frosted flakes drifting gently from the heavy white sky.

"She was your girlfriend?" Bella's assumption made me chuckle as I shook my head quickly. She looked confused at my reaction. Never mind, she would understand soon enough.

"No, she wasn't my girlfriend. She was just my best friend." Using the word just in that sentence was wrong. It cheapened the relationship I had with Dana. She wasn't just my best friend, she was my saviour. The one who hammered her way into my life like a wrecking ball, bulldozing her way through the stone walls I had spent years constructing and fortifying around myself.

I was the weird kid. The loner. The one who never fit in anywhere. My dad liked sports and wanted me to get onto just one school team, but that just wasn't me. I was my dad's biggest disappointment and he let me know it. He wanted a jock and instead he got a son who was shy and would rather sit down with a guitar or at a piano than run around a football pitch getting wet, cold and muddy.

When Dana arrived at my high school she was instantly popular with everybody. She was just one of those people that everybody drifts towards. She was bubbly, funny and always friendly to everybody and her British accent made the guys go wild for her. How she managed to maintain her popularity after she started hanging out with me, I have no idea.

"She saved me." Bella still looked completely confused and I realised that I hadn't really explained anything to her. "From myself I guess. She helped me to understand that just because my father doesn't approve of who I am it doesn't make me a bad person." I held onto my guitar with one hand, running the other over the damp grass beneath me, pulling up a few blades and rolling them into a bundle in my shaking hand.

"Your father? He doesn't approve of you? Why not? You're brilliant."

The incredulous look which covered her face forced my lips into a tight smile. At least somebody approved of me.

"He didn't exactly sign up for a son who would rather play music than sports and he didn't take it well when I told him I was gay."

I waited for the look. The one people always give me. The one that is meant to say, "Huh, you're gay, so what?" but usually actually says "I can't wait for this conversation to end."

It never came. In fact her expression didn't even waver, not even for a moment. She just looked at me with an expression that told me to carry on speaking. So I did.

"Dana always seemed so happy, so full of life; nobody noticed…" I broke off mid-sentence as the memories of that day filled my head. I was startled from my thoughts by arms encircling me in a fierce hug.

"I'm sorry Alfie. You don't have to do this if you don't want to. I didn't mean to pry, really." Bella's voice was soothing and kind and I knew that I could stop if I wanted to.

"She saved me and I couldn't save her…"

**Bella's POV**

Alfie's face filled with pain as he trailed off and stared into space, tears streaming silently down his face. The hand not clutching his guitar was tearing at the grass ferociously; the frustration connected with his memories all too evident.

I felt terrible for making him talk about this. Although I knew realistically that I hadn't forced him to talk, and I'd given him the option not to, I knew he was only telling me because he knew I wanted to know.

"Alfie stop. Please, don't tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable. I didn't mean to make you so sad. You don't have to tell me this stuff just to satisfy my curiosity."

His eyes met mine and he tried desperately hard to force a smile onto his face, but although his lips curled up in a semblance of a smile, his eyes remained pained and the tears never stopped falling. His eyes fell back down to the ground as he continued to hold the guitar, his fingers running lightly up and down the strings.

"Have you ever got so caught up in your own bullshit, your own pain, that you failed to realise that somebody else was hurting too?"

He was talking about himself. I knew that, but his words shot through me like an arrow nonetheless. Wasn't that just exactly what I was doing? Sitting in here, and turning away all the people who cared about me while knowing how badly I was hurting them, but hardly being able to care because of my own pain?

The sound of Edward's voice as he stood outside the gates here, begging me to look at him flashed through my mind. His pain had been so obvious, and yet I had allowed myself to be oblivious to it, to shield myself from the fact that I was the one who put it there.

"Yes." I replied simply to Alfie's question. I didn't want to push him for any more information; he was already distraught enough. So I was surprised when he carried on talking.

"Yeah, me too." His free hand, the one not holding the neck of his guitar, was shaking lightly as he plucked at blades of grass and shredded them nervously. "I was so focused on the fact that I thought my life was crap that I failed to notice that Dana's was in danger."

I grabbed his shaking hand in mine, rubbing it soothingly. He shot me a grateful half smile which never reached his eyes before continuing.

"One day she came into school and she didn't look quite right. She wasn't herself. Her eyes were kind of empty and sad and she was shaky, like she couldn't stand up properly." He exhaled sharply, rolling his eyes. "God, I even joked around asking her if she was drunk or something. Dammit. I joked about it and she was fucking dying, right there in front of my eyes and I didn't know."

His hand held mine in a death grip as he gritted his teeth through the words. I kept my expression soft, trying to tell him without words that it was ok, and that he could tell me anything. He just carried on staring at the ground, his whole body shaking, whether in anger or pain I wasn't sure.

"What happened to her Alfie?"

"He killed her; the bastard killed her. She never said anything. Never showed any sign that there was anything wrong at all. I was her best friend Bella; I should have noticed something was wrong."

"Who killed her Alfie?" His hand was now gripping mine so tightly that it hurt, and his body was shaking so violently it looked like he was having a seizure.

"Her uncle. She lived with him. Uncle fucking Jack!"

* * *

**_Recommendation: Yeah I'm recommending it again, so sue me. The Girl Under the Bed by Nostalgicmiss is unbelievably awesome and is now complete. My heart broke a little when it finished, Tuesdays will never be the same again!_**


	20. Chapter 20

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta 4StringQueen for ploughing your way through this ridiculously long chapter! _**

**_Huge hugs, Monster Munch and David Tennant's to Weezy. This chapter would quite literally never have been written if it weren't for you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!_**

**_Thank you to everybody who reviews the chapters. I love hearing what you think and the insight some of you have into the characters and the journey I have sent them on is extraordinary. _**

**_WARNING: There are some references to violence and sexual assault in this chapter. They are not explicit but if you would rather not read feel free to PM me and I will gladly send you a summary of what happens. _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 20**

"I'm here again.

A thousand miles away from you

A broken mess

Just scattered pieces of who I am

I tried so hard

Thought I could do this on my own

I've lost so much along the way.

Then I see your face

I know I'm finally home

I find everything

I thought I lost before

You call my name

I come to you in pieces

So you can make me whole"

Pieces - Red

**Bella's POV**

"J-Jack? Uncle Jack?" I stammered out, feeling the colour drain from my face as my hand shot out of his and covered my mouth. It couldn't be. Surely not. "Alfie, where did you grow up?"

He looked confused at my change of demeanor, but who could blame him? Only a moment ago I had been calmly and quietly soothing him, and now I was shaking and asking urgent questions.

"I was born in Texas, lived there until I was 12, and then we moved to New York when my father got a job as a professor at Cornell University. Why? Bella are you ok?"

My mind was reeling. Thoughts were flashing through my brain at a million miles per hour and I couldn't focus. Jack. Uncle Jack. In New York.

I turned my head to the gates, knowing who would be standing there as usual. There he stood; his eyes boring into mine as they met for the first time in weeks. His face was a mask of pain that betrayed that he had heard our conversation. His fists were balled tightly by his side, his lips pressed together in a hard line.

"Bella? Bella what's going on? Are you alright? What did I say?" Alfie's voice was pleading, trying to pull me out of the trance I had fallen into since he said those words. Three words that had made my blood run cold.

I couldn't answer him, I was held firmly in place by Edward's gaze. Tears were edging their way down my cheeks, but I made no attempt to swipe them away. I was frozen in that spot, falling into those deep pools of amber, treading water and hoping that the owner of them could pull me out.

I was vaguely aware of Alfie's hand on my arm, but there was nothing inside me that could respond to him. All I could see were two pairs of eyes, the amber and the hazel. Polar opposites of each other in every way, they were filling my mind so completely that I could do nothing but stand and stare.

I knew that the amber eyes were fighting the urge to leap over the 12 foot high gates right now. In my mind I was almost begging him to. How could I have pushed him away from me? Was it some sick part of me inside that wanted to punish him for hurting me so badly? I'd been telling myself all this time that I was pushing him away because I needed to beat this thing alone. But the truth was that somewhere inside was a part of me that reveled in his pain; that enjoyed the fact that I hurt him the way he hurt me.

Not now though. Now as I stared into his eyes and saw all the love there, all I wanted was to run into his open arms and breathe in his scent and kiss his marble lips until the end of time.

I found my legs and stumbled forwards clumsily, tripping on the air a couple of times while refusing to remove my eyes from his. As I reached the gate my hands shot out and reached for the hands that were held out through the bars. I felt my heart leap in my chest as our fingers intertwined together. A perfect fit, the same as always.

"Bella." He breathed, the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice saying more to me than words ever could.

"I'm so sorry Edward." The tears were still flowing freely down my face, and I felt one of his hands untangle from mine and reach out to caress my cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the salty droplets.

A quiet cough behind me startled me but Edward didn't even flinch; of course he would have known there was someone there before I did.

"Isabella, is everything ok?" I turned to see Doctor Moore standing just a few feet away from me with Alfie's anxious face behind him. Guilt ripped through me as I realised that I hadn't noticed him leaving to get the doctor.

Poor Alfie had been pouring his heart out to me, telling me about the death of his best friend, and I had just checked out on him completely.

Doctor Moore took in my tearstained face and posture, clinging on to Edward's hands for dear life.

"Would you like to talk my dear?" I looked first at Alfie, then at Edward, and then finally at Doctor Moore before nodding my head somewhat reluctantly. As far as I was aware, nobody at Riverside House knew about what Jack had done to me, and I wasn't sure I wanted them to. Everybody looked at you differently once they know. The Cullens were proof of that.

"Edward, maybe you'd like to wait inside?" Doctor Moore looked at me questioningly as he spoke to ascertain that I would allow him in. He was obviously aware of my strictly enforced visitor embargo and didn't want to push me in a direction I didn't want to go. But now that my hands were in Edward's, I couldn't bring myself to let go. It was as though our hands had fused together through those iron bars and nothing in the world could pull them apart.

"I want Edward to come too." I whispered, my eyes pleading with Doctor Moore to understand that I couldn't let go of him right now. It felt like losing my grip on those hands would send me falling down into the nothingness I had felt for so long. I still saw those hateful hazel eyes every night in my dreams, and now they were fighting their way into my daytime conscious too. But the cool marble hands and warm amber eyes were holding them back, stopping them from tearing me apart.

Doctor Moore looked at me for a long moment, trapping my eyes in his gaze as he appraised my expression. I knew my face would read nothing but truth as I wanted nothing more than to be with Edward right now.

"OK my dear, come on inside. You're shaking; you must be cold."

I didn't tell him that I wasn't shaking because of the cold. I didn't tell him that I was shaking because it was entirely possible that the man, who had systematically destroyed me in the last year, may well have been responsible for the death of a teenage girl.

**Edward's POV**

The doctor stepped forward with a set of keys in his hand. His eyes met mine briefly and he nodded curtly at me before opening the gate to let me inside. I made a move as if to walk through the gates, but found myself unable to pull back as Bella was holding my hands in her death grip. I chuckled slightly before rubbing my thumbs gently over her tiny ones.

"Bella, baby you need to let go or I can't come inside."

Her eyes showed no evidence that she even heard what I said, but her hands relaxed their grip slightly so I could pull away without having to force her. I may have imagined it, but I thought I heard a slight whimper as our hands disconnected. I couldn't be sure whether it came from her lips or mine. The loss of contact, however brief, was almost physically painful to me.

After she had been pushing me away for so long, seeing her eyes meet mine like that from across the garden made my stone heart feel as if it would explode with all the emotions that went rushing through it. I could see in her eyes the struggle she was having to fight back her visions and memories of what that man had done to her. Hearing those words from Alfie's lips, and seeing the image in his mind of his best friend the day she died almost brought me to my knees. How much longer? How much longer could my Bella have survived his cruelty before she had become his next victim? Had there been others? If Bella couldn't bring herself to testify, would he walk free to hurt again?

I had clearly seen the image of Jack in Alfie's mind, and knew what Bella did not yet; that it was indeed the same Jack who had been hurting and violating her all this time. The struggle in Alfie's mind was an all too familiar one. Fighting against the guilt he felt at the loss of his friend. Guilt at never knowing what was happening. Guilt at not being a good enough friend for Dana to confide in him what was being done to her at home. Confusion as to how she managed to keep it hidden behind her façade of bubbliness, when inside she was probably screaming out for somebody to rescue her.

His guilt had, quite literally, eaten away at him until he was left a shell of his former self. I saw flashes of memories of his father yelling at him, telling him to man the fuck up and deal with his crap, forcing Alfie to retreat further into himself and the eating disorder that was controlling him without his parents knowledge.

As soon as I was through those despised iron gates I pulled Bella into my arms tightly and felt her body curl itself into me. She was trembling and the tears were still flowing down her cheeks. I wished that I could take her pain from her and pull it all onto myself instead, but I knew that she couldn't run from her problems anymore. The only way to overcome everything that plagued her was to confront it head on and work her way through what it all meant to her.

The doctor introduced himself to me as Doctor Moore. I knew of him vaguely as a former associate of my father's. He seemed kind and his thoughts were full of concern for Bella, which automatically made me like him. He seemed to be looking on this as some sort of breakthrough. Evidently Bella had not been cooperating with her treatment so far, and only ate out of a sense of fear of the tubes they had used on her in the hospital. He was seeing the fact that she seemed to want to talk as a major step forward, and I hoped against hope that he was right.

Stepping into his office I looked around, chuckling to myself lightly. We could have been in any doctor's office anywhere in the continental US. Bella looked up at me, looking confused as to why I was laughing. I just shook my head slightly and winked at her. My heart soared when the corners of her lips lifted slightly in a small smile. It had been far too long since I had seen her smile at me. It was the most beautiful sight in the world and made me want to spin her around the room singing show tunes. I realised, of course, that that would be utterly inappropriate in the present circumstances so contented myself with smiling widely back at her and brushing my lips lightly against her temple.

Before the door shut behind us I heard a harsh female voice shouting down the corridor.

"Draycott. Visitors." Alfie's face fell as he turned to the voice, his eyes full of sadness.

"B, are you going to be ok?" His hand was on Bella's shaking arm as he asked his question. She nodded to him, more enthusiastically than she felt I imagined, before whispering.

"I'm sorry Alfie." He shot her a bemused look before being dragged away by the nurse to go see his visitors. His mind desperately hoped that his mother came alone this time, not wanting to see his father. Evidently he was under 18 so had no choice about whether he saw his family or not when they came to visit. I found myself almost feeling glad that Bella had at least been given that choice. As much as I'd missed her and wanted to see her, I wouldn't want her to be forced into seeing any of us if she truly wanted us to stay away.

We sat on the couch in Doctor Moore's office facing him as he sat in the chair opposite while appraising us silently. Bella's face was buried in the crook of my arm with her tears still falling and soaking through my shirt. I kissed the top of her head lightly, breathing her in deeply as I savoured holding her in my arms again. I frowned deeply as I inhaled, her scent not quite right. The usual strawberry smell of her hair was replaced by a chemical scent, one of a generic institutional shampoo. It was a sharp reminder, if indeed a reminder was needed, of where she was and why she was there.

Doctor Moore sat and waited patiently while Bella cried her eyes dry into my arm, not wanting to push her to talk before she was ready. Her body was trembling softly in my arms and I knew that she was reliving everything she had endured in her mind.

"Bella?" I whispered softly in her ear, not wanting to startle her, but hoping I could gently pull her from the daylight nightmare she seemed to be experiencing.

Her eyes shot up to meet mine, and the sight of them broke my heart. All around her eyes was puffy, red, and sore looking. Her deep pools of brown were filled with a defeated expression.

"It was him wasn't it?" Her eyes remained trained only on me; I wasn't sure whether she even remembered that her doctor was present. I didn't have to say anything in response. She could tell from my expression alone that she was right. She sighed heavily, the breath coming out shakily, and her eyes squeezed shut.

"I have to testify Edward. I can't let this happen to anybody else because I'm too weak to face him again." She was full of fear at the thought of testifying, that much was obvious from her expression, but there was a determination to her words that brought a small smile to my lips; it reminded me of the old Bella, the one who was as stubborn as a mule. The one who pursued me in those early days until she found out who, or rather what, we were. Bella had always had a dogged determination about her, even in the face of adversity. The very fact that she managed to get past my sister in Phoenix in order to save her mother showed the strength of her character, and in that brief moment, seeing the flash of determination in her features, I truly believed that she would be ok. Maybe it wouldn't happen immediately, maybe it would take a long time before she was able to heal, but one day she would be whole again.

From the corner of my eye I saw Doctor Moore creeping lightly from the room, indicating to me that he would be back in just a moment.

"Bella, if you want to testify against him then of course we'll support you to do that. But know that nobody expects anything of you. Nobody will force you to do this."

She sighed heavily, her eyes darting to the door as Doctor Moore returned with a glass of water in his hand. He passed it silently to Bella who took it with a nod and a small smile. She raised the glass in her shaky hand to her ruby lips and took a small sip, keeping her eyes down.

She gasped loudly as the glass slipped from her shaky hand and crashed loudly to the hardwood floor. Shards of glass scattered across the floor with the water pooling and flowing out into a small puddle, and small streams breaking off, weaving their way across the dark floor. Doctor Moore dashed forwards quickly his intention being to clear the damage, but he pulled up short in shock as he saw Bella's reaction to his sudden movement.

She had flinched away from him, recoiling with fright, throwing her hands in front of her face protectively and hunching her shoulders, bracing herself for a blow to fall.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't mean to." She stammered out repeatedly, throwing herself onto the floor and scrabbling about trying to gather up the shards of broken glass. Knowing that in her present state on top of her usual clumsiness it would only be a matter of time before she cut herself on a piece of broken glass. I put my hand out and softly placed it on her arm, gently restraining her from the danger. I heard her sharply inhale before looking up into my eyes.

"Bella, it's ok. It's just a glass." I spoke quietly, moving my hand to her face to brush away the tears that had started falling again.

She leaned her head into my hand and her eyes closed as she breathed deeply. After a few moments, she composed herself enough to allow me to assist her to stand. I noticed that she very carefully kept her eyes away from Doctor Moore, who was still standing several feet away looking slightly shocked at Bella's reaction to him.

"Isabella, are you alright my dear?" Doctor Moore's voice was soft with his thoughts only of concern for his patient.

Her eyes remained trained on the floor but she nodded almost imperceptibly, allowing her long hair to fall across her face, using it as a screen to hide behind.

"Talk, Bella. The only way you can ever work through everything you've been through is to talk about it -- to get it out there so it's not poisoning you anymore."

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't run from this anymore. I knew that. There was no getting away from what I'd been through and no getting away from what I'd allowed myself to become. I took a deep steadying breath, sitting down gingerly on the edge of the couch, and watched as Doctor Moore's feet retreated back to his usual chair.

I forced myself to look up into his eyes, bracing myself for the anger I would see there, but met instead only with compassion and interest.

"Isabella, could you tell me why you just reacted that way when you broke the glass?" The tone of his voice made it perfectly clear that if I didn't want to tell him that was fine. He wasn't going to force the issue, but I knew that it was time.

I felt Edward's long cool fingers interlace between mine, a comforting gesture meant to reassure me.

"I thought you were going to hit me sir." I fiddled absently with Edward's fingers. I traced the light lines in his marble skin with my fingers and desperately tried not to look back into Doctor Moore's eyes.

"Why would you think that?"

"I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to imply that you ever would, but it just reminded me…" I trailed off as I drifted into the memory of that day.

_It was about a month after I moved in with Jack. He'd been a perfect gentleman up until that point. In fact I'd thought we were getting on quite well, falling easily into a routine. Jack was up before me in the mornings, leaving for work shortly after I got up. I'd started getting up slightly earlier in order to make us both breakfast. The familiar routine was comforting to me after making breakfast for Charlie for so long while living in Forks. We often ate in silence, but it never seemed uncomfortable. Neither of us were morning people, but he always thanked me politely for making his breakfast and washed both of our dishes before he went out to work at the university book store. _

_I must have slept through my alarm that morning because I knew for a fact I had set it the night before. I woke to rough hands shaking me awake. I groaned and rolled over to look at the harsh red numbers on my alarm clock. Seven o'clock. Shit. _

"_Where the fuck is my breakfast Isabella?" I started back at the tone of his voice as he stood over me menacingly. _

"_I…I'm sorry, I must have overslept," I stammered out, alarmed by the tone of his voice and the fierce expression on his face. _

"_Well you'd better get through into that kitchen and get it sorted hadn't you?" I forced myself to assume he was joking, putting on an act for a prank or something, even though everything in his body language told me he was deadly serious. _

"_Um, ok." I pulled myself up out of the bed, raking my fingers through my haystack morning hair before pulling it up into a bobble and pulling on my night robe. _

_I scampered quickly into the kitchen, pulling some eggs and bacon out of the refrigerator and starting to cook them while, keeping my eyes trained on what I was doing and trying to ignore his gaze boring into me as I worked. As he continued to glare at me, it became harder and harder to convince myself that this was a prank. _

_I could feel my hands shaking lightly as I pulled a couple of glasses from the cabinet and filled them with orange juice, neither of us liked drinking hot drinks, always opting instead for fresh fruit juice in the mornings. _

_I walked towards the table carrying his breakfast on a plate in one hand and his drink in the other. His body was blocking me from getting to the table easily, and he didn't move out of my way when I tried to edge past him. I saw his foot sticking out too late to avoid it, and stumbled to the ground, crying out as the plate and the glass went crashing from my grip, sending orange juice and eggs and bacon flying everywhere. _

_I looked up at Jack in confusion, not understanding this sudden change in him and not knowing what to expect. He was smirking down at me, still leaning nonchalantly against the countertop. He held my glare for a long moment before speaking. His eyes were empty of emotion. _

"_That one was yours." It wasn't a question. He grabbed the other plate of food and the glass off the counter and carried it to the table, leaving me still sprawled on the floor too shocked to get up. I watched as he set the food and drink down on the table, before turning and advancing on me. When his hand shot out towards me I expected him to grab my hand and help me up, so he caught me completely off guard when his hand connected painfully with my cheek, the force from the slap knocking me back to the ground. _

"_Replace the glass and the plate please." He said forcefully before turning his back on me and sitting back at the table, devouring his breakfast quickly and walking from the room and out the front door as though nothing had happened. _

I was pulled sharply from the kitchen and back into Doctor Moore's office by his next question.

"Isabella, have you been hurt for breaking a glass before?" He was leaning forwards in his chair with his hands clasped together in his lap.

I avoided his eyes as I nodded, unable to say the words out loud -- the words that would make everything real.

"Can you tell me who hurt you?" Still that same tone that said I didn't have to if I didn't want to. I grimaced, not wanting to say his name ever again.

"Jack." I spat out, failing to disguise the venom in my voice. Edward's grip on my hand increased as a small hiss escaped his lips. "He was my roommate in college."

"What did he do to you Isabella?"

"It's Bella, please, just Bella. _He_ called me Isabella, I don't want to… I can't…"

"It's ok _Bella. _That's fine. If that's what you want. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'll call you whatever you want me to call you, ok?"

I nodded, relaxing slightly back into the sofa until he repeated his question. I let the breath whoosh from my lungs before I answered simply with one word.

"Everything."

I waited for the look of disgust that would inevitably make its way onto his face once realisation hit him of what I meant, but he remained deadpan. His expression remained unreadable as he asked me to clarify for him what I meant.

I hung my head, my hair falling forwards and creating a barrier between those amber eyes and my shame, as I told the doctor the full extent of what Jack did to me, mumbling the words out almost inaudibly, and wishing I was better at fighting back the tears that just wouldn't stop flowing today.

"I'm sorry you went through all that Bella. How do you feel now that you're safe?"

Safe? It wasn't a word I had given much consideration to in a long time. Not since Edward left my side in the woods that day had I felt truly free from danger. Once Charlie had been my strong rock, the one I clung to when frightened or threatened, but once Edward had come into my life and confirmed the existence of the things that go bump in the night. I had realised that Charlie could no more protect me than I could myself. Even living with the Chief of Police, his gun belt slung over the coat stand in the hallway, I had never stopped feeling vulnerable after a certain pair of marble arms had loosened me from their embrace.

And now Victoria was after me. I had no idea what had been going on out there, whether they had been able to track her down, but I knew that if she had been caught then Edward would have found a way to tell me even if he'd had to break in during the night. So the use of the word safe was a bit of an overstatement on Doctor Moore's part, but he couldn't know that.

"OK I guess." I replied, non-committally, shrugging my shoulders in a disturbingly teenage gesture.

"How did it make you feel, Bella, When he was beating you?"

I knew what he wanted to hear. He wanted me to tell him it hurt. Tell him I felt violated, alone, and frightened, all the usual words that mean you hated it and you wanted it to stop. But I was being honest here, right? If I could tell him that Jack had raped me and not send him reeling in disgust, then how would he react now?

"I liked it." I said simply. The exhale from Edward next to me was furious and I cowered away from him slightly, not actually scared, but knowing that he wouldn't like what he heard next.

"You liked it?" Doctor Moore's head was tilted to the side in confusion as he threw my statement back at me in the form of a question.

"The physical pain sort of made everything else go away. I mean, it wasn't good, but it made me think about something else for a change." I knew I wasn't making any sense and I was just stammering out nonsense. But how in the world could I ever expect him to understand the physical pain made the emotional torment go away?

"What were you trying not to think of Bella?" I hesitated.

"It's ok Bella. Tell him. You _need_ to talk about this." Edward's eyes were tight and his jaw tense, already knowing what I was referring to. I shook my head stubbornly, holding Edward's hand in a death grip as his eyes filled once again with the pain that I kept putting there.

I was taken aback slightly when he chuckled quietly.

"Always so stubborn."

"I know what you're doing Edward; I'm not stupid. You're not going to goad me into this by insulting me and trying to make me mad at you so I'll spill. You want him to know, You tell him."

I had pulled my hand from his and had my arms petulantly crossed over my chest in a defiant gesture. Edward looked frustrated, running his hands roughly through his hair.

"Bella, what I did to you is a hugely important part of why you are suffering the way you are. Why you're basically killing yourself in this way?"

"Fine!" I shouted. "You want to hear it? You want to rehash this again? Fine." I turned to Doctor Moore, aware that in fact Edward's plan had worked and I'd fallen for it hook, line and sinker, but went stampeding ahead anyway. "He broke my heart. We were happy, at least _I _was happy. Then something stupid and inconsequential happened and he overreacted the way he always does, and he left me." I narrowed my eyes at Edward, finding this tirade quite cathartic and almost enjoying spitting it out. "He was 'trying to protect me' apparently." I continued, making quotation marks with my fingers.

"You seem angry about that Bella." Doctor Moore probed gently.

"Honestly for the longest time I didn't feel anything. Just…empty I guess. Like, I don't know, there was nothing inside anymore. It was like somebody punched a hole through my chest and pulled my heart out so that I couldn't feel anything anymore. One day I sort of woke up and it was worse because instead of feeling nothing, I felt everything all at once."

"What did that feel like?"

"Sort of like I was drowning I guess. I wanted to be normal and go to school and do the things I knew everybody expected of me. I wanted to be strong for Charlie; I really did. Somewhere inside me I knew that the old Bella was in there, but I just couldn't find her anymore. It was like when they left. The Cullens took part of me with them, and left just an empty husk behind."

"And did your problems with food start at that time too, Bella?"

I thought about that for a moment, my brow furrowing in confusion when I realised I had no idea when this all began. It had come over me so gradually that it was impossible to pinpoint when exactly it started. It was kind of like trying to remember when exactly you fell asleep.

Not eating was almost a habit I had got into unconsciously after those first few months in Forks after they left. In those months I hadn't done much of anything at all, not being able to raise any interest in anything. If breathing in and out had required some sort of conscious participation, I felt sure I would have ceased to do even that. So I guessed, in a way, the problem had started then, but it hadn't been through any deliberate effort on my part. It was just an inevitable consequence of the blanket of nothingness that had shrouded my mind in those early days.

"Honestly I'm not sure. I guess so. Maybe? It's kind of hard to say. I don't remember ever making a decision about it; I think maybe it just sort of happened."

I was acutely aware that I was rambling like an idiot and probably not making much sense to anybody but myself. I wringed my hands nervously in my lap and stared down at them as I felt both sets of eyes in the room boring into me. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and started to chew on it, anxiously waiting for the next round of questions.

I felt cool hands gently prising my shaking ones apart and holding them securely.

"Bella, sweetheart, you don't have to be afraid of anything here. Please, don't be anxious. We can stop anytime you like." Edward's velvety voice soothed my frazzled nerves and I felt myself relax a little instantly.

I smiled lightly at him, grateful to him for knowing I was uncomfortable and making me feel better.

"Do you want to stop Bella?" Doctor Moore's voice was soft and kind. I knew he would let me stop if I wanted to, but I knew that I needed to get it all out. I had been bottling everything up for too long and it was poisoning my mind. I shook my head. I was determined to vent all of this now so that I could start to move forward from it and stop letting it ruin my life.

"If you don't mind Bella, I'd like to talk about Jack a little bit more. But I want you to tell me anytime it becomes too much and we'll stop, ok?"

I balked slightly at his name despite the fact I had known it was coming. I didn't want to relive what he did to me, but I knew that if I didn't face up to it I would be hiding inside myself forever, and I wanted to live. I wanted to experience life rather than just drifting along and existing like I had been the last two years.

"Okay." I whispered. Edward's hands held mine firmly and soothed my nerves considerably.

"I know this will be difficult, but if you can, I'd like you to tell me how you feel about what he did to you?"

"Disgusting, tainted, violated, dirty, trashy, worthless. Pick your favourite." I tried to play off how I felt, using the sarcasm as a mask to cover up the fact that what Jack did to me made me feel like less of a person. Deep inside myself I wanted to believe that was irrational, and that what he did to me didn't make me any different to who I was before. But I couldn't convince myself that I hadn't been changed by it. In many ways, when I went to college I was young for my age, naïve, and innocent. In spite of the pain I had been in when Edward left me, I had never really strayed too far outside of my little bubble and I hadn't experienced true hardship or suffering.

So that first time Jack had hit me, it knocked me for six in more ways than one. As somebody who had always been treated kindly. Even when Edward left me in the woods that day, he wasn't outright cruel about it; my brain struggled to process the change in Jack. At first, I had figured maybe he was just in a bad mood. I had even gone out of my way to make the place spotless for him before he came home from work, hoping that it would make his day a little brighter. The naïve, innocent part of me expected him to roll home bursting with apologies for hurting me. Of course the naïve, innocent part of me had been wrong.

_When he came home I was in the kitchen. I was making a lasagna, knowing that it was his favourite. I wanted everything to be perfect for him. I had no idea what to expect after his outburst that morning. I had taken the time that afternoon to apply make up to my face to cover the bruise from his hand, not wanting to rub in his face what he had done. I laughed mirthlessly to myself afterwards when I thought about how I'd expected him to be remorseful for hitting me. _

_I'd tensed on hearing the door slam open and his stomping boots on the hardwood floor. _No different Bella_, I'd thought to myself. This was how he always entered; there was no need to worry just yet. I'd listened carefully to the sounds of him grunting as he took off his boots and hung his coat in the entryway. _

_The sound of his voice as he cursed loudly from the sitting room made my blood run cold. _

"_Isabella, where the fuck is my… where the fuck is everything?" He hollered, making my heart pound so loudly in my chest that I would swear he could hear it from through the flimsy wooden door which now provided my only protection from him. It didn't sound like he was sorry. _

_My cleaning plan had backfired spectacularly; he did not like his stuff being moved. He had come pounding into the kitchen, his face bright red with rage, and the veins in his forehead so big they looked like they would burst. _

_I cowered against the counter, not saying anything, because really what was there I could say? The lasagna was in its dish behind me, fresh from the oven, the cheese bubbling and popping loudly in my ears as I took him in warily. _

_He advanced towards me torturously slowly; every step he took increased my anxiety until he came to stand right over me, his hazel eyes taking in the lasagna behind me. I briefly hoped that he would see it and be pleased that I had made his favourite, but the hope didn't last long as I saw the evil glint in his eye. I shrunk back as far as the solid counter behind me would allow, knowing that I was trapped. There was no escaping him. He had me cornered and whatever he was going to do was going to hurt. I had no idea. _

_He had raised his hand, keeping his movements almost painfully slow, as though he was teasing me, making me wait. Suddenly he grabbed my hand from by my side, lifting it in his iron grip. My struggling was completely futile against his strength, and he held it above the lasagna. My eyes widened in fright as I realised what he intended to do. I started to plead with him not to, but the pleading just made the wild look in his eyes more evil. _

"_Lets see how hot my dinner is shall we Isabella? You know I don't like my food to be cold." _

_I shook my head wildly, mute with shock and fear, as he forced my hand downwards towards the boiling dish. _

"Bella…Bella, baby come back to me." The velvet voice dragged me from the searing pain. Cool arms clutched me tight to a stone chest.

I shook my head from side to side frantically, trying to erase the memory from my head and force myself back into the present. My entire body was trembling violently and I could feel the tears running down my cheeks.

I felt the arms encircling me increase their grip as I let out shuddering breaths through the sobs that threatened to drown me. That had been the night. He hadn't even started slow.

_He came into my room just as I was going to bed. I didn't even hear him coming before his hand was over my mouth. I yelped out in fright, but the rough, calloused hand caught the sound before it escaped. My mind was reeling with thoughts of what he was here to do to me now. My hand was still unbearably painful. I had done my best to clean it up and dress it with my good hand, knowing that a trip to the emergency room would have meant questions that I was not willing to answer. _

_The hand over my mouth was painful and made it almost impossible to breathe. I clutched frantically at it with my good hand, knowing it would be fruitless but desperate for oxygen. _

_His eyes flashed menacingly above me as I lay helpless beneath him. He moved his body up onto my bed so that he was straddling my hips, trapping me beneath his bulky form. He shot me an evil smirk before asking me cruelly how my hand was feeling. _

"_Here, let me check," he graveled at me before wrapping his hand tightly around my already throbbing wound. I screamed out behind the hand that was still gagging me. The pain was almost as intense as it was the first time. _

"_Tut tut Isabella. I don't want a sound from you tonight. If you make a sound, I'll fucking kill you." _

"I couldn't stop him. I tried, really I did, but he was so strong. I couldn't; he was so big. I'm sorry Edward. I'm so sorry."

**Edward POV**

She was apologising to me as though what that sick bastard did to her was her own fault. Every sob that escaped her shattered my heart a little more until all that was left were dust particles that still ached and throbbed with the pain she had endured.

All I could do was hold her to me tightly, hoping that at least my embrace might provide her with some comfort against the tidal wave of memories we were dredging up. I held her there. Her head was in my hand as it burrowed further and further into my chest as though she was trying to disappear inside of me entirely.

Doctor Moore was watching her cautiously. His thoughts were bubbling with interest and concern for his patient.

"Bella, all those words you used before -- disgusting, tainted, violated, dirty, trashy, worthless -- they're all words that describe yourself negatively. You don't feel angry with him for what he did to you?"

I felt her head move slightly from side to side.

"No," I growled at the doctor, acting as a translator to her hidden gestures. There was so much I wanted to add to her simple shake of the head, but this was her time. If that was all she wanted to say, then that was all he would get.

Doctor Moore's face was incredulous as he appraised the sobbing bundle in my arms.

"Could you tell me why, after he beat you and raped you, you don't feel anger towards him?"

She stayed silent for the longest time, her breathing ragged and uneven, her heart pounding so hard it sounded like a thousand drums in my ears. Just as I was starting to think that she wasn't going to answer him, it came. The tiniest squeaking whisper broke free from her lips and succeeded in fracturing the dust fragments of my heart even more.

"Because it was my fault."

I exhaled sharply at that. What the hell? I forced myself to remain silent, letting my hands do the talking as one of them held her head gently in my chest and the other ran soothing circles on her back. I held my tongue knowing that Doctor Moore was infinitely more qualified than me to deal with this crazy notion she had that somehow she was responsible for being brutalised and raped by this man.

"Bella, why would you think that?" His words were soft and kind. No hint of anger was in his mind as he spoke.

"Because it's true." She retorted almost instantly, not moving her face from its hiding place in my shirt.

"He beat you and he violated you. He took from you what he had no right to take, what no man has any right to take without permission. How could it possibly be your fault?" How on earth he kept his words steady and calm I had no idea. I was seething inside, and only fear of frightening the precious creature in my arms was stopping me from showing it.

She didn't say anything, merely shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly, sighing softly.

"Bella, did Jack tell you that what he did to you was your fault?"

I felt her flinch in my arms at the sound of his name, a small whimper floating to my ears as her body tensed instinctively. I resumed my gentle rubbing of her back; the other hand trailed fingers lightly through her long hair in what I hoped were soothing gestures.

She didn't respond. I could feel her tears soaking through my clothes as she clung to me desperately. Her tiny fists clutched at the back of my shirt as though she were afraid to let go.

I pulled back from her slightly, ignoring the tiny whimpers she let out, as I reduced the contact between us. I grabbed her face between my hands and pulled it up so that she was looking at me. I needed to see her face for this.

"Did he Bella? Did he make you think that what he did to you was your fault?" I worked hard to keep my voice calm. If I showed her how angry I was, it would just make her clam up and start bottling everything up again. She had to feel that she could say anything here without any fear of anger or contradiction.

Her eyes gazed into mine full of sadness and pain, but still she didn't say anything or acknowledge the question. Her body was shaking violently once again, her breathing raspy and disturbing.

"Sweetheart, please. You're safe here; nobody is going to hurt you. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"He's going to kill me." She shuddered out, her voice hoarse from all the crying.

"He threatened you?" It wasn't really a question. I knew all too well how people like him operated. They thrive on the fear and helplessness of their victims and feed off their negative emotions to make themselves feel better. My hands balled unconsciously into fists as I thought about how he would have enjoyed torturing my beautiful Bella, how it would have made him feel good to see the life slowly draining from her as he beat her into submission.

"He said…he said that if I ever told anybody what we did together that he would kill me."

Her choice of words, or rather his choice of words, didn't escape my attention. What _we_ did together? Making it sound like there was choice involved, like she was an active participant in his sick, twisted games. Even through the language he used, he was stealthily introducing into her head the idea that she was to blame for everything being done to her.

"What he did to you was wrong Bella. You do know that, don't you?"

"Yes." She whispered, her words saying one thing and her eyes another.

"Once more with feeling, Bella. Seriously. This guy beat you. He put you in the hospital Bella. He brutalised you God knows how many times. What could you possibly have done that makes you think that you caused that?"

I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself out of the rage that had settled upon me. Doctor Moore coughed lightly, reminding me of his presence. I had spoken up when I couldn't keep quiet anymore and was interrupting his session with her.

"It's not uncommon to feel the way you do Bella. A lot of people who have suffered abuse have been made to feel like they earned it or caused it in some way. What you have to understand though is that this what abusive people do. They have to make you feel responsible for what is happening to you to stop you from telling others. I'd wager a guess that your fear of people rejecting you and blaming you for what happened was just as strong a motivator to keep quiet as your fear of him coming after you. Would that be accurate?"

Her face was full of surprise, her eyes wide and shocked as she looked up to meet Doctor Moore's eyes. She nodded slowly, her mouth open wide. She was evidently surprised that he understood how she had been feeling.

"I thought that if I went home Charlie wouldn't want me because I was dirty and he would have been ashamed of me." Her words were barely distinguishable through her sobbing. I had never wanted to kill a human the way that I wanted to kill Jack. But I didn't just want to kill him. I wanted to make him suffer for every time he hurt her, for every time he caused her pain or made her feel like less than she is.

"Bella, what that man did to you was wrong, but it doesn't make you any less of a person for having endured it." I was grateful to the doctor for not using his name again; he had evidently noticed her reaction the last time. "Do you understand that?"

She just blinked at him, seeming unsure what to say. She turned her head to face me, quirking an eyebrow at me questioningly. Seriously? She really thought that I would think less of her for having endured what she had.

"Bella, I hate what happened to you. Not because it makes you tainted or dirty or any of those other words that you used before, because it doesn't. I hate it because you had to suffer and I love you more than life itself. Knowing what you went through breaks my heart, but it doesn't change how I feel about you. Nothing ever could do that. You know that right? I love you. I always have loved you and I always will. To me, you have always been and will always be perfect."

She just stared at me. I could practically hear her brain working overtime trying to comprehend what we were telling her. I poured every ounce of the love I felt for her into my gaze as I willed her to believe what I was telling her. As I held her eyes, her face ran through a range of emotions starting with skepticism through uncertainty and finally settling on acceptance. I remembered back to that day, that first time I had spoken to her. I had told her that she was hard for me to read just because I was so used to having access to people's thoughts. I knew now that her mind was an open book if you just took the time to learn how to read it.

Her face lit up now in the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Not since that day in the forest when I had torn both our worlds apart had I seen her look so happy. The smile fed up into her eyes, lighting them up like a star in the heavens. How could I not have known? How could I have been ignorant to the fact that I held the power to that smile in the palm of my hand? I'd had no idea that she had been thinking that way all this time, feeling as though I viewed her differently because of what she went through. If anything it made me love her more, seeing the strength she had in her to keep going in spite of everything she had faced.

She threw herself forcefully into my arms. The smile never left as she hugged me so tight that had I been human I would have struggled to breathe.

"I love you too Edward. So much."

* * *

**_No cliffie!! Do you love me?!_**

**_Recommendation for the chapter is Voice Inside My Head by miztrezboo. I'm reading it at the moment and lets just say no more Empty is getting written til it's read! ;) It's gooooood! _**


	21. Chapter 21

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: Thank you soooo much to my awesome beta 4StringQueen. When shalt we have more Ghostward? I've missed him!_**

**_Thanks and free David Tennant's to Weezy. This story would never have got past chapter 19 if it weren't for her, seriously! _**

**_Thank you to all of you who review, I so love hearing what you think and some of the reviews for chapter 20 had me close to tears. Me. The Ice Queen. In tears! That is the power you hold over me! _**

* * *

**Empty **

**Chapter 21**

"Lying close to you

Feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together

And I just wanna stay with you

In this moment forever, forever and ever."

_I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing - Aerosmith_

**Edward POV**

We left Doctor Moore's office, waved off by him chuckling at us and telling us to have some fun. That was exactly what I planned to do. It had been too long since I had seen Bella truly happy. I wanted to see her face light up in the smile that used to keep me going. She deserved to spend some time just being herself without worrying about any of the demons that haunted her.

First she had to go have some lunch. It surprised me when she didn't seem too fazed by the idea. I left her and Alfie to it with the nurse, not wanting to put any additional pressure on either of them and knowing that they had a routine going now. I didn't want to intrude and throw them out of that routine knowing it could make them anxious to do so.

I sat in the common room, bathing in the scent of my Bella, and knowing she must have spent a fair bit of time in this room from the way her scent permeated every crevice. I wanted to know everything about her time here. What she did with Alfie to pass the time? How did she feel about being here now? My father had told me that he had offered to pull her out when she had expressed displeasure at being forced to stay here, but he had said that she declined and said she needed to stay so she could learn to play the guitar and watch _Lord of the Rings_ films with Alfie. He'd had a huge smile on his face while telling me. The obvious change in her state of mind from when she first went in had startled him. Although physically she still looked frail and ill, she had some colour back in her cheeks and even when the emotions she was expressing were negative ones, it was preferable to the empty shell of nothingness she had been when I found her curled up in the rain that night in the woods.

She came bounding into the room after about an hour and leapt straight into my lap, giggling lightly. The sound was like the sweetest music to my ears. She was followed into the room by Alfie, also giggling happily, and a nurse dressed in the simple uniform of the centre, jeans and a red polo shirt with the centre's logo on it. Bella and Alfie's faces were alight with some shared joke and it warmed my heart to see her looking so happy.

I held her close to me as she caught my eyes and smiled even wider.

"We're going to put up the Christmas tree. Will you stay?"

"Try and make me leave," I replied smiling widely back at her.

"Yesss!" It took me by surprise when Alfie showed so much joy at the thought of me staying. His mind was full of loving thoughts for Bella and how glad he was at how happy she looked in that moment. Bella's attention turned to the nurse who had entered behind them.

"Arwen can we do it now?" She was bouncing so enthusiastically now that she almost fell right off my lap. I caught her and laughed loudly with her, pulling her back into my arms and kissing her playfully on the nose.

"Sure sweetie, let's go fetch the boxes. They're in one of the storage rooms."

She jumped off my lap, stumbling slightly as she landed. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped me which earned me a mock death glare from her as I placed my hand on her waist to steady her. She rolled her eyes dramatically before grabbing my hand and practically hauling me from the room with Alfie and Arwen following behind with incredulous smiles on their faces. I was inclined to agree with them. The change in her in so short a time was unbelievable. Talking to Doctor Moore and getting rid of some of the poison that had been holding her captive in her own mind for so long had evidently done her the world of good.

I wasn't stupid enough to think that everything was suddenly ok and that Bella would be fine from now on. Her problems were far more complicated than that, but for now it was nice to see sparks of the old Bella enjoying herself doing something normal and allowing me to be part of it.

We all dragged the boxes back to the common room where several other patients and staff joined us in erecting the huge tree and hanging decorations in every available space. When we were done with the room, it was hard to believe that when we started it had been a cold and clinical white room. There were colourful lights strung over the window and around the tree, twinkling playfully and casting reflections off the baubles which dangled from the branches of the plastic tree. Tinsel was hanging in every space left vacant by the lights and somebody had found a can of snow spray and was creating a snowy scene on the window.

Bella advanced on me with a playful grin on her face and a string of red tinsel clutched in her hands. I threw my hands up in mock surrender, earning a giggle from her before she threw the tinsel around my neck and pulled me to her while running her tiny fingers into my hair.

"I love you Edward," she whispered to me before standing on her tiptoes and pulling me into her for a soft seductive kiss. Her mouth felt so warm and right against mine that I found myself unable to pull away. I felt her tongue sweep timidly across my bottom lip as though requesting access. All thoughts of razor sharp teeth and venom temporarily departed from my mind as her sweet tongue danced along with mine sending sparks flying through my entire body. We stayed that way; our lips joined temporarily, but our souls intertwined irrevocably until Bella needed to come up for air.

I leaned my forehead gently against hers as our lips parted, holding her face between my hands as she gasped in her precious oxygen. I breathed her in deeply, the scent of freesias filling my senses, before placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too Bella. More than anything."

I could hear her heart hammering out its heavenly music behind her ribs and delighted at the effect my touch still had on her. She smiled up at me brightly before nuzzling her head into my neck and twisting her arms around my waist, clutching onto me tightly.

I buried my nose deep into her chestnut curls. I missed her usual strawberry shampoo scent as I felt her breathing deeply as though she was breathing me in the way that I was her.

Suddenly, out of nowhere she giggled lightly to herself, her grip around my waist tightening slightly.

I pulled back curious, quirking an eyebrow questioningly at her.

"Let's build a snowman." Her eyes were alight with childish glee and she was almost bouncing on the spot, her excitement palpable.

"Bella, it's literally freezing outside. Do you really want to go out there?" One look at her face told me she did. I couldn't suppress the chuckle that came out at her juvenile enthusiasm. She grabbed my hand and started to pull me from the room. I heard the nurse shouting after her to make sure she wrapped up warm if she was going outside, and Bella just sighed exasperatedly and redirected towards a staircase.

"Sweater, coat, hat, scarf, gloves." Bella reeled of the items as she thrust them onto her bed impatiently. "That counts as wrapping up warm, right?"

I just watched her as she quickly, and with a surprising amount of co-ordination, pulled on all her layers and then bounced on the balls of her feet ready to go.

"Come on then beautiful; let's go make a man out of snow." She darted forwards, grabbing my hand once again and dragging me with all the enthusiasm of a whirlwind down the stairs and out of the door. She slammed it open so forcefully that it hit the wall with a bang and ricocheted off it and back into its place. She ran out into the blanket of snow with her arms outstretched, twirling in circles and making the still falling flakes swirl around her in a flurry of white. With her eyes closed and a smile on her lips, her face upturned to the heavens she looked as though she didn't have a care.

Inevitably she tripped over her own feet after spinning for a good while and toppled over onto her back in the snow. I started forwards, anxious to see that she was ok, but stopped short when I heard the most beautiful sound in the world coming from her for the hundredth time that day. She was laughing. And not just a gentle giggle, she was full on belly laughing, lying in the snow with her entire body rocking with her hysterical laughter.

I moved to her side, smiling brightly, ecstatic to see my Bella so carefree after so long. I offered her my hand, my intention being to help her up out of the cold snow. She took it, flashing me a mischievous grin before yanking her hardest on my hand and pulling me down into the snow with her.

"You know Bella; I think it's a little unfair of you to take advantage of my lack of skill when it comes to hearing your thoughts."

"Aww! Did the big manly vampire get pulled into the nasty frozen water by the itty bitty human?"

"Are you mocking me Swan?" I asked, throwing a playful edge of menace into my voice. "Because I would swear that you just mocked me. But you wouldn't be that silly now, would you?"

She beamed up at me as I trapped her under my body, my arms holding my weight off her on either side of her head. She smirked at me smugly and her eyes danced with happiness.

"Would you?" I reiterated as I started to tickle her sides, taking care not to use too much force. She was still fragile, her ribs had probably healed by now, but I didn't want to take any chances. She was far too precious for that.

She squealed out, giggling uncontrollably and curling in on herself reflexively as my fingers tormented her relentlessly.

"Tell me I'm your big manly vampire and the tickling stops." I was belly laughing along with her now and it felt so good.

Neither of us had forgotten the problems that lay outside our little bubble. We just packed them away in a box, and sealed it tight so that for a short while we could just be young and carefree and enjoy each other and being together without dealing with the past or what the future might bring.

She continued to squirm desperately under the wrath of my merciless tickling, her hands fighting uselessly against it. Her eyes met mine and softened immediately.

"You're perfect." She managed to gasp out between shrieking giggles and flailing arms. I ceased the tickling immediately and smiled crookedly at her, trying to put all the love I felt for her into my gaze.

"Not quite, but it'll do." I teased before brushing a stray strand of hair from her face and cupping her cheek with my hand. Our eyes were locked together as I moved in for her ruby lips. I was moving in slowly, wanting to give her the chance to pull away if it wasn't what she wanted. She had other ideas however and her hands shot up with her fingers weaving into my messy hair and pulling me to her again. I could feel her smile against my lips as they connected with hers. This time there was no need for any shyness. The kiss was deep and passionate immediately. Our tongues met and wove together as though they just belonged that way. I was inwardly berating myself for ever pushing her away in those early days in Forks when I had been so afraid of losing control and hurting her. I knew now that I could never have done that. Hurting Bella was the worst thing I had ever done in my entire existence and I knew all too well that losing control around her wasn't even an option. It could never happen, of that much I was certain now.

The call of her blood was nothing in comparison to the call of her soul to mine. We were meant to be together and in that instant as we showed our love for each other in a passionate kiss I knew that no matter what happened we would be together forever somehow, because how could there be light and life without her?

I had to release her again from my mouth. Her need for oxygen forced us apart again, but I would not allow the separation to be complete this time. Instead I turned my attention to the rest of her face, placing kisses over every inch of her face. My lips travelled from her cheeks to her eyelids, to down her chin and to her neck where her carotid artery pulsed, carrying her precious life blood around her body. I kissed right down it, knowing that there was no way I could ever lose control there. The very thought of ever hurting the precious creature in my arms utterly absurd to me now.

She moaned and squirmed slightly as I continued to trace kisses down her slender throat. I stiffened slightly as the scent of her arousal hit me forcefully. I was startled that she would feel that way so soon after being abused so violently by Jack and I didn't want to push her in that direction so soon. Certainly not out in the snow in full view of the common room windows where I could still hear people lingering and finishing up with the decorating.

I pulled away sighing, enjoying the look of contentment on her face. Her eyes were still closed and her tongue ran absentmindedly over her lips.

"You're so beautiful Bella. How do you not see that?" I lay back in the snow, pulling her on top of me to get her out of the cold drifts. She curled into my body, the smile never leaving her lips. She didn't answer the question, but just snuggled up into me with her head finding its usual place in the curve of my neck.

I held her there for a long while, neither of us feeling the need to say anything. We lay just enjoying being together. When she started to shiver with the cold I shifted, pulling her to her feet.

"You're freezing; we should go inside and get you warm." She pouted adorably, crossing her arms over her chest and refusing to move. She protested that we came outside to build a snowman and that build a snowman, we would. I laughed heartily at her stubbornness and offered to come back out once she had changed her clothes since the ones she was wearing were soaked through and must be making her cold. The last thing I wanted was for her to get sick because of this. It was the first perfect day I had had in over two years.

* * *

Bruce the snowman, named by Alfie then promptly nicknamed The Boss, stood proudly outside the window in the fading light of the evening. I lay sprawled out on the bed with the girl of my dreams in my arms.

If I was honest, I felt a little guilty about being there after they had firmly but politely told me it was time for me to leave. But I had spent long enough being tortured by the absence of my Bella in my arms and I was not willing to spend one more night away from her now that I had her back. Each beat of her gentle heart brought peace to mine in spite of all that I knew was going on in the outside: Victoria and the wolf pack. I could focus on nothing but the dark haired beauty in my arms and the future I hoped we could have together.

We'd been lying like this for just over half an hour. I had made my pretence of leaving through the front gates after Bella almost had an all out hissy fit about saying goodbye to me. I had smirked secretively to myself knowing, as she didn't, that I had no intentions of actually leaving. I'd doubled back around the gates to the side of the building where there were the fewest windows overlooking the gardens; then I'd located Bella's window and broke in.

She'd let out a tiny scream when she returned to her bedroom almost four hours later to find me lying nonchalantly across her bed. Her eyes widened in fright before she registered who it was. When realisation dawned, she flew across the room and threw herself into my arms, wincing slightly when her thin form contacted with my marble skin.

"Have you seen my dad Edward?" Bella's soft question pulled me from my thoughts.

She was the first to break the comfortable silence we had fallen into once she had settled into my arms on the bed. She had been lying there, tracing the lines of my arms and my chest with her fingers almost as though she were trying to learn me by heart. I resisted the urge to tell her that it was unnecessary for her to learn me as I never intended to be away long enough for her to need it again.

"Yes a couple of times," I replied as she lay completely relaxed with one of my arms wrapped under her and the other resting lightly on her hip while rubbing gentle circles into the bare skin there with my thumb.

"D-do you think he would come and see me? I think it's time I told him about what's been going on. He's my father; I guess he has a right to know."

"He'll come. Of course he will come, Bella. He's been sitting by the phone for weeks hoping to hear from you. You should call him; he'd be thrilled."

I saw a flash of guilt in her eyes as she gnawed on her bottom lip thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure I can do that another two times." She started, mumbling quietly. "My mom needs to know too. Maybe they'll come together. Will you come too Edward? I think I need you to be there."

"I'll be there if you want me." I started, watching a small smile drift across her lips as her eyes drifted shut. "Always."

* * *

_The green light blinked in the darkness showing that the camera was working. It's view focused on the two men lying on the ground. The bars, charged with keeping one lot of people in and another lot out, were bent cruelly out of shape. _

_The lone figure stepped nonchalantly over the still, lifeless bodies of the men and walked down the long corridor without a second glance at the spoils of her labours. The camera did not spot the second figure looming in the shadows, stopping the first from being seen. _

_The sounds of the people sleeping all around were deafening to the sensitive ears of the intruder. Steady heartbeats, deep measured breathing and the occasional snore though did not deter her from the path that she took. _

_Eyes the colour of hazelnuts looked up startled as the intruder bent the door out of its frame and allowed the light from the corridor to flood into the small basic room. _

_The hazel met the ruby and confusion set in. What kind of condition causes the eyes to become blood red? Fleeting thoughts of ghosts and demons ran through the mind behind the hazelnut eyes. Those thoughts were crushed into silence as the lips that matched the eyes started to speak. _

"_I think that you and I can be of some assistance to one another."_

* * *

**_Oh come on, you didn't think I was gonna let you off the cliffhangers two chapters running did you?!_**


	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. Alfie is all mine though! (And so is Jack *runs and hides*) **_

_**A/N: Thank you to 4StringQueen my fabulous beta who has finally managed to teach me what a semi colon is for... now to learn how to use them properly! **_

_**Tackle hugs to my hand-holder/pre-reader/friend Weezy who helped me out loads with this chapter when I was irrationally hating on it! (She does that a lot!)**_

_**Thanks so much for all the sweet reviews for the last chapter. You guys rock! HARD! And thanks to my new friend from over the sea karen4honor who read and reviewed nearly every chapter on Friday and made me smile loads! **_

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 22**

There's one way out and one way in

Back to the beginning

There's one way back to home again

To where I feel forgiven

What is this I feel, why is it so real

What am I to say

It's only love, it's only pain

It's only fear, that run through my veins

It's all the things you can't explain

That make us human

_Human - Civil Twilight_

**Bella POV**

I woke up feeling refreshed for the first time in what felt like years. I was helpless to the grin that formed on my lips as I remembered the previous day. He loved me. He didn't hate me for everything that happened with Jack; he still saw me the same way he always had. There was no lie in Edward's eyes when he said those words, those words that filled me with hope. Hope for now and hope for the future. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so positive.

I felt his stone arms contract around me and looked up into his smiling face.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." His tone was playful and his eyes twinkled with happiness.

"G'morning." I mumbled out through the haze of sleep.

"How do you feel this morning?" He asked, the cheesy crooked grin not falling from his face. I snuggled into his arms burrowing my nose into the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm going to assume that's a rhetorical question." I replied, giggling slightly to myself.

"Well I hate to burst your bubble love, but I have to go. If they find me here I'll be shot. I mean shooting me would be fairly fruitless, but nonetheless I'd like to avoid the wrath of Sister Sledge."

I laughed loudly at the nickname he had devised for the nurse who had told him to leave the previous day. I'd practically had a fit like a toddler, not wanting him to go and end the day we'd had together. Playing in the snow with Edward was perfect; I felt so light and carefree by just letting everything go and allowing myself to feel human again.

I had known that talking about everything Jack did to me would be painful, but I had been refusing to look past that to see that holding it all inside myself for so long was crushing me and stopping me from moving forward. When Alfie said those words about his poor friend it had all hit me. How much danger I had been in without ever really realising it -- just existing day to day, living each day in the hope that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't hurt me that day.

"You'll come back later?" I already knew the answer. He'd been here every day when I hadn't even let him in. I knew he'd be back here whenever he was allowed, and apparently even when he wasn't.

"Wild werewolves wouldn't keep me away." He grinned crookedly at me while I tried to work out his wording.

"Horses." I said, correcting him. He looked confused. "It's wild horses, not werewolves." He laughed loudly, placing a butterfly kiss on the end of my nose.

"How much damage do you think wild horses could do to me Bella?" He was still grinning but I was confused.

"Well if horses can't hurt you, I don't see why wolves can."

"Not just any wolves, only werewolves." He had stood up, making as if to leave, but I tugged on his arm, sensing that there was more to this silly conversation than he was letting on.

"Werewolves Edward?" He smirked at me, casing irritation to bubble up inside me. "Edward what aren't you telling me? There's no such thing as werewolves, right?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me, his expression playful.

"There's no such thing as vampires either is there?"

My mind was reeling with the implications in that simple question.

"Edward, are you seriously telling me that werewolves are real too? I mean… Are any of the things that go bump in the night actually fictitious?"

Edward chuckled brightly, smiling his crooked smile as he pulled me lovingly into a one armed hug.

"You should be safe from the bogey man love." He croaked out through his laughter.

I wanted to push him on the issue, find out whether he was serious or not, but I didn't need vampire ears to hear the footsteps coming down the corridor and coming to a stop outside my room. He kissed me lightly on the lips before making a quick exit through the window. I could feel my heart pull as he left, as though there were an invisible piece of string attaching my heart to his.

There was a gentle tap at my door and it was pushed open almost immediately. The face of an unfamiliar nurse peeked round the doorframe. There was no privacy here; I was used to that by now.

"Isabella, it's time for breakfast, are you ready?" I cringed at the use of my full name, but nodded quickly in response.

Alfie and I had a bit of a routine going at mealtimes, which I hoped helped us both. We always ate together, sitting side by side and talking about nonsense. I had discovered that day with Emmett and the toast that being distracted helped. Alfie seemed to agree with me. I hoped that one day I could get to the point where I wouldn't need to be distracted, but at the moment I just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I was putting my father in danger by doing as they said.

Alfie was already sat at the table when the nurse led me into the room; he had a plate of toast in front of him with a glass of orange juice. There was an identical breakfast sat on the table in front of my usual seat. We had an unspoken rule these days, "no issues at the table." We were both aware that the other had problems -- we wouldn't be there if we didn't. But mealtimes were stressful enough for us both; we didn't need to start introducing more by bringing up crap that belonged in the doctor's room.

I was relieved when I walked in and saw that Alfie intended to honour that rule. So far he had not pressed me on what had happened to cause me to meltdown yesterday. I knew he had to be curious, and if I was honest with myself, it felt like he had a right to know. Jack had killed his best friend in cold blood and apparently got away with it. Maybe knowing that he was behind bars would bring him some measure of peace.

I would tell him at least some, if not all of the story. He had a right to know and I made a decision to tell him as soon as possible.

We ate breakfast with companionable chit chat as usual, Alfie talking enthusiastically about music, and me mostly just listening and throwing in the odd comment here and there. He seemed to genuinely like nearly every type of music, and I had a feeling that, given the opportunity, he and Edward would get along well.

After breakfast Alfie had a session with Doctor Moore so I was wandering aimlessly through the corridors, wishing that Edward was there and searching for something to do when a familiar voice called my name. I spun round to face Arwen, my now favourite nurse in the place.

I smiled widely at her and she grinned back.

"Bella your doctor is here to see you again. Where is your clinic? Because that man can give me a physical any time he likes!" I giggled at her comment, knowing who she must be referring to, and enjoying her performance as she wiggled her eyebrows in a mock seductive way.

I had half expected to see Carlisle today after the revelation yesterday. I knew that Edward would have gone home this morning and told them. Or if he hadn't actually gone home, as I suspected may be the case with Victoria still out there, he would have phoned his father.

Carlisle was standing with his back to the door, reading a notice on the wall. Seeing him standing there caused me to be suddenly filled with gratitude and love for this man. He wasn't related to me, had no real ties to me, and yet he had done everything in his power to help me even when I had treated him so badly.

He turned to face me when I entered the room, a broad smile covering his features as I ran headlong into his arms. He returned my embrace enthusiastically, patting me on the back and chuckling in a fatherly gesture that made me ache for my own father. Standing there in his arms there were so many things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to thank him for helping me even when I didn't want to be helped. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for how I had treated him and his family and for all the heartache I had been and was still causing his family. I remembered the conversation we had when I was in the hospital, when he had told me that he was scared for his family and that he needed my help. Guilt surged through me as I realised that all I had done since they had returned to my life was make things painful and difficult for them. Since the moment I met them, he and Esme had done nothing but welcome me into their family with open arms; they were truly like a second set of parents to me, so when they left, it was like being abandoned, not just by the love of my life but by my entire family.

"It's good to see you Bella," Carlisle said, pulling back but keeping his hands on the tops of my arms, looking at me intently. He seemed to like what he saw as his smile widened even more.

"It's good to see you too Carlisle." I matched his smile with a wide one of my own.

He gestured for me to take a seat in one of the padded chairs that sat on one side of a desk. The room was set up like any doctors consulting room; there was even the horridly uncomfortable plastic covered bed with the roll of blue paper pulled over it. It would have been comfortingly familiar if it weren't for the topic I knew he was here to discuss.

He sat down on the chair behind the desk, running his hands through his hair in a gesture he shared with Edward despite not sharing a genetic link with him. I knew that it meant he was feeling uncomfortable and I knew why. I decided to put him out of his misery. It was the least I could do after all I'd put him through recently.

"It's ok Carlisle. I know why you're here. It's fine; we can talk about this. I'm ready."

His eyes widened in surprise. I wanted to be offended, but I realised that I hadn't exactly been forthcoming up until now and the last time I had seen him, he had been made less than welcome by my hostility.

"You're positive Bella?"

I nodded confidently. I had to do this. I had to do it for Alfie and Dana. I had to do it for any other unsuspecting girl he could prey on if he walked free, and I had to do it for me. I had to do it because I was finally realising that what he did to me wasn't my fault. For so long I had allowed him to make me feel somehow responsible for everything he did, making excuses for him in my head. But all those things Edward and Doctor Moore had said to me had been spinning around in my head ever since we left his office, and they were starting to sink in.

"Carlisle, he can't do that to anybody else. Please, we have to make sure he doesn't get out. I can't bear the thought of him hurting somebody else."

**Carlisle POV**

The look of determination on Bella's face warmed my heart to its stone core. Here was the girl who had been missing for so long -- the girl we loved and missed. Edward had spoken to me on the phone only an hour before about the session they had had with Robert Moore and the breakthrough she seemed to have made.

The joy in Edward's voice as he described their day in the snow had made Esme happier than I had seen her in ever such a long time. Her expression as he described her complete change in demeanour had been so full of hope that I couldn't keep the broad smile from my face as I told Edward I would go and visit her right away.

The reception she gave me couldn't have been more different from the last time I was here. Gone was the hostility and the accusing glare. In its place was a loving embrace and a radiant smile.

She was sat forward now with her hands clasped in her lap as she looked at me with a fiercely determined look on her face. I could see the fear in there too: fear of facing her nightmare once again, and fear of being forced to relive it again before a whole roomful of strangers. But she was determined to overcome that fear, and to force it down inside of her so that she could bring justice to the man that tortured her. I had never been prouder of her.

We talked for a long while about the process she would have to go through if she was sure she wanted to go ahead. She flinched slightly when I told her that she would have to stand up in front of the courtroom, including the man it was all about, and give her statement. I obtained her permission for the medical records taken when she was brought in to the emergency room to be used as evidence. I was regretful that we hadn't been able to collect any evidence of the sexual assaults she had been subjected to repeatedly. Rape kits were rarely carried out on victims more than 72 hours after the assault, so Bella hadn't been considered for one after speaking to the police. I had drawn blood to check her for sexually transmitted diseases which had all blessedly come up clear, but we had no hard evidence beyond Bella's word that the assaults ever happened.

She managed to maintain her composure throughout the conversation, only showing the very occasional sign that she was distressed by what we were discussing. I had heard my children discuss Bella in the early days before we left, debating whether she was brave or whether she merely had a disturbing lack of self preservation instinct. I could categorically state now that she was one of the single most courageous young women I had met in all my unusually long years. I was fairly certain that her determination to go ahead with the trial stemmed not only from wanting closure for herself, but also her need to protect others from the same fate at the hands of her own personal monster. I had always known her to be selfless, but the combination of her bravery and her regard for others would, I hoped, make her a formidable force in that court room.

We had finished talking about the trial and what it would mean for Bella; she had asked questions and I had done my best to answer them honestly and to the best of my fairly basic legal knowledge. But there still seemed to be something bothering her. She was wringing her fingers together and chewing on her bottom lip the way that she always did when she was nervous or worried.

"Bella, what is it my dear?"

She looked frustrated for a moment at her own inability to hide her discomfort before meeting my eyes.

"Before any of this can happen…" She hesitated, pleading to me with her eyes to understand. I wanted to oblige but I had no idea what the problem was. "Charlie." She whispered with her eyes on the floor.

Her parents needed to know. Of course they did. Edward had spoken on the phone to me about his concern regarding her telling them. She had already been forced to relive it all again in her session with the doctor and Edward which seemed to have eased the burden of the weight of pain she had been carrying alone for so long. But he was worried, and I agreed with him, that making her speak about it again and again to different people while it was still so raw for her, could do more harm than good. She would never be able to truly move past it if she got stuck in the same position over and over again.

"Bella how do you feel about telling your parents what happened to you?"

"I'm not sure Carlisle. I mean I know that they're going to have to find out sometime, and if there's going to be a trial then I'm going to need them. I just don't know how I'm going to face telling them. Charlie is going to flip, and it's going to break my mom's heart. I want to protect them from it but I know that I can't."

My heart silently broke for her parents when they found out what their precious daughter had endured at the hands of that maniac. When Chief Swan found out he was going to be livid, and I imagine he would want to march right down to the prison where he was being held and put an end to his life. It was how my family had all felt after all.

"Bella, how would you feel about Esme and myself talking to your parents? I know that telling them will be extraordinarily difficult for you, and I'm concerned about forcing you to live through it all again in your head."

She gazed at me, an unreadable expression on her face. Her eyes glassed over with tears which I could tell she was fighting hard to suppress.

"You would do that?" Her voice was full of gratitude.

"Of course we would Bella. But only if it's what you want."

She nodded her head slowly.

"Carlisle, Charlie is not going to take it well. He's going to want to go after him. You have to stop him. Please."

"It's ok; we won't let him do anything he or you might regret. You're sure that this is what you want?"

She nodded her head, still chewing on her bottom lip. I could tell that she still had something to say, and I waited patiently for her to speak.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry." I moved as if to speak but she raised her finger to silence me. "I know you're going to tell me that there's nothing to be sorry for, but there is and I am. I treated you, _all_ of you, horribly when all you were trying to do was help me. You have all been so kind to me, and every one of you has apologised to me for leaving and all I kept doing was throw it in your faces all the time. None of you deserved that and I'm sorry. Your family means the world to me and I've done nothing but cause them pain since that day in the hospital. You helped me; you took me into your home. You tried so hard to make me see what I was doing and all I did was push you away. I'm so grateful to you for not giving up on me."

The tears she had worked so hard to fight back were now flowing freely down her flushed cheeks. I moved from my position behind the desk and pulled her from her seat and hugged her to me tightly.

"Oh Bella, what will it take to make you see that you're worth it?"

**Charlie's POV**

I was about ready to go down to that place, smash down the gates, break through the door and force somebody to tell me what the hell was going on with my little girl. The only thing stopping me from barrelling in there and forcing her to see me was this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that Bella was where she needed to be.

I still had no idea what was going on with her. Bella had always been the one who took care of everybody else, so why all of a sudden was she the one who needed taking care of? She had always been so strong, and so focused. Maybe that was the problem? Maybe she was too focused, but on the wrong things? She had always been stubborn since she was a little girl. She was a lot like her old man in that respect. We both knew how to get what we wanted. At least we usually did. Right now the only thing in the world that I would wish for was my baby girl home safe and well. God even just to see her...

Renee was driving me mad. I had finally plucked up the courage to call her and tell her what was going on, and she had bombarded me immediately with questions I didn't have the answers to. When I had been hopelessly grasping around for answers to give her over the phone, she had spoken the words I was dreading hearing from her.

"I'm coming to Forks."

We were sat now in the kitchen. Renee had just spoken to Phil on her cell phone giving him an update even though we had no update to give. I had spoken to Carlisle Cullen the previous day after we'd arranged for him to go to see her under the pretence of being her doctor. He said that although she still looked very sick physically, she was starting to show some of her old spirit mentally and that that could be considered a good sign. She had evidently made a friend in there who was making her smile again, though there had been a slight edge to Carlisle's voice when he told me about him. He didn't explain though, and I didn't ask.

The phone ringing out loudly startled us both out of the silence that had enfolded the room like a shroud. I jumped up to answer it, hoping it would be news about Bella.

"Charlie Swan speaking."

"Charlie, it's Carlisle. How are you?"

"I'm fine thank you Dr Cullen, and yourself?" I mustn't forget the pleasantries. All I wanted to do was holler down the phone at him to tell me that my girl was going to be fine and she could come home, but rudeness just wasn't something that I was very good at, so I allowed the niceties, knowing that he would cut to the chase soon enough.

"I'm well thank you. Listen, I've seen Bella this morning and she's doing well. Really Charlie, she's looking so much better. She'd like to see you." I jumped up immediately at those words, ready to jump straight in the cruiser and drive out there. He continued however. "But before she sees you there is something that my wife and I need to talk to you and Bella's mother about. Would it be possible for us to come round and talk with you now?"

I hesitated before answering him in the affirmative. As much as I wanted to say no to him, tell him that I was going to see my daughter right then, I knew that he wouldn't have asked for this if it wasn't important.

**Esme's POV**

If it could have, my heart would have bled for Bella's poor parents as Carlisle explained to them how Bella had re-entered our lives when she was brought into the hospital that day. It was apparent that neither of them had known a thing about what their poor girl had been subjected to, and I could feel both of their hearts silently breaking as they were told the extent of her suffering.

Carlisle's grip on my hand grew infinitesimally tighter as the façade of calm he was desperately trying to portray to them grew thinner and thinner. I watched as the mask slipped further from his face and his professionalism was replaced by the grief of a father who had been forced to watch his child suffer in the worst possible way.

The difference between Bella's parents was pronounced as they displayed their feelings to the news they had been given. Charlie was quietly seething with his face bright red and his hands balled up into tight fists. I could see that he was fighting the urge to scream and shout and very possibly get in his car and drive to where Jack was being held and make him suffer. His restraint was incredible, especially in the face of Renee's outright hysteria. She had jumped up out of her seat when Carlisle had starting speaking, and was now sobbing uncontrollably. Her relentless pacing backwards and forwards around the room would have been dizzying to human eyes. Watching them both fall apart in their own individual ways and knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop the pain they were feeling was agonising, and I could feel the same distress coming in waves from my husband.

Finally Charlie's face shifted from anger to resolution.

"I want to see my girl now. I think she's been without her father quite long enough."

**Bella's POV**

"Daddy!" I ran into the open arms of my father, feeling him take a deep, shuddering breath as his arms encircled me tightly. I never realised how much I missed and needed my dad until I felt his comforting embrace steadying me.

Talking to Carlisle about what was going to happen had knocked me, despite my determination to hide from him how frightened I was by the thought of being in a room with _him_ again. I had Charlie here with me, holding me so tightly that it was almost painful and I had to work hard to draw breath. I felt safe and protected.

"Oh my little girl." He breathed into my hair as he clung onto me, refusing to release me from his arms. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry that you went through that and I wasn't there for you. I should have been there." His words stuttered off as his breathing became ragged and I knew he was fighting to stop the tears from coming.

My father was the strongest man I had ever known. He had never appeared phased by anything before in my memory, but now he was falling apart and I had no idea how to make it better for him. So I just buried my face into his strong chest and held him to me in silence, letting him feel what he needed to feel.

Eventually he released me from his arms, pulling back slightly but keeping a firm grip on my elbows.

"Why didn't you come to me Bells? Why didn't you tell me?" His eyes were full of hurt and pain and I felt guilt sweep through me at the agony I could have spared him if I had just trusted him. I should have trusted him to not judge me for what happened to me, but to be the father he had always been. He had always been constant and quietly affectionate in his own way without ever forcing his parenting on me. He had trusted me to go my own way and to make my own decisions, and I had screwed it up.

I looked into his eyes that matched mine perfectly, not bothering to hide the guilt and remorse I felt for keeping him in the dark for so long.

"I'm sorry dad." It was all I could bring myself to say, and it was all he needed to hear. We neither of us were verbose in nature and had always been able to communicate anything with a few simple words. I knew that in those three words, Charlie would read all that he needed to know about why I had done what I did, and how I felt about hurting him. My mom however would be a different matter. She would want to talk about it and analyse every decision -- every _bad _decision I had made.

She stepped into the room now, hand in hand with Esme. Her face was pinched and red from the tears that had obviously been shed. Her eyes didn't meet mine and I felt a jolt of pain as I realised that my own mother couldn't even look at me, and couldn't meet my eye. She was ashamed of me; she had to be.

I watched silently as Esme leaned in to whisper something gently in my mother's ear. Esme's expression was one of understanding and compassion as she placed a finger under Renee's chin and brought her face up to meet mine. She gasped audibly when she took in my face and I realised how long it had been since I last saw her. Her eyes explored up and down my body, making me shuffle uncomfortably under her intense scrutiny.

"Mom?" I wanted to pull her attention away from my body, but the single word came out as a question. Questioning everything. _Do you still love me mom? Are you too ashamed to call me daughter anymore? Can you ever forgive me for hurting you like this? _

Her eyes widened at my single worded question and shot back up to my face. Her mouth opened a couple of times before closing again. It was like she had something, she wanted to say, but couldn't find the words to say it.

I moved slowly towards her as though I were approaching a dangerous animal, stopping just in front of her, and my eyes never leaving hers. I reached out a hand shakily and placed it on her clammy red cheek, running my thumb under her eye gently sweeping away the remnants of her tears. Her hand moved up and sat over mine on her face. Her eyes brimming over again as she stared at me in silence.

"My baby girl." She sobbed out, each line on her face displaying her hurt more eloquently than words ever could.

"It's ok mom, really. I'm going to be ok." It was the first time I had said those words and truly believed them.

I _was_ going to be ok. What Jack did had damaged me, I had thought beyond repair, but I wouldn't allow that to be the case. I wouldn't allow him to break me completely because then he would win. In his eyes the worst possible thing that I could do would be to move on with my life and be happy. So that was what I would do. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Moving on from everything that had happened was going to take time and would probably be quite painful, but I was willing to do whatever it took in order to be free from him, free from the memories, free from the nightmares and free from this stupid disease that was controlling me while allowing me to think _I_ was controlling _it_.

"But sweetheart, look at you. You're... sick." Her voice wavered as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Then suddenly, without warning she threw her arms around me and cried into my neck. It felt strange for somebody to be crying on me. I had done so much crying on other people recently that it felt almost good to be the comforter instead of the comforted for a change. I felt like the old me. I felt like he one who took care of other people instead of people taking care of me all the time.

I rubbed my hand soothingly on her back, the way so many people had done for me recently and felt her body shudder as she continued to sob. Eventually she stopped crying and looked into my face again. I smiled reassuringly at her, trying to convince her of the truth I had realised only moments before that everything was going to be alright. She smiled weepily back at me and gripped my hands in hers, pulling me to sit down in the chairs in the small room we were all crowded into.

She started to bombard me with questions as I had known she would, and I braced myself to answer them until Charlie spoke up.

"Nee, I think maybe Bella needs a break from talking about all this. She looks spent; we don't want to push her."

I smiled gratefully up into my father's affectionate face, noting the loving look he flashed back at me.

My mom sniffed but stopped questioning me, her hands still gripping mine tightly.

We all jumped slightly when the A-Team theme song rung out loudly in the room, echoing off the bare white walls and drawing every set of eyes to Carlisle's sheepish smile.

"It's Alice. She chose the ring tone. Excuse me for a moment please." He pulled his cell phone from his coat pocket and walked from the room as he answered it, quietly greeting his daughter.

He was gone from the room for a few minutes, and I took the opportunity to ask my parents about how things were in the "outside world" as I had taken to calling it since being brought here. Mom told me about how Phil's baseball was going; apparently things were still very much the same. They were now happily settled in Jacksonville and Phil's team was doing moderately well. It was nice to hear about the mundane things that went on in other people's lives. It seemed like everything had been spinning like a whirlwind recently, and there was no normal anymore. My entire world had been spun off its axis and knowing that normality still existed out there was comforting.

I suppose that everything was going a little too well. I should have known that really. When does life ever treat you _that _kindly? When Carlisle edged back into the room, it was immediately obvious that something was wrong. His jaw was tight, his hand running frantically through his hair, his eyes connected with Esme's and I saw them exchange a look that spoke that all was not well. Esme would of course have heard his conversation. The flimsy wooden door was no match for her sensitive ears. He turned his flustered face to me, his eyes sparkling with concern and fear. My heart pounded in my chest, my mind reeling with thoughts of what could possibly have Carlisle looking scared.

"Bella, I'm sorry I have some bad news for you."

* * *

_**Recommendation: Privileged by Nostalgicmiss. It's brand new, only one chapter posted but it's gonna be epic, trust me! **_


	23. Chapter 23

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my fabulous beta 4StringQueen. I completely missed her birthday on Sunday cos I am rubbish. So this chapter is for her, even though she had to beta it first! Happy Birthday hun, hope you had a good one!_**

**_Thank you to Weezy for pre-reading for me and generally being awesome. Her new story Privileged is epic go read it! _**

**_Thank you to everybody who reviews, you all rock my socks every time and I love each one. Sometimes I think you guys understand this story better than I do! _**

**_Updating from France on hols (yes that's how much I love you!) so apologies if the review replies take a little longer than usual, I will reply I promise! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 23**

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

_Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol_

**Alice POV**

"It's gone again." I slammed my hand into a tree in frustration, feeling Jasper's manufactured calm running through me which instantly soothed me.

We had been trying to track Victoria for weeks now and never had it been more apparent to us how much we relied on my visions. I thought finding her would be easy. I would look for her, see where she planned to be next, and we would be there waiting for her. Emmett and Jasper were anxious to find her and end this, and I was convinced that somehow having the threat of Victoria removed from over her head would ease some of the fear Bella felt about everything and help her to move forwards.

I had been watching her carefully over the weeks we had been gone and had almost cried in relief when she finally opened up and spoke about her experiences living with Jack. I didn't watch too carefully. What she was talking about was private and I had no right to intrude, but I had caught a vision of her building a snowman with Edward and laughing hysterically later that day. I virtually burst with excitement when I saw that--seeing her smile and laugh so genuinely warmed my heart. It had been too long since we saw her smile without forcing it. Jazz, Emmett and Rose all smiled widely when I told them what I saw, and we threw ourselves into our hunt for Victoria with renewed vigor, hoping that we could see more of that smile in the future.

The only fly in the ointment was that I couldn't see her. Somehow Victoria was evading my visions and I had no idea how. At first, I blamed the werewolves, wondering if somehow having them nearby was blocking my sight entirely, but when I was still able to see Bella at the clinic I realized that that wasn't the problem. Sometimes I would catch glimpses of her somewhere and would get excited and think that the problem was solved. But then she would disappear from my sight again. She never seemed to make any valid decisions when I was able to see her which led me to believe that somehow she knew that I couldn't watch her the rest of the time.

Not being able to see her was making tracking her almost impossible. We followed her scent all over the place, and I knew that the wolves were trying to find her too. It seemed that her talent for evasion wasn't restricted to avoiding featuring in my visions. But how in the hell was she doing it? Aside from the wolf pack, nobody had ever been able to hide from my visions before, and if I was honest it had put me in rather a strop.

I had just had one of my rare moments of clarity where I could see Victoria clearly. It was weird though. It was almost as though she knew I would be watching and was mocking me. She didn't do anything to give me any clues as to what she was planning, but just frustratingly hinting that she wasn't done trying.

There was a huge metallic room with thick pipes running across the high ceiling in criss-cross shapes. Everything was silver and reflected the light that poured in through large high windows. Blazing red hair surrounded the menacing grin that covered Victoria's demented face as she stepped forwards towards a huge wedding cake with a small glass bride and groom on top of it. The cake was excessively fancy with piped icing in elaborate patterns around the edges. The groom was made of crystal and the light reflected off him throwing rainbow patterns across the walls and floor. The bride was made of simple glass and small and fragile next to the groom. I shuddered when I realized who they were meant to represent.

Long perfectly manicured fingers reached out, and the blood red nails clinked loudly against the crystal groom as the fingers closed tightly around the bride. Firmly they squeezed tighter and tighter until the glass started to crack, and then shattered under the force of the pale fingers.

Loud laughter rang out around the large room, echoing off the bare stone walls and deafening in its volume and its tone. This wasn't just a vision that slipped through; this was deliberate--a warning to me that Victoria wasn't done with us yet. That she intended to put a stop to the wedding and end Edward and Bella's happiness before it truly began.

The vision crackled and faded out into that irritating swirling blackness I got every time the wolves were around. The thought that maybe she had a rogue werewolf with her crossed my mind, but I remembered the rule they had explained to us about the collective consciousness and inability to disobey the alpha of the pack even if they wanted to. So how was she doing this? It was evident that she was controlling when I could and could not see her. That display with the wedding cake was very clearly for my benefit.

I felt Jasper's arms wind around me from behind with his face nuzzling gently into my neck and kiss me softly. I could feel the muscles in his arms contracting and expanding as he rubbed his hands up and down my sides soothingly.

"It's ok Al; we'll work this out. Don't stress it." His words were meant to ease my worries, but they failed despite him going all out with his talent to calm me. How could I relax having seen what I had? How could I go home like the others had been trying to convince me to for over a week while knowing that Bella was still in danger?

Christmas was fast approaching and it was only a few days away now. Emmett and Rosalie were desperate to go home for a few days and then resume our hunt after celebrating Christmas with the family. They were even hoping that Bella would be allowed to come home for Christmas. Emmett was making all sorts of crazy plans for what to do and Rose was having a hard time reining him in. It hadn't bypassed anybody's attention that it would normally be me planning ridiculously outlandish celebrations and parties, but somehow I just didn't feel like it this year. Knowing that Bella was starting to do better had eased my mind somewhat, but I was having a hard time chilling out knowing that Victoria wasn't giving up. My lack of sight was bothering the hell out of me. I felt useless and it couldn't have come at a worse time.

I sighed heavily and turned into Jasper's chest, feeling his fingers run through my hair and massaging my scalp tenderly with his lips ghosting over my forehead sending shivers down my spine. All these years later and still his simple touch could have me melting into his arms like we were newlyweds. He removed one of his hands from my hair, bringing it round and pulling my chin up to look into his face. The corners of his mouth were turned up into his most seductive smile as he filled me up with his warm and fuzzies. His talent and his hands eased the tension slowly from my body.

"Relax darlin'. We can keep Bella safe over Christmas and we'll all be together. What harm can come to her in a house full of vampires?"

It took a moment for the absurdity of what he said to hit us both, but when it did we fell about laughing. The very idea of her being safer in a houseful of blood sucking monsters than at the clinic was preposterous, but true nonetheless.

It felt good to laugh again, and it had been a long time since we had been relaxed enough to just be together and enjoy each other's company.

We were in Northwest California, the last place we had been able to track Victoria's scent. We were standing amongst the tall redwood trees with their tall, thick trunks striding beside us like legs towering up towards the sky. A light mist had descended making the air an eerie green as the jays and swifts sung in the fading light.

We were alone in the forest; the only sounds the rustling of the leaves high in the canopy of the forest with the singing of the birds and the heartbeats of the small forest creatures all around us. There was nobody else, human or vampire for miles around. Rosalie and Emmett were hunting. They had dashed off the moment Emmett learned that grizzly bears were indigenous to California. The look of excitement on his face was almost enough to make Rosalie crack a smile.

Considering Rosalie had never even liked Bella when she and Edward were first together, she had taken all that had happened really hard. The fact that Bella had endured something so heinous, something that she too had suffered in her human life had formed an invisible bond between the two of them--a bond which they had never been able to form in the past. Jasper had told me when we were alone of the emotions he could feel coming from her from time to time. Rosalie could be a bitch sometimes, true, but she was also fiercely protective of her family and it was clear that she now finally considered Bella to be part of the family.

The beauty of the forest and the peace of the air around us was nothing when compared with the face of the man in front of me. There wasn't a day went by when I didn't look at my husband and wonder what I did to deserve him. His tall muscular form and shaggy blonde hair coupled with his cheeky smile and charming southern manners took my breath away time and time again. He was looking at me now with the most intense look in his eyes. It was a look of pure unadulterated love.

His hands ran lightly down my sides sending tingles running through my body the way that only his touch could. He pulled me against him and I could feel his arousal through his pants. He rolled his eyebrows at me seductively, and his face lit up in the cheeky grin that made my insides churn with desire.

"It's just the two of us here, baby." He whispered seductively in my ear, his breath on the skin beneath my ear warm. "And you look so beautiful. I'm not sure I can keep my hands off you." His lips kissed their way down my neck driving me crazy with desire.

"Then don't." I whispered shakily in response, feeling his lips working their way south as his fingers made short work of the buttons of my shirt.

I squealed out in ecstasy as my Jasper made love to me on the forest floor among the ferns and bracken, our bodies joined, becoming one amongst the trees. The birds flocked from the branches as we both cried out. The release of the tension in our combined bodies made the climax so much more sensuous than ever before.

I lay beneath him with our bodies still joined, and our breathing remaining ragged and uneven as we came down from our high together. I dug my small hands into the muscular flesh on his back, my body still shuddering with my climax. He smiled down at me, his eyes twinkling with love and lust as he whispered those three words that always made me smile no matter how many times he said them.

I felt him pull out of me as he collapsed onto the forest floor and we lay there, side by side and hand in hand just enjoying being together and allowing ourselves a moment of peace and joy amongst the turbulence of the recent weeks.

The birds we had displaced with our shrieking returned one by one to the tree canopies above us as we lay back watching them. We could see the clouds moving across the sky through the gaps in the treetops; each one made into a face or form in my mind as I watched them pass. Their passing reminded me sharply of how time was passing us by as we lay there on the ground, not moving forward or helping with the situation at all.

Jasper sensed the shift in my mood immediately and leaned up on his side, resting his head in his hand. His eyes appraised my face quietly for a few moments while he used his empathy to get a read on what I was feeling. He reached out his free hand to my face and cupped my cheek with it gently, his eyes never leaving mine as he filled me up with love and peace.

"Relax darlin'. We should go home for Christmas. Esme will be devastated if we don't, and we can have Bella home with us. We'll take care of her sweetheart; she'll be safe with us."

He was right. I knew he was right. But somehow going home felt like admitting defeat, admitting that I was a failure. My inability to see Victoria was what had stopped us from finding her, and I was taking the failure personally. No matter how many times the others tried to convince me that it wasn't my fault and that Victoria was just a master of evasion, I wouldn't or couldn't accept that it wasn't my fault.

I nodded lightly into his hand, resigned now to going home and having to admit to Bella that I failed her again. I moved to a kneeling position, groping around absently for my discarded clothes for a moment before I felt Jasper pull me into his arms again. My face burrowed into his chest until it found its favourite spot and rested there. He held me in place, his hand cupping the back of my head gently, and his fingers tangling tenderly in my hair while the other hand reached out for my shirt.

Finding it, he gently prised my arms from around him and started to dress me with adoration all over his face. I just watched him, my eyes taking in every line of his face and perfectly formed body. Each curve and muscle fit me exactly like we were just two halves of the same whole, each needing the other in order to be complete.

That was exactly the case with Bella and my brother; they completed each other. They were a perfect pair, and he needed her in order to function. How we could have failed to realize that the same was true of Bella I couldn't comprehend. It had been obvious from the start of their relationship how much she loved him, and yet when it came down to it every single one of us had underestimated her attachment to him.

Both fully clothed now, we walked hand in hand listening to the sounds of the forest all around us. The light had faded almost to nothing now and I knew that Emmett and Rose would be back soon. We were due to meet at sundown to decide what to do next. We all knew we had hit a wall in terms of tracking Victoria and the others had admitted to themselves far sooner than I would that the best thing we could do would be to go home and protect Bella there. She deserved a decent Christmas after all. God only knew what she had been doing last year and a part of me registered that I very probably didn't want to know.

In the fading light, I could sense Emmett and Rose approaching before I could see them. Emmett was beaming all over his face; evidently he had found the grizzly he was so desperate for. Rose was just walking beside him rolling her eyes affectionately.

The vision overtook me so quickly that I barely registered it before it assaulted my senses, I could feel three sets of hands gripping me as I fell to my knees hard on the ferns and dirt of the forest floor. That face, the face I had seen once but never forgotten. The face that haunted Bella's dreams that tortured her while she slept. The eyes were not hazel anymore, but the piercing red of a newborn vampire. When? I couldn't register the timescale, but it was clear that the damage had already been done. Somehow Victoria had evaded us again, and had managed to get to Jack. She had managed to bite him, and it was only a matter of time before he woke up more blood-thirsty and dangerous than ever before.

* * *

**_Recommendation: If the eating disorder angle interests you then check out My Mia by angela4148. It's a very different angle on the ED issue but it's interesting and a good read. _**


	24. Chapter 24

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does._**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta 4StringQueen for helping me with my appalling grammar and punctuation. You rock chick!_**

**_Thank you to my awesome pre-reader, hand-holder and friend Weezy for ALL your help with Empty. This story wouldn't get written if it weren't for you, you are amazing and I definitely love you more!_**

**_Thank you all for the reviews and PMs, I love to hear what you think and some of your reviews have really helped me to understand the characters better and to make headway with the future plot. _**

**_I'm sorry it's taken a while for an update, writing is slow business at the moment but I am getting there I promise!_**

**_Now get your Santa hats and your tinsel out again cos it's Christmas in Forks!_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 24**

"What I want from this  
Is learn to let go  
No not of you  
Of all that's been told."

_Rootless Tree - Damien Rice _

**Bella POV**

"You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy, faggot, happy Christmas your arse. I pray God it's our last!" Rosalie's voice rang out from the white house in the forest I hadn't seen since that day in Edward's bedroom.

Edward chuckled beside me, throwing his arm around my shoulders and walking me to the front door. _The Fairytale of New York_ got even louder as the door flew open before I had the chance to even reach for the handle and I caught a flash of dark spiky hair before I felt Alice's arms around me, pulling me into the fiercest hug I had ever been on the receiving end of. Edward laughed loudly, pulling his arms from around my shoulders and allowing Alice's arms to envelope me completely with her little head burrowed into my neck.

I hugged her back tightly. I had missed my best friend and it felt so good to see her again. After a few moments, I realised that the music had stopped and the next thing I knew, Emmett was prying Alice's arms from around me.

"Come _ooon_ Alice, brother bear wants his turn." He was using his best whiny voice and had a massive grin across his face. Eventually Alice relented, releasing me from her vice like grip, and I suddenly felt the floor disappear from under me as Emmett's giant arms lifted me up and swung me around happily.

"Merry Christmas, baby sister. It's good to see you." I giggled loudly, hugging him back as best I could while flying through the air at dizzying speed.

"Merry Christmas, Emmett." I sputtered out as he set me back on my feet. He held onto my shoulders, stepping back and cocking his head to one side as he appraised me seriously. He seemed to like what he saw as that huge Emmett grin spread back across his features.

"You're looking a lot better little one," he said with a smile as he patronisingly ruffled my hair. I returned the appraising look, grinning wickedly.

"Hmm, wish I could say the same for you brother bear." I returned, shaking my head and clicking my teeth jokingly. He laughed loudly, pulling me into another bear hug then dragged me by the hand into the living room where the rest of the family was assembled. Rosalie was standing by the flat screen TV with a microphone still in her hand. Carlisle and Esme sat together on the love seat watching everybody and smiling, and Jasper was sat on a bean bag, his legs stretched out casually in front of him. He winked at me when I walked in and started to get up.

I felt his arms snake round me and the peace that always flowed from him filled my body up from top to bottom.

"You look great Bella; it's good to have you home, especially since you appear to be in the mood to give Emmett a run for his money. That's a show I'm always going to have time for." He grinned at me then walked over and put his arms around Alice who was practically bouncing on the spot.

Rosalie looked slightly awkward where she was standing, like she wasn't sure what she ought to do with herself. I hesitated a moment before deciding to take the initiative, really hoping as I walked towards her and hugged her gently that I was doing the right thing. She sighed in what sounded like relief and hugged me back softly.

"How are you Bella?" She questioned quietly. I smiled brightly at her, pulling back from our tentative hug.

"I'm good Rosalie; thank you." She returned my smile then squealed loudly as Emmett swept her off her feet, causing the microphone to fall to the ground with a loud thump which echoed through the speaker of the karaoke machine.

"Emmett, put me the hell down." She screeched out loudly and completely without effect. Emmett slung her over his shoulder, his booming laughter filling the room with happiness.

**Edward POV**

She stood there watching Emmett tormenting Rose with a small smile playing on her ruby red lips, her eyes sparkling with happiness. My silent heart almost started to beat when she glanced around the room and located me watching her from by the front door. She proceeded to throw herself into my arms.

I held her to me tightly, breathing her in deeply. Having her here for Christmas was the most amazing thing. The clinic had released her on good behaviour for four days so that she could be with family for Christmas. She would be spending today and Christmas Eve with my family, then going to Charlie for Christmas Day, and the following day I was going to take her back to Riverside House.

I could see Bella internally fighting to hold herself together. The news that Jack was out there somewhere, red eyed and blood thirsty, had very nearly buckled her. I had seen her eyes swimming with fear after Charlie and Renee left and Carlisle had told her what he had heard from Alice. My initial reaction was to keep it from her, but her words from so many weeks ago rang in my head, reminding me of how she felt about being kept in the dark.

"_I'm not having you making decisions for me anymore. I'm not some scared little girl who needs protecting from the truth Edward. I don't know whether you've noticed, but I have survived some pretty serious shit recently without any help from you."_

The truth of those words had haunted me ever since they had been spoken. I had treated Bella like a child. She was my equal in every way. No, she was better than me, and I had just gone ahead making life altering decisions on her behalf without a second thought for how it would break her.

I had sworn to myself that I would never do that to her again. We would be a partnership now. We would trust each other with our issues and problems and we would work through them together.

So we told her what Alice had seen, and I held her to me tightly as all the breath whooshed from her lungs and her knees buckled beneath her.

"He's…?" The incomplete question had hung on the air like a leaf in the wind. Floating off every wall and surface, and the unadulterated terror of her tone in that one simple word filled every millimetre of space in the white room.

Her entire body had vibrated with trembling that she was completely unable to control, and, had I not been holding her, I was certain her legs would have failed to support her. I could hear her heart pounding furiously in her chest and her breathing had turned erratic and uneven.

I pulled her tighter into my arms, rubbing circles soothingly on her back, an act which seemed to have worked before.

"Sshh Bella; it's alright. We'll handle it ok. He won't hurt you; we won't let him."

The scent of salt hit my senses and I heard a small sob escape from her throat as she tried to press herself more firmly into my embrace.

Why did this have to happen? She was just beginning to find some semblance of peace in her own mind; her recovery was actually starting to get somewhere. Internally, I prayed to whatever God was out there that this didn't set her back again. It just seemed to be one thing after another for her and I worried about how she would cope with it.

It seemed at the moment, at least on the surface, that she was coping rather well. I know that at least some of it was forced for the benefit of everybody else, but I held out some hope that at least maybe in part she looked happy because she was. Because she felt safe here with us and it was where she wanted to be.

Carlisle and Esme stepped forward and greeted her, Esme pulling her into a fierce motherly hug and holding her there for a long while until Carlisle chuckled and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Let the poor girl breathe Esme." She hesitated a moment before releasing Bella from her embrace, and simply cupping her cheek with her hand instead.

"It's wonderful to have you home Bella." She spoke softly before placing a soft kiss on her cheek. Bella smiled back at her brightly, no hint of anything but love and happiness on her face.

"It's lovely to be here Esme; thank you for having me."

Once Bella had settled in, it was drawing towards lunchtime and I was becoming nervous, but trying desperately not to show it. We had been given detailed instructions on how to deal with mealtimes to make them as stress free as possible for Bella. To keep mealtimes as structured as possible and to not make a big deal out of them but treat them as an everyday part of life, which of course in our home they weren't. I had already had to rein Alice and Emmett in twice this morning. They had made elaborate plans for a huge Christmas meal for Bella tomorrow, Emmett had even been out and bought a huge turkey.

"Jeez, Emmett she's only one tiny human; even without an eating disorder, she could never manage that alone!" I had chastised him with a smile on my face.

"Well what's she gonna eat man? We gotta fucking feed her. She can't be going back to that place all emaciated again; they'll never let her come here again."

"Maybe we should go back to the shops and get something different." Alice had offered with her face crestfallen at my lack of enthusiasm over their turkey idea.

"Or, and I know it's a novel thought you guys, but maybe, just maybe we could give her a choice over what she eats. Choice isn't something she's had a lot of in the last few years, so maybe that would be a nice idea?" I watched amused as their faces dropped, realising their mistake.

Their interpretation of that conversation was apparently to fill up the shelves in the kitchen with at least one of everything that the grocery store sold. Emmett had had a field day when he noticed the name of the store. Alice had replayed the scene for me in her head.

"Piggly Wiggly? Seriously? Piggly Wiggly? What in the hell will these humans come up with next? I mean, what the hell was wrong with Safeway?" He had then proceeded to go up to every product in the store that was ever even remotely pig related, spending extra special time in the bacon section, telling each product that their death was not in vain as an entire national chain of stores was named in their honour.

When he eventually tired of that, he instead moved onto to telling the same inane and unfunny joke repeatedly.

"Hey Alice, knock knock." Heavy sigh from Alice.

"Who's there Emmett?" She responded in her most disdainful voice.

"Piggly Wiggly!"

"You know, Emmett, you've been on this planet for how many years now? And you still haven't mastered the art of the simple knock knock joke?" She threw him her best contemptuous look. "They're supposed to be funny."

* * *

I was in the guest bedroom with Bella now. It's the only room in the house which had a bed in it, bought specifically for her. The bed was huge, taking up most of the large room, with deep burgundy covers which billowed up around her when she sat down in the middle of the bed, swallowing her up like a cloud.

She sat on the bed now writing in a small journal that Doctor Moore had recommended that she keep, her brow furrowed in concentration as her hand moved quickly across the page in her untidy scrawl. I was standing casually slouched in the doorway, just enjoying being able to watch her without being held back by those iron gates that had stopped me from holding her for too long.

She put down the pen eventually, shutting the notebook and placing it on the night stand before raising her eyes to meet mine. As they did her face broke into the most beautiful smile and she attempted to bounce her way off the bed, but got all caught up in the abundant covers and just ended up bouncing in spot and giggling happily. I laughed loudly and jumped onto the bed with her, pulling her to me and tickling her sides mercilessly, enjoying the sound of her laughter and the feel of her perfect body as she squirmed under my fingers.

I stilled after a few moments, allowing her some respite before brushing a few stray strands of chestnut hair out of her face and then kissing her lightly on the lips.

"You're so beautiful. What did I do to deserve you?" Her smile lifted at my words and her eyes sparkled with love.

"Just lucky I guess." She retorted sarcastically before crawling across the bed and clambering onto the floor before turning and looking at me expectantly. I quirked my eyebrow at her wondering what she was waiting for.

"Lunch time for the human." Her words surprised me. I had expected her to be resistant to it, but here she was bringing it up herself. I couldn't believe I had been stressing out about how to broach the subject with her when she was just going to do this anyway. She was standing there in the doorway, an expectant look on her face with her hand outstretched for mine. I jumped from the bed and took her hand as we made our way down to the kitchen where I could hear Emmett and Alice trying to work out what to make for her lunch.

"I have to apologise for my family Bella; they're not exactly used to having a human around to cook for. Emmett and Alice, well they may have got a little carried away. Don't worry though. I mean you don't have to eat anything you don't want to; it's just that they're glad to have you here and…" She silenced me with a finger over my lips.

"Sshh, Edward, it's fine. Really, I think it's sweet of them, so stop apologising."

She balked slightly when we walked into the kitchen to the sight of the entire counter top covered in food and Emmett standing absolutely covered in mess from preparing it, beaming from ear to ear proudly.

"Hey Bella, I made you some lunch." He was grinning at her expectantly, his grin dropping slightly as he took in the look of fear on her face. I felt her body press back into mine trembling lightly as she tried to back away from the ridiculous amount of food he had made for her.

"Woah steady Bella." I spun her round to face me, putting a finger under her chin and gently pulling her face up until her eyes met mine. "Ignore Emmett; you don't have to eat all this. He's just bloody stupid and thinks that just because he can devour an entire herd of deer in half a minute that everybody is a complete glutton. You can eat whatever you want ok? No pressure."

She nodded hesitantly before her face took on an expression of resolve and she turned to face the disaster zone that used to be our kitchen again. I nearly laughed out loud at the look of contrition on Emmett's face. His bottom lip was sticking out so far you could have stood candles on it and he was pulling his best puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella; I just wanted to make you lunch." His whiny voice was getting a real hammering today. I was relieved when she giggled lightly and walked to him, throwing her arms around him and reassuring him that he was still the joint best big brother in the world and she didn't mind at all.

I heard Jasper's thoughts from the bedroom he shared with Alice telling me to commend Bella on her use of the word "joint" and did so, earning myself a grin as she replied at normal volume, knowing that Jasper could hear her.

"My big brothers are both the best, and I'm going to kick both of their arses at guitar hero later on right?" I heard Jasper chuckling upstairs before agreeing, and Emmett took on a look of pure excitement, threw Bella in the air and caught her, before bellowing, "Hell yeah!" and running off to go set up the Wii.

Bella took a moment, appraising the kitchen silently with a small smile curving her lips towards the heavens before she picked up a plate with enough sandwiches to feed about forty people and turned her back on the rest. She carried the plate through to the dining room and plopped down in a seat and began to eat quite happily.

I knew that the rest of the family were keeping away to give her space and not make her feel uncomfortable and was grateful to them all. I could hear them all in their various places. Alice and Jasper were doing things I would rather have not heard in their bedroom. Carlisle was reading in his office, Esme was painting in her studio and Emmett and Rosalie already started to play on the Wii. I did not need vampire ears to hear their competitive banter, and on more than one occasion Bella chuckled at something they shouted at one another.

* * *

"Edward?" Her soft voice broke the comfortable silence we had been enjoying, lying on her bed. Her head rested on my chest and my arms encircled her body loosely. We had been here for over an hour, just enjoying being together, neither of us saying anything, just _being_ for a while. The steady beat of her heart and the soft sounds she made as she drew oxygen into her lungs were like music to my ears and I could spend a lifetime listening to only them and never ever tire of them. Her fingers were idly running over the contours of my chest, her eyes focused on them as they smoothed the ripples in my shirt, flattening it against my body.

"Yes." I replied, raising my head off the soft pillow to look at her as she spoke.

"Do you still want me to stay human?" Her question caught me completely off guard. I don't know what I expected her to say, but that wasn't it. I had been leaving the issue of her mortality to her to raise, not wanting to pressure her into having to think about yet another huge detail in her life. She already had so much going on; her anorexia, Victoria, Jack, her friendship with Alfie, reconnecting with her parents and with my family and myself. I was worried that yet another thing might just push her over the edge and I hadn't expected her to want to discuss it for a long while yet. But here she was, surprising me again. I was so shocked that she had brought it up so soon that I couldn't form a coherent sentence for a good few minutes.

She sighed heavily after a moment, interpreting my silence as an affirmative response, her brow creased as she tried to extricate herself from my arms. I reached out and took her face tenderly between my hands. Her eyes were cast down to the bed covers as she knelt in front of me, trying to avoid eye contact with me.

"Bella, look at me. Please." I requested, my tone almost pleading. She hesitated for a moment before her eyes flickered up to mine filled with a look of defeat and sadness that I put there without even trying to. It never ceased to amaze me how reliant on one another we were for our happiness. "Bella, all I want is you. I want you to be happy, whatever it takes." Her eyes widened in surprise, her expression suddenly hopeful.

"I want to be with you." She whispered her voice intense, desperate. "Forever."

"That's the only reason?" I questioned softly, searching her face carefully, scrutinising her expression for any sign of anything other than the love which was plain to see.

"Of course, Edward, what other reason is there?"

"I don't want you to do this because you're scared Bella. If you want this forever, I mean _really _want it, then I will happily spend the rest of time with you. But I need to know that it's what you really want. I can't let you make a decision like this based on your fear of Jack." She flinched slightly at his name causing a wave of guilt to course through me. "This isn't something you can take back Bella. Once it's done, there is no taking it back. I'd hate for you to turn around someday and regret making a rash decision."

She sighed heavily, her face still warm and soft between my stone cold hands.

"I'm not going to lie to you Edward; I think lies and bad decisions on both our parts have done us enough damage. The thought of _him_ as a vampire scares the shit out of me. But he was dangerous enough to me as a human, and what he can do to me as a vampire is no worse than what he has done already. He's always been a predator and now he's just a stronger and faster one. I want this because I love you and I want to spend the rest of eternity by your side. Without you none of the rest matters--Victoria, _him, _the anorexia, none of it. Being without you is the worst thing that could ever happen to me; nothing scares me more than that."

I pulled her into my arms tightly, our embrace not nearly enough to satisfy my need to be close to her.

"Then I'll stay right here." She looked up at me with her big brown eyes; she had never looked as vulnerable as when she whispered her next two words to me.

"Promise me."

"You have my word that I will never leave you again Bella. I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. There is no force on earth strong enough to make me spend another day anywhere but by your side. I am here until you order me away." Her ruby red lips turned up in a sweet smile, her steady heart beat the only sound as she nuzzled her face into my chest contentedly.

"Edward." Her soft voice broke the silence once more.

"Mmm?" I crooned as I buried my face in her hair, breathing her in. The scent of her strawberry shampoo had replaced that sterile institutional smell from the clinic and it smelled like heaven to me.

"You have to forgive yourself for leaving." She didn't look at me as she spoke, just held me to her as tightly as her human strength would allow, clutching my shirt tightly in her tiny fists.

Realistically I knew that she was right. I knew that my guilt over leaving her would tear us apart if I let it. I knew how poisonous it could be in our relationship if I let this overwhelming emotion eat away at me. But the truth was that I didn't know how to forgive myself. From the moment I saw her in that hospital bed in New York, broken and alone, I had been torn apart by guilt. Guilt that I left her alone in the forest that day and all she knew from that moment was pain, both emotional and physical.

"How, Bella?" I started. "How can I forgive myself when you were hurt so badly? How can I even begin to atone for everything you went through because I wasn't there to protect you?"

She straightened up, pulling out of my arms slightly her face stern. My arms felt her loss immediately and I had to fight back the urge to reach out and pull her back to me.

"It is not your job to protect me, Edward. All I want from you is your love; that's all I ever wanted. I don't need a knight in shining armour, I just need _my_ Edward--the boy who stole my heart in high school and never returned it. The boy who was as nervous as me the first time we kissed… whose hand shook when he held mine for the first time. I need _you _Edward. Just you."

Her eyes gazed into mine filled with an intensity I had rarely seen there, her tone imploring me to understand what she was saying, and I did. In that moment it hit me. I had spent our time together not just being her boyfriend like she wanted, but trying to protect her from the world. I knew too much. I had seen too much. Knowing about all the dangers out there in the real world had made me wrap her in cotton wool, scared that she would fall foul of one of the many things that go bump in the night that I knew to be real. But that wasn't what she ever wanted or needed. All she wanted was to be a normal teenage girl and have fun with her boyfriend, regardless of the danger that we both knew surrounded us.

I had made mistake after mistake in our relationship, always using her human frailty as an excuse to treat her like a child instead of trusting her to handle all the crap that came with dating a monster.

"I mean it Edward; let it go. I see the pain that you're fighting so hard to hide; you're a good liar but not that good. I know you're hurting and it kills me because it's completely unnecessary. I think I forgave you the moment you wrapped your arms around me again. Stop punishing yourself for something that you can do nothing about. It's in the past now and that's where it should stay. Torturing each other with _what-might-have-beens_ is not going to do either of us any good."

She made it sound so easy, but I knew I was the one that had put her in this position to begin with. If I had just left her alone, stayed in Denali after that first day, she would never have known what it was like to be in my world; she would never have been hurting like this. I was selfish though, and I needed her. She had changed me in that one meeting without even knowing it.

I shouldn't have left though. In trying to protect her, I had broken her and there was no excuse for that. This was my fault no matter how I looked at it, and with my infallible memory I couldn't ever forget that. I could, however, work past it. I could put it aside and leave it in our past. I just wasn't sure how easy it would be to do. It would be on the cusp of my mind every time she skipped a meal and every time I saw the scars on her body.

"It sounds so simple when you put it like that, Bella." My voice shook as I spoke, reaching for her hand with my shaky one. Her small fingers closed around my hand as tightly as her frail human strength would allow, her thumb running soothingly along the length of my hand. When did this happen? When did the dynamic change from her being the one needing the comfort to being the one offering it?

"Because it _is_ simple, Edward. It's over; you're here. No matter what happens now I will always know that you never stopped loving me. Do you have any idea what that means to me? What it means that in spite of what _he_ did to me, despite him taking what was rightfully yours, you still want me? I never thought anybody could want me again after he did... _that_. But you do, and you're here. That's all that matters to me now." Her eyes shone with sincerity as she spoke more forcefully than I had ever heard her before. She meant what she was saying, that much was clear.

"How could I ever not want you, Bella? You're a part of me, the most important part. I just don't work without you anymore."

"You don't need to, Edward. I'm right here, and if you'll have me I'm not going anywhere. I love you Edward."

"I love you too, Bella. Forever." She smiled lightly as she replied.

"Forever is all I'm asking for."

* * *

**_No cliffie!! See I can write chapters that don't have them occasionally! :D_**


	25. Chapter 25

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. **_

_**A/N: My beta is on holiday this week so my friend/mentor/pre-reader/general purveyor of awesomeness Weezy beta'd this chapter for me. She also wrote part of it for me when I had a hissy fit in a state of fever so this chapter literally wouldn't exist without her. Thank you so much Louise, you rock! (Pen name Nostalgicmiss).**_

_**Thank you as always to everybody who reviews, I love hearing what you think and you always make me smile. **_

_**I'm sorry the gaps between chapters are getting longer, the writing is taking a long time at the moment, I hope they're worth waiting for :-S**_

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 25**

Look into these eyes of mine and take away my pain  
Fall into my arms, tonight, let the world around us fade  
The rain will fall, our hearts will break  
But still i will be here beside you, right beside you...

When the world is against you  
I will protect you  
Darling we'll be an army of two  
When your life's going wrong  
Our love will be strong  
Darling we'll be, an army of two

_Army of Two - Dum Dums_

I fingered the soft leather of the seat beneath me as Edward's fingers ghosted over the contours of my face. I fixed my eyes determinedly on my father's car in the driveway, blinking back ridiculous tears I steadfastly refused to allow to fall. The last two days had been absolute heaven; being away from the clinic and able to spend 24 hours a day with Edward was perfect and had made me more determined than ever to beat this thing so that it could be like that all the time. But now I had to say goodbye to him and spend Christmas Day with my parents. I was looking forward to spending some time with them and I knew that seeing how well I was doing would put their minds at rest a little bit. But it felt like the moment Edward's face left my sight my heart would stop beating and I would cease to exist until I saw him again_**.**_

My heart stuttered in my chest as his hand left my face, my flushed cheeks feeling the loss of his cool touch immediately. I felt the salty tears stinging my cheeks, the battle to restrain them well and truly lost. I sighed heavily staring down at my hands in my lap, wishing fervently that I didn't have to get out of this car and walk away from him again. I couldn't believe how easy it had been to turn my back on him before, the power the disease had held over me was truly frightening_._

I felt a cool finger under my chin, pushing it up softly and turning it so that I was looking into Edward's eyes. They were starting to get black again and I wondered if I was going to have to turn the tables and start nagging him to hunt_._

"I won't be far Bella. I'll never be far again. Ever. I promise. I'm never going anywhere I can't hear your heart beating again." His hand caressed my cheek softly bringing the inevitable blush as I leaned into his touch. I smiled lightly at him earning me a flash of my favorite crooked grin before he touched his lips to mine in an all too brief moment of bliss before we had to say goodbye. He started to climb out of the car and was holding my door open in a flash, his hand extended to take mine in a gentlemanly gesture that always made me smile. "I'll walk you to the door. I'd like to say Merry Christmas to your parents."

He slung his arm casually over my shoulder and pulled me against him, his scent filling my senses so completely that I lost concentration and almost stumbled on a loose piece of rock on the driveway. He pulled me tighter into his side, his arm steadying me as he chuckled to himself. My skin tingled as he pressed his lips lovingly against my temple causing my heart to leap into my mouth. He just chuckled even harder, a smug grin overtaking his face_._

"Yeah laugh it up, Cullen." I smiled broadly in spite of myself and buried my face in his side which was now shaking with laughter_._

I pulled up as we reached the front door of my former home, unsure of whether I needed to knock or not. It had been a long while since I last let myself into this house and I had no idea what the protocol was now. Did I just walk in and risk being rude? It wasn't my home any more after all. But then, if I knocked would it hurt Charlie's feelings? Edward looked at me curiously as I stood there chewing on my lip and deliberating. I looked up at him, my face scrunched up in confusion which earned me a questioning look back.

I was saved the bother of explaining myself when the door was flung open and my mom came flying out of it in a fashion reminiscent of Alice. Her arms closed around me and pulled me forcibly from Edward's embrace as she squealed out Christmas salutations for all the street to hear. Then in a gesture that took me completely by surprise she released me, allowing me to breathe again and threw her arms around Edward. Of course he didn't seem at all surprised by it he would have seen it coming, but I just gaped at her open mouthed in shock until I felt a light tap on my shoulder and turned to face my dad.

"Hey, Bells," he started gruffly, rubbing his chin between his thumb and index finger in a familiar gesture of discomfort.

"Merry Christmas, dad." I smiled at him before allowing him to put his arm around my shoulder and walk me into the house. I could hear my mom inviting Edward in for a drink behind me and smiled even wider at her easy acceptance of him being back in my life. I had yet to tell my parents about our engagement, never quite sure how they were going to take it. I had hope now that my mom at least would take it well. Charlie might be a different story, I would have to take this time to gauge how he felt towards him. Maybe Edward could get a read on his feelings. I felt awful planning to spy on my own father's mind in that way, but I wanted to be sure that the news wouldn't hurt him before I told him. He had been hurt enough already.

Inside, my dad's living room looked like a Santa's grotto with a huge tree in the corner partially obscuring the TV. Tinsel and fairy lights were strung everywhere and there were streamers laced all over the ceiling. This had to be my mom's handiwork because there was no way Charlie would bother with that level of decoration and absolutely no chance he would have placed the tree so that he couldn't see the entire flat screen. I had no idea whether the football season continued over Christmas but there were re-runs on ESPN all the time and half the field would be missing from the picture with the gigantic fir blocking it.

Charlie pulled his arm from around my shoulder and flopped down in his recliner, gesturing for everybody to sit down. My mom flapped around excitedly, offering drinks and food and all sorts in spite of it being only 8am_._

"Mom sit down, we're fine." I shook my head, rolling my eyes and Edward watched on, clearly amused.

**Charlie's POV**

When she was a child Bella was so much like her mother. Flighty and erratic with a hint of mischief about her at all times. I had watched on as time passed - in the few precious weeks I got to spend with her every year - as she grew and matured, turning into a woman well beyond her years. Renee had been alone for so long, just her and Bella, two peas in a pod, they seemed more like best friends than mother and daughter most of the time. In fact sometimes I wondered who took care of who in their relationship.

When Bella came to me she was so independent, so strong willed. Some called it stubborn, I just saw a strong young woman who knew what she wanted and would work hard to achieve it. She had a lot of natural ability educationally, but would never allow that to give her an easy ride. She always pushed herself beyond the boundaries of what was expected of her, taking on extra assignments and taking advanced placement classes, not for the sake of college applications or to look good on a resume, but to broaden her mind. As a small child her mind was like a sponge, she had such a craving for knowledge that no matter how many books we bought her and how many museums we took her to she still always wanted more. Walking around museums with her as a nine year old when she was staying with me during the summer, the museum staff were constantly astounded by her grasp of subjects way beyond the expected knowledge of a child her age. She would approach them shyly and ask questions about exhibits that blew my mind and they would attempt to stammer out responses adequate to satisfy her curiosity.

She moved into my home and immediately started to take care of me like I had never been taken care of before. She cooked for me every night, she cleaned the house from top to bottom on a regular basis, she did my laundry for me. She had been taking care of her mother for so long that it just came naturally to her to want to do the same for me.

I wanted to know at what point it was exactly that she stopped taking care of herself.

Her self preservation instincts had never been particularly effective, but she had always had a decent level of common sense - if nothing else - to guide her.

Did I fail her? I sent her off to college, proud as punch that she had got in to an Ivy League school and hoping that getting away from Forks would help draw her out of the funk she had fallen into after the Cullens left. But no sooner had she arrived there than she had fallen prey to the worst kind of monster, going through tortures that I couldn't even bear to think about and yet she survived them all. She stayed there, enduring night after night of pain instead of coming home to me. Was I a bad father? Did I somehow make her feel unwelcome? Why didn't she come home to me? We had never been especially affectionate in our relationship, neither of us being demonstrative by nature, but I had always assumed that she knew that I loved her. Maybe I was wrong to assume. I should have told her every single day of her life that she was the most precious thing in the world to me and that she could come to me with anything.

I watched her now with Edward as she sat beside him on the sofa, my curiosity piqued by the way they were around one another. They almost seemed to be stepping an intricate dance that nobody else was part of, like each of them was perfectly synchronised with the other. I wondered whether they even realised that they were doing it. I was intrigued by the way he looked at her, his eyes constantly straying to her every few seconds as though he wanted to ensure that she was still there. Like he expected her to suddenly disappear in a puff of smoke. I wondered whether Dr and Mrs Cullen had had to endure a similar situation to myself when they left town. Whether they had had the torture of watching their child fall apart and being completely helpless to stop it.

Renee was clucking around the room now, offering drinks and nibbles despite the hour and Bella and Edward just sat watching her looking amused and slightly confused. I had thought it politic to invite Renee to stay with us over Christmas. Having found out what our daughter had been through, she had refused point blank to leave Forks anyway and I knew that Bella would enjoy being with her mom for Christmas. I had extended the invitation to Phil as well but he had politely declined, stating - probably rightly so - that Bella needed to be with her parents at the moment. He had sent his love to her and promised that he would come and visit as soon as she was ready to see him. She had never really talked about Phil when she lived with me so I had assumed that maybe they didn't get on too well. But from the conversation I heard him having with Renee it occurred to me that maybe she kept quiet about him to spare my feelings rather than her own. It seemed that they had had a fairly good relationship, he obviously thought of her with some affection, his voice sounding out through the speaker phone was full of concern for her.

Edward held her hand in his lap, his thumb rubbing hers gently in a gesture that made it clear how in love with her he was. I knew it was only a matter of time before they came to me telling me that they were getting married. I wondered if he would ask my permission first, he always struck me as old fashioned in a lot of ways. He always opened her car door for her, offering her his hand to help her from the vehicle and his language often sounded odd to me, not the usual speech of a young American man. Even back when they dated in high school he had acted much older than his seventeen years. Maybe that's why they were drawn to one another in the first place.

Edward stayed for about half an hour, just long enough to survive the third degree from Renee. I was actually impressed. The woman could get the job done. Half an hour and I don't think she left a single area of the kid's life unscrutinised. She delved into his family, his schooling, his ambitions, his health and various other personal subjects that left poor Bella cringing in her seat. All respect to the kid though, if he was bothered by the incessant questions he didn't show it. Either he has an amazing game face or he was genuinely not perturbed by Nee's own personal re-enactment of the Spanish Inquisition. By the time he left I think she was actually quite impressed by him. The kid seemed almost too perfect. Perfect GPA, perfect family, perfect prospects for the future. This excessive amount of perfect left Renee smiling broadly and me wondering what the catch was.

I watched Bella carefully as she stood in the doorway and watched Edward drive away in that familiar silver car. Her shoulders slumped the moment his hand left hers and her face visibly fell. I would have invited him to spend the day with us, but we had all been asked to join Billy and Jake for dinner over at La Push and the invitation was not an open one. I placed a hand on her shoulder and felt the huge sigh that shook her body as she turned into my embrace, burying her face in my chest the way she used to when she was a little girl.

"Come on Bells, let's get the present thing out of the way before your mother spontaneously combusts with excitement." Her face shot up to mine with a horrified expression.

"I said no presents." I held my hands up defensively, pointing to Renee who was sitting looking sheepish on the floor by the enormous Christmas tree she had forced on me.

"Not my fault, baby girl, this one is all on your mother."

Bella had never been one for receiving gifts; had always been embarrassed by them somehow. But this year I had understood her reasoning and had been more than willing to comply. Being stuck in the clinic for so long she had not had any opportunity to go out and buy presents for anybody and didn't want to receive without being able to give. I didn't tell her that the best gift she could ever give me was to allow herself to get better, to grow strong and healthy again and be happy doing whatever it was she wanted to do. To go back to being my daughter Bella again, instead of the broken shell that she had returned to me as.

"Hey it's only tiny, I didn't spend much I promise. I just thought you'd like to have this."

Renee pressed the small rectangular gift into Bella's hands. She looked at the silver package warily, the purple ribbon tied around it caught the gleam from the lamp and reflected sparkles into her eyes. Her bottom lip went straight into her mouth and she chewed on it painfully, the way she had when nervous or uncomfortable since she was a small child. "Open it, sweetheart. It won't bite you I promise."

**Bella's POV**

I took care ripping the shiny silver paper from the gift. I was always careful with wrapping paper after a certain incident with a paper cut. As the paper folded back between my fingers it revealed a shiny silver picture frame.

" Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

I ran my fingers lightly over the cool silver metal as I felt my mom's arms close around me. I gazed at the photograph encased by the intricately weaved, celtic design of the frame. "I found the picture when I was rooting through some old boxes and I thought you'd like to have it."

It was the three of us together when I was a baby. My dad was cradling me tenderly in his arms and both of them had their eyes fixed adoringly on my chubby round face. They were both smiling happily and my mom's finger was clutched in my tiny fist. I had an impressive mop of dark brown hair even then, matching both of my parents.

Part of me wished I could go back to those times, back to when I was a little girl and the most scary thing I could imagine was being lost in a crowd and unable to find my mummy, or the imaginary monsters under my bed. When one cuddle from my father could calm all my fears and sooth me after I woke up crying from a bad dream. Bad dreams. I scoffed internally at what I had considered to be a bad dream before. When the worst things in my subconscious were just that. My subconscious, nothing more. When everything that scared me when my eyes were closed would disappear into the shadows the moment the light came on. When the strong arms of my father could scare away the demons that haunted the occasional dream.

My finger traced the edges of the smiling family in the photo, not finding any gap between the individual characters portrayed there. When did my parents go from being the happily married couple whose faces shone out at me, full of parental pride, to the almost estranged people they had become?

I pulled the frame into my chest with both hands, clutching it tightly and allowing a solitary tear to fall down my face. I felt the salty droplet weave it's way to my chin and watched as it landed making a small dark patch on my jeans. I heard Charlie faintly shuffling uncomfortably in the background. He never was comfortable with tears, or with public displays of emotion in general really. I swiped the track the tear left down my cheek away with my fingers and smiled brightly at them both, thanking my mom enthusiastically for the present.

"Did you have a nice day with the Cullens yesterday?" Charlie's voice broke the awkward silence that had fallen over us after my somewhat embarrassing display of sentimentality.

I smiled lightly to myself as I thought over the previous day.

_They too had been completely unable to restrain themselves when it came to gifts and had managed to get round me in the way that only they could. Pouting. I would swear that Alice and Emmett had been practising because one look at their twin pairs of puppy dog eyes and bottom lips jutting out like shelves and I was putty in their hands as gift after gift was thrust at me._

_Alice and Jasper had of course, bought me practically an entire wardrobe full of new clothes __with shoes and accessories to match. I nearly cried when I saw some of the shoes with their pointy heels just screaming six weeks in a cast at me. But I kept smiling, because really when all was said and done they didn't buy me presents because they were trying to upset me, they did it because they cared and they were entirely too generous with everything that they had. Having somebody to share their wealth with made them happy and after all that had happened, all I'd put them through, being gracious in accepting gifts from them was really the least I could do. I was just sad that I hadn't had the opportunity to reciprocate with gifts of my own for them._

_Emmett and Rosalie had given me a beautiful rosewood box with a border of mother of pearl shining around the edge and a star in the centre. It was quite big and very heavy. I ran my finger along the border, tears stinging at my eyelids that they would buy me something so beautiful. Emmett was always such a joker and Rosalie had never even really liked me._

_"It's beautiful, thank you."_

_"Open it, Bella," Rosalie spoke softly, her voice well below the boisterous Christmas noise going on around us. I lifted the metal tab that held it shut and pulled the lid up to reveal a line of leather bound books inside. The scent of the leather mixed with the antique smell of the box and reminded me of the smell of old bookshops. The kind I used to spend hours in, just browsing and breathing in the heavenly aroma which was one of my favorite in the world. I pulled one of the books from the box and admired the cover. It was a light brown leather with a criss cross pattern on the spine and seemed to be filled with handmade paper._

_"They're journals, Bella. They're all empty." _

_I looked up at her, tearing my eyes away from the stunning book in my hands. Her eyes held mine in a pointed gaze, her features softer and more caring than I had ever seen them. "Because sometimes what we can't say is easier to write down," her eyes flickered away from mine and down to her lap where her fingers were twisting through one another nervously. All the breath whooshed from my lungs as the sentiment of the gift hit me and I found myself throwing my arms around her and hugging her harder than I had ever hugged her before._

_"Thank you," I whispered softly into her ear which was right beside my lips. I couldn't say anything else, not without breaking down and crying right there in the room in front of everybody. She gave me a gentle squeeze and I was just pulling out of the hug when I once again felt Emmett's huge arms yanking me up off the ground and hugging me tightly in a trademark Emmett embrace._

_"Use them, baby sister. They might help."_

_"Bella?" I wobbled slightly as Emmett set me back on my feet, but managed to turn with his assistance to where Esme had addressed me from. She and Carlisle were standing side by side with identical grins plastered across their faces and a huge rectangular box wrapped in light blue paper with huge red Santas dotted all over it standing in front of them. There was a small red bow in the top right hand corner which looked kind of lost with the size of the package. I stared at it wondering what on earth could be in a package that size._

_"We thought this might come in handy, at the clinic," Carlisle said, stepping forwards and picking the parcel up easily in both hands and setting it down in front of me, the smile never leaving his face. I tore the paper off carefully shooting a wink at Jasper who thankfully grinned back. Inside was a cardboard box with the word Gibson printed in large, black letters on the outside._

_Inside was a stunning acoustic guitar made from mahogany and spruce with a stunning floral design by the strings with a hummingbird taken from the name of the guitar which was printed in white lettering on the pegboard beneath a crown logo. There were shapes of mother of pearl set into the finger board, and the word Gibson was printed on the pegboard in gold lettering which matched the tuning pegs. It was beautiful, the most stunning guitar I had ever seen, and made me feel guilty for owning such a gorgeous instrument when I had only learnt a few chords so far. _

_"Th-thank you, it's..." I tailed off, having no words to describe to them how amazing their gift to me was. I literally had no words. I just gaped at them, my hands gripping the guitar shakily as they smiled broadly at me and assured me that it was their pleasure._

I smiled and nodded at Charlie, confirming that I had a good time, while fingering my gift from Edward which currently dangled from a chain around my neck. I could feel it's round shape and stone through my t-shirt. I couldn't stop the goofy grin that spread across my face as I remembered how he gave it to me.

_"Come for a walk with me, Bella?" Edward held out his hand to help me up from where I was kneeling on the floor, attempting to learn chess from Jasper using his brand new civil war chess set. Jasper and Alice flashed each other knowing looks and Jasper winked at me as I allowed Edward to pull me to my feet. He held my coat out for me and helped me into it like the gentleman that he was. His eyes held mine for a long moment, shining with excitement before he took my hand and pulled me to the door._

_Outside the night was crisp and clear, the sky cloudless and bright in the moonlight. It was cold but my thick coat kept me warm as Edward pulled me into the woods._

_"Would you mind... I mean... Do you think..." He trailed off, more nervous than I had ever seen him. I placed a hand on his cheek, the feel of his skin hard and cold against the pad of my thumb as I smoothed under his eye._

_"Say it Edward, it's me, it's just me."_

_"It's a little way away, may I carry you?" I giggled meanly at the uncertainty in his voice, watching as he tore at his hair adorably. He was really incredibly cute when he was unsure of himself. It wasn't a side of him I had seen much of, he had always been so cool and collected, but it was refreshing to see him that way, to know that even my perfect Adonis suffered from self doubt sometimes._

_I pushed back my memories of being carried on his back that first time when it had made me dizzy and nauseous and allowed him to pull me onto his back once more. He twisted his head around as far as he could, an adorable grin on his face and winked saying: "Hold on tight!" Before setting off at the speed of an express train._

_The forest sped past me in a blur of greens and browns, the lines of the trees no longer vertical, being swirled into a haze of horizontal lines by the speed we were travelling. I threw my head back feeling my hair flying out behind me in the wind we were creating and watched as the browns and greens thinned and gave way to more and more of the petrol blue of the moonlit sky. My heart raced in my chest at the exhilarating feeling, like I was flying in the wind and there was nothing that could stop me._

_Eventually,__,__ the blurring grew less and less until we came to a complete standstill. Edward helped me gently down to the ground holding his arm around my waist in case I was unsteady. For a moment I was grateful for the support as it took me a little while to find my feet, after I found them however, I was merely grateful for the contact. I pulled myself further into his arms and rested my cheek against his strong chest, feeling his arms tighten around me and a noise that sounded a lot like purring coming from his chest. I looked up from where I was stood and found him gazing down at me, the most intense look in his eyes._

_"You're so beautiful," he crooned, cupping my cheek with his hand and smiling a heartbreaking smile before pressing his lips against mine and holding me in the most heavenly of kisses . With his lips on mine, and his body pressed up against me the rest of the world fell away; we were the only two people on the planet and nothing else mattered. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest the way it always did when he so much as brushed up against me. Our lips parted after a while but he kept close to me, pressing his forehead up against mine and breathing deeply, the only sounds were the__thumping of my heart and the occasional song from a bird singing in the darkness._

_"Look, Bella," his velvet voice broke the silence softly as he placed his hands on my hips and steered me to turn around. I gasped as I turned and saw where we were. The meadow. The very place I had dreamed of escaping to every time _he _hurt me. It was lit up by the light of the moon and by hundreds of tiny lights hung in the trees which I could only assume were Alice's responsibility. She and Jasper had disappeared for a couple of hours earlier in the day giggling like school children. I had just assumed that I didn't want to know and quickly forgotten about it._

_"It's beautiful, Edward, what's the occasion?" He wrapped his arms around me from behind, pulling me in against his chest and resting his chin on my shoulder. I could feel his cool breath on my neck and it sent tingles running down my spine. _

_"The occasion is you, Bella," he whispered, before peppering kisses below my ear._

_"Me?" I questioned while trying to keep my knees steady beneath me, his proximity bringing me dangerously close to loosing my faculties altogether._

_"Yes you," he chuckled pulling me around to face him and smirking at me sending my heart thundering in my chest. "See, having you back in my life is the most amazing feeling in the world and I don't ever want to be away from you again, not ever.__Bella, I love you more than anything in this world. You complete me. I just don't work without you; nothing makes sense when you're not by my side. You surprise me everyday and I want to spend the rest of time with you."_

_He dropped down onto one knee and held up a light blue box which he flicked open to reveal a platinum ring with a stunning diamond._

_"Marry me, Bella. Make me the luckiest man on earth and be my wife?" His eyes sparkled with hope as he held the stunning ring up towards me._

_"I already said I'd marry you, silly," I giggled earning a flash of my favourite crooked grin._

_"You deserve to be proposed to properly, Bella. I want you to have a perfect moment you can remember, one that isn't tarnished with bad memories. I wanted to do it right this time."_

_My eyes welled up with tears at the love emanating from his every word and gesture as I threw myself at him, knocking him onto the ground and landing on top of him in a heap. He wrapped his arms around me and held me to him happily as I stared up into the face of the man I would spend eternity with. I could think of nowhere I would rather be._

_"Look Bella, look how clear it is. The stars are so bright tonight." He rolled me gently off his stomach so I was lying beside him with his arm still around me. We lay there side by side for a few moments just looking at the sky which was lit in a deep blue colour by the blanket of stars that was swept across the sky like an artist's canvas._

_I sighed heavily, remembering the nights I would lie in my bed while Jack had his way with me, looking up at the sky through the window and wishing upon every star that I saw that it would all just stop, that the pain would go away and he would just leave me in peace. _

_"What is it, Bella?" Edward's face loomed in front of mine, his face contorted in concern._

_"It's nothing," I responded instinctually, not wanting to spoil this moment for him. His fingers brushed a stray strand of hair from my face before running down my cheeks and round my neck into my hair bringing my face into the crook of his neck and kissing me lightly on the top of my head._

_"I love you, Bella, and I want every part of you, even the parts that you try so desperately to hide. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything, about _everything_. Don't keep it all locked away inside to protect me. You can talk to me any time. What happened to you was horrific Bella, you can't bottle it all up inside or it will destroy you. You don't _have _to tell me anything, but you can. Any time."_

_I could feel his fingers trailing through the loose tendrils of my hair down my back and the movement of his chest as he breathed in and out. The air around us was completely silent now, he was waiting for me to say something and giving me the opportunity to do so without having to look him in the eye. His thoughtfulness never failed to astound me. I allowed the silence to stretch out a moment longer, enjoying the closeness of his body to mine and the way his fingers felt in my hair._

_"The stars. I remember when he was... when I was... I mean...." I trailed off, having no idea how to explain to him how being able to see the stars through my window took my mind off what was happening, helped me to remember that no matter how frightening and painful the world could be there was still beauty to be found in it._

_"The stars?" He questioned patiently._

_"I could see them. From my bed, I could see them." His arms tightened around me infinitesimally. "They were so beautiful. When I was frightened they made me remember that not everything was bad or painful. On cloudy nights it hurt more."_

_"How many times Bella? How often?" His voice was choked and I felt instantly guilty for making him feel that way. I burrowed my head further into his neck, not wanting him to know the answer to that question. Because in spite of all he had said there was still a part of me - a part I had fiercely tried to fight down and failed - that still believed he wouldn't want me if he knew the extent to which I had become somebody else's._

_I felt him shifting, pulling back from me slightly and I knew what was coming. The long overdue look of disgust, the stammered apology then the running away from me as though I was on fire. I looked down at the ground, determined not to see the look even if I couldn't block out the rest, but felt his fingers pulling my chin up so that I couldn't help but meet his eyes. There was no disgust there, only love and acceptance._

_"How often, Bella?" I lowered my eyes back down to the ground and he allowed me to. I clutched onto his shirt with both hands, desperately afraid that he would bolt once he knew. "I'm not going anywhere Bella, ever. Tell me, please."_

_"Almost every night," I whispered onto the wind almost inaudibly, but loud enough for him to hear. I let the shame of what I was divulging seep into every inch of me, filling me with disgust and fear. Disgust at myself and fear of the disgust I would see in Edward's eyes if I had the courage to look into them. I was completely helpless to the stream of tears that ran down my cheeks as I waited for him to bolt. One moment a ring, the next gone. That was how it would be, because why would he want to stay with somebody like me? I was never good enough for him in the first place and now... now I was tainted by another man, not just once but so many times I had lost count._

_I silently braced myself for his rejection, cringing slightly as I loosened my grip on his shirt in preparation._

_Whatever I was waiting for it never came. The gentle light glowing around him like a halo made me believe I was seeing things. He blinked two, three times before burying his head in the crook of my neck, taking in deep breaths as though he was memorizing me again and still the silence reigned. I needed him to say something, I needed him to acknowledge the revelation with something._

_I was starting to feel the rejection coursing through my body as the tears stung my eyes. After every promise he made, he was still going to let me go because of this. I knew his pain, I felt it the day he'd left and everyday since. It didn't matter that I was still here, because the deepest part of me, the innocent, naive girl he'd fallen in love with was now gone. I understood it and I could never hate him for his reaction._

_My fingers circled the ring on my finger as he continued to breathe in and out, his chest rising and falling evenly with each breath he took. The cool air licked my skin as he exhaled bringing back every memory we had together. I had to make this easier for him. He deserved that, he didn't need the guilt any more._

_"Maybe you should take this back, Edward."_

_His head snapped up with a speed that left me dizzy and uncertain that he'd moved at all. His eyes were black fire, the emotions making them burning embers as they searched my own, His hands, previously loose and limber around my body now squeezed me a little tighter._

_"Bella, you can't . . . you don't?"_

_"I understand."_

_"You couldn't, not for a second if you asked whether I wanted the ring back. Bella, you are everything to me. What Jack did to you - what he put you through. That wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could do to change that. I can't ever change what he did to you, Bella, but I can promise to make the future brighter, I can promise to be by your side and support you. You are all I want, you're all I'll ever want and nothing you say will ever change that."_

_Relief flooded my system with such force, I let my body fall against his. Our roles were reversed as my head fell to his shoulder for support. All of my doubts seemed asinine, and my guilt gripped me. I pulled back from the safety of his cool skin to look at him once more._

_"I love you, Edward."_

_His smile could have lit up the meadow, it beamed with such happiness and certainty that I could almost feel it pulsing through my own veins. He loved me, just as much as I loved him and he was willing to take me with the emotional scars that would haunt me for years. Nothing in my life would ever make more sense to me than he did, and with that armor, I knew it may just be possible to get past this with time._

* * *

_**Recommendation: Finding Bella by ekimmuh. Completely different to anything I've ever read before but I literally couldn't stop reading once I started. I read all 25 available chapters in one day, I don't do that often! **_


	26. Chapter 26

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however have my shiny laptop back which I now have to work out how to get the gunk off this one and on to mine again! All technological expertise gratefully recieved!_**

**_A/N: Thank you so so so much to my beta Jules (4StringQueen) for getting this chapter back to me so quickly. I completely forgot to send it to her and can only apologise to you all for the wait, it's entirely my fault so I'm sorry. I fail epically at life! _**

**_To Weezy, my pre-reader, mentor and friend, thank you so much as always for your patience with me and my absolute desire to delete everything I write. I do not deserve a friend like you._**

**__****_To the awesome folks who review as they read, I love you all. Really. So much of this story has come from ideas I've had while answering your reviews. I love how you all seem to just "get" the characters and what they are thinking. I puffy heart you all! _**

* * *

**Chapter 26**

**Bella POV**

"It's coming on Christmas  
They're cutting down trees  
They're putting up reindeer  
And singing songs of joy and peace  
Oh I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on."

_River - Joni Mitchell_

I stood outside the small, red house flanked on either side by my parents, chewing on my bottom lip nervously. The day was crisp and bright with not a cloud in the sky. The bright sunlight reflected off the tin roof of the garage that stood at the back of the house, warming my skin and causing me to squint at the door in front of us. I was excited to see Jacob again; we had been friends once after all. But part of me registered that the last time I saw him I had been rather less than receptive to his presence.

It had been just a couple of days after the incident at the Cullen's front door.

_Charlie took me home in the cruiser, his jaw set and his posture tense as he drove in silence. The only sound in the vehicle was the occasional scratchy message sounding out through the police radio. It crackled and spat every time a message came through. I barely even registered the sounds, just being vaguely aware of them somewhere on the edge of my subconscious. _

_We reached the driveway to Charlie's house and continued to sit in the car; both of us keeping our eyes trained forwards, the oppressive silence making the atmosphere in the small vehicle almost stifling. _

_Charlie squirmed in the driver's seat, turning slightly so his body was angled towards mine. His mouth opened and closed a few times as he fought to find something, anything to say that would make things better. He gave up after a few moments, sighing as he apparently gave me up as a lost cause. The loud clunk as his door opened and closed barely registered with me. Everything just happened around me as I trundled on in a blank haze of emptiness. _

_The passenger door opened beside me, the heavy rain spilling into the car as I continued to sit numbly in the seat with my eyes not really focusing on anything, and just staring through the dashboard into a world that no longer existed for me. I felt my father's arms sliding beneath my knees and around my shoulders before lifting me easily out of the car and carrying me gently into the house. He laid me on my bed where I curled up into a tight ball with my arms tightly around my knees and my back to the door where Charlie stood. I could feel his eyes on me for what felt like hours, just watching me silently fall apart, helpless to stop it. Eventually I heard him sigh heavily followed by the soft click of the latch on my bedroom door, and his footsteps retreated down the stairs indicating that I was alone, and I held myself together as best I could in the fading light. _

_"I just don't know what to do any more, Billy." Charlie's voice was full of despair as it drifted up the stairs, his shoes slapping loudly against the tiled kitchen floor as he paced back and forth. I cowered at the top of the stairs, no longer knowing or caring what I was going down for in the first place. "I look into her eyes and there's just nothing; it's like she's completely checked out on me. I feel like I'm losing her. What the hell am I supposed to do?"_

_His voice trailed off, presumably Billy was talking on the other end of the line, but his footfalls continued as his unrelenting pacing started to increase in speed. I slipped back into my bedroom, my sanctuary, not able to stomach hearing any more. _

_Guilt seeped into every cell of my body as I slid down the wall curling in on myself and hugging my knees to my chest. I tried to force everything from my mind, tried to embrace that aching numbness that had been my comfort blanket for so long before I had woken up to the reality that they were gone and they were never coming back. The reality of what my lack of response was doing to Charlie tore at me, the guilt like acid on the bleeding edges of the hole that had opened up in my chest. _

_I heard Charlie's heavy footsteps on the stairs after an immeasurable amount of time. I was still sat against the wall, my chin resting on my knees and my fingers sore from the grasp they still held around my legs. His footsteps faltered as he reached my door. I could see his shadow through the crack under the door, and saw as he shifted his weight from foot to foot, hesitating, not knowing whether to knock and come in or to leave me be, and to allow me to wallow in the sadness that wouldn't release me from it's grasp. _

_Eventually he seemed to find his resolve and knocked lightly on the door before he pushed it open. The light from the landing flooded my darkened room as the door allowed it in, my negligence in switching on the light as the natural light dimmed was not lost on Charlie as he sighed and flicked it on himself. I watched him without interest from where I sat, not changing my position once, and not even sure that I could. My entire body was aching with stiffness from maintaining the same position for too long, but the physical pain felt right to me. If I could spend a moment focusing in on each area of my body that hurt… If I could focus hard enough on the physical pain it meant less time to focus on the pain of the loss that I was feeling... There was time enough for that when I closed my eyes. _

_Charlie got down on his knees in front of me, placing his hand gently on the top of my head and stroking my hair softly with the tips of his fingers. I looked sadly into the eyes I inherited from him, deep brown and tinged with sadness, and wished that I could snap out of it for his sake. I wished I could just shrug off the heartbreak and move on like a normal teenager. Our eyes locked and stayed that way for an infinite moment, a silent communication passing between us, the way it only could between father and daughter when words just weren't enough. His eyes spoke all the things he wished he could do to take the pain away--all the ways he would make it right if he could. Mine spoke my guilt for how I was making him feel, my desire to be the daughter he missed again, and not just this empty, wallowing shell of the person I used to be. _

_We stayed that way in silence for what could have been hours or could have been mere seconds. His fingers never stopped their ministrations on my hair, giving me what comfort he could, but not trying to force me to talk, knowing that I wasn't ready. _

_"I love you, sweetheart." He whispered, dropping a small fatherly kiss on my forehead before he clambered to his feet and pulled me carefully to mine, my entire body screaming in protest at the change in position. His hands under my elbows were all that stopped me from crashing back to the floor as my body fought against the standing position. My head spun with the dehydration I hadn't even noticed falling into. He eased me gently back onto the bed, the soft covers swallowing up my aching body and offering relief to the pain that kept my mind away from him. He disappeared through the door, returning moments later with a large glass of water and a couple of Advil; apparently I had failed to hide the pain in my body from him. _

_"Try to get some sleep, Bella," he pleaded in a near whisper before leaving me alone in the dark and the quiet where the nightmares would take me once again. _

_The following morning I awoke to the sound of confusingly familiar voices on the stairs. As my brain fought against the morning fog which clouded it I discerned two voices:, Charlie and... Who? The voice was on the border of familiarity, but didn't sound quite as my brain registered that it should. The voices hushed as they neared my door and I could hear them whispering and shuffling about on the landing. _

_I maintained my position, fetal with my back to the door, waiting for the inevitable sound of fist against the thick wood. It never came. Apparently, Charlie had tired of my lack of response as the door was pushed open, the catch clicking slightly as it always did. I felt the bed shift under the weight of another body and shifted onto my back expecting to see Charlie's face looking back at me. In place of my father's pale and ageing face was a much younger and much darker one, though still familiar to me. _

_"Hey, Bella." Jacob's face loomed above mine, his dark eyes flashing with concern as he smiled cautiously at me. My eyes looked through him, not even able to truly wonder what he was doing here. His face was not the one that I wanted to see. There was only one that could pull me from my funk and let me breathe again. I just stared. I just sat there and stared at him--not seeing. Not doing anything. Just staring. _

_He talked to me for hours. He talked about everything and nothing all at once. He talked about the car he was building, about his friends down at the reservation, and about his father and Charlie and their fishing trips. He talked about absolutely everything except the one thing that could make me fall apart and heal me simultaneously. I didn't respond; I just continued to stare. _

_Eventually, after he exhausted every topic of conversation he could think of, stopping just short of telling me about his bathing habits, he tired of trying to get a reaction from me. He stopped talking and just stared at me for a long time. His dark eyes boring into mine as though he could see into my soul, and making me uncomfortable. _

_Sighing deeply, he got up and stood beside the bed._

_"I'm sorry he hurt you, Bella. I'm sorry they all hurt you, but you don't have to be alone. We were friends once, weren't we?" His voice was almost pleading, his big eyes soft and filled with sadness. In my mind I answered him, went for walks on the beach with him, and made mud pies like we did when we were children. I let him in and allowed him to heal me and let a friendship develop which pulled me out of the house while simultaneously pulling me out of my depression. _

_But in reality I just blinked, not even letting the corners of my mouth rise so much as a millimetre for the benefit of the boy who sat and talked to me for hours with no response, and then curled back into the fetal position I had been in when he entered. I heard the soft click of the door closing behind him as he too walked away. I had successfully driven everybody who cared for me away._

"Ready, Bells?" Charlie's fingers snapping in front of my face brought me swiftly back to the present and to the red house in front of me. I nodded slowly and forced a smile onto my face, hoping against hope that Jacob would be in a forgiving mood. It was Christmas after all.

I chewed nervously on my bottom lip as we stood waiting for somebody to answer the door. After a few moments it was thrown open by a beaming Billy complete with a ridiculously large Santa hat which had fallen lopsided on his head with the fluffy white bobble on the end dangling down in front of his face.

"Merry Christmas, Swans!" He exclaimed loudly, hiccupping through his broad grin. My dad shook his head, an amused look on his face as I giggled at Billy's obvious drunkenness despite it still being only 11am.

"You've started early." Charlie quirked an eyebrow at the can of beer in Billy's hand, the smile never leaving his face.

"Yeah, well what better reason to celebrate than the fact that this year is nearly over?"

"I'll drink to that." I muttered as I walked past him into the small living room. I cast my eyes around, taking in the small tree in the corner which was decorated with small scraps of tinsel and a string of fairy lights with half the bulbs missing. I rolled my eyes at the obvious lack of a female touch. Two men living alone should not be allowed to put up their own Christmas decorations. My brow furrowed slightly when I had scanned the full room and not found Jacob. I had thought that he would be here today.

Billy's rough hand on my arm startled me and I jumped back, his touch unexpected and unfamiliar. Guilt swept through me as I saw a look of contrition fill up his face. I didn't know how much Charlie had told him, but I knew that he often confided in Billy and although I would rather as few people knew as possible, it would have been selfish of me to deny my father an outlet for his own pain. I smiled apologetically at Billy and saw the look of relief that replaced his guilt.

"Sorry, Bella. I just wanted to tell you he's not here right now. He'll be... ah... here for lunch." He said, feigning nonchalance but failing to hide the edge to his voice. I remembered back to the day I spoke to Charlie on the phone from the Cullen's house when he told me that he thought maybe Jake was rebelling, and that Billy seemed cagey about what was going on with him.

"Okay." I smiled brightly at Billy as he led us to sit down on the large comfy couch. We sat there with the four of us talking about trivial nothings and skirting around all the very obvious elephants in the room. Jacob's absence, the fact that both my parents were in the same room together, and the fact that I was fairly sure that Billy knew what had happened to me but was trying not to let on. After about half an hour, Billy wheeled himself into the kitchen to start cooking Christmas dinner. I followed him, amused at the thought of him cooking since the most I had ever seen him manage in the past was pasta or oven bake pizzas.

He winked at me, taking a swig from his seemingly bottomless can of beer, before pulling an enormous turkey out of the refrigerator and looking at it with a similar expression to the ones I saw on the Cullen's faces when they were faced with human food.

It took all the restraint I had not to laugh out loud when he took off the cellophane, leaving it sat in the plastic container and moved to put it in the oven just like that.

"Umm, Billy, do you need some help?" He looked up at me from his wheelchair, a sheepish look on his face as he shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm not doing it right, am I?" I shook my head and giggled lightly in response, his expression was so adorable as he surrendered the huge turkey into my waiting hands and grinned gratefully at me.

"Billy, why did you offer to cook Christmas dinner if you don't know how to cook it?" I laughed, pulling out a roasting tin which was thankfully stowed away in the back of one of the cupboards. It still had a sticker on it from the store, showing just how often it had been used before. He sighed, running his hands down his cheeks, and his expression shifted suddenly from playful to serious.

"Honestly, Bella, I just wanted to make things easier for your parents." He wheeled himself forwards and took my hands in his huge rough ones. "Listen, sweetheart. I know you're not stupid. I know that you know your father talks to me. I'm sorry if you think he broke your confidence, but I need you to know that I'm so very sorry for all that happened to you. Charlie didn't give me details, and in all honesty I'm not sure that I want them, but what I know is bad enough. You're a good girl Bella and you didn't deserve anything that happened to you. Just... know that if there's ever anything I can do...well, you know."

I squeezed his hands lightly where they held mine, smiling and nodding before we both shifted in discomfort from the sentimental moment. I walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a couple of beers.

"Here, Billy, you go sit with Charlie and have a drink. I'll sort the dinner. It's been ages since I've cooked anything interesting. Let me do it, please?" A look of intense relief flashed across his features with the wide smile he threw me.

"Thanks, Bella, you're a good kid." I waved him off and turned to start preparing the dinner. It seemed as though he had been out and bought the entire crop of the continental US and it all sat on the counter ready to be prepared. I set to work peeling and chopping, enjoying the feeling of being in control in a kitchen again. It seemed so long since I had enjoyed cooking. I had never stopped cooking for Jack. He wouldn't allow me to stop, but I was always so afraid of whether what I made would be good enough, or whether it would earn me a beating that I couldn't truly enjoy cooking it.

I was peeling and chopping some disturbingly enormous carrots and singing lightly to myself when the loud clearing of a throat caused me to jump slightly and stab the vegetable knife into my finger.

"Shit!" I exclaimed as the small cut started to ooze with my blood. One look at it sent my head spinning, the smell of rust and salt assaulting my senses and throwing me off balance.

"Woah! Steady, Bella. Sorry." I felt strong arms enclose me and ease me to the ground as my knees gave way beneath me. "Charlie, Mrs Dwyer!" Jacob's deep voice yelled out to my parents as the room swirled dizzyingly around me. I closed me eyes, trying to fight the swirling blackness that threatened to pull me under, but instead of the room spinning it was the darkness that somehow span instead. Opening them I could see Jacob's concerned face swimming in front of me as I blinked my eyes furiously against the spinning room behind him. The faces of my parents appeared behind him, all dancing together in a haze of confusion that my dizzy brain couldn't decipher.

My father's hands encased my face gently. He had his face close to mine as he called my name softly and entreated me to look into his eyes. I tried to focus on him, taking in the panic in his face as he continued to talk frantically at me. I could feel somebody fiddling with my finger, wrapping what felt like a band aid around it. I sighed in relief at that; if the wound was covered at least I wouldn't have to look at it or smell it any more.

My vision started to stabilise though my head still felt a little woozy and light. I felt Charlie's arms pull me from the floor and half carry me to the couch in the next room where he set me down and sat beside me pulling me into his side and rubbing my back with his hand.

"Bells..." He started gruffly, his arm pulling my shoulder into his side and squeezing gently.

"I'm sorry, dad." I croaked out through my dizzy haze.

"Don't be sorry, kiddo, just... do you think we need to call the clinic? Maybe you need to speak to the Doctor there if you're having trouble?" He trailed off at the incredulous glare I was pointing at him.

"Dad, I cut my hand on the knife. This is nothing to do with... _that._" I spat out, angry that he thought that I had fainted because I wasn't eating.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise and a small relieved smile floated across his face as I rolled my eyes at his assumption.

"Crap, I'm sorry Bells. I just thought..."

"It's ok, dad." I cut him off prematurely. "It's not like I've done much to earn your trust recently is it?"

"It's not lack of trust, Bells. I just worry is all. Your old man just doesn't want to lose you." I snuggled my face into his side as his arm tightened minutely around me.

"Um, Bella?" Jacob's voice sounded different to me somehow, but still held the same familiar tone. I shifted my head round to face him and gasped when I looked at him. My eyes ran up and down his body as they took in the huge change in his physique. He had always been quite well built, but now he was enormous. He was at least six foot seven or eight and you could see his muscles rippling through the tight white t-shirt he was wearing, his arms nearly popping right out of the flimsy material. His jet black hair that once hung down his back in a long ponytail was now cropped short and stood in unruly spikes on the top of his head. His eyes which once sparkled with youth and fun now looked older, more serious somehow, and the smile that could once light up a room looked forced and unhappy.

"Hey, Jake, um...Merry Christmas?" It came out as a question; his face looked anything but merry.

"Are you alright, Bella?" He started towards me, his face breaking into a shy smile which almost touched his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I don't do too well with blood." I grimaced at the thought of the small red droplets which had been seeping from the tiny cut on my finger only moments before. He chuckled, plonking himself down on the sofa next to me.

"Good to see some things never change." He nudged his shoulder against me playfully, some of the old sparkle returning into his eyes.

"Watch it, Black; I'm not above making you help me in the kitchen." I twinkled back at him, relieved that he didn't seem to be holding my former offences against me.

"Well, Bella, I consider it my duty as your friend to relieve you of any duties involving anything sharp, hot, or heavy. We don't want any more accidents."

I stuck my tongue out at him in a pathetically juvenile gesture which he returned with a childish enthusiasm.

"So, let me get this straight. You, Jacob Black, are going to help little old me in the kitchen?" He grinned widely at me before grabbing my hand and pulling me up from the sofa.

"How's your head, Bella?" Charlie questioned seriously, his forehead creased into a frown.

"Better." I beamed at him, unable to keep the joy out of my face that Jacob was being so friendly towards me.

"Just be careful, ok?" He winked at me and waved me off towards the kitchen where I was pulled by Jake's warm hand.

In the kitchen Jake stood staring at the mountain of food on the counter, a look of amused confusion on his face.

"How many people do you suppose dad thought he was meant to be feeding?" He belly laughed as he ran his huge fingers over all the vegetables in the pile. I had made it about halfway through the pile when my ineptitude had taken over so he picked up the knife and started to peel one of the remaining monstrous carrots.

"They been feeding those carrots with the same thing they've been feeding you, Jake?" I questioned, still giggling. A look of something flashed across his face as he attacked the carrot with much more vigour than before. He said nothing, just peeled half the carrot away with the knife, with his hand just repeating the same motion over and over without rotating the carrot. By the time I put my hand on his arm to stop him, it looked more like a bottle opener than a carrot. His arm was burning hot, the heat taking me by surprise and making me jump back from the contact.

"Jeez, Jake, are you alright? You're burning up." I reached up to touch his forehead to see whether he had a fever, but he squirmed away from me telling me he was fine and forcing a fake smile onto his face.

"I'm fine, Bella. I'm always hot; it's nothing." I eyed him skeptically for a moment, but the look he shot me told me to drop it so I went back to what I was doing and made a comment about him going back to butchering more root vegetables and the atmosphere lifted as quickly as it descended.

He quickly shifted back into his playful mode and we enjoyed cooking together, him making constant reference to how I bossed him around and saluting every time I asked him to do something and saying, "Yes chef!"

Dinner was a light-hearted affair. Everybody was relaxed, cheerful and enjoyed the food which Jacob tried and failed to take full credit for.

It was nice to see Charlie so relaxed; he had been so tense since I returned and I knew it was down to me. But today he was lighter and more carefree than I think I had ever seen him. He laughed and joked with Billy all through dinner and it was easy to see why they were such good friends. Their banter with each other was endless and kept my mom and myself giggling all through dinner.

After dinner, Jacob volunteered to wash up and I jumped up to help him and we got it all done while constantly whipping each other with twisted tea towels and flicking the bubbles from the washing liquid at each other. It felt good to let go and just have fun with a friend without worrying about anything but the present. Our banter continued until he had me in a headlock, ruffling my hair brutally after yet another play fight. One minute he was giggling and scrubbing the top of my head with the palm of his hand and the next he stiffened and released me, his body tense and angled towards the kitchen door over my shoulder.

I turned and jumped back slightly at the sight I was met with. Four Quileute boys were standing in the doorway, their expressions serious and slightly hostile. Each one of them was standing ramrod straight with their arms folded and they were all huge. I had thought it odd that Jacob had grown so much, but I just put it down to him developing into a man and filling out. But all five of them? What were they putting in the water in this place?

They looked so menacing all standing there glaring at me that I felt myself inadvertently start to tremble. It had been a while since I had seen that kind of hostility coming from anybody, but my body remembered all too well what usually followed that kind of look. Although logically I could reason that Jacob was my friend and my father was in the next room and neither of them would allow any harm to come to me, there was still a part of me that felt threatened by them. My reasoning wasn't helped in it's pursuit for logic when Jacob's hand gripped my arm and pulled me forcibly behind his back.

"Relax, Black. We mean the girl no harm." The tallest and most imposing of the four spoke with authority, his voice deep and booming.

"What do you want, Sam?" The thinly veiled hostility in Jacob's voice surprised me. I had never seen him anything but friendly towards anybody except perhaps the Cullens.

"We tracked the scent of one of them to here. I can see now that it must have been...ah...Bella is it?" I nodded my head to confirm my name while my head swam with confusion.

"You tracked someone's scent?" I questioned, my brain struggling to understand what on earth was going on.

"Yeah, it comes with the package deal. You get the hormones of a fucking teenage girl, but unparalleled sniffing abilities. It's all part of the wolf mojo." One of the other boys in the doorway was talking, but his words made no sense to me. I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to jumble his words around until they meant something logical.

"I don't understand." I whispered, looking beseechingly at Jacob for some sort of explanation.

"They didn't tell you?" The one Jacob had called Sam spoke, his eyes wide in astonishment.

"Tell me what?" I demanded, my hand on my hip and my foot tapping incessantly on the floor. "Somebody better start giving me some answers soon before my brain explodes."

Jacob's hand shot out in a warning gesture to the boys in the doorway as he turned his back on them and faced me full on.

"Bella, I think you and I need to go for a walk. There's something you should know."

His hand was comfortingly warm around mine as the small amount of heat the winter sun had provided ebbed away as it sank into the inky horizon. The sky was a beautiful canvas of brilliant pinks and oranges. Its bright hues weaved together seamlessly against the darkening violet of the twilight. The salty sea water lapped hungrily at our feet, clinging desperately to the shore as the tide insisted on going out. The ebb and flow of the tides were comforting in their certainty and familiarity as once again the world I knew was crumbling around me with new revelations and dangers.

"Werewolves? Seriously?"

His head hung down below his slumping shoulders as he grunted lowly in confirmation.

"You're a werewolf?" I laughed humourlessly at his revelation, remembering Edward's words only days before. _Wild werewolves wouldn't keep me away. _He had refused to deny that it was true then and now I knew why. His eyes remained focused downwards, watching the rhythmic plodding of his enormous feet in the coarse sand.

"Where are your shoes, Jacob?" I questioned, sounding more like a mother than I intended to, when I looked down and realised that he was walking in the coolness of the evening with nothing on his feet.

"We don't get much warning... before we phase." He muttered quietly, still focused on his feet. "I got through four pairs of trainers before my dad refused to replace any more." His eyes finally drifted up to meet mine and they were full of the sadness I had seen when I first saw him earlier in the day. "Plus, it's not like I'm going to get cold. The wolf thing… It sort of gives us a constant fever. Not like being ill, but our bodies run at a higher than normal temperature. That's why you noticed the heat on my arm earlier." He reached out with his free hand and cupped my cheek softly, the heat from his hand seeping into my skin and filling me slowly up with warmth.

"Do you hate it Jake? Does it make you unhappy?" His deep brown eyes gazed into mine, the sadness screaming from them, but he shook his head. "But you look so sad. I mean, we had fun, and you seemed almost happy when we were messing about. But there's this look in your eyes. When you smile, it doesn't light up your face the way it used to. If it isn't the wolf thing, what is it? Something is making you sad..." I trailed off, realising that I had no right to ask and pry into his life. I had been absent from it for years and now I wanted him to spill his guts out to me and tell me what was troubling him.

He was silent for a long while, his hand still holding mine as we stood side by side and stared out at the sunset. I was just about to break the silence to tell him that it didn't matter and he didn't have to tell me anything he didn't want to when he cleared his throat noisily and turned to face me. I was appalled to see a lone tear weaving its way down his face.

"The wolf thing, it has its cool aspects. We run fast, never get cold, don't age, and crap like that. But there's this thing that happens sometimes. Not to everybody, but there's nothing you can do about it when it happens."

"What is it, Jake? What happens?"

"We fall in love." He sighed heavily and turned back to face the sun which had almost completely disappeared below the horizon now, winging it's way to warm somewhere else and leaving us in darkness until it returned in the morning.

"People fall in love all the time, Jake. How is it different?" I waited with interest as he considered the question.

"It's called imprinting. We don't just fall in love. It's hard to explain. It's like one day we meet somebody and the earth just moves and nobody else exists any more. We don't have a choice in who we imprint on. It just happens as soon as we clap eyes on them after we first phase. You could have been best friends with somebody forever and only ever been friends, but from the moment you phase and see them again, they're not just your friend any more. They're your world--your everything."

"It's like the rest of the world just drops away?" I asked softly, remembering how it was when I fell in love with Edward, and consequently the utter devastation I felt when I thought he didn't want me any more.

"Exactly," Jake whispered beside me, his grip on my hand increasing minutely. "I'm sorry, Bella. When I came to see you that day, I had no idea. No idea whatsoever what you must have been feeling."

"But now you do?"

I watched in horror as he fell to his knees in the sand, tears streaming down his beautiful face.

"Fuck, Bella. I love her so much, and she doesn't even see me. How did you bear it? When you thought he was gone forever, how did you keep breathing in and out?" His voice was filled with so much pain and heartbreak it damn near broke my own heart to see him so torn up. Was this what I did to Charlie? To Jacob?

"I'm so sorry, Jake. Whoever she is, she's an idiot if she doesn't want you." He rounded on me at those words with fire in his eyes.

"She's not an idiot." He spat at me, his voice fierce and slightly frightening. "She's beautiful, smart and funny. She has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." He sighed when he saw me take a fearful step back from him.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to insult her. I just think that somebody would have to be blind not to see what an amazing guy you are." The corners of his mouth turned up in a semblance of a smile, but once again it didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah, well the monster thing isn't for everybody."

"You're not a monster, Jake. I knew a monster before and you're nothing like the animal he was, no matter what you sometimes turn into. He chose to be that way. He chose to be cruel and violent. You had no choice in what happened to you. Don't doubt your integrity just because of something that is beyond your control. Please."

His eyes narrowed infinitesimally as his searching gaze scanned my face.

"What happened to you, Bella? Who was your monster?"

"We're not talking about me right now, Jake. I'm so _sick_ of talking about me. Tell me about her. Who is she? Do I know her?"

"Yeah, Bella, you know her." I quirked an eyebrow at him in silent question, dropping to my knees beside him and putting an arm around his broad shoulder. He leaned slightly into my embrace, leaning his head onto my shoulder and staring out to sea with a wistful expression.

"Leah. Leah Clearwater."

"Harry's daughter?" I thought back to my time in Forks, remembering the time Charlie used to spend with his friend Harry going fishing and eating the spoils of their labours in front of the flat screen watching baseball.

Jake's head lifted off my shoulder and he faced me with an incredulous look.

"Bella, Harry died nearly two years ago now. You didn't know?"

"What?" I jumped back from him, shock coursing through me at his words. Charlie lost one of his closest friends while I was away and I never knew.

"Charlie never told you?"

"No. No he didn't." I sighed with guilt when I realised that he never had the chance to tell me. I had spoken to him just once on the telephone before barrelling back into his life and tearing his world apart once again.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. What happened to him?"

"He had a heart attack." He hesitated a moment before continuing in a quieter voice. "He was stressed out; Leah ran away from home after..." He trailed off into silence, his fingers now running through the sand, leaving four long trails before the grains collapsed in on themselves and left no sign of his disturbance. Over and over he dug his long fingers down, never leaving any trace beside the grains of sand embedded beneath his fingernails.

"After...?" I probed. He ran his hand down his face roughly, a heavy sigh heaving his ripped chest outwards and making him even larger than he already appeared.

"The imprinting thing doesn't always work in your favour. Sam, who you met in the kitchen earlier, was the first of us to turn. He was in high school. He was quite happy and in love. They weren't engaged or anything, but it was generally understood that when they were older he and Leah would end up together. They were so in love it radiated from every pore of both of them. They did everything together, and were completely inseparable. When he first phased, he just... disappeared. Overnight. One day he was there, albeit acting a bit oddly, but the next he was gone. The tribe elders said he was sick and had been sent away for treatment. When he came back, he and Leah still seemed to be together and everybody assumed that they were still on track until the day she introduced him to her cousin, Emily."

"He imprinted on her?" I asked softly, watching Jacob's hands as they built a pyramid from the sand, piling handfuls on top only for the grains to fall down the sides in cascades.

"Yes." He replied simply.

"On her cousin?" He nodded, not looking up. "Poor Leah. She must have been..."

"Heartbroken." He cut me off, completing my sentence for me.

"So you can understand why Leah doesn't have a very high opinion of the whole imprinting process. She had her heart broken by it and lost her father as an indirect consequence of what happened. She knows I imprinted on her, but she wants nothing to do with me." His shoulders slumped in defeat as he spoke, his posture and tone all screaming heartbreak. I know how that felt and it hurt my heart to see him suffering it too. I put my arm around his shoulder again, pulling him gently back into my side and running my fingers through his soft hair in comfort.

"I'm so sorry Jake." Because sorry was all I could be. I knew as well as anybody that there were no words I could say that would make that pain go away.

* * *

**_Recommendation: The Agent and the Esquire by hockeymom4 is a relatively new story by one of my readers and it's brilliant so far. It's really original and the writing style draws you in. Give it a shot I think you'll like it!_**

**_I always forget to mention but I am on form today, there is a thread for this story over on Twilighted where I post teasers and you can see pictures of the gifts the Cullens got for Bella in chapter 25 over there too. _**


	27. Chapter 27

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my fabulous beta 4StringQueen for getting this back to me so quickly. See? Bit quicker than the last chapter, GO TEAM! You rock chick, now write me some more Ghostward! ;-)_**

**_Thank you to my pre-reader and most awesomest of awesome friends Weezy. You are the BEST and November can't come fast enough! _**

**_Thank you for all the reviews you guys send me, I love hearing what you think and it helps me to keep writing and shape the story._**

**_This chapter is a short one, it was a little unexpected but Edward demanded his own chapter so here it is! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 27**

So your heart's blown open  
Consider with your ear  
We are still sincere  
I'll tell you a secret  
Let's make this perfectly clear  
There's no secrets this year

No Secrets This Year - Silversun Pickups

**Edward POV**

My heart tugged painfully as I watched the police cruiser disappear over the boundary line into La Push--taking my girl where I couldn't follow. I wasn't concerned for her safety. I knew that the wolf pack were primed and would protect her. It wasn't that which made my heart sink in my chest as I watched her fading into the tree line surrounding the reservation. It seemed that I was the one developing attachment issues if I couldn't even handle being away from her for a single day. Already I missed her skin against mine, the warmth of her small hand in mine or her soft body pressed against me in a tight embrace.

I shook my head violently trying to snap myself out of my Bella-induced staring competition with the tree the car had disappeared around, and turned to head for my car to drive back home. I intended to use this day without Bella spending some quality time with the rest of my family, and there were a few things I needed to discuss with Carlisle.

I walked in through the front door, brushing aside the ridiculous piece of mistletoe which Alice had hung in the doorway, too low for anybody but her to actually walk under without it knocking against their face. No sooner was I through the door than a Santa hat was forced onto my head by an extremely jolly looking Emmett.

"Merry Christmas bro." He punched me hard in the arm, the blow feeling like no more than a light tickle in spite of his strength. I punched him back and returned the greeting with more enthusiasm than I felt.

"Wow, say it like you mean it, why not?" Emmett joked with a goofy grin on his face. "She'll be fine, man. The wolves aren't going to let anything happen to her; it'll be good for her to spend some time with her parents."

"I know. I just..."

"Miss her." He finished my sentence for me, his face taking on an understanding expression and shooting me a pitying smile when I nodded in agreement. "Well man, if it's any comfort, I think Alice has pretty much every second of the day planned out for you, so it's unlikely that you'll have the chance to really miss her." I groaned internally at the thought of Alice's meticulous planning of all things festive. Every year she went over board with what she considered to be traditional things for families to do at Christmas. Obviously we bypassed the usual turkey and pudding although one year she had made a complete Christmas dinner just because she felt it was 'what was normal'. She had never done it again though after Esme had lectured her for an hour solid about children starving in the world and what a waste of perfectly good food it was to make all that for nobody to eat it.

We both took a deep, unnecessary breath before stepping over the threshold and into the breach. Alice was standing with the rest of the family sitting around watching her act something out that looked suspiciously like _Titanic_. She was reciting the collected poems of Wilfred Owen in her mind so it seemed it was time for the annual charades match.

"_Titanic!_" Emmett guessed, plonking himself down on the couch next to Rose who sat inspecting her finger nails and looking thoroughly bored by the whole thing. Alice beamed at him as though it had been a tough one to guess. I suspected that Emmett may have been the only one in the room who was displaying any sort of interest in the game. Carlisle and Esme were whispering quietly together on the love seat and Jasper was just gazing adoringly at Alice.

"I loved that film." Emmett announced embarrassingly.

"You cried you big doofus!" Rose taunted him, pushing him off the couch to go take his turn.

Charades with Emmett was always a bit of a joke since his ability to block me from his mind was less developed than everybody else's.

"_Die Hard With A Vengeance_." I stated, simply, before he had even lifted his hands to show that it was a film.

"Dude!" He shot me a death glare and appealed to Alice with his eyes for another go, which she allowed with a small smile at him and an exasperated shake of the head at me. I shrugged her off and wandered out of the room to the stairs, ignoring the eyes of my sister boring into my back. I was immensely grateful to Carlisle when I heard him mutter to her to leave me be.

I went up to the bedroom, which was now known as Bella's and the bed was made up perfectly, just as she had left it. Her scent filled up the room like air freshener to my soul. If I closed my eyes she could almost have been there with me; the scent of freesia and strawberries was so strong.

I perched on the edge of the bed, breathing in the essence of Bella. Bella my fiancée. Although she had said yes to me that day on the jetty, it didn't really feel real. After all that happened, all she had been through since then I hadn't been entirely confident that when I proposed to her again she would say yes. Then when she whispered to me just how often that animal had violated her and thought that I would leave her because of it my silent heart had shattered once again.

I was grateful for the light tap at the door, which pulled me from my thoughts before I allowed myself to become angry again.

"Come in, Carlisle." I chuckled, hearing the concern in his mind.

He walked in, his eyes appraising me softly, and sat beside me on the bed, my 'Christmas present' from Bella held reverently between his fingers. I smiled and took it from him, remembering her annoyance at not being able to give gifts back to people in return. No matter how many times she had been reassured that it didn't matter to us, that she was giving us the best gift just by agreeing to spend time with us over Christmas, she had still felt like she needed to do _something. _So she had asked for some plain white office paper, which Carlisle had promptly provided her with, and she had disappeared upstairs into his office for a long while. All we could hear was the constant rustling of paper and small sighs every so often. When I heard her sighing I wanted to go up to her to ensure that she was alright, but the others had restrained me and told me I was being an idiot and she would come down when she was ready.

When she finally did come down she was clutching an armful of what looked like origami animals. She handed one to each member of my family saying Merry Christmas to each of them in turn. I could tell from their thoughts that they were all quite moved by her offerings and they all intended to treasure what they had been given by her. She saved me for last, coming and sitting on the couch beside me and holding a small paper Swan in the upturned palm of her hand and smiling at me hopefully.

I looked at it now, a small smile gracing my lips as I remembered how she told me it reminded her of me saying that Swans were beautiful and graceful, but fiercely protective of their mates.

_"I have one too." She had whispered, shyly. "Swans mate for life." _

"How are you holding up, Edward?" Carlisle's words were soft and thoughtful, yet slightly confusing to me.

"How am _I _holding up?"

"Yes you. You've been sitting in on sessions with Bella and her doctor, and what you've heard cannot have been easy for you to hear. It's great for Bella to have somebody she can talk to, to offload her problems onto, but it's a lot for you too. Do you need somebody to listen to _you_?"

I looked down at the paper swan in my hand, so small and fragile; one flick of my fingers would crush it flat, just like the girl it represented to me. I held the silence for a long while, just thinking about all the things Bella had talked about, about all the times my heart had shattered when it heard what she had been through every day since I left her alone. Carlisle sat beside me, quietly waiting for a response, not pushing, just patiently being there in case I needed him, the way that he always had.

"I'm ok, Carlisle. It's right that I should be the one who hears what she says. The things he did to her. You don't want to hear it Carlisle, it's...." I trailed off. There were no words to describe how horrific some of the things she had talked about were.

"Hearing about abuse is always difficult, Edward. To all intents and purposes you are my son and I do not want to see you go under because of all that you're hearing and bottling inside. You keeping it all in could be just as destructive to you as it was to Bella. I'm not going to force you to tell me anything or talk to me about how you're feeling, but my door is always open if you need me. Don't let this destroy you just because you feel guilt over what happened. Bella loves you; it would break her heart to think that the things she tells you weigh on you as heavily as I can tell that they do."

"I can handle it. I just..."

"You blame yourself." He finished for me. "You have to stop that, Edward. I wouldn't wish what Jack did to Bella on anybody, but it _was not_ your fault. I know that Bella has told you to forgive yourself already and she's right. If you continue this blame game it will poison you both. You have enough going on in your lives without adding extra unnecessary strain to your relationship. Let it go, Edward. We made a mistake the day we left, but we did it for the right reasons. You couldn't have known what would happen to her. Your intentions were noble and she knows that now. In theory, you're young and you're in love. Enjoy that instead of torturing yourself with what might have been."

"You sound just like her." I said shaking my head at the similarities between my centuries old surrogate father with all the wisdom he picked up down the years and my young, innocent fiancée.

"Yeah, well Bella is a sensible girl. She's made some bad decisions herself, but underneath it all she has a wise head on her shoulders and you would do well to listen to her."

"I'm scared for her." I whispered, still looking down at the fragile bird in my hand. "I keep expecting something to set her back, to throw her recovery off course, but she just seems to be dealing with everything she's had thrown at her as though it were nothing. I really thought that when we told her about Jack..." I was surprised when Carlisle chuckled beside me.

"Bella is still as stubborn as ever. When she was in the grip of the anorexia that worked against us, but if she's decided to fight it then I have no doubt that she will beat it because she'll be determined to and when Bella puts her mind to something she doesn't give in until she achieves it. She can do this, Edward. Let her fight it, and be there for her if she stumbles. It's all we can do."

"And when Victoria comes for her again? Because she _is _coming, Carlisle, whether we're ready for her or not. We don't know how many she's changed. For all we know, she has an army. All we know is that one of them is _Jack._" I spat his name out, forcing back the venom that pooled in my mouth at the name of that vile excuse for a monster. "We have no idea how Bella will deal if she sees him again. At the moment, she's coping remarkably well with the idea of him being a vampire, but when she comes face to face with him again, when she looks into those eyes again, it could all come flooding back. They're a different colour now but they're still the same eyes. The ones she sees every night when she closes her eyes." His eyes snapped up to meet mine at those words. They were wide with surprise and worry.

"She's still having the nightmares?" He questioned, concern lacing his tone.

"Yes. I'm surprised you didn't hear her crying out at night."

"Edward, if there's one thing I've learned from living in this house down the years, it's to block out night time noises. But I'm sorry to hear that she's still suffering at night. At least that's one thing you will save her from when you change her. She'll never have a nightmare again."

"Yeah... When I change her." I whispered, inspecting the swan in my hand and imagining it with razor sharp teeth and red eyes. Would it still be innocent, beautiful? Would it still find a place in heaven one day?

I felt Carlisle's hand land lightly on my arm, beckoning me to look at him.

"You do plan to change her, Edward?"

"It's what she wants."

"And what you want?" His eyes were intense now, scrutinising mine.

"I want her to be happy; I want her to be safe and I want to be with her forever." It sounded so simple when I put it like that. Without complications, it was easy. Change Bella so she never felt pain again, so I would never have to worry about her eating again, and I could be beside her for the rest of eternity. But would I be taking away her soul if I changed her?

I _would _change her. There was no doubt about that, but if it was truly what she wanted I would do it.

"Well if forever is what you both want-"

"Forever would be perfect if I didn't have to make her into a monster in order to have it." I cut him off rudely, my voice raised slightly in exasperation. Keeping our voices lowered was pointless anyway, if the ears downstairs wanted to hear our conversation they would hear it, regardless of volume.

"Edward, Bella knows the risk she's taking. She's had more time to think about what she wants than any of us did. She has a decision to make. It's not about necessity, it's about choice and by the sounds of it she's made hers. As much as you believe you are condemning her to a life of damnation, Bella believes it will be a life filled with love because she will have you for an eternity. She loves you, Edward. She _really_ loves you. I will not tell you what you ought to do or what your decision should be because ultimately you have to make this decision together as a couple. She needs to know exactly what will happen, what she will be giving up if she chooses this life and if you decide to go ahead you need to think about when and how."

"I don't want to change her while she's still sick. She needs time to heal properly from what Jack did to her, time to sort everything out in her head. I need to know that she is completely at peace with this if we're going to do it. I don't want her to turn around to me in fifty years time and say that I let her make a rash decision because she was frightened and not in her right mind. She's doing so well right now and Alfie is good for her. Once she's changed she won't be able to see him and I don't think that she's ready to lose him from her life yet. I certainly don't think that he's ready to lose her. If I change her now it could jeopardise his recovery and I'm not willing to do that. You know all too well how fragile his mind is, I like him, he's a decent guy and he deserves to have his friend around to support him."

"I know Bella is in a tenuous situation right now, Edward and I think maybe you're wise to be considering that, but you're still trying to make decisions for her. If you don't give her an option, she won't know that she has a choice. As much as I love you, you do have a tendency to forget that Bella has a strong mind and can make decisions for herself. Talk to her. She knows her own mind, she'll tell you if she's not ready. But do not give her an ultimatum. Telling her that you won't change her until she's better may make her feel pressurised to heal faster than she is able. You're a partnership now, work this out together, talk, debate, even argue. You're allowed to fight, to disagree. You think that Esme and myself agree on everything immediately? No. Our relationship is based on a healthy system where we debate and argue our way through difficult decisions until I finally see things her way." He winked at me playfully at those words before continuing.

"The chances are that after all she's been through recently, she may well find being given choices and the opportunity to discuss things a little daunting. She has had so little control over her life that it will come as somewhat of a shock to her. But you can support her to make decisions without influencing her. Just make her feel safe and supported, let her know that her choices will be met with love and understanding, not judgement and violence and she will flourish. She's a bright, intelligent girl with a strong will, just give her the chance to use it."

He moved to stand up, patting me gently on the shoulder in a fatherly gesture of support before making for the door. I stayed where I was, needing some time alone to think about all we had discussed. Just as he reached the doorway and had his hand on the doorknob I stopped him.

"Carlisle," he turned to me, a questioning look on his face. I smiled widely at him, a grateful smile. "Thank you."

**_Recommendation: Where the Road Meets the Sun by miztrezboo. So so so so good. She is one of my favourite writers and once you've read this you will immediately want to read everything she's ever written and you won't be disappointed, trust me! _**


	28. Chapter 28

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own chapter 28 and here it is! Sorry it's taken so long, there was a bit of a mix up with my beta, she didn't realise I sent it to her a while ago and she's had a manic time recently. _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta 4StringQueen for clearing it all up for me. And thank yous and tackle hugs to my pre-reader Weezy (Nostalgicmiss) who kicks my butt when I try to give up! _**

**_Thank you to everyone who reviews each chapter, I love you all you make me so happy! Sorry this A/N is so rubbish but Glee is on the telly and I'm not ashamed to say I'm hooked on this programme! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 28**

_If I wait for cloudy skies  
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes  
You'll never know that I still love you  
So though the heartaches remain  
I'll do my crying in the rain_

_Raindrops falling from heaven  
Will never wash away my misery  
But since we're not together  
I'll wait for stormy weather  
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see_

_Crying in the rain - A-Ha_

**Bella POV**

"Alfie!" I shouted, as I sped my way across the grass to where he was sat under our usual tree, in his usual pose with his guitar in his hands. There was a woman sitting beside him with straight jet black hair pulled into a ponytail down her back and a very familiar pair of piercing blue eyes. She had to be Alfie's mom. He looked up at me when he heard me approaching and smiled widely at me, putting down his guitar on the grass beside him and standing up just in time for me to cannon into him, rugby tackling him to the ground and hugging him tightly.

"I missed you, Alfie," I said as we sat up, laughing and brushing the debris from the ground off our clothes. Alfie turned towards the woman who was still sitting, watching us with a wide smile which lit up her face exactly the way that Alfie's did.

"Bella, this is my mom." He gestured towards her as she made to get up and held out her hand for me to shake.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Bella," she said, taking my hand in hers and shaking it enthusiastically. "We've heard so much about you over Christmas; I haven't known Alfie be so animated over a friend in a long time." A shadow crept across her face as her words faltered slightly. I knew where her mind had gone and felt instantly sorry for making them think of something that made them both so sad.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs Draycott."

"Oh please, dear. Call me Maggie. Mrs Draycott makes me feel so old." She released my hand with a smile, clouting Alfie playfully around the head when he muttered jokingly that she _was_ old.

"Maggie," I repeated, giggling lightly.

"Did you have a good Christmas, Bella?" Alfie questioned, his eyes landing on the ring which was dangling from its chain around my neck. I gripped it in my hand, helpless to the grin which cracked my face.

"I did; it was perfect," I winked at him happily. "How about you?"

"Yeah it was good," he replied. Something in his tone told me that maybe he hadn't enjoyed his time away as much as I had.

"I'm going to get off now, Alfie love. Your father is waiting in the car and you know how impatient he gets. I'll see you again soon, sweetheart, ok?" She kissed him on the cheek in a motherly gesture that made me glad that at least one of his parents seemed to accept him for who he was.

"Right... OK mom. I'll see you soon I guess." He couldn't hide the disappointment from his voice that she was leaving so soon, and I caught a pained look flash across her face before she hid it behind a bright smile aimed at me.

"It was lovely to meet you, Bella dear."

"You too, Mrs Dr- Maggie," I corrected myself hastily, causing her smile to widen as she patted my arm softly. "You take care of yourself dear," she finished kindly, before heading off towards the building and to the parking lot outside the gates. Alfie watched after her with sad eyes until she disappeared inside, leaving us standing in silence. The only sound was the breeze which rustled the trees and the distant hum of the traffic from the highway nearby.

"He proposed then?" he questioned softly, his feet scuffing the grass as he smiled at me shyly.

"He did." I allowed the huge grin to take over my face once more, the way it did every time I thought about marrying Edward.

"That's great, B. I'm really happy for you."

"Tell it to your face then," I teased, hoping to make him smile properly. I was rewarded with a half-hearted grimace, which just made him look even sadder than before.

"Are you ok, Alfie?" I questioned softly, placing my hand on his arm gently.

"Yes," he whispered, so quietly that I could barely hear it. His eyes stared absently into the distance where the tree covered hills loomed, dark and menacing against the dull grey sky. It wasn't raining yet but the clouds were heavy and straining against the moisture that was saturating them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I tilted my head to one side, meeting his averted gaze with mine, trying to show him with my eyes that there was no pressure. But he looked so sad, and I knew from experience how suffocating it could be to be hurting and to keep it all locked away inside.

His expression softened slightly and he attempted a small smile, his feet still scuffing relentlessly at the ground. His beaten up, once bright red, Converse kicked up mounds of grass as he seemed to contemplate my offer.

"It's ok, B. I'm fine, really. I just don't like being at home I guess." The heavy sigh that rolled from his chest suggested that his Christmas hadn't been the fun family affair that mine had.

"Your dad?" I pressed, hoping that I wasn't pushing my luck.

"He just... doesn't get it," he whispered, his expression pleading me to understand. I nodded sympathetically, putting my arm around his waist and leaning my head on his torso in what I hoped was a gesture of solidarity.

"I'm sorry, Alfie. He doesn't know what he's missing out on if he isn't taking the time to get to know his own son properly. You're amazing, Alfie. Don't ever let anybody make you feel any different." The arm he had rested lightly round my shoulders increased its grip ever so slightly and when I looked up I was appalled to see that he had tears streaming down his face.

"I'm not, Bella. I'm not good enough to be friends with somebody like you, but I'm too selfish to let you go." In a flash his arm was gone from around my shoulder and his hands were gripping my shoulders fiercely, though not painfully. "Don't let me hurt you, Bella. I couldn't bear it. I..." He trailed off as his entire body collapsed in grief filled sobs and he crashed to his knees on the soft grass beneath us.

Horrified, I dropped to my knees beside him and threw my body awkwardly around his and held him to me tightly, shushing him gently. One hand rubbed his heaving back as he allowed his pain to fall steadily from his eyes.

"Sshh, Alfie. It's going to be ok." I attempted comfort, while internally knowing that it was likely to be fruitless. His body shuddered in my embrace, the flow of tears showing no sign of abating.

"I'm sorry, Dana. I'm so fucking sorry!" He almost shouted through the sobs that racked his body.

I had no idea how to respond to that. I racked my brain for appropriate words of comfort and kept coming up empty. Nothing. No words seemed appropriate for the grief that he was experiencing, so I just held him and allowed him to cry until he couldn't cry anymore.

Who knows how long we sat there? Alfie's heartbreaking cries were the only sounds breaking the tranquility of the cool air around us. After an infinite amount of time, his body stilled in my arms and the sobs stopped, though I could still feel his tears soaking through my shirt.

"It wasn't you, Alfie." He slowly looked up at me with wide red-rimmed eyes, which screamed disbelief. "You didn't kill her. I know you feel like you failed her, but you didn't. _He _did. He was supposed to take care of her, to cherish her like she deserved to be cherished. _He _killed her, Alfie. Not you. Please believe me; you don't know how much comfort you probably brought to her just by being her friend."

"She could have told me. Fuck! Why didn't she tell me, Bella? I could have helped her--got her out of there. _Something._ I don't know. _Anything._ Why didn't she trust me, Bella?"

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I was potentially about to reveal, but knowing that my friend needed me in that moment no matter how uncomfortable a subject it might have been for me.

"Because he made her feel like you would reject her if she told you. It's what he does. He makes you feel like what he's doing to you is your fault so that you're too afraid, too ashamed to speak out."

The heavy silence hung in the air as he processed what I was saying to him. I forced myself to keep my eyes trained on his, though everything within me was crying out to hide my face behind my hair the way I usually did when I was ashamed.

"Bella?" he started, after a moment that had stretched out into infinity.

I dropped my eyes down to the grass beneath us, fixing them on one of the small areas of grass displaced by Alfie's Converse. I could feel his eyes boring into me and could almost hear the cogs of his brain turning as he started to piece together what I was telling him.

"Jack," he whispered. His voice was suddenly alight with realization. "When I told you about Dana, you heard his name and you freaked out." I nodded, keeping my eyes averted and fought against the tears that were stinging at my eyelids. I heard him moving toward me and before I knew what was happening his warm hands were encasing my face, pulling it up gently to meet his stunned gaze.

"Bella, tell me he didn't. Please..." He trailed off when my expression told him everything he needed to know. "FUCK!" he shouted, startling me slightly before pulling me into his chest and cradling me there, his chest rippling with sobs once more. I hugged him back tightly; sad that what I had revealed had upset him more than he had been already. I couldn't even reassure him that Jack was behind bars-- that he would get his comeuppance, because that was no longer the case. The fact was that he was out there somewhere with crimson eyes and a lust for blood, and he was mad. Mad at me. I got him locked up; I told what he told me never to tell. I had broken every rule he ever made and now he was free and he was coming for me. I was certain of that.

"She trusted you, Alfie. If she allowed you to be a part of her life, allowed you near her, and let you hug her, then she trusted you. There's no way that she would have done that if she didn't. Not after what he..." I trailed off, not really wanting to go there.

"I'm sorry he hurt you, Bella. I'm so so sorry." I pulled back out of his arms slightly and smiled at him reassuringly.

"It's not your fault, Alfie. None of it was ever your fault. Stop punishing yourself for what _he _did. I swear. You and Edward are two of a kind!" I chuckled slightly to myself at the similarity.

"What do you mean?"

"He blames himself for things that aren't his fault too."

"Can I see the ring?" He asked, a small but genuine smile gracing his lips. I unclasped the chain from my neck and dropped the small but beautiful ring into the palm of his hand where he held it and inspected it closely. "It's beautiful," he handed it back to me, smiling. "He's a good guy; he'll take care of you, and his father... he's a good man."

I raised my eyebrows at his mention of Carlisle, he had been keeping whatever connection he had to him very close to his chest and of course Carlisle would never betray a confidence.

"You've met him before." It wasn't a question. That much had been obvious when they had met that day before Christmas. He didn't answer, just nodded once again staring at the hills.

"Relax, Alfie. I'm not going to ask." I reassured him.

"He saved my life," he murmured, so quietly that I wasn't sure I heard him correctly.

"He did?"

"He seemed to think it was worth saving."

"And you didn't?" I asked, startled by the bitterness in his voice as he started to tear at the grass with his fingers this time, the way he had once before.

"At the time - not so much. If I'd thought my life was worth saving it wouldn't have been in danger in the first place."

"You...?"

"Yes." He answered, sharply, cutting me off, and then "yes," quieter this time.

My mind reeled with the idea that my friend, the amazing guy who took me under his wing when I first arrived at Riverside House had once tried to take his own life. I groped around in my brain for something, _anything_ to say, but drew a complete blank. As the silence drew out longer and longer I could sense him shifting uncomfortably beside me. I knew I needed to say something before he started to think that I couldn't handle it.

What was it they always said? Actions speak louder than words? That could work.

I leaned forward, drawing level with where he was kneeling, still tearing at the grass, his fingers starting to become sore with the repeated motion. I took his hand, stopping him from destroying the lawn and held it in mine. I rubbed over the sore areas tenderly, trying to convey how I felt about the idea of a world without Alfie silently, since words were failing me.

He looked up at me finally; his eyes alight with something akin to hope, an eyebrow quirked at me in question, when I smiled reassuringly at him.

"For what it's worth, Alfie, I'm really glad that Carlisle saved you. I think you were worth saving too."

His sarcastic sharp exhale at that frightened me and I gripped his hand tighter in mine shooting him a disapproving look.

"You still don't think so?" I questioned him, my eyebrows raised in concern. He didn't answer, but just shrugged his shoulders non-committally and looked away into the distance once more. "Alfie, look at me, please," I pleaded with him. He moved his face to meet my eyes briefly before casting them back out to the liberation of the world outside the gates. "Okay, don't look at me. Look at _you._ Look at all the amazing things that you just don't see about yourself." He snorted, never taking his eyes off the horizon.

"I mean it, Alfie. You don't see it?"

He was looking at me, finally, but his face was skeptical, one eyebrow quirked at me in an almost sarcastic enquiry.

"You want a list? 'Cause I will give you one if you do," I almost barked at him, my heart hurting for the despair in his eyes.

"Do you know how long it's been since I allowed a male I didn't know to touch me? Do you know how hard it is for me to even shake hands with members of the opposite sex sometimes? And yet I just rugby tackled you to the ground. I hug you all the time. I feel safe with you. Do you have any idea how big that is? Alfie, it's huge. It speaks volumes about you, about who you are, and how I see you. I'm a good judge of character. After living with _him_,I learned to be. I wouldn't trust you unless you were worthy of being trusted. You probably aren't perfect, but show me somebody who is! All I know is that from the moment I met you, or rather barreled into you in the corridor, you've been nothing but sweet and kind to me, and you were just exactly the person I needed to meet. So I'm grateful to Carlisle for saving you. I'm grateful to him for making sure I had a friend in this place, a friend who means the world to me."

I took a deep breath, holding him in a stern gaze and waiting for him to react as a stunned silence echoed around us for a long moment that could have been seconds or could have been hours.

"Bella..you...I...I mean... I.." He shook his head, his eyes rotating as he did, steadfastly refusing to stop gaping at me. He continued to gaze at me, his mouth opening and closing as though he was clambering for something to say. I sat patiently, his hand still in mine, my thumb rubbing his soothingly as his silence stretched out uncomfortably around us.

The wind picked up as we sat. It gusted through the leaves of the evergreen tree we were sheltered under. The soft rustling was the only sound as Alfie's mouth continued to grasp for words.

Eventually his soft voice broke the peace, his mouth finally finding the words he was grasping for.

"You mean the world to me too, Bella."

That was the moment the clouds burst open, as though the weather was punctuating our conversation. Thick teardrops from heaven poured down, landing on the thin pine needles and dripping through the gaps they left, our natural shelter betraying us to the elements.

Alfie's face turned up towards the dripping sky, a small wistful smile creeping over his tear-stained face.

"You like the rain?" I queried, amazed by the smile that had overtaken his expression.

"The rain comes down and washes everything away. The world smells fresh and new when the rain has been," he replied, almost in a trance as he kept his head thrown back, allowing the heavy droplets to scroll down his face and neck, his spiky black hair shining with the damp.

"Alfie, your guitar is getting wet," I pointed out, knowing how much he cherished the instrument. His eyes darted to where it still lay under the tree, the heavy raindrops falling onto it and landing inside the hollow center. His expression was pained as his eyes moved quickly between his prized possession and the rain-drenched sky. It became clear to me how much he just wanted to stand in the downpour and _be._ His guitar meant the world to him, so if he was willing to see it damaged in order to enjoy the precipitation on his face then it was clearly important to him in that moment.

"I'll take it in for you; you'll be ok out here?" He looked at me through the soaked tendrils of his hair, which hung down in front of his eyes.

"You don't have to do that, Bella."

"I know, but I have to go in anyway. I haven't checked back in properly yet and I have to have a check up apparently." He flashed me a grateful smile and pushed his guitar into my hands, pecking a chaste kiss on my cheek in thanks and I left him to enjoy the rain in a way I couldn't hope to understand.

I paused in the doorway, turning to look at the gates but there was nobody there. I knew that Edward would be out there somewhere. He had promised me that when he wasn't by my side he would be out there, patrolling, making sure that I was safe.

"Come in out of the rain, Edward. I won't be long," I spoke at a normal volume, hoping that wherever he was it was loud enough for him to hear.

Once I had checked back in at reception, I had to go for a check up with one of the doctors, a woman with long dark hair and wearing heels which would have spelt six to eight weeks in plaster for me if I had tried so much as standing up in them.

"Isabella, my name is Doctor Reynolds, I just need to do a few tests, ask a few questions to make sure that everything is ok after your break. Is that alright?" She smiled a wide smile, which failed to light up her perfectly made up face, before reaching for my notes off the desk which separated us.

"OK," I replied softly, the perfect specimen in front of me immediately reducing my self esteem to just above zero.

She stepped forward from behind the desk, one perfectly manicured fingernail reaching out towards my face. I recoiled slightly, causing her to drop her finger and hesitate where she stood when I took a hasty step back from her.

"I just wanted to check under your eyes for signs of anemia. It's a simple test to save you having blood taken."

I fought to suppress the panic that had flooded through me at the sight of a complete stranger trying to touch me. This was a doctor -- a female doctor at that. She wasn't a danger to me. So why could I not stop my heart from pounding through my chest?

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered out over the deafening drum-beat of my heart. "C-couldn't Carli - Doctor Cullen do this?"

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise and she took a couple of steps back, her heels clicking loudly against the hard, wooden floor.

"Well yes. I mean - he could. I was just asked by Doctor Moore to do this. He was concerned that you would prefer a female doctor to examine you. I can call Doctor Cullen for you if you'd prefer." Her eyes had softened noticeably, her thick, black mascara coated lashes now framed a look of concern.

I sighed deeply, swinging my hair forward to hide my face as I nodded, ashamed to be calling Carlisle away from whatever he was doing, but afraid that the panic that had gripped me only moments before would return again if I allowed this stranger to do the tests.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, as she smiled kindly at me. Her eyes caught by the smile this time.

"It's no problem at all, sweetheart. I understand that it may be hard for you to trust somebody that you've never met before. I want you to know that I would never hurt you. Nobody here would. I know it's hard for you to let your guard down and I don't blame you in the slightest, but I swear to you that I want nothing more than to help you."

Her intense blue eyes sparkled with truth as she made to leave the room. I noted guiltily that she cut a wide berth around me as she left, shooting me another kind smile and leaving a faintly floral scent behind her.

I was still sat in the same position feeling a mixture of guilt and self loathing when I felt a hand land softly on my head and gently push my hair behind my ear.

"Bella, is everything alright? Doctor Reynolds called me and asked me to come." Carlisle's amber eyes were narrowed with concern, sending more guilt plunging through me like a knife.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I just... I couldn't." I shook my head and looked back down at the ground, praying to myself that he wouldn't be angry with me.

"Hey," he crooned at me softly, cupping my chin with his hand and nudging my face up to meet his. There was no anger in his eyes, only concern and curiosity. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm flattered that you trust me enough to allow me to do the tests. I'm happy to do what they require, but I want you to promise me that you will tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable or if you need a time-out at any point, ok?"

"I promise," I said quietly, smiling lightly into his sincere face.

The stethoscope was cold against the crease of my elbow as the fabric of the blood pressure cuff got tighter and tighter around my upper arm. Carlisle's face was concentrated as he listened out for the sounds, which would tell him what he needed to know. I had joked that he didn't really need to use the stethoscope, he could hear all he needed to without even having to strain his ears, but he just winked at me and told me that the façade was easier to maintain if he kept it up all the time. The cuff sighed as the air escaped from it once he had what he needed and he pulled it off my arm, the Velcro ripping apart noisily as he informed me that my blood pressure was perfect.

"You're doing well, Bella. Really well. I'm so proud of you. We all are. You're so strong fighting the way that you are; I know it must be difficult for you." I shrugged.

"Some days it's easy, and some days it's the hardest thing in the world. It terrifies me to think how far gone I was without even realizing it." Carlisle sighed as he sat down in the chair behind the desk.

"That's how anorexia works sadly. You believe that you're taking control. After the trauma that you've experienced, nobody could blame you for wanting to do that. But while you are trapped inside your own mind thinking that everything is fine and that you're destiny is finally in your own hands, your body is wasting away and you don't realize it. You can't see it. The day that you realized you had a problem was the day that you started to recover. Without realizing that you're in danger there can be no hope for recovery."

"Recovery..." I played the word aloud on my tongue, thinking of all that it could imply. Freedom. Freedom from being controlled by something that wasn't even real, freedom from the mental chains that bound me to the disease and it to me, and freedom from _him_ and the hold he had on me and on my ability to cope day to day.

"Recovery," he repeated, smiling encouragingly at me. "Getting out of here… Coming home and starting your life with Edward… allowing yourself to be happy. You've amazed everybody. At one point we were terrified that we were going to lose you, but jut recently you've made beating this look easy."

"Easy?" I asked, shocked.

"From the outside looking in, yes."

"Huh!" Was the only response I was able to give, my surprise at how good a mask I was portraying taking my words away.

"Apparently you're a better actress than you think?" Carlisle's tone was interested, fatherly.

"Apparently so," I responded honestly. His eyebrow quirked at me expectantly, waiting for me to elaborate. "Anorexia is easy, Carlisle. When you're caught up in it you feel like you're flying--like you can achieve anything as long as you keep going, and keep pushing. It's fighting it that's hard. Some days I wake up and I want to fight, and it's... not easy, but not as hard. But some days I wake up and I just want to forget, to let it consume me, because that would be easier." He nodded in understanding, his expression slightly pained, though he tried to cover it up.

"What keeps you fighting?" he asked softly. I considered his question carefully, so many things springing to mind. The most obvious reason to fight was Edward. But there was more than that. I had a fiancée who loved me, a family who cared about me, and a future ahead of me, where once I could see nothing but darkness, pain and fear.

"A life worth living," I whispered, a small smile creeping delicately over my face, mirroring the one that had settled on his.

A gentle tapping at the door broke the pleasant peacefulness which had surrounded us and around the door popped the face that I wanted to see most in the world.

"Edward." I smiled, jumping out of my seat and almost taking it with me in my haste to be in his arms again.

"Mind if I steal her away, Carlisle?" he asked, pulling me tenderly into his arms and planting a soft kiss on the end of my nose.

"She's all yours." Carlisle beamed, waving us off with a wink.

We lay side by side on the small white bed in my bedroom, his arm around my shoulders and we talked. We talked about everything. We talked about Jacob, and Alfie. We talked about the werewolves and the possibility of some sort of alliance with them. We talked about the future and what we both wanted. We talked about Victoria and the fact that she and Jack were coming and I was honest with him. I told him how afraid I was of seeing _him _again. Afraid of him hurting me – yes, but also afraid of what the simple sight of his face or the smell of him could do to me. What it could do to my recovery. I could still remember every single word he had said to me--every word that was perfectly crafted to make me hate myself, and make me feel inadequate. The words still echoed around my head, though some days they were easier to ignore than others and I wanted to be free of them. I wanted to be free from all the insecurities and fears that I felt. I wanted to be free to move on and be happy. I told him _everything_: every doubt and every fear that plagued me, knowing that I needed to be honest with him in order for our relationship to work.

"Edward, I'm afraid," I whispered into his side, where my head was burrowed comfortably.

"I know, Bella. I'm going to do everything I can to protect you," he replied, running his fingers through my hair and trailing down my back.

"No, I'm scared that I can't... that I won't be able to..." I couldn't get out the words that I needed him to hear. I needed him to know so that it didn't come as a shock to him when the time came. He rolled onto his side so that he was facing me, my face no longer hidden in his side but open to his scrutiny.

"Tell me, Bella. It's me, just me. There's nothing for you to be afraid of here," he cupped my face with his hand, running his thumb lovingly across the apple of my cheek as he spoke. I stared back at him, taking in the love in his eyes, the beauty of his form and tried to convince myself that it would be alright, and that I could handle this and it wouldn't be a problem. But I was kidding myself.

"The wedding night, Edward. I'm scared." I buried my face in his chest, not wanting to see his expression or for him to see mine. I felt his chest rise as he took a deep breath, comprehension of what I was talking about dawning on him. His arms drew around me, pulling me tighter into his chest, the safety of him surrounding me completely.

"Bella, I don't want you to worry about that. I don't want sex to ever be something that you feel pressured into again. If and when it happens for us, it will be on your terms and in your own time. I don't ever want you to feel like you _have _to do anything with me that makes you uncomfortable. I love you, Bella. I just want you to be happy." His hand was in my hair, massaging my scalp lightly with his long slender fingers. I relaxed into his embrace, his words comforting me, and easing my fears the way that only he could.

"I love you too, Edward._" _I spoke into his chest, the arms encircling me making the world fall away. All the fear for what the future held flew away like leaves on the wind the way that his touch always could. "Always."

"Always," he repeated, pulling my face up. His lips met mine in a tender and loving kiss, which made me somehow feel like the only woman in the world.

* * *

**_Thank you for reading! _**

**_Recommendation: The Unaccompanied Soul by JMCullen09 is so sweet and heartbreaking. She's an incredibly talented writer and a complete sweetheart to boot. Go, read it! You won't regret it, I promise! :D_**


	29. Chapter 29

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own Alfie, and sadly Jack too. _**

**_A/N: Thank you this week to my awesome stand in beta 1MrsECullen for betaing this for me at short notice last night! You are awesome, thank you so much! My usual beta 4StringQueen is still awesome but has RL stuff at the moment so I'm giving her the week off lol. Love you chica! 3_**

**_Thank you to Weezy for allll her help with this chapter and basically every chapter. Seriously, if you like this story, thank her, because I would have given up on it months ago if she didn't keep stopping me! Her stories are amazing, go read. Pen-name Nostalgicmiss. _**

**_This chapter is dedicated to NewMoonaholic my new forum pal who is going to protect me from pitchforks and flaming logs when you've all read this chapter. _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 29**

Hello, I love you  
Won't you tell me your name?  
Hello, I love you  
Let me jump in your game

She holds her head so high  
Like a statue in the sky  
Her arms are wicked, and her legs are long  
When she moves my brain screams out this song

Sidewalk crouches at her feet  
Like a dog that begs for something sweet  
Do you hope to make her see, you fool?  
Do you hope to pluck this dusky jewel?

_Hello, I love You - The Doors_

**Bella POV**

I woke up feeling lighter, the cool arms that made me feel so safe were still wrapped tightly around me, and I knew he was just waiting for me to say something - anything. It was amazing how he was able to ease my worries in one conversation. His selflessness seemed to know no bounds when it came to me, and sometimes I felt as though I took advantage of that.

I rolled in his arms, the familiar smell of him surrounding me as my head lay against his chest. The silence there eased the panic that rolled through me involuntarily every morning regardless of who I was with.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" he asked his satin voice gentle in the otherwise silent room.

I shook my head and looked up at him as his fingers found the edges of my hair. He twirled the strands gently between his fingers as his charcoal eyes watched me with their endless patience.

"Why would you think that?" I asked my voice muted from sleep.

"Alice called; I thought I may have spoken too loud."

"Why? What happened?" I asked rolling to my knees as my body pushed into red alert before my mind caught up with it. Had Alice finally seen something? Was what we were waiting for about to happen?

His hand moved from my hair to cradle my cheek before I could even comprehend the movement, his thumb dusted under my eyes, cooling the skin there as he tried to calm me. "Don't be anxious, there's not any news. They just want to come and visit. They miss you already."

"When you say they?" I asked, the corners of my lips turning up slightly now that the danger had passed.

"Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett."

"When?"

"Sometime after breakfast."

Happiness filled me as I tried to think of the things we could do together while they were here. It had only been a couple of days since I had seen them last but it didn't stop me from longing to see their faces either. My mind went to Alfie and I was happy he could finally put faces to some of the stories I had told him.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like Bella Swan, the naive girl that had moved to Forks to live with her father. The clumsy, obtuse child that fell in love with a vampire and refused to let go. The newer history melted away for a while as my mind moved to the summer of my Junior year, before my birthday, before - everything.

Edward could see it too. The flat black around his pupil seemed to shift, coiling around the dark amber strands that seemed to show his happiness. I missed that, I missed noticing the little things that made me love him so much more.

"If I'd known it would cheer you up that much I would have told them to come sooner."

"It's not that," I grinned, leaning forward to press my lips against his. His cool skin felt refreshing against mine. "I feel like me, I feel alive. Do you remember that lake you took me to, up in the mountains? The summer bef . . . our junior year?"

I didn't miss the flash as I reminded him of my birthday, but I pushed on, hopeful he would reflect on the day I was referring to rather than the weeks after that. I focused on one particular memory. A day with just him and me as he allowed himself to just be Edward. He always did that for me, he always managed to filter out the bad and let in the light. Now I was awake I could see why, I could see where my joy was coming from.

"It was one of those rare sunny days, I was laying on the rock you'd towed me to in the middle of the lake and the sun was shining directly on me, and I said to you . . ."

"I remember," he smiled, his lips brushing over the apple of my cheeks.

"That's how I feel today, and it's because of you."

"Someone's coming," he breathed, before disappearing, leaving a trail of goose flesh on my arm as his fingers trailed up it in his haste to hide.

"Morning, Isabella," the nurse smiled gently, her eyes lighting up a little more as she took in my appearance. "You're looking bright this morning?"

"Good dreams," I smiled, knowing how Edward would interpret the statement.

"Alfie's looking for you, he's hungry. I caught him on his way down here."

"Would you tell him I'll be right there?"

"I will," she laughed, backing out of the room. "Shouldn't be hard to find him, he's standing at the end of the hall."

Edward reappeared the moment she pulled the door closed behind her, his eyes alight and dancing as he stepped toward me. "Leaving me so soon?"

I wound my arms around his waist and pushed myself into him, squeezing him with everything I had. I was hungry, my stomach seemed to yawn and stretch as I thought about it. "If I don't my stomach may take off without me."

His frame seemed to tense and relax around me as the inflection of my words sunk in.

"You should eat," he said quietly, the smile evident in his voice. "I'll go and meet the others; it'll give you a chance to get ready after your breakfast."

Edward left shortly after and I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt to meet Alfie now that I knew he was waiting. I could shower after breakfast rather than making him wait any longer.

He noticed my mood immediately, his smile mirroring mine as I looped my arm through his and guided him to where the smell of food was making my stomach growl impatiently. He didn't say a word for a while; he just basked in the good mood that seemed to emanate from me.

"Ok, spill, you're glowing."

"I just woke up feeling good this morning."

"It's more than that." His eyes searched my face, looking for something to indicate what had put the beaming smile on my face.

"Can I help it if I'm engaged to the best man on the planet?" I teased. "That will tend to put a smile on your face, my friend." I finished, tapping his cheek patronizingly and winking at him. He glowered at me, his face a mask of fake disgust.

"Yeah, you women steal all the good ones, it's so unfair," he whined back at me, the wicked grin on his face lighting up his eyes and belying the tone of his voice.

I wanted to ask him how he was feeling, I wanted to hug the hell out of him after his breakdown the previous day, but we were at the table by now and the no issues at the table rule was still very much in effect so instead I introduced a more pleasant topic.

"Alfie, Edward's brothers and sisters are coming to visit today, I know they'd love to meet you... if you want to" I trailed off, uncertainly. Alfie's face had taken on an almost maniacal expression and he was bouncing slightly in his seat.

"I'd love to meet them, B. Of course I would. Now then," his face contorted into a mischievous smirk, "these brothers of his..."

"Straight and taken." I finished for him, smiling, knowing that I would have to explain the whole family situation to him so he didn't get freaked out by what would otherwise look disturbingly like incest to him when the family arrived.

I explained the usual cover story about Dr. and Mrs. Cullen fostering all the kids separately while we finished breakfast and he just nodded along, completely unfazed by the story. When we were finished eating he rushed off to get a shower and change and I did the same.

On the way to meet Alfie in our usual spot under the fir tree on the grounds I grabbed the guitar that Carlisle and Esme had given to me for Christmas wanting to show Alfie and hoping for a quick lesson before the others arrived.

The lesson we managed to fit in was a short one since Alfie spent so long drooling over the guitar, turning it over and over in his careful hands, admiring the quality of the wood, the finish and the tone of the strings.

"May I?" he questioned, as his fingers hovered over the strings hungrily. I nodded enthusiastically then lay back on the soft grass as his fingers started to expertly coax beautiful music out of the apparently "perfect" instrument that so far I hadn't managed to get more than a few simple chords out of.

I lay there in the grass, the soft breeze caressing my cheeks as the music floated around me, the peace, which had filled me since my conversation with Edward remained as every muscle in my body relaxed into the soft earth beneath me. I didn't recognisze the music he was playing, I suspected he was simply improvising but the notes fell over one another in perfect sequence like poetry, each one revealing another part of Alfie's thoughts to the breeze. His love for the music echoed from every string he plucked as his slender fingers told what his words could not. His soul, his beautiful soul shone from every note, his heartbreak at the loss of his friend and his sense of failure for how she was lost, his capacity for love and friendship and his sweet and caring nature were all there in the melody, which flowed from the instrument. I just lay and listened, enjoying the opportunity to get to know my friend a little better through his music where he appeared to find his emotions impossible to hide.

I let out a piercing scream as the earth disappeared from underneath me and a pair of solid arms closed around my torso and I was thrown over a broad set of shoulders. I kicked and flailed about uselessly, my eyes darting around desperately until they landed on Edward's irate face and my ears tuned into Emmett's bellowing laugh.

"Jesus, Emmett, put her the hell down, can't you tell you're scaring the life out of her?" Rosalie's voice was stern and I heard the familiar sound of her smacking him around the head as the strong arms that held me began to lower me to the ground.

I took in a deep stuttering breath as my body adapted to the idea of not being in life threatening danger as it had instantly assumed. Despite being happier than I had ever been, I was constantly on edge, waiting for the bubble to burst and for all the perfection to come crashing down around me. I was convinced that it would do that eventually, I knew Jack well enough for that by now. But for now there was no danger, only my family and they were all looking at me with concern when there was really no need.

"I'm sorry, baby sister, I didn't think." Emmett's face was devastated and I hated that I made it that way. I folded my arms around him and rested my cheek against his huge chest.

"Don't be silly, Emmett. I'm happy to see you." I spoke into his chest; my big brother's arms making me feel almost as safe as Edward's did.

I heard Rosalie mutter "doofus" under her breath, good naturedly before punching him in the arm. He kissed the top of my head lightly before releasing me from his arms.

I turned to where Alfie was still sitting, the guitar now silent in his arms and his face turned up towards us, watching the gentle banter with a smile playing at his lips.

"Everybody, this is Alfie." I gestured towards him and introduced him to each member of the family individually. I noticed that Jasper kept his distance at first, Alfie's scent was new to him and I watched with interest, as he appeared to work to find his control. Alice's hand remained in his, her thumb subtly soothing his as he relaxed more and more by the minute. In no time at all he and Alfie were bonding over their Texan roots and taking turns to entertain us on the guitar. I never knew that Jasper could play, but apparently, like all the other Cullen's he was stupidly good at everything he turned his hand to and music was no exception.

Alice squealed loudly when he started playing a lively tune I recognized and Alfie beamed in recognition as Jasper's voice rung out singing _Hello, I Love You_ by The Doors.

"It's our song," she mouthed to me, then their eyes met and he didn't release her from his loving gaze until the song had finished. I felt Edward's arms weave around me from behind and he pulled me gently against his chest swaying lightly in time to the music, his cool breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine. He chuckled to himself at my body's involuntary response to his touch and pushing my hair aside, he planted soft kisses on my neck. The feel of his cool lips against my skin made my heart hammer in my chest and my breathing become erratic as my skin broke out in goose flesh.

"Yo, Edward, put her down. No PDAs allowed this is family time!" Emmett grabbed Edward in a headlock and pulled him away, rubbing the top of his head, not using half the gusto he would normally since he had a human audience.

I watched with an affectionate smile as they wrestled each other to the ground rolling over and over, as they each refused to back down. And he called _me _stubborn! I felt an arm link through mine and Alfie's face, lit up with a huge grin.

"So, Edward's family seems nice," he commented, his eyes focused on the happy scene in front of him.

"Yeah, they're the best," I replied, my love for my new family slightly overwhelming.

"You gonna play them the spider song?" He joked, nudging me in the side playfully.

"What spider song?" Emmett asked from across the lawn, looking up from where he was pummeling Edward. Alfie started at the distance that Emmett had heard him from and everybody stiffened. Alfie couldn't have missed the tension that suddenly filled the air; you could have cut it with a knife as half the Cullens glared at Emmett and the other half watched Alfie carefully. After a moment however, he seemed to recover himself, shaking off whatever had gone through his mind at the mistake Emmett had made.

"There is no song, go back to beating my fiancée up, by all means," I attempted, internally chuckling at the thought of playing the one and only song I had mastered so far on the guitar to my apparently super talented in-laws-to-be.

"Nice try, baby sister," Emmett teased, coming over and ruffling my hair light-heartedly then dragging me towards the guitar. I attempted to resist him, but failed miserably, my strength no match for a human male let alone an enormous vampire like Emmett. "Whatever the hell the "spider song" is," he started, making the quotation marks in the air, "you're playing it. No arguments."

He pushed the guitar into my hands forcefully, a goofy grin plastered over his face and a glint in his eye that told me I wasn't getting out of this.

"Starts on a D chord, B," Alfie heckled, the laugh he was fighting to suppress bubbling over in his throat and bursting out of his mouth in a wave of mirth.

"Yes, thank you, Alfie. That's very helpful," I chided, rolling my eyes at his fake bullying. "Well, Emmett, you asked for it. But I'm warning you, once you've heard The Spider Song you'll never look back. Never again will you be able to listen to that classic rock you love so much. Led Zeppelin in all their glory will pale in comparison to the wonder that is The Spider Song. Don't say I didn't warn you." Emmett nodded solemnly in response, his eyes bright with fun as he pulled Rosalie into his lap to listen. The others all gathered around as well as I found the right spaces for my fingers on the right strings and started to play the silly children's song that Alfie had taught me.

"_I can see a nasty spider, creeping up on me,_

_He says he's going to gobble me up and eat me for his tea._

_He says he will but he won't._

_He says he will but he won't I knoooooow._

_'Cos my daddy says so!" _

They all laughed and clapped at the end, as I looked at Emmett mustering my best "I told you so" expression as he clapped whole-heartedly.

"Well played, B. Well played." Alfie smiled at me and patted me on the back patronizingly. I took a swipe at him but he dodged it easily and laughed as I fell backwards, my co-ordination no better sitting than it was standing. I remained where I was, lay back on the grass again, sighing contentedly as I watched Alfie drift back towards Jasper who he seemed to have really hit it off with and take the guitar with him.

My favorite face in the world suddenly loomed above me and I took in his peaceful and loving expression. My eyes met his and I frowned noticing how dark they had grown.

"Edward, you need to hunt," I whispered, though Alfie was several feet away and playing the guitar again with Jasper while Alice watched on smiling.

"Taking him tonight, baby sister," Emmett smiled from behind Rosalie who was still perched on his lap comfortably.

"But..." Edward started.

"No buts, Edward," I interrupted. "I've told you before, I won't have you lecturing me about my dietary habits and then neglecting your own. You're going. End of." I crossed my arms over my chest in a gesture of finality.

"What about Jack? Victoria?" He questioned his voice full of concern.

"I don't need a babysitter twenty-four hours a day, Edward. Alice can watch out, she'll see if anybody is coming. I'll be fine. Go. I'll hang with Alfie; we still have the last _Lord of the Rings_ film to watch."

He looked for just a moment like he was going to argue with me, but seeing the stern look on my face he relented and agreed to go.

The rest of the morning was spent happily lazing around outside, Alfie and Jasper continued to entertain us all with songs on the guitar. Emmett whined a little about the fact that he couldn't join in because drums just aren't portable. Rosalie told him to stop being a brat and he shut up and sulked for maybe a full minute before he got his signature grin back and begged me to teach him to play The Spider Song on the guitar.

When the nurse came out to call Alfie and me inside for lunch they took off. Alice and Jasper went back home and Emmett and Rosalie took Edward with them to go hunting.

"I'll be back before you know it," his fingers tangled in my loose hair as he planted soft kisses on my forehead. My fingers were fisted tightly into his t-shirt reluctant to let go. It was ironic that I was the one who had nagged him to go hunting, practically blackmailed him into leaving me, but now that the time had come to actually put it into practice my heart was tugging painfully at the thought of being apart from him for even the shortest length of time. "Alice will be watching you, she would stay but I know you have a session with Doctor Moore this afternoon and you should spend some time with Alfie, he's good for you, you light up when he's around."

"I light up when _you're_ around," I countered, smiling into his chest as he pulled me into his arms tightly.

"I'll be back soon, and I won't be far, I promise," his finger looped under my chin and brought my face up to his and pressed his smooth lips against mine, the sensation sending sparks flying through my entire body and buckling my knees beneath me. His strong arm snaked around my waist, holding me up despite what gravity and my legs had to say on the matter.

"My God man, you're gonna see her again in a few hours, it's just a freaking lunch break, put her down!" Emmett's booming voice held a smile, but he was right. We were saying goodbye as though we were never going to see each other again and it was ridiculous. He planted one more soft kiss on the end of my nose before turning and walking away from me as I made my way to the dining room to have lunch with Alfie.

* * *

"I think I liked the first one best," I stated after careful consideration.

"No way, B. The first one is great and all, but the battles in the second and third are epic and the guy who plays Faramir is hot," he countered, as we dissected _The Lord of the Rings_ having finally watched the final film of the trilogy.

"It's all about the story with you isn't it, Alfie?" I joked, lunging across the bed we were sitting on to punch him in the shoulder, but missing entirely and falling off the bed, landing on the floor with a bump.

Alfie's body shook with laughter as I clambered back onto the bed, finally successfully punching him in the original intended destination for his amusement at my lack of co-ordination.

"Yeah you laugh now, Draycott, but just you wait till I fall over when I'm carrying that guitar you love so much." I giggled, pointing at the instrument in his hands, which he was unknowingly caressing affectionately.

His eyes widened in mock horror and he turned his body away from me creating a shield between me and his pride and joy.

"Touch my baby, feel my wrath, Swan," he winked at me, the smile on his face wider than I had ever seen it.

I held up both hands beside my face in a gesture of surrender and he laughed and turned back to face me.

"So, Edward's family liked the spider song," we both burst into fits of giggles once more, remembering my epic performance to the others.

Our giggles stopped only when three solid knocks burst out on my bedroom door. I looked up at the clock on the wall in surprise, the time couldn't possibly have flown by so fast that it was dinnertime already, and neither of us were expecting visitors or had appointments with Doctor Moore.

"Come in," I called out, trying to suppress the giggles, which kept bubbling up in my chest.

The handle twisted downwards slowly, too slowly. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine as a cold sense of dread caught my heart in its grip.

'_Calm the hell down, Bella,_' I thought to myself. '_It's just one of the nurses coming to check on us or something._'

It wasn't a nurse.

Of course it wasn't.

When first the fingers and then the face appeared around the doorway I knew that it was over.

The eyes, once the color of hazelnuts, now blood red, fixed on mine, a maniacal, wide-eyed sneer freezing the blood in my veins and almost stopping my heart.

"Hello, Isabella." His cold, hard voice - barely changed in immortality - filled the room, echoing off the bare white walls. Alfie had jumped off the bed and was facing _him_, his face was a blanket of recognition as he took in the form of the man who killed his best friend and was now here to kill me.

My body reacted to him the way that it always did. My heart pounded in my chest as though it were trying to break free of its imprisonment, my vision blurred as I went too long without blinking. Blinking was dangerous. Blink and he could be on you. That had always been the case, but now more than ever, I knew how fast he could move. I clenched my hands into fists at my side in a futile attempt to control the violent trembling that had seized my body.

"Alife, run," I choked out, hoping against hope that Jack would let my friend go without hurting him.

Jack's crimson eyes turned on Alfie where he remained, unmoving, a murderous look on his face as he took in the killer who stood in the small room with us.

"Little Alfie Draycott," he crooned, mockingly, advancing one step in his direction. I silently screamed at Alfie to move away from him, to get as far away from him as possible, but he held his ground. He knew what Jack was capable of, and yet in that moment he had no idea just how dangerous he was.

Jack's hand was on Alfie's shoulder pressing down hard enough to buckle his knees.

"You fucking bastard!" Alfie's cry rang out around the room as he aimed a punch at Jack's stone hard face. _He _dodged the ill-fated blow easily, instead grabbing hold of Alfie's hand and squeezing it painfully in his until Alfie cried out in pain.

"Now then, Isabella. You need to tell your friend here the rules. Are we allowed to try to punch Uncle Jack?" I could do nothing but stare in horror at Alfie's proximity to the monster that could kill him with a simple flick of his wrist.

"Well come on," he demanded, his voice like a thousand nails down a chalkboard in my ears. "Alfie doesn't know the rules as well as you do, he needs your help to know what is and isn't allowed."

My mind was whirling with all the memories of each and every time that he had hurt me. They played in my head like a montage, my body protesting his proximity with everything it had. I struggled to my feet, knowing that it was pointless, but thinking almost wishfully that maybe I could somehow get between Alfie and Jack and protect my friend. After all, it was me that he came for.

"Stay where you fucking are, Isabella. I don't remember telling you to get up," he spat at me, demonstrating his point by squeezing Alfie's hand a little tighter. Alfie's anguished cry brought tears to my eyes, as the sound of his bones breaking was all too clear. "Now then," he spoke, calmly and deceptively sweetly. "I believe you are supposed to be telling Little Lord Fauntleroy here the rules about fighting back."

"Y-you don't," I whispered, remembering the one and only time I had tried to get away when he was hurting me, and cringing at the thought of the "punishment" for fighting back.

"And what's it like if you do?" he coaxed, the mock gentleness in his tone belying the repulsive violence that simmered under the surface.

"It-it hurts more," I stammered out, looking down at my feet, unable to bear the look of agony on Alfie's face any more.

"Very good, Isabella, I taught you well."

He turned his back to me once again; his attention focused on Alfie as he released his hand and pushed his shoulder down forcefully, bringing him crashing to his knees.

"PLEASE!" I cried out, rushing forwards, not above begging when it came to my friend's life.

"Bella, no!" Alfie's good hand shot out towards me, stopping me in my tracks. "Get out of here. GO!"

"Oh Isabella's not going anywhere. Not yet anyway," he winked conspiratorially at me, as though we were both privy to some private joke, and then turned back to Alfie at his feet. "You, on the other hand. You're not going anywhere. Ever again."

"NO!" I screamed out as I saw his mouth clamp down on Alfie's carotid artery, his venomous teeth sinking into his precious blood supply and draining him of his life. "No!" I sobbed once more as I fell to my knees in grief, unable to turn away as I watched Jack thrust Alfie's lifeless body against the wall as though he were no more than an unwanted item of rubbish, and not the amazing human being that he was. _Had been_.

I counted the steps as _he _advanced on me. One. Two. Three. Four. My eyes trained on Alfie's form slumped against the wall. I watched him carefully; praying to any God that may have been listening for some sign of life, anything at all to suggest that maybe he wasn't dead, just changed. Changed I could live with, I would take Alfie as a vampire over dead any day. Then Jack's rough hand was gripping my chin and pulling it up fiercely.

"Get up," he barked, his breath in my face no longer the familiar alcohol smell I was used to. "NOW!" he shouted when I didn't respond. I jumped to my feet quickly, knowing the price I would pay for not immediately doing as he asked.

I started to back away from him; the cruel grin that twisted his face told me everything I needed to know about how much he was enjoying my grief and my fear.

"Alone at last," he sneered, matching each of my steps backwards with a larger one of his own until I was trapped against the wall with nowhere to run, if running had even been possible. My eyes closed subconsciously as I saw his hands reach out towards me and gasped as they landed one on each hip, not painfully, but sickeningly.

"Aah little Isabella, I missed you." I felt his stone cold hands working their way from my hips up my body, his fingers caressing the contours of my body, pressing hard enough to leave bruises. My entire body was shaking, the fear causing my legs to freeze and lock in place. His eyes were a piercing blood red, but they were still the same eyes that haunted me. They glared at me now, filled with malicious intent as I cowered against the wall, trapped in place by both physical and mental barriers. Where the hell was Alice? Surely, she must have seen him here with me, why hadn't she come?

"You know, Isabella, I didn't like it in prison. It kinda sucked, and that was all your fault wasn't it?" I stared wide-eyed at him, waiting for something, anything to erupt within him and pull away the façade of a gentle reunion he was presenting. I gasped out in pain as the volcano spilt over shattering the eerie silence that had fallen over the room after Alife's body had slumped to the floor. His long, thick fingers had contracted tightly around my upper arms, the searing pain that shot up and down the limbs suggesting that he may have broken the bones there.

"WASN'T IT?" he spat at me, his face only inches from mine and his grip on my arms not loosening in the slightest.

"Y-yes sir." I hastily replied, hoping for some respite from the pain he was inflicting on me, but coming up disappointed when his grip instead increased and he shook me viciously, my head banging slightly against the wall behind me and making my eyes swim dizzily.

"And you thought you'd what? Sail off into the sunset with lover boy and leave me rotting in that fucking hellhole? Like he would want you anyway. You're mine and you always will be he could never want somebody like you. He's one of those pure types; you can tell that by looking at him, he's got a rod thrust so far up his arse that you can practically see it in his mouth when he talks. Why would he want to be associated with a dirty little whore like you?"

All the physical pain in the world paled in the shadow of the words he was speaking. All those times in the past he had beaten me, hurt me so badly that sometimes I couldn't walk straight the following day, but nothing had ever hurt me as badly as the truth behind what he was saying to me.

"Well?" He shook me once again, pulling me from my despairing thoughts and slamming my entire body up against the hard wall, knocking the wind out of me. The extra strength he had gained in his transformation was not lost on my aching body as he used as much of it as he could without killing me. No, evidently he wanted me alive, at least for now. Maybe Victoria wanted to do that particular job herself.

My whirling brain searched for an answer to his question but could come up with nothing, not even able to truly remember what the question was, but knowing that if I wanted to survive the next six seconds without major bodily damage an answer was required.

"Answer the fucking question, Isabella." he said, quietly yet menacingly and through gritted teeth. "Why would he want _you_?"

"He... he wouldn't." I stammered out, feeling my heart about to burst out of my chest it was pumping so hard.

"He wouldn't, w_hat_?" he demanded, punctuating each word with a shake of my aching body.

"Sir," I whispered in response, the required word no longer habit to me.

"Damn fucking straight," he sneered at me, the red where the hazel used to be lit up in enjoyment of the pain he was inflicting.

He released my left arm, his hand straying instead to my hair, brushing his fingers through it in mock affection.

"You were always my favorite you know, you were much harder to break than the others, but once you did..." He left the sentence hanging in the air, the sinister overtones dripping from every syllable as he continued to leer at me with his crimson eyes. His breath was cool on my cheeks, his face only centimeters from mine now.

I flinched back as he started to run his hand down my cheek, his fingers pressing just hard enough to cause pain, his expression daring me to make a sound. I choked back the yelp that threatened to escape me when his hand cupped around my neck and pressed down painfully on my collarbone.

"Well, well, well Isabella we have put weight on haven't we?" His words cut through me like a knife, he seemed to know more than ever which buttons to press, and he was pressing them relentlessly and enjoying every minute of it.

"I didn't hear an answer _again, _Isabella. It hasn't been _that _long; surely you haven't forgotten all your manners already."

I tried to force out the words that he wanted to hear through the fear that was choking me and clouding my vision, but they caught in my throat coming out as something between a whimper and a scream.

"Now now, you don't want to be doing that. Wouldn't want any more of your little friends getting hurt now would you?" His lips were by my ear as he spoke, his breath sending shivers of fear and disgust down my spine as I caught sight of Alfie's body slumped against the door where he had died trying to protect me from my monster.

My friend. My only human friend in the world, killed because of danger I had brought to him.

"Now then, I have a friend who is a little bit peeved at you, and frankly the woman is mental. You think you're afraid now; you wait until you see what _she_ has planned for you. You will be begging for me back by the time she's done with you."

An image of flaming red hair surrounding a deathly pale face with crimson eyes leering at me maliciously flashed through my mind, bringing me to my knees in terror. I felt his hand pulling my hair back from my face and yanking it back painfully so that I was forced to look at him again.

"Yeah, you should be scared. Really fucking scared."

My head felt like it was splitting in two as he pulled me to my feet once more by my hair, the malevolent grin never leaving his lips as he enjoyed the yelp of pain that I couldn't suppress.

"Now are you going to come quietly or do I need to stuff up that pretty mouth with something to keep you silent?" I couldn't speak; the abject terror that had seized my entire body had paralyzed my vocal chords and rendered me able only to stand in front of him with one of his huge hands around both of my wrists and pinning them above my head.

"Answer the fucking question, Isabella," he almost shouted, small droplets of spittle probably comprised of venom, leaving his mouth with the force behind his words and landing on his chin. I tried to force an answer out of my mouth but all that came out was a strangled cry. "Jesus, that psycho bitch can come collect her own projects in future, you're way too much like hard work these days. I'm bored now." His hand released my wrists, allowing them to drop like lead weights down to my sides sending arrows of agony shooting through my upper arms where he had already done damage with his grip earlier.

Both his hands closed around my neck, pressing down tightly on my windpipe completely cutting off my air supply. I tried to fight against his hands but my pathetic strength was no match for his. After only a few moments my head began to swim with black spots dancing in my vision, the perfect tempting darkness that I had fallen into so many times in the past when he had been hurting me called out to me, beckoning me with it's comforting embrace as I allowed myself to fall. This was the end. He would kill me here. I would never see Edward again.

* * *

_**I'm gonna go hide now... Sorry! :-S**_

_**Recommendation for the chapter, if you all still love me: The Mocking Moon by NewMoonaholic. It's a fairly new story so easy to catch up on and I love it. Plus she's a sweetheart! Go, read! **_

_**Thank you for reading! **_


	30. Chapter 30

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. _**

**_A/N: So I have a brand shiny new beta to thank for this chapter. Sadly, Jules has had real life step in and mess her about so she's had to step aside, so Kimmydonn has taken over the overwhelming job of making me look like I can actually write! I want to say a huge thank you to Jules for all her help so far. You've been amazing hun and I'm so grateful to you. Thank you so much to Kimmy for stepping in at such short notice, you're an angel! _**

**_Huge thank yous and tackle hugs as ever to my pre-reader Weezy who, along with the awesome NewMoonaholic, spent the day after I posted the last chapter, talking me down off the ceiling. You both are amazing people and I am lucky to call you friends. :)_**

**_Thank you to my awesome sister who found the lyrics for this chapter for me. Despite not having read the story she still managed with only a 140 character description of the chapter! Yes, I have the best sister in the world, and no you can't borrow her!_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 30**

"In this white wave  
I am sinking  
in this silence  
in this white wave  
in this silence  
I believe."

_Sarah McLachlan - Silence_

**Bella POV**

Silence.

Silence and Pain.

I woke to find myself still alive, a splintering pain shooting through my upper arms as I lay keeping my eyes tightly shut against the reality of what I knew I would see when I opened them. As the fog of my brain lifted I took inventory of my body, noting without surprise that apparently Jack had not been gentle with me once I was unconscious. I could feel a rough rope around my wrists which were secured tightly behind my back. Ironic really, he never bothered to restrain me when he was human, now that I was even more at his mercy than ever before he suddenly thought it was more fun this way?

I suspected his sadistic side had kicked in when he realised how much damage he may have done to my arms, he thought he'd inflict just a little bit more pain with minimum effort on his part. The pain that racked my body was intense, not just in my arms but my ribs and head throbbed painfully, a searing pain pulled at my chest tearing at my heart like a thousand knives as I remembered.

Alfie.

Gone.

I couldn't choke back the whimper that escaped my chest - betraying me as awake to my captors - at the thought of Alfie's limp, lifeless body and his anguished cries of pain as Jack made his final moments on earth a living hell.

I cracked one eye open slightly, flinching against the cold, bright light that flooded my sight through the tiny slit in my eyelid. I scanned the room bracing myself for the moment when _his_ form would enter my vision. I appeared to be on the floor of some sort of large warehouse, with whitewashed stone walls and small windows set high into the walls. There were thick metallic pipes running in complex patterns across the ceiling which gave off odd rumbling noises from time to time.

"Vous êtes éveille," an unfamiliar voice spoke into the silence, the tone soft, not like the voice I had been expecting. I allowed the other eye to flicker open taking in the man who was standing over me.

He was tall and well built with rings of muscle circling his upper arms, straining against the deep red shirt he was wearing over plain black jeans. I shrank back against the hard ground, trying to melt myself into the cool concrete rather than experience whatever pain this giant of a man intended to inflict upon me. Jack was not in the room, I had searched every corner my eyes could see and not found him, but I knew better than to think that he would leave me here alone with somebody harmless. The man who towered over me now had scarlet eyes, evidence that he was dangerous. He was staring at me with a curious expression, sort of a combination of confusion, pity and intrigue. His eyes scanned up and down my body where I lay, completely helpless to whatever he chose to do with me.

I searched through my mind for the very basic French I had learned at school, trying to decipher his words but coming up empty. I flinched back as he moved towards me, crouching in front of me with a bottle in his hand.

"Je ne vous ferai pas du mal," his soft voice spoke as he approached me carefully. I didn't understand what he was saying to me, but his tone was soothing and almost implored me to trust him. I kept my eyes trained firmly on his as he got to his knees beside me and unscrewed the lid off what looked like a bottle of water.

I yelped in fright as his hand shot out towards me, unable to move away from him I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and braced myself for the blows that would inevitably fall.

"Je ne veux pas vous faire du mal," he spoke again, his tone still soothing, but his proximity to me was frightening and I could do nothing but stare wide eyed at him as his hand dropped to my shoulder, gently easing me into a sitting position. I fought to maintain my balance; the position was not easy to hold with my hands secured uncomfortably behind my back. His hand remained on my shoulder blade, the contact uncomfortable but necessary if I didn't want to plummet back down to the floor and probably damage my painful arms further. His other hand brought the bottle up to my parched lips and tipped it slightly. I backed my head away, allowing the cool liquid to drip to the ground, not trusting it's contents enough to consider drinking it despite my obvious dehydration.

"Vous devez boire," his voice once more spoke unfamiliar words as he pressed the bottle against my lips once more. I shook my head, stubbornly refusing to accept the drink, knowing that Jack wouldn't allow me anything to eat or drink unless it were drugged or poisoned. "C'est de l'eau seulement, ce n'est pas dangereuse."

I picked out the words I knew from his speech, water and not dangerous. I eyed him sceptically, the expression he wore was pleading me to accept his offering. I could detect no lie in his tone and knew that whatever happened I was going to be killed, one way or another I wasn't getting out of here alive. Maybe being poisoned wasn't the worst thing that could happen anyway. If I didn't take the water I might die of dehydration before Victoria even got the chance to have her fun with me but it seemed unlikely. She wouldn't wait days.

I allowed the cool water to run over my dry, chapped lips and soothe my aching throat, the familiar flavour holding no hint of anything sinister; it was just water, tasteless and wonderful.

"Isabella." His accent contorted my name to the point where it sounded like a different word entirely, but it was still unmistakeably my name that escaped his lips as he stared intently at me. "Je m'appelle Benoit. Je ne veux pas vous faire du mal." I looked up into his piercing red eyes, confusion etched across my face as I tried to make sense of his words.

"Benoit? Your name? Benoit."

"Me, yes," was his heavily accented reply, a small smile playing at his lips as I spoke for the first time.

"Isabella!" I started back at the familar voice which sent wave after wave of fear and dread coursing through me, my entire body beginning to tremble involuntarily as my worst nightmare stepped into view, a huge maniacal grin plastered on his face. "Finally, you're awake. I was beginning to think that you were avoiding me," he had crossed the room and come to a stop right in front of me. His hand gripped my chin painfully and forced my eyes up to look into his cruel red ones. "But you know better than to do that, don't you, Isabella?" He whispered, the sinister inflection of his words causing my breath to catch in my chest, my head swimming dizzyingly at his contact with me.

"I see you met Bernard," he gestured towards the French man who had introduced himself to me as Benoit, with his free hand while still retaining a firm grip on my chin, his fingers digging into my jaw painfully and bringing tears to my eyes.

I shot the Frenchman a confused look which he returned with a loathing glance in Jack's direction.

"B-Bernard?" I questioned, my curiosity briefly outweighing my fear at the discrepancy in his name.

"I don't fucking speak French, Isabella. Whatever the hell his stupid name is, I don't really care. It begins with a B, so Bernard it is. Is that a problem, princess?" His voice was a snarl, his face mere inches from mine as he glared at me angrily.

I didn't say anything; his question was very clearly rhetorical. I shuddered as the hand that wasn't squeezing the circulation out of my face traveled down my spine, his cruel fingers teasing my skin lightly, in a way that could have been mistaken for seductive if it weren't for the menace that was evident in his sneering face.

"Arrêtez-vous! Vous l'effrayez," Benoit stepped forward, placing his large hand around Jack's wrist and pulling on it as though he were trying to force his hands off me.

"Back off, Frenchy. Just because that psycho bitch needs you around doesn't mean you get to put your filthy hands on me. Isabella is my remit, not yours, now fuck off and find something to do, I have _things_ to do here before Victoria gets back." I shuddered at the implications evident in his words, I knew just exactly what he had in mind and I wasn't sure I could survive _that _again.

Benoit regarded Jack, his face contorted into a look that clearly communicated his disgust and abhorrence before he turned on his heel and made for the door. Turning back to us he spoke firmly.

"C'est ne pas pourquoi je suis ici, je m'en vais." Then his eyes met mine filled with apologies as he said "je suis vraiment désolé." I didn't understand all that he said, but I knew enough to understand that he had apologised to me before disappearing from my sight, the man who had been kind to me had left me alone with Jack and his fiery, hungry eyes.

**Jasper POV**

Everybody's emotions were so contented and peaceful when we left Riverside House that it was almost impossible to remember the bleakness and utter despair which had held our family so firmly in it's grip for so long it had begun to feel normal. Alice's visions had been so confused lately, dropping in and out all the time and driving her to distraction, so I took the wheel to drive back home after we said goodbye to Emmett and Rosalie who had dragged Edward along with them to go hunting. I held her tiny hand in mine over the centre console as I steered Carlisle's Mercedes one-handed, running my fingers softly over her delicate skin and enjoying the gentle waves of love and happiness that radiated from her when I did.

"She's going to be ok, Jazzy. For the first time I truly believe that even if she stayed human that she would be fine." The satisfaction in her tone matched the emotions I could feel from her and it took all my self control not to pull the car over right away and make love to her by the roadside.

"She's happy, really happy," I replied, glad that finally, the truth and what Alice wanted to hear were one and the same.

"Good. Let's make sure she stays that way," Alice smiled brightly at me as I pressed the car on towards home.

We drove on in a comfortable, companionable silence, basking in each other's happiness, a Bruce Springsteen CD that Alfie had leant to me before we left the clinic was playing softly in the background. His cheerful music added to the peace we were enjoying.

But of course it couldn't last. How long does true happiness ever really go on before fate - or something worse - steps in and snatches it away from you before you've truly had the chance to enjoy it?

I don't know why I was surprised.

"Stop!" Her anguished cry broke the contented silence we had fallen into, just as I rounded the last bend before turning off onto our long driveway. I slammed my foot down sharply on the brake, almost pushing it through the floor in my concern, sending us both flying forwards in our seats. It wasn't like Alice to shout.

I turned to her, feeling the frantic waves of panic that were rippling off her. Her eyes went blank time and time again; each time they did her panic seemed to increase.

"She's gone," she began, the fingers which closed around my arm were shaking in her frenzy. "Jasper, I can't see her. I promised Edward I'd watch out for her while she's alone but I can't see her. Shit! Why can't I see her?" Her consternation was filling the car uncomfortably and making it almost impossible for either of us to think clearly.

"Alice, baby, I need you to calm down. I'm sure Bella's fine. We can go back, but I can't think while you're panicking." I could feel her working hard to control her emotions for my benefit as I turned the car around in the empty road and started driving back to the clinic. I left no space between the pedal and the floor in my haste to get back.

"Call Jacob Black, Alice, make sure he hasn't visited her. If he did then you wouldn't be able to see her right?" A look of hope crossed her face, once again matching her emotions perfectly as she instantly reached for her cell phone and began dialling the Black's number.

I could tell as soon as he answered his cell phone that he wasn't with Bella, the sound of the ocean in the background was all too clear and Alice began to panic once more.

"Hello?"

"Jacob, tell me that Bella is with you, please," she knew it was hopeless but she asked anyway.

"What the hell do you mean, with me? Where is she? Is she missing?" His voice matched the mood in the car. Alice's grip on calm was falling away quickly knowing that she wasn't with Jacob. The only person besides the wolves who had ever managed to evade her visions was Victoria and the thought that we had left her alone and _she_ had caught up with her was beyond awful. My foot shifted on the accelerator, attempting to push the car beyond it's top speed on the winding road to get there sooner.

Alice kept up a constant mantra all the way to the clinic, repeating the same words to herself over and over.

"She'll be ok, she'll be ok, she'll be ok..." in an endless stream until we finally reached the gates we had left just hours before.

As soon as we got out of the car we could tell that there had been other vampires there, but Victoria's scent was not one of them. There were two very distinct scents, one of which I realised with a jolt belonged to Jack, the other I did not recognise, but it didn't seem to go in beyond the gates.

"Shit!" Alice and I both exclaimed in unison as Jack's scent hit us. We ran into the building and up to Bella's bedroom, just barely bothering to maintain some semblance of human speed.

Alice's emotions as she entered the bedroom in front of me hit me like a freight train. As I walked in behind her, she fell to her knees, letting out a keening wail at the sight that met us. Bella's friend, Alfie, was lying against the bathroom door; his lifeless body clearly drained dry, his face still contorted in the pain he was obviously feeling when he died.

"Oh God, Alfie, I'm so sorry," Alice whispered, placing a hand tenderly on his cold cheek and running her thumb tenderly down his eyelids, pulling them closed for the last time. Her shoulders shook violently with sobs that could never be accompanied by tears.

"Alice, baby, we have to find Bella," I rubbed my hand soothingly down her shaking back as she nodded and clambered to her feet without her usual grace; her grief for Alfie and fear for Bella distracting her. "Can you see anything?" I questioned softly as she clung onto my shirt, her tiny fists balling up the cotton in distress as she shook her head sorrowfully.

"Nothing," she sobbed. "Just black."

"How the hell is she doing this?" I seethed, the gaps in Alice's vision had never been more frustrating. Bella was clearly in danger and we had no way of knowing where she was.

"We have to find her, Jasper. If she's with _him_... she must be so frightened; he could be doing _anything_ to her." Her voice was raspy and desperate, as her grip on my shirt began to loosen and she made for the door. "We'll have to try following their scents, it's the only way," she began, hesitating slightly before sputtering out her next words. "And we'll have to call Edward."

Edward. He was hunting with Emmett and Rosalie and was as yet unaware that Bella was missing. When he found out he was going to lose it. I only hoped that Emmett was able to stop him from doing anything stupid.

I clutched my phone tightly against my ear as it rung, waiting for Edward's voice to answer, dreading the moment when I had to tell him that we didn't know the location of the love of his life and that she was very probably in danger. But it rung, and continued to ring until his voice spoke out on the other end proclaiming that he was unable to get to the phone right now and to leave a message after the tone. I waited what seemed like an unreasonable amount of time for the most important beep I had probably ever heard, before leaving him a message that told him nothing and everything all at once.

"Edward, call me. It's urgent."

Alice was making a similar call to Carlisle; we needed him to come to the clinic and do something about Alfie before some poor nurse walked in and found him there. I could feel Alice's desperate fight, every minute, to hold herself together - to not fall apart, for Bella's sake.

"C'mon, baby." I took her hand in mine and we went back to the gates to begin following the trail left by the people who had abducted Bella. Neither of us were particularly good trackers; we'd never needed to be. Alice's visions had always led us where we needed to be, but now we were entirely reliant on our senses and it was hopelessly exposing our shortcomings.

It felt like we had been running for hours, going back and forth, desperately following trail after trail. It appeared that they were expecting us to follow them; they had left false leads and dead ends all over the place. As the minutes, then hours, ticked by and we seemed no closer to finding her, despair started to kick in. The emotion started in Alice, radiating from her and deepening when I couldn't help but throw it back when it became too strong for me to contain. It seemed likely to me that every human in Seattle, where we had found ourselves, was probably feeling an off shoot of our emotions, so hard were they for me to contain.

We had stopped to attempt to re-group and come up with some sort of plan. Alice was leaning against the wall of a terraced house on the outskirts of the city, her head leaned back onto the bricks, her eyes closed against the identical looks of defeat our faces wore. I ran my fingers through my tangled mop of hair in frustration, staring out at our surroundings. We were at the end of a long street, which stood on a steeply sloping hill. One side of the street was occupied by the row of houses, the other appeared to be nothing but a wasteland where an identical row of houses had been demolished in the not too distant past. Behind the wasteland stood what looked like a group of warehouses, which all looked abandoned and unused. Weeds had grown up completely out of control around them, but straining my impressive hearing to the absolute maximum, I could make out a faint heartbeat coming from inside one of them.

"Alice, I..." I turned to face Alice to see that her face had gone blank, her eyes glassy and staring the way they always did when she was experiencing a vision. Her face was scrunched up in reaction to whatever she was seeing.

"No!" She dropped to the ground, crying out in pain as her vision hit. I caught her before she hit the ground, cradling her in my arms as she wept, trying to force out words between the sobs that choked her pain in her throat. Her hands caught mine in a death grip, shaking as she revealed what she saw.

"He's... he's hurting her. Jasper, we need to get there. Now. He's going to..." Her voice caught in her throat, her words not necessary. We both knew what he had done to Bella before and we knew that if we didn't get there in time to stop him, that he would do it again.

"They're in some sort of.."

"Warehouse?" I questioned, finishing her sentence for her, which had her shooting me a puzzled look. I gestured towards the warehouses in the distance where the solitary heartbeat had increased in speed significantly and was now racing as though the one it belonged to was experiencing extreme pain or fear.

"Let's go."

We ran. Faster than I had ever run before, barely able to care that we could be seen. The streets were all but deserted, the area not an especially nice one, and anybody who saw us would surely think they had imagined it. As the warehouse got closer and closer, Bella's heart rate seemed to steadily increase. I began to feel her fear radiating from the large building before we were really close enough for me to feel emotions normally. Her terror was so intense that it almost brought me to my knees. What was he doing to her? Was this the level of fear she had lived in for almost a year when he was hurting her so often?

I was pulled from my thoughts by an unfamiliar voice speaking to us in French.

"Vous êtes des amis d'Isabella?" We both pulled up from the flat out sprint we had been running and faced the stranger who was talking to us, asking us if we were friends of Bella's. He was tall with dark hair and his emotions were very conflicted as he took us in.

"Oui, vous savez ou elle se trouve?" I replied, asking him if he knew where she was.

"Oui, suivez moi," he gestured towards one of the warehouses, telling us to follow him.

The overwhelming emotion that filled the room as we walked in was stifling. Bella was pushed up against the wall, Jack's huge hands all over her body as her eyes stared blankly into space. Looking at her you could be forgiven for thinking that she was just... absent, there wasn't a flicker of life in her eyes. She didn't even appear to register our presence when my hands closed around Jack's throat, yanking him backwards and away from her, leaving her to drop to the ground, lifelessly.

"You do not touch my sister. Ever. Is that fucking clear?" I felt the savage beast I had tried so hard to bury deep within myself, breaking free from the chains that held it captive and rising to the surface with such force that it took every ounce of self control I had not to just rip off his head right then. The only thing that stopped me from doing just that was the fear I could feel emanating from the corner where Bella was slumped, her head back against the wall and her eyes still vacant and staring. The red eyes of her monster on the other hand were almost amused as he used all his newborn strength to push me off him. I was about to grab him again when Alice's voice rang out, the gentle tinkle of her voice once more caging the beast inside.

"Jasper, we need to get Bella out of here; she's hurt." Her words immediately took my mind off hurting Jack, and I approached Bella carefully, feeling her fear spike when I reached out towards her, her heart leaping in her chest.

"Bella, it's Jasper, can you hear me?" I could hear the sounds of a slight scuffle from behind me, my peripheral vision catching sight of the French stranger restraining Jack as he fought to get away. The Frenchman seemed to be winning the battle with relative ease so I turned my full attention back to Bella who was still unresponsive to Alice's ministrations.

"Bella, I need to get you out of here. I'm sorry, I know you're scared but it's not safe here; we need to get you home." I moved slowly forward and tried to fight down her intense fear by sending a peaceful calm to her. Her heart slowed somewhat but her eyes remained unfocused and glassy, almost as though she was hiding inside herself to protect her mind from the situation she was in. I picked her up from the cold stone ground, my arms around her back and under her knees, feeling a slight elevation in her heart rate but nothing too concerning. My "emotional voodoo" as my family liked to refer to it, seemed to be working to alleviate her fear somewhat.

"Monsieur?" Alice started, inviting the Frenchman to join us. He had helped us to save Bella and could now be in danger staying where he was.

"Allez!" he shouted, telling us to go.

The cool air outside hit Bella's bare arms; the thin cotton t-shirt she was wearing providing her with little shelter from the biting January wind. Although her eyes remained vacant, her body curled in on itself, involuntarily trying to shield itself from the cold. Her teeth started to chatter and her body shivered, small tremors shaking her body in my arms. As I shifted her in my arms to remove my winter coat, the short sleeves of her t-shirt rode up slightly to reveal sickening bruises and swelling. Seeing the blue finger marks there the monster to erupted inside me again; it's desire for vengeance shaking my resolve to leave him be and get Bella to safety.

"Jasper." Alice's hand on my arm instantly soothed me. I could feel her fighting back her pain at the sight of the bruises in order to spare me from her emotions. "I'm going to call Carlisle; maybe he can meet us with the car. She's going to need medical attention."

* * *

Carlisle met us in the Mercedes, which he had retrieved from Riverside House after reporting Alfie's death and covering up how it had happened. He gathered Bella into his arms, handing me the car keys to drive home so that he could begin to check her over somewhat in the back seat.

I drove at breakneck speed towards Forks, my hand tightly encasing Alice's over the centre console. I could hear Carlisle talking softly to Bella in the back seat, telling her what he was doing and sighing heavily when she failed to respond.

"Jasper, I think you had better drive straight to the hospital. I think her arm is broken and I'm pretty sure there's some internal bleeding. Her non-responsiveness may just be her mind shutting itself off, sort of a self preservation device, but we can't know that there has not been a head injury. I want to get some scans, just to be sure." He turned his head to face Bella, whose head was nestled in the crook of his shoulder. "Is that alright, sweetheart?"

Nothing. Just the same silence she had held since the moment we found her. Her fear was beginning to diminish somewhat; somewhere inside she knew that she was safe with Carlisle. She had built up a real bond with him since she went into the clinic, and despite the fear that still coursed through her, there was a hint of safety in her emotions that hadn't been there before.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. This should never have happened. We should have stayed with you. I'm supposed to be your best friend and I left you alone. I'm so sorry." Alice's heartbroken apology appeared to fall on deaf ears as Bella just continued to stare straight ahead, her posture rigid in Carlisle's arms.

"Have you had any luck contacting Edward yet?" Carlisle questioned, his hand stroking Bella's back softly, a gesture of comfort to her even in her unresponsive state.

"I left a message, told him to call me. I don't know what the hell he's doing, not calling back."

"Maybe he's out of range or something," Alice offered, her forehead creasing as she started to blank out in search of Edward's whereabouts. Her eyes took on the familiar glazed look for several moments until she came back to me, shaking her head and sighing.

"Oh, Emmett, you idiot."

* * *

**_Edward is up next, I promise! _**

**_Recommendation: I've been reading a fic called Here, There and Everywhere by LightStarDusting and it's awesome. A bit different to my usual, but it's a compulsive read, you won't be able to stop! Seriously, I nearly missed the train to London the other day because I had to read just one more chapter! So go, read, fall in love like I have! :D_**


	31. Chapter 31

**_Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight; still wish I did! _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my new beta, Kimmydonn for red penning this for me. _**

**_Thank yous and tackle hugs to my pre-reader and friend extraordinaire, Weezy, for her never ending help and support with Empty and everything else I attempt to write! I don't know what I would do without you! _**

**_Snuggles and smooches to Mamma Bear, Newmoonaholic for being awesome, and for the cuddly spork you sent me! I will treasure him always! _**

**_Thank you to everybody who reviews, your words and encouragement mean the world to me and keep me writing when the writer's block hits! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 31**

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you'll only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

_Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler_

**Edward POV**

"You switched my phone off?" I launched myself at Emmett when I realised what he had done. The messages from my family I had just received had sent me into a frenzy of panic. Each was more urgent than the previous one and the final message from Carlisle had brought me to my knees.

_"Edward, son, please you need to answer your phone. Bella needs you."_

"I'm sorry, Edward. You can tear me to pieces later, we need to get you back to Forks." Emmett's words were flat; everything about his posture screamed contrition as he pulled the keys to the Jeep from his pocket and we started towards the vehicle.

In the car, headed for Forks at a speed that Bella's father would probably have locked us up for if he'd caught us, I tapped my foot impatiently, needing to be by her side immediately. The conversation I had just had with Carlisle had scared me and I wanted nothing more than to hold her. She had been hurt. Again. I left her, again, and she got hurt. _Again_. What the hell was I thinking, just walking out of there and leaving her unprotected?

The world passed by in a blur through the windows of the Jeep as we sped along. My eyes vaguely registered the light on the horizon, forcing it's way through the clouds as the dawn broke through the darkness. It split the sky into streams of light which bounced off the earth below, giving everything a slightly eerie, ethereal glow.

How many hours had I been away from her? How long had she been tortured by _him _before Jasper and Alice rescued her? How frightened was she when she saw him again, when she looked into those eyes that haunted her dreams?

"Easy, Edward, we'll get there, she'll be ok." Rosalie's hand halted the incessant bouncing of my knee as she twisted around in her seat to meet my eyes.

"How the hell can you know that, Rosalie? She's in the hospital. The _hospital._ Again. How could I leave her? Everything in my gut told me to stay by her side, _everything." _I tore at my hair with my fingers, the numb pull where the pain ought to be reinforcing the image of the monster I so clearly was. She had made me feel human for so long; her complete unwillingness to see me as anything else had almost convinced me that I could be normal, that I could be human. But then I just proved once again that I couldn't be trusted with something as precious as Bella. My heart belonged to her and her's to me, of that I had no doubt. But how could I face her again, knowing that my inhuman needs had forced me to leave her in danger once again?

My mind replayed the conversation with Carlisle over and over, torturing itself with the details of her injuries, both physical and psychological. A broken arm, the other badly bruised and obviously tender and painful, bruised ribs, finger shaped bruises around her throat and rope burns around her wrists where they had been tied together. But worse than any of it was what Carlisle told me about her mental state. That she was just staring into space, as though she had simply retreated into herself, her mind no longer in the present but hiding somewhere safe inside her mind, to protect itself from the physical pain and very probably the psychological torture he had inflicted upon her.

After several minutes Rosalie's hand disappeared from my knee, and sighing, she turned back to face the road, leaving me to my self-flagellation. She knew perfectly well that when I was in this mode there was nothing that could pull me out of it, besides having Bella back safely in my arms again where she belonged.

The moment the Jeep pulled into the hospital car park, I was out of the door and sprinting into the building, not caring about trying to look human in that moment. All I wanted was to see my Bella, to hear her heart beating, and know that above all else she was alive and safe. The moment her scent hit me the tension in my body eased infinitesimally, drawing me towards her like metal to a magnet.

When I entered the small treatment room, the sight of her shattered my heart, sending the pieces splintering through the walls of my chest painfully. She was sat on a hospital bed, her knees pulled up to her chest, which must have been painful with bruised ribs. Her chin was resting on her knees, her eyes staring vacantly at the wall. Jasper was sat on the end of the bed, her tiny hand held in his and the room was filled with a deep calm and peace, which I knew he must be manufacturing for Bella's benefit.

"Bella?" I whispered, moving toward her cautiously, my eyes never leaving hers, searching them for any sign of recognition. I needn't have looked. The moment I spoke, her heart skipped in her chest. Her eyes remained vacant, but that one small response urged me forward, until I had my hands on her cheeks, encasing her face gently and gazing into her eyes.

"Oh God, Bella, baby, I'm so sorry." I pressed my lips against her forehead, breathing her in deeply, not allowing myself to think about how close I came to losing her again. The faintest sound nearly set my still heart to beating in my chest, as a small sigh escaped her lips and her rigid body relaxed slightly, her shoulders slumping against my torso as my hands kept their light grip on her face. I pulled her gently into my embrace, mindful of her injuries but needing her close, needing to feel her heart beat against my chest, to know that she was safely in my arms again. One arm snaked around her back, my fingers tangling in her long loose hair, which had grown so long that it almost met the pillow at her back. The other remained on her face, my thumb running soothing lines across her cheek.

The faintest hint of salt hit my nose only moments before the cool droplet touched my thumb. I pulled back slightly to see Bella's eyes staring up at me, wide and watery, her mouth moving as though she was trying to say something but no sound was escaping. I smiled at her, a smile filled with love and a thousand apologies.

"E-Edward?" her raspy voice managed to stammer out; the sound was like the sweetest symphony to my ears, as the tears started to roll freely down her cheeks and small sobs began to fall from her lips.

"I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here." I ran my fingers down the jawlines on either side of her face, frowning when she flinched slightly as I touched her chin.

"Did I hurt you, baby?" I questioned softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear before she whimpered and tried to bury her face in my chest. I held her there tenderly, running both my hands over her back in soft circular motions as she continued to cry. I looked up from her finally, to see that Alice and Carlisle were standing just a few feet from the bed, Alice's face heartbroken and Carlisle's not much better.

"Did he...?" I looked pointedly at Alice, then Jasper, knowing that they would understand the question without me having to verbalise it properly. It would have sickened me to do so.

"No, Edward, I don't think so." Jasper's words comforted me somewhat. Although the physical damage that he had done to her was bad enough, I just wasn't sure if she could have survived him violating her again. "I have no doubt that that was his intention eventually, but we scuppered his plans, with the help of a Frenchman we didn't even know."

"Human?"

"No, vampire. Red eyed, but he seemed to have some sort of conscience. He helped us, restrained Jack while we got Bella out. It was a shame, I invited him to come with us, but he told us to get out."

"B-Benoit." Bella's voice broke the morose silence that had fallen.

"Benoit, Bella?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows at her apparently random mumbling. She pulled her face out from where it was burrowed into my chest and looked up at me, her tear stained cheeks red and sore.

"The Frenchman, his name is Benoit. He was kind to me; he gave me water, and I think he tried to tell... _him_ to stop, I'm not sure; I don't speak French."

The news about this foreign vampire who appeared to have some compassion was interesting, but in that moment all I really cared about was Bella and how she was feeling. As though he could read my thoughts, Carlisle stepped forward and placed his hand gently on Bella's head, stroking her hair gently.

"How do you feel, Bella? Are you in much pain? I gave you some morphine before I set your arm, I don't know how much you were aware of."

"I'm okay, thank you, Carlisle." Her face dropped, her eyes taking on a heart-broken expression before they dropped to the ground. "Alfie's gone, isn't he?"

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He continued his ministrations in her hair as her shoulders began to shake with sobs. "There was nothing I could do; by the time I got to him, he was already gone."

"No!" she cried out through her tears. "It's not fair; he never hurt anybody. All he ever did was try to help people and.. and..." Her voice trailed off as it gave way to the weeping which completely overtook her body. I pulled her into my chest again, holding her close as she let herself be overcome by grief, the tears once again falling freely as her heart broke for the loss of her friend.

Then from nowhere biting words cut through the cries and they were the words I'd been wanting and waiting to hear.

"I hate him, Edward. I _really_ hate him!" I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face as she finally accepted that Jack was to blame for all that had happened. Maybe now she could, at long last, absolve herself of responsibility and place the blame squarely on his shoulders, where it belonged.

"I hate him too, baby," I whispered, planting kisses on her head as she continued to cry, completely unaware of the breakthrough she had just made. "I hate him for hurting you; I hate him for making you feel responsible for what he did to you, and I hate him for taking your friend away from you."

I was completely unaware of the time that passed as I held her in my arms and allowed her to empty her tear ducts, never loosening my hold on her; the contact as much for my benefit as it was for hers.

"Sssh, I'm so sorry, Bella. It's going to be ok; everything's going to be ok," I crooned, reassuring her with words that I would make sure were true this time. Because _he _had messed with my girl one too many times and now I wasn't willing to sit back and allow her to remain in danger; I was finally ready to take action to make sure that Bella stayed safe. I would finally give her what she had been asking me for and make her immortal and indestructible, as well as making sure he never saw the light of day again.

She pulled back out of my arms, her jaw set and tense and her eyes flashing with something that looked like anger.

"How can it be ok? How can anything be ok? He's gone, Edward. _Gone_. He just... killed him, as though he was nothing at all, just..." Her words stopped as her teeth ground together and her small hands balled into tight fists, the knuckles white with the tension she was holding them under. "He just killed him," she sobbed out, pulling herself back into my arms and gripping the back of my shirt so hard that I feared the soft cotton would tear under the pressure.

I cradled the back of her head in my hand, stroking her hair with my thumb, unable to offer anything but a shoulder to cry on. Alfie was gone; there would be no bringing him back. All I could do was let her feel what she needed to feel, let her grieve for her lost friend and work through it in her own time.

"Are you ready to go home, Bella?" Carlisle broke the silence which had previously been filled only with the sound of Bella's pain. She didn't answer, simply nodded into my chest, clinging onto my shirt for dear life. I scooped her up into my arms carefully, her head nestled comfortably into my neck.

By the time we arrived back at the house, Bella was fast asleep beside me in the back of Carlisle's Mercedes. Her sleep wasn't restful but disturbed by bad dreams, the occasional whimper emitting from her was the only noise in the car.

Esme had her bedroom all ready for her when we got inside. A hot water bottle was lying in wait on the bed which was turned down, so that I could just lay her down tenderly and pull the covers over her. The grip she held on my shirt had not loosened, a soft yelp breaking loose from her when I tried to pull away even in her sleep. I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers, planting a kiss on her forehead and whispering to her that I wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm right here, Bella. I'm not leaving; I just need to get in beside you, but I can't if you don't let go, sweetheart." Her fingers relented somewhat, hanging loosely in the air. I took her hand in mine and kissed it before laying it down on the soft bed covers Esme and Alice had purchased for her when she first came to stay. Crawling into the bed beside her I draped one arm over her waist and the other under her neck. She shifted slightly, snuggling into my arms so that her head was rested on my shoulder, her fingers once more tangling in my cotton t-shirt, holding me to her as she slept.

I watched her sleeping, taking in every detail of her beautiful face. Her pale skin which contrasted with the deep burgundy of the bed covers, her long eyelashes flickering and twitching against the purple bruise-like shadows under her eyes. I traced lightly over the finger print bruises which were becoming visible on her chin, understanding why she had flinched in pain earlier. My fists clenched in anger at the way that Jack had treated her time and time again, biting my lip against the guilt which continued to consume me over failing to protect her once again.

"_I don't need a knight in shining armour, I just need my Edward.._." Her words from Christmas rung in my head as I fought the guilt back. I needed to focus on Bella and the fact that she had once more been broken by the man who turned her life upside down. "_I just need my Edward," _she had said and I would make sure that she would always have me, I would always be there.

A sharp gasp from beside me pulled me from my musings, Bella's heart had begun to race and her forehead was puckered in fright, the grip of her hand on my t-shirt tightening, and her breathing coming in short shallow gasps. Her entire body was tensed as though she was poised for action or pain.

"N-no," she cried out, the terror in her voice breaking my heart. I pulled her closer into my arms, rubbing my hand down her arm gently and whispering reassurances into her ear.

"It's ok, Bella. It's alright; I'm here. You're safe... you're safe,"

A soft sigh fell from her lips as she relaxed slightly into my arms, her heart slowing.

"Edward," she breathed, a small smile stealing her lips as her body went limp once more. "Edward... safe."

"Safe," I repeated, pulling her tighter against my chest letting her scent wash over me in wave after wave of blissful strawberry and freesia.

She continued to sleep peacefully, only the occasional word creeping out from her dreams, but nothing to suggest that her nightmare had returned. I was gazing at her, wondering what she was dreaming about, when her long lashes flickered against her cheeks and pulled back to reveal her wide chocolate eyes that quickly found mine as she attempted a smile.

"Good morning, beautiful," I started, hating to see the pain that still filled her perfect eyes. She didn't say anything, just sighed and nodded, struggling to lift herself up to sitting, the pain in her arms hindering her. I helped her with a hand on her back, earning me another small smile that didn't meet her eyes. Her eyes darted around the room, a confused expression setting in when she realised that this wasn't where she had fallen asleep.

"I carried you," I offered by way of explanation. "You were fast asleep; I didn't want to wake you."

Another nod.

Another small smile.

And then her eyes lighted on the one object in the room that I wished that they hadn't. While we were at the hospital with Bella, Emmett and Rose had emptied her bedroom at Riverside House and brought all her possessions back here; we never wanted her to have to go back there again. Back to where she saw her closest human friend being murdered right in front of her eyes. The Christmas gift from Carlisle and Esme was stood in the corner of the room, leaned nonchalantly against the wall. I saw the beginnings of tears stinging at her eyes as she crawled off the bed. She picked the guitar up devoutly and sat, sliding her back down the wall, the guitar balanced on top of her knees which were drawn up to her chest. Her fingers ran reverently over the wood, a soft, tinny sound singing out when they ghosted over the strings. She didn't say anything, just stared with wide, glassy eyes at the instrument in her hands, lost in her thoughts.

"Bella." Esme's voice drifted around the door, accompanied by a gentle tap before her head appeared around the doorframe, followed by her body which carried a tray of food and a large glass of some sort of fruit juice. "Bella, honey I've brought you some breakfast." Her voice was hesitant as she took in Bella's posture; then placed the tray on the floor in front of her. Dropping to her knees beside Bella she placed one hand loosely against her tearstained cheek and with the other she took hold of one of her small hands and smoothed it gently with her thumb.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so very sorry." Bella's vacant eyes flickered up to meet the concern that was staring back at her; Esme's maternal side was kicking into overdrive at the broken sight before her. The sight of a single tear rolling it's way down Bella's face sprung Esme into action, taking the guitar off her knees, she gathered her surrogate daughter up into her arms, holding her head against her chest and rocking her as silent tears flowed down Bella's face. "Edward, honey, I think Emmett might need you; he's beating himself up pretty badly at the moment. I'll stay here with Bella."

Reluctantly, I stood and made my way to the door, knowing that she was right; Emmett wouldn't forgive himself for switching off my phone until I absolved him of the responsibility he was feeling.

"Try to eat something, Bella. Please," I entreated, pushing the tray a little closer to where she was cradled in Esme's arms. I didn't expect a response and didn't get one.

Downstairs I could hear Emmett torturing himself in the music room, taking his anger at himself out on his drums, hitting them harder than he usually dared to for fear of putting a drumstick through yet another snare. I walked in and watched him for several minutes, his face was wracked with pain, his thoughts entirely focused on how he had let everybody down.

"That's ridiculous," I stated, not taking my eyes off him as I circled the room and sat down at the piano for the first time in weeks. His eyes flashed to mine briefly before focusing once again on trying to destroy his drum kit. Touching the cool, ivory keys of my Steinway, I began to play, picking up the rhythm he was pounding out and adding a melody.

"You know, Jack would have done what he did whether my phone was on or not. I needed to hunt and I was too stubborn to see it. My mistake wasn't going with you, it was leaving her there alone when I did. Phone on, phone off, it made no difference. Really." His eyes met mine once more, though he never dropped out of the relentless beating he was meting out to his drums, the rhythm not faltering once as he nodded curtly, a look of disbelief on his face.

"I'm serious, Emmett. You know I'd at least attempt to pound your ass if I thought you were in the wrong. You were trying to help; I get that." I glared at him, my fingers still improvising a random melody until he relented and looked up at me, one eyebrow raised in question. I merely nodded at him, returning my eyes to the piano keys.

"You should take it easy, Carlisle will kick your ass if you trash another kit." He smashed his stick against the crash cymbal with a ringing note of finality before throwing the sticks heavily against the wall, his thoughts still full of anger but now directed towards the right person.

"How is she, Edward?"

"She's... letting herself grieve, which to be honest is more than I expected. I thought she'd just... shut down. But she's letting herself feel it, she needs that. She's with Esme at the moment, I think maybe a motherly figure is what she needs right now."

"Yeah, maybe. But it was you that brought her round when she was out of it; she needs you too."

"Yeah, well rumour had it that my brother needed me more; apparently the one in more danger was his drum kit though." I tipped him a wink, getting up and picking his forsaken drumsticks off the floor and handing them back to him. "Take it easy; save your anger for the one who deserves it."

Wandering into the living room, I heard Jacob Black's thoughts long before his firm yet slightly wary knock on the front door. But I allowed Rosalie to go off her rocker about breaching the treaty and stinking out the garden, keeping his peaceful intentions to myself and letting her find out for herself.

Esme and Bella were still upstairs, but the rest of the family converged on the front door simultaneously, Jasper working overtime to keep Rosalie calm and stop her from running out there and ripping the first werewolf she saw limb from limb.

Jacob was standing a few feet back from the door, his stance protective not combative, his thoughts skipping around at a mile a minute; evidently he knew of my "skill" and didn't want me inside his head. Standing back by the treeline were another two Quileutes, a young woman and a boy, who despite his bulky figure, could have been no more than 16 years old. They both had jet black hair and shared several facial features, leading me to believe that they were related.

"Um, I just..." Jacob shifted uncomfortably where he stood, evidently not at home with being faced with six vampires in a place that by rights he ought not to have been. "I mean, I thought..."

"It's ok, Jacob." Carlisle stepped forward causing Jacob to take several steps back. Holding his hands up as though surrendering, Carlisle took one step back, smiling carefully at Jacob.

"I wanted to say thank you for letting me know that Bella is safe." Jacob's eyes flickered to Jasper who nodded and smiled cautiously. "And I have a message from Sam Uley." He coughed and shuffled his feet, Jasper's efforts doing little to calm his nerves. "The red head, she's turning people, biting them, making them... like you. Well.. I mean, not exactly like _you _but..." His heart was racing in his chest as he fought to maintain a façade of strength and power.

"Relax, Jacob Black." Emmett smirked as he spoke. "We don't mean you any harm, just think of us as your friendly neighbourhood phlebotomists or whatever," he joked, doing more to calm Jacob's nerves than Jasper's talent had managed.

"We want to fight with you, when they come. We want to kill her and her minions once and for all. The one she sent to abduct Bella, he killed an innocent. We don't know how many they are, but they need to be stopped. A girl went missing from Forks hospital, a student; we think she's been changed. It can't go on. Our best chance, and yours, is if we work together. Sam wanted me to offer our assistance, if you will take it."

An alliance with the werewolves? A battle against others of our own species where we stood shoulder to shoulder with those who sought to destroy our kind? Would we... _Could_

we go there?

Yes. I believed we could. To keep people safe. To keep _Bella_ safe, I would do whatever it took.

* * *

_**Recommendation: Becoming Jane by LoreliD is amazing. Seriously, her writing blows me away! If you can handle a bit of gore then read this, it's outstanding! (She's also lovely which I think helps!)**_


	32. Chapter 32

**_Disclaimer: All things Twilight, belong to Stephenie Meyer. Alfie, however, was all mine. *Sniff*_**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta Kimmydonn for helping me with my dodgy grammar and making it look all shiny!_**

**_Huge huggles to my pre-reader Weezy, who not only reads my stuff, but also keeps me going with her incredible support and friendship. Love you more, chica!_**

**_This chapter is dedicated to my beautiful Stan on her birthday. In the words of someone we all know well: "Your birth is definitely something to celebrate!" So celebrate it I will! Love you, momma bear! :)_**

**_I'm issuing a tissue warning for this chapter, since both Weezy and Kimmy said they cried reading it! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 32**

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true

But you and I know what this world can do

So let's make our steps clear that the other may see

And I'll wait for you

If I should fall behind

Wait for me

_If I Fall Behind - Bruce Springsteen_

The smooth, polished wood of the church pew glistened, as the candlelight flickered eerily, the heavy organ music that Alfie would have hated drowning out the sounds of the mourners dotted around the building. Edward's arm around my shoulder was the only thing that was holding me together, as the procession of his family followed his coffin down the centre aisle of the old, stone church in his home town. The wooden casket was adorned with flowers of all colours and shapes. I could see the arrangement that Esme had made for him, a guitar shape made from a multitude of colourful daisies. I attempted a half hearted smile at her thoughtfulness. It occurred to me that of all the flower arrangements that were there, her's was the most appropriate for Alfie, and she never even met him.

The service passed by in a numb blur of crap that seemed to me to have nothing at all to do with the Alfie I knew and loved. People said nice, irrelevant words which flattered him, but meant nothing. I felt the tension stealing my body gradually, as more people who supposedly knew and loved him got up there and spouted platitudes about Alfie's life, while each and every one of them failed to talk about his soul. They talked about his academic achievements, they talked about the one and only time he played football at school, but when his father stood up there and talked about his son's love of science, I couldn't take it any more. Grateful that we were sat at the end of one of the pews, I stood up abruptly and hared my way down the aisle, pushing the double doors open forcefully, and bursting out into the cool air of the graveyard.

The church was in a small town; the town where Alfie lived with his parents. It was set in the middle of the countryside, the church perched precariously on the side of a grassy hill, overlooking a deep valley below. I stumbled my way down the shingle path that led from the lane up to the church, and out of the arched gate, past the graves that were scattered around the circumference of the church. I ran until I found myself out on the hillside, the stunning landscape spread out below me like a painting, the green that I had once resented, now comforting to me.

The sight of a tall fir tree standing off to my left brought tears to my eyes as I remembered all the time we had spent together, sitting huddled against the cold under the old fir in the grounds of the clinic. I moved towards it swiftly, my left arm smarting from the movement as it hung limply in the sling Carlisle had set it in.

I fell to my knees on the soft grass beneath the tree, the earthy scent hitting my nostrils and forcing my mind to memories I never wanted to forget.

"Play for me, Alfie," I choked out, as tears streamed relentlessly down my face, his warm face and cheeky smile reflecting back at me, a mirage, replacing the empty space where he would have sat.

"Bella?" Edward's soft voice behind me was cautious as he shuffled towards me. "Are you ok?"

"It's all bullshit, Edward. All of it. He _hated _science; he never wanted to play football. He only did it because he wanted his dad to be proud of him, to show him some affection for a change, instead of telling him what a disappointment he was. They didn't even know him; they stand up there at the lecturn in their black ties, which he would have despised, playing music he would have hated and spouting crap that would mean nothing to him. _Nothing_. How many people in that church knew that he dreamed of being a teacher? How many of them knew that his favourite song was If I Fall Behind by Bruce Springsteen, that he could play almost all the guitar riffs from the Back in Black album, that he wanted to go to England and visit the town where Dana lived, and watch the football team that she was fanatical about play? _None _of them, Edward. Not one, because they didn't give a shit. They looked at Alfie and saw what they wanted to see, not what was really there. He was amazing. There was so much inside him that he was too afraid to show to the world, for fear of the disapproval of those... those _hypocrites _in there. His dad spent seventeen years making him feel like he wasn't good enough, and now he has the gall to stand up in there and tell the world that he knew his son. It's crap and I'm not sitting there and listening to it. I knew him for three months. _Three months _and I knew him better than his own father."

"Talk to him," he whispered, sitting down and resting his back against the trunk of the tree.

"What?" I met his tranquil gaze with confusion.

"Talk to him, imagine he's here and tell him how you feel, tell him what he meant to you, how much you're going to miss him. Have your own funeral, churches and coffins don't make funerals, people do."

I stared at him incredulously for a long moment, met with his affirmative expression before he got to his feet, tapping the palm of his hand against the tree trunk twice before walking to me. He planted a soft kiss on the end of my nose, running his fingers through my hair once and whispered in my ear, "talk to him," before walking away and sitting on the hillside, a good hundred yards away from me.

I glared at the tree for an immeasurable amount of time, imagining Alfie's form leaning against the trunk. He was clad in a his red, Bruce Springsteen t-shirt, his guitar - his prized possession - clutched in his hands, as he strummed one of the many songs he had entertained me with over our short time together.

"I miss you, Alfie," I started, wringing my hands together in my lap, certain that if Doctor Moore could see me now he would be disputing Carlisle's request to pull me out of therapy with him. "I miss your cheesy grin and your rubbish jokes, which were only funny because they were rubbish. I miss your crazily large band t-shirt collection and wondering which one you would be wearing next. And I miss eating with you. It sounds stupid, but in spite of everything out there conspiring against me, when I sat down and ate with you, it didn't seem so bad, so scary. I haven't eaten since that day, Alfie. I know it's stupid, and you'd be so disappointed with me, but all I can think is that if I hadn't been there; if I hadn't been in the clinic, then you would still be alive. I'm so sorry that you got dragged into my world; I'm sorry you had to find out the hard way just how dangerous it is to be tangled up with me. I wish you'd have run. I wish you'd have got out of there, not stuck around to try to protect me from something you can't be protected from. But that's what you do isn't it? What you _did_," I corrected, softly. "You took other people's pain upon yourself to try to stop them from hurting, never mind the fact that _you_ could get hurt in the process."

I trailed off, my mind reeling with images of my friend. The first day we met, when I barrelled into him after bailing on my first session with Doctor Moore; the way he had seemed to look straight into my soul in that very first conversation. The way he had been a gentle rock ever since, someone who I enjoyed spending time with, who I could just sit and watch movies with and forget that the rest of the world existed, for just a few hours. I remembered building Bruce the snowman with him and Edward, how it had made me smile to see how well they got on right from the beginning.

"Your father will be proud of you, Alfie. I promise. He will know what you did, I can't tell him exactly what happened, I'm sorry. I hate lying to people, but they would be in danger if they knew. But he will know that you died trying to protect me, that you're a hero. He might not have seen how amazing you were when you were alive, but he will damn well see it now that..." I choked on the last words, not wanting to validate them, to make them real by saying them.

"I wish you were here, Alfie. Everything is confusing without you. I need my friend to tell me what I should do. See, Alfie there's something I never told you. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have kept secrets from you, you shared so much of yourself with me, but it wasn't my secret to tell. But Edward, he's... not like other people, he's... I mean, he's a vampire. Him and his family. Don't freak out, please. But I don't know what to do now. I want to be with Edward forever, I want to spend the rest of eternity loving him, I want to be part of his family, I want to become one of them. But I don't think it's what he wants. I don't know, I mean, I know he loves me, he wouldn't put up with me if he didn't. But... After what Jack did, I know he's going to think that I'm just scared if I ask him to change me now." I paused, foolishly waiting for a response which could never come again.

A soft hand on my cheek startled me out of my one-sided conversation. Edward was kneeling before me, the expression of his eyes intense as he gazed so deeply into my eyes that I was certain he could read my thoughts.

"I'm ready, Bella. Don't doubt that I want this, want _you._ There is nothing in the world that I want more than you beside me, forever. If you want it to be now, then it will be now; if you want to wait, then we wait. Your terms."

He leaned in towards me, his lips brushing against mine lightly. I felt my heart swell in my chest, the familiar electricity between us sending jolts of current running through my body as he held my face to his, our tongues dancing together in a passionate tango of love and need. He was everything. He was the sun and the moon, the day and the night, the light in my soul. We stayed that way, holding one another, our kiss deep, long and desperate as the heavens opened and spilled their tears down on us, soaking through our regulation funeral wear but failing to tear us apart.

The rain continued to fall steadily all afternoon; the cemetery was damp and muddy underfoot, as the trail of black clad people moved to the open hole in the ground. The droplets pattered and bounced against the wood of the casket as it was lowered into the ground. Alfie's mom, Maggie, stood, her face streaked with tears, her husband's hand rested coolly on her shoulder, offering little in the way of support. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes determinedly focusing on anything but the final resting place of his son. The priest recited the usual words, ashes to ashes and all that, words that meant nothing. I looked up at the sky, squinting against the heavy drops which splashed onto my face; the scent on the air was fresh and new, just like Alfie had said.

I was so intent on experiencing the rain the way that Alfie did that I failed to notice the time passing, until I felt a soft hand on my arm. My eyes shot down to the face in front of me, the tears and raindrops mingling on my cheeks, the way they did in the A-Ha song that Alfie liked so much.

"Mrs Draycott, I... I," I stumbled over my words, having no clue what to say. 'Sorry' would have seemed like a good place to start, but how did I say that simple word when it had so much meaning behind it? How did I say just _sorry _to her, when she just buried her only son because of me?

"Hello, Bella dear, it's so nice to see you. Thank you for coming; I know it would have meant a lot to Alfie. He thought the world of you."

"O-of course, I'm so sorry, I..."

"I know, dear, I know. How are you feeling now? I'm happy that you're safe at least." Her eyes shone with concern, reminding me with a jolt of Alfie; their eyes were so similar.

"I'm ok, thank you." The story that Carlisle had circulated was that Jack had tracked me down at the clinic, having escaped from prison, and that finding me with Alfie, he had proceeded to murder him before abducting me. It was an easy story to maintain; it was basically the truth but with the un-dead part removed. A state-wide man hunt had begun, to track Jack down, since he was now not only wanted for serial rape and abuse, he had now added abduction and murder to his list of crimes. We were all hoping to God that nobody found him, knowing that if they did it would be their end and not his that was achieved by it. "I miss him," I added, casting my eyes to my feet as the tears stung at my eyes again.

"Bella, there's something I want you to have," she spoke cautiously, pushing a large, red box she was holding into my hands. "He treasured this for so long, it was a gift to him from his best friend, I think he'd want you to have it, he adored you."

I pulled the box to my chest, clutching it tightly in my hands like it was the most precious diamond in the world.

"Thank you, I'll take good care of it, I promise."

She simply nodded, giving my arm a gentle squeeze before walking over to where Alfie's father was waiting for her with a grim look on his face. With a sudden jolt as I remembered my promise to Alfie, I ran after her, my feet splashing in the muddy puddles, sending it flying up and splattering my black trousers with muddy patterns.

"Mrs Draycott, Mr Draycott, I... I just... I want you to know, he was a hero. He could have got away; he needn't have died, but he wouldn't leave. He was trying to protect me. I'm so sorry, I.. it's all my fault, but you should be proud of him, he was braver than anybody I know." I met his father's eyes with mine, they gleamed as I spoke, a small hint of a smile playing on his lips as he placed his arm around his wife's shoulder.

"Thank you for telling us that, Bella," he spoke hoarsely, his voice cracking as though he were about to break down. I nodded to him, shooting Mrs Draycott a small smile before turning and walking back to where Edward was standing by the grave, whispering his own soft goodbye to Alfie. He smiled at me as I cuddled into his arms, his long, black coat was soaking wet and cold against my cheek as I rested it against his chest.

"Are you ready to go?" he questioned softly, brushing a few stray hairs from my face. I nodded in response, and felt him shift so that I was by his side with one arm slung over my shoulder as he steered me towards the Volvo. Turning back briefly towards Alfie's grave, he whispered, "Thank you for taking care of her, Alfie. I'll look after her now, I promise." Then we left the rain drenched cemetery and went home.

Sitting on the Cullen's couch with a blanket pulled over me and a hot chocolate in my hand, I looked once more at the box that Mrs Draycott had given to me. Sighing I finally took the lid in my hands and pulled it off, to reveal a red t-shirt with a note on top of it.

_Alfie, _

_If your Dad must insist on pushing you to play sport then you can at least tell him to make it a real sport. None of that crap you Yanks call football and play with your hands. Here's a REAL football shirt from a decent team, for you to wear. Make it the only t-shirt that you own that doesn't have a musician on! ;) When we go to England, I'll take you to see them play, it'll be fun. I promise I'll keep the technical stuff to a minimum, but I'll be highly offended if you don't join in with the rude songs. You are a musician after all; Old Trafford needs your musicality. _

_Take care of it, dude. I'm trusting you with an important piece of sporting memorabilia here. The autograph is Eric Cantona, the greatest striker the world has ever seen! _

_I'm doing it again aren't I? Sorry! _

_Happy Birthday, Alfie. Don't worry, I got you Bruce Springsteen tickets too! _

_Keep smiling._

_Love Dana x_

_

* * *

**No recommendation this week because I haven't had any time to read anything! All the stories I've mentioned before are still amazing though ;)**_


	33. Chapter 33

**_Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight. Pretty sure now that I never will! :(_**

**_A/N: Thank you again to my awesome beta Kimmydonn who did this chapter super fast yesterday! I really appreciate it!_**

**_Thank you to my girl Weezy for all the help and support with writing, both this and everything else. Love you! 3_**

**_Thank you for all the reviews each chapter. I'm so sorry if I've missed anybody out the last couple of chapters. Real life has been getting in the way and I got a bit haphazard about my replies. I hope I didn't miss anybody! Heartfelt apologies if I did! _**

**_Now on with the show!_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 33**

I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing

_All Around me - Flyleaf_

**Bella POV**

"How bad is it, Jasper?" The cool air circulated around us, trying to force it's way under the thick blanket which shrouded us where we were curled up on the Cullen's porch swing. He grimaced at me, hardly filling me with confidence.

"You haven't spoken to Edward about this?" he questioned, his eyebrows raised curiously.

"A bit."

"So why are you asking me? You don't believe him?" He winked at me, his foot nudging mine playfully under the blanket we were sharing.

"N-no, that's not it, I just... I know he's worried about this, he's reluctant, I can see it in his eyes. He says it's what he wants, but then he edits everything when we talk about it. I need somebody who won't remove the gruesome truths, who will be honest with me about what's going to happen."

"So you came to me." he chuckled.

"It was you or Emmett; neither of you seem to be into beating around the bush when it comes to telling it like it is. I want the truth, the whole truth, so yeah... I came to you."

"You know that Edward will kick my ass when he finds out I've talked to you about this, don't you?" he teased, a broad grin covering his face.

"I'm counting on it," I returned, leaning forward where I was sat with my back against the arm of the swing, mirroring his posture at the opposite end, and punched him lightly in the arm.

"Ooh, that hurts," he laughed, placing his hand over his heart mockingly. "You break my heart, baby sister."

"Yeah, well tell me what I want to know or I'll start waxing lyrical about how much I love Edward, and you know how gross people's emotions get when they talk about luuurve." His hands shot up in surrender, a look of mock horror plastered across his face.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you, anything. Just don't. Please," he begged, his hands together in a gesture of supplication. "Anything but that." I smiled smugly at him, pulling the blanket more firmly around me. The night was growing colder, rain splattering down around us, the porch awning sheltering us from the determined droplets which pounded to the earth. The gentle tapping sound the rain made as it landed was one of my favourite sounds in the world and I refused to go inside, though Jasper had offered more than once as I had got colder. He got up now, swinging his legs out from under the blanket and standing up, offering me his hand.

"You're cold; we're going inside," he ordered good naturedly, curling his fingers into his palm several times gesturing for me to get up.

"No." I planted myself stubbornly back against the arm of the swing, pulling the blanket up around me more tightly. "I like it out here." He chuckled to himself, shaking his head, his eyebrows high on his forehead.

"Wow, when Edward said you were stubborn he didn't say how much," he started, taking the door handle in his hand. I looked up hurt, thinking he was going inside and leaving me outside on my own. Sighing, I started to bunch up the blanket in my arms, not comfortable being outside on my own with Jack still out there somewhere. Jasper's hand on my shoulder gently pushed me back into the position I had been sat in, a smirk on his face.

"Relax darlin', I'm just getting you a sweater and a hot drink, I'll be right back." He winked at me and disappeared inside, leaving me alone in the moonlight. I sat in the dark gazing up at the stars through the gaps in the rain clouds, constantly astounded by their beauty. I thought about Edward and the night he proposed to me under the stars, how accepting he had been of my revelation about how often Jack had violated me. Thinking of Jack, once there had been only fear and self loathing, but now there was a stronger emotion I wasn't used to feeling.

Hate.

Pure, unadulterated hate.

I was angry at him for all he had taken from me. When Doctor Moore had told me that one day I would learn to hate him, learn that what he did to me wasn't my fault, I had been sceptical to say the least, but now, as I felt the anger coursing through my veins, I realised that he was right all along. I had merely been too trapped inside my own mind to see it. Once again, Alfie had saved me without even trying. His death. His _murder,_ had sparked the fire in me which had grown and grown until I virtually shook with the intensity of my hatred.

I felt the swing shift beneath me and the blanket moved as Jasper rejoined me, his hand landing softly on my arm as I continued to stare up at the sky.

"You're so _angry_, Bella," he stated, concern lacing his tone.

"I'm sorry." I turned my face to his, feeling guilty about making him feel what I was feeling, when we had been bantering quite happily only moments previously.

"Here," he said, pushing a steaming mug of hot chocolate into my hands. "I promised Edward that I would at least make sure you _drank_ something." There was a hint of disapproval in his voice as he drew attention to the fact that I was, once again, struggling to fight against the anorexia.

"I'm trying, Jasper. I swear I'm really trying, but it's so hard. I don't know... I mean, I-"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Bella. I understand. You forget that I know what you feel when you feel it. Every time someone sets food in front of you I can feel your conflict. You want so desperately to eat it; you know you need to, but at the same time you're afraid. It's not surprising that you're scared, Bella. After all you've been through, I would worry about you if you weren't. I know my word probably means very little to you, after all, I've promised you this before, but we _will not_ let him hurt you again. If we'd done a better job of seeing that through the first time, maybe you wouldn't be feeling this way now..." He trailed off, his face written all over with the guilt he shouldn't be feeling.

"Don't you dare, Jasper. Please. The fact is that if it weren't for _Jack,"_ I spat his name out, the fact that I could now say his name in anger rather than fear was not lost on me. "Then there wouldn't have been a problem. _He's_ the asshole here. _He's _the one who takes people's lives and plays with them as though they're worth nothing. You can never blame yourself, any more than you would allow Alice to."

"I'll tell you what, baby sister. I'll make you a deal. I'll stop blaming myself, if you stop blaming yourself." He turned to me with a confident smirk on his face, holding out his hand. "Do we have an accord?"

I reached my hand out tentatively towards his, frowning when he withdrew it slightly.

"Only shake it if you mean it, little one," he teased. "I'll know," he winked, tapping his right temple with his index finger.

I thought about it for a moment longer before I stretched out my arm bridging the gap between our hands.

"I mean it," I smiled lightly. "It wasn't my fault, I know that now." His face lit up in a radiant smile as he clutched my hand in his and shook it enthusiastically. Then tugging on it pulled me into a hug, ruffling my hair playfully.

"Good," he said finally, pulling away and grinning at me. "So I believe I was about to tell you horror stories; you sure you can handle it?"

"Oh, gee I don't know, I mean it's not like I handled the fact that my boyfriend is a vampire or one of my friends is a werewolf too well did I?" I stuck out my tongue at him childishly, and sat back down on the swing, feeling it rock slightly as he sat down too.

"So what do you want to know?" he asked cautiously, his fingers running absent mindedly through his curly blonde hair.

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain going to be?"

"Now, let me just clarify, you're looking for complete honesty here... right?" he checked, his eyes searching mine but his smile still stretched over his face.

"Complete honesty," I repeated, holding his eyes with mine with an expression that told him I meant it.

"Seventy-five," he stated, without hesitation, his eyes boring into mine as he waited for my response.

"Huh," I huffed out, his answer catching me off guard. "So not just off the scale then? Sort of, off the scale and into the stratosphere?" I clutched the mug of hot chocolate a little tighter in my hands, the heat from the drink warming my hands, but failing to stop the chill that ran down my spine at the thought of that level of pain. I had thought I'd experienced true pain in my life before, but for Jasper to answer that way it had to be a lot worse than anything I had gone through before.

"Yeah, the stratosphere, somewhere like that," he replied, his expression serious now. "Look, Bella, you asked me to be honest and in all seriousness the point of keeping you in the dark about the finer details of this is lost on me. It hurts. Like the raging fire of a thousand hells it hurts. The pain is like acid burning through your veins, consuming you entirely, like being burned alive solidly for three whole days. There is no respite from it, no cooling the burn. Once it's begun you just have to endure it, wait and pray for it to end. I know you've experienced pain before, more than anybody ought to have done, but this... this is like no pain you have ever felt before and one you will never forget."

His words hung in the air as a thoughtful silence engulfed us, his eyes never leaving me as I considered what he had said. The pain I had experienced before was needless, unnecessary. It hurt and there was no justification for it, no way to rationalise it in my mind. The pain of the change sounded like the very worst kind of torture, dragged out over three long days, but it was for a purpose and the purpose was him. Focusing on Edward's face, his touch, his kisses and his eyes as he declared his love for me, I could face anything. Anything to be with him.

I didn't realise how long I had been silent, contemplating, until I felt Jasper's arms enclose me in another brotherly hug, his eyes cast down towards my face, their expression full of concern.

"Are you ok, Bella?"

"He's worth it," I whispered, the sound of the rain drowning out the words to my ears, but he heard perfectly.

"Yeah," he replied almost as softly. "They always are."

I should have known that Jasper would understand. His love for Alice was so clear that it radiated from him whenever she was around. They literally lit each other up; I had never seen two people more suited for one another. Of _course_ he would agree that the pain was worth it. He knew as well as I did that, for the ones we loved, we would endure worse than the fiercest tortures and the most intense pain. We would literally walk through hell barefoot if it meant being with them and being with them forever.

"Are we interrupting?" The smooth velvety voice which always set my heart pounding broke the silence, dragging both myself and Jasper from our thoughts.

"Edward!" I bounced off the swing, sending it flying backwards with Jasper still sitting on it. He laughed at me as I leapt into Edward's arms. My legs circled his waist as my lips met his in a passionate kiss filled with need and desire. "I missed you," I panted breathlessly, once we had finally separated. "Next time you go hunting, I'm coming with you; I miss you too much when you're gone!"

"OK, beautiful," he laughed then planted soft kisses on the end of my nose, making me shiver at his touch. "I guess we have things to do then, huh?"

Before I realised what was happening, my legs had disappeared from underneath me and I was being carried in his arms, upstairs and into my bedroom. He placed me down on the bed, smiling all over his face, then sat down next to me.

"You know, Edward, I do have legs. They aren't as long or as fast as yours, but they are still there. See?" I kicked my legs up in the air, falling onto my back on the bed and giggling helplessly. Edward sat watching me, a small contented smile playing at his lips.

"What?" I asked him, curiously.

"Nothing," he replied. "You just... you look happy. I didn't think... At least, I thought, with everything, I dunno, I just didn't expect you to be... happy?" The way he went up at the end of his statement made it more of a question than a statement.

"I miss him, of course I do, but if I cry forever then _he _wins again. I said goodbye to Aflie at the funeral. I will miss him forever, but I can't let _him_ win again, Edward. I _can't." _He reached out and took my hand in his, his eyes remaining transfixed with mine, his expression intense. Tugging on my hand so that I slid closer to him on the bed, he pulled me into his arms so that my head rested in the hollow of his neck and his chin sat on the top of my head. His hands ran in soft lines down my spine, making me quiver against him.

"Bella," he started, using one hand to lift my face to look at him. "You have to be the strongest woman, no, strongest _person_ I have ever met. You amaze me. Everyday."

"Yeah?" I began in response, my tone slightly sarcastic. "Then why am I too scared to tell my parents that I'm going away?"

"Scared?" He held me a little closer, his hands running through my hair, which had grown so long now that I could almost sit on it. I had seen Alice eyeing it disapprovingly on several occasions and knew she was desperate to cut it for me.

"It's going to hurt them. Again. I know that I might never see them again; I have no idea how to do that. I left them behind once before and I see now how much it hurt them, how can I do that to them again?"

"I'm sorry, Bella." I could see the beginning of self loathing creeping across his face and immediately leapt into his lap, cupping his cheeks in my hands.

"Edward, don't. Please. This is what I've chosen. You didn't force me; it's what I want. I just have to work out a way to tell them that won't break their hearts."

"Do you think it would help Charlie if he got to walk you down the aisle before he has to say goodbye?" His brow was furrowed in thought as his fingers continued to tangle in my hair.

"You mean get married _before_ you change me?"

"Exactly," he responded, simply.

"But I thought, I mean, I know you don't want to rush into it, but..." His finger over my lips beckoned me into silence as he looked down at me smirking.

"Clearly you don't know how quickly Alice and Esme can plan a wedding. Alice has been popping to organise this wedding ever since we met you. We could probably say tomorrow and she'd have everything ready. The honeymoon might have to wait though. I mean we can't really leave at the moment, not with... what's coming."

"Woah, Edward, I don't need a honeymoon. Just being with you is enough, I don't want fancy, and I don't want expensive, okay?" He just laughed at me, an affectionate smile on his face.

"Do you really think that I have the power to rein Alice in? She's been planning this wedding since the day you moved to Forks; it's far too late to try to stop her now." He nuzzled his face into my hair and inhaled deeply then sighed. "Strawberries," he breathed, his face blissful as he smiled at me crookedly. "I missed that."

I screwed up my face in confusion at him, not understanding what on earth he was talking about.

"You changed your shampoo, when you were in the clinic; it didn't smell right. Strawberries are your smell - Bella did you eat yet?" He tacked the question onto the end of the sentence, trying and failing to be subtle. I looked down at my hand which was rested on my thigh, the fingers tangling together awkwardly. He didn't need an answer, my silence spoke louder than any words I could have used. Sighing, he pulled my head back into his neck, not saying anything because he was aware that I knew what I needed to do. I just needed to work up to doing it. "He wins, Bella," he whispered, giving me just the motivation I needed to fight.

"Get me some toast," I demanded, pulling out of his arms, refusing to allow that to be true. _He _didn't deserve that; _he_ didn't earn the right to make me go there again. "And then we're going to visit my parents."

* * *

**_Recommendation: I'll Be Seeing You by LightHeartLoreli. 1940s Roseward story! It's only 8 chapters and is so so good. 1940s Edward is hot!_**


	34. Chapter 34

**_Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight. This makes me sad!_**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta Kimmydonn for wading your way through this thing. It just barely passed as English when I sent it to you and now it's almost legible! You rock! Thank you!_**

**_Thank you to Weezy (Nostalgicmiss) for the serious patch up job you did with me on this chapter. I was all kinds of emo over this one, and it wouldn't exist without her. _**

**_This will be the last chapter I post for a little while as I'm going away to Italy for two weeks soon and I won't have internet access while I'm there. I will try to reply to reviews before I go, but if I don't have chance I promise I will do them when I get back. I apologise in advance for any that are late. I love you all! _**

**_This chapter is dedicated to one of my loyal reader/reviewers, LVQueen1 whose birthday is on 29th July. Happy Birthday chica, I hope you enjoy! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 34**

Tell my mother,  
Tell my father  
I've done the best I can  
To make them realize  
This is my life  
I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...  
Sometimes goodbye  
Is a second chance.

_Second Chance - Shinedown_

Edward's long, strong fingers massaged my shoulders comfortingly, soothing the tension that had built up in my muscles as I stared at my father's house from across the street. In my mind it had taken on a dark, menacing look. The thought of going in there and telling my parents that I was leaving them again made my heart leap into my throat. The newly painted, red front door loomed in the distance, looking ten times it's usual size; though, in reality it probably looked just as it always did. Inside was Charlie, probably getting impatient waiting for us. We said we'd be there for seven and it was now knocking on quarter past and I was still standing across the road, just staring at the house, trying to work up the nerve to knock on the door and go inside.

When I was in high school, I had been so ready to leave everything behind and be with Edward, to just walk away from everything I knew and be one of them. But now it seemed so hard to say goodbye. After all I had put my parents through, walking away from them, saying goodbye forever, seemed almost cruel. Or was I doing them a kindness? Removing my drama from their lives and letting them go on as normal.

Was it selfish of me to want the best of both worlds? To want to keep my parents in my life, but still have Edward and his family as well, knowing the danger that my chosen world would bring to them? The peril I could potentially put them in by trying to keep them around was so much worse than the pain they would feel at our necessary separation. It _was _selfish. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too and that just wasn't possible. No, I needed to go in there and say what needed to be said, no matter the fallout.

"Bella, baby." Edward's breath was cool on my neck as he whispered in my ear, his hands moving down my arms then encircling me and pulling me back into his chest from behind. "We have to go in there some time, your father will come looking for me with his gun soon if we don't show our faces."

"Right," I replied thoughtfully, trying to ignore the shivers that ran down my spine and the fluttering of my heart that happened every time Edward so much as brushed against me. "Maybe just a few more minutes to painfully overthink it before we go to our doom?"

"Ten seconds," he chuckled. "And I'm counting." I continued to glare at the place I had called home for several years as Edward began to count quietly in my ear.

"Ten." His fingers gave my arms a gentle rub before beginning to massage again. "Nine." His lips moved to my neck, placing kisses around in between each number. "Eight, seven, six, five." His hands on my shoulders twisted me around so I was facing him. "Four." He dropped a soft kiss on the end of my nose. "Three, two." A soft kiss landed on each of my eyelids and then, "one." He pulled me into him, his long fingers tangling in my hair as he drew my lips to his for a seductive, lingering kiss. "Time's up, Swan." He smirked, enjoying the blush that was staining my cheeks and the way that my heart was hammering in my chest.

I sighed heavily, turning towards the house and squaring my shoulders, preparing myself for the conversation I was about to have. I twisted Edward's ring on my finger, where it sat for the first time since the night he gave it to me, the chain it had resided on finally discarded. It felt heavy on my hand, too big. I was certain that Charlie would notice it right away and go mad, but apparently I was being irrational since when he opened the door he merely waved us inside and offered us both a drink. My mom sat on the sofa, her hands under her thighs as though she were trying to restrain herself from getting up and flinging herself at us.

"Hey, mom," I said, smiling and leaning down to embrace her in an awkward one-armed hug.

"Hey, sweetheart, how is your arm?" she questioned, gesturing to where it was still hanging limply in a sling. Carlisle was unable to set it in a cast since the break was at the top of the arm, so he had had to settle for setting it and supporting it to avoid further damage.

"It's ok," I answered, moving my arm slightly, feeling a slight pain where the bone had not yet healed. My mom's eyebrow raised at the slight wince I failed to hide from her. "Well... you know, I mean it's broken, it's gonna hurt. But it's not so bad; I've had worse."

I regretted my words instantly when a pained look shot across my mom's face.

"Someone order a coke?" My dad's words seemed to slice through the tension, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen after my careless words. I hadn't meant it to come out like that. Before all this mess I had simply been clumsy; they both knew how accident prone I could be. But now, any mention of harm or pain and their minds immediately jumped to Jack and all that he had done. I hated that he didn't just have that power over my own life, but also the lives of all the people who cared about me. I hated that careless words could so easily bring back painful memories that we would all be better off trying to forget.

I took the glass from my dad's hand, offering him a small grateful smile as the beads of condensation pooled around my hand. I was helpless to the smile that formed at the thought that my father still kept coke in the house, even though he couldn't stand it. It had been years since I lived there, but he still kept my drink of choice in his cupboards. I knew he would never touch it himself; he always called it 'toilet cleaner'!

"So, what's happening, kids?" Charlie sat down in his usual spot in his recliner, gesturing to us to sit on the couch with my mom. I sat on Edward's left, cutching his hand tightly in mine and looking squarely at each of my parents before taking a deep breath.

I sighed out a laugh, knowing that there was no putting off the inevitable any longer.

"It's sort of funny you should ask; we came over here to tell you something," I began, chewing on my lip nervously. I opened my mouth to continue speaking, but stopped short when I saw that Charlie was laughing to himself. Then I nearly face planted into the coffee table when he got up and moved to shake Edward's hand.

"You're finally going to make an honest woman of her then, son?" He laughed as Edward took the offered hand and shook it, smiling crookedly and climbing to his feet. "Took you long enough, lad." He winked; my dad _winked_ at Edward.

"Ah, well I ..." Edward stumbled helplessly over his words, the unusual sight of him becoming flustered rendering me speechless for a moment before I realised that I could finally be the one to answer a question on his behalf, instead of the other way around.

"Edward proposed ages ago, dad. If I'd have known you'd take it this well, I would have told you at the time."

Charlie's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Why would you think I would take it badly?"

"You do remember kicking him out of the hospital, right?" I laughed at the apologetic look Charlie flashed at Edward. "You have to admit you haven't been his greatest fan all along. I just didn't want to hurt you. Either of you," I continued, turning to face my mom who was still sat on the couch, a slightly confused look on her face, which was pointed towards Charlie.

"You kicked him out of the hospital?" she questioned, the confusion on her face reflected in her tone.

"I.. ah.. Well, I mean... yes," he responded, contrition evident in his fumble for words.

"I was really sick, mom. He was worried and lashing out at anybody." I smiled at Charlie and put my good arm around his waist, feeling him return the embrace tentatively. "He was only doing what he thought was best, right Char.. Dad?"

"Right," he answered, tightening his arm around me and kissing the top of my head. I felt a sharp pain twist through my chest at the thought of what I had to do next. It was so unfair that just when we had re-established a sense of family, I had to pull the rug out from under them yet again. Would I ever stop hurting them?

"Congratulations, sweetheart. I'm so happy for you." My mom got up off the sofa and pulled me out of Charlie's arms, placing kisses on both my cheeks. Then she proceeded to do the same to Edward. "So when's the big day?" she asked curiously, her eyes darting between myself and Edward as we shot each other a glance.

"Ah, well, umm... Are you both free on Saturday?" I asked, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth nervously and waiting for the tirade to start from one or both of them.

"Saturday? This Saturday? As in five days from now?" My mom's incredulous voice was, of course, the first to comment.

"Yes," I answered simply, grabbing for Edward's hand once again and breathing in deeply when his fingers curled around mine. "We didn't want to wait."

"I'm sensing a 'because' coming, and I have a feeling I'm not going to like it." Charlie's words held a certain amount of resignation, as though he knew what was coming. His face was tense, as though he was bracing himself for the words that I knew I had to speak.

I pulled Edward back down to the couch, my parents following suit and sitting also, their faces curious. Charlie was perched on the edge of his seat, hands clasped tightly in front of him as though poised to spring into action when he heard what was coming. His posture and the air of resignation about him, only served to make me more anxious about telling him, but stalling wasn't going to make this any easier. Taking a deep breath I forced the words out into the open.

"Once we're married we're going to move away; we think it would be best to start again somewhere new." I watched the different reactions of my parents as the words sunk in. Charlie just sat, his elbows rested on his knees and his hands clasped together as his head dropped down below his shoulders, nodding as though he had expected this all along. My mom immediately launched into questions, where were we going? Why were we leaving? All manner of questions came out in a rush, making my dad sigh loudly as he put up his hand to try and stop the Spanish Inquisition she was throwing at us. I sighed heavily again before I resignedly began to explain the reasons I had planned to give.

"Mom please, one thing at a time." I shook my head, trying to clear it of all the confusing questions she had thrown at me. "You have to understand how hard it is, living here. Every day the memories haunt me, follow me around like a ball and chain that I just can't escape from. How can I move on when I can't get away from my demons? We want to begin our married lives somewhere with no history, no ghosts trying to drag us into the past when we're trying to look to the future. I can't stay here, Mom. I'm so sorry but I just can't."

"Where will you go?" She whispered, her eyes not quite meeting mine.

"I'm not sure, maybe Europe. Somewhere quiet, somewhere we can just _be _for a while, you know?" Finally her eyes met mine. They were filled with a sort of sorrowful acceptance as she nodded and whispered that she understood.

I could feel Charlie's eyes on me, boring into the side of my head as I kept my eyes trained determinedly on my shoes.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is goodbye and not just au revoir?" he said, standing from his recliner and forcing my eyes to his, by standing directly in front of me and lifting my chin gently. I met his eyes hesitantly, knowing that he would read the truth of his words in my expression. Seeing the pain that settled over his features when he got the confirmation he was looking for, nearly brought me to my knees.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," I whispered as he pulled me into his arms tenderly and placed a fatherly kiss on my forehead.

"I understand, Baby Girl. Just... be safe. Please. I can't say goodbye to you unless I know that you're going to be safe." He held my face in between his hands, holding my gaze with an intensity that I had rarely encountered in my father.

"I'll take care of her, Chief Swan; I promise," Edward spoke seriously, his expression just as intense as Charlie's. Then he took hold of my arm, pulling the sling aside lightly and placing his cool lips against the tender flesh. "Nobody will hurt her again." His eyes shifted from Charlie's to mine, burning with love. "I promise."

"Yeah, well see that they don't." Charlie smirked at Edward, his chivalrous gesture obviously amusing to him, though the sentiment behind it must have pleased him somewhat. I couldn't help being slightly jealous of Edward in that moment, the insight he had into my parent's thoughts must have been a useful tool in keeping them on his side. "She gets hurt one more time and I will not be held accountable for the consequences."

"Standing right here, Dad," I joked, feeling the tension in the room lift slightly as both he and Edward chuckled together. My mom, however, remained silent, her eyes cast down to the floor where her toes were digging into the worn carpet ferociously.

"Mom?" I murmured, softly, but received no response. "Mom?" Again, more forcefully this time.

Her eyes flickered briefly to mine before landing back down on her burrowing toes once more, sending pangs of guilt soaring through me for making my usually cheerful and vivacious Mom look so forlorn and defeated. I sat beside her on the couch, pulling her hand into mine and squeezing it lightly. A small sniff alerted me to the tears which were rolling silently down her cheeks before her hand came up, covered by her sleeve and swatted them away quickly.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I really am. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but... I just... I need this. I'm sorry."

"Oh, sweetheart I understand, I do. It's just that I'm going to miss you so much." She stopped trying to hide her tears from me and squeezed my hand back, running her fingers down my cheek and gazing at me as though she was memorising my face. "I love you, Bella. You know that don't you? And I know that you think this is goodbye, and I understand if it is, but just know that you are always welcome at home. Any time."

I smiled at her, fighting hard against the traitorous tears that were stinging my eyes, nodding my understanding since the words I wanted to speak got stuck in my throat and came out as more of a choked whimper. I felt Edward's hands on my shoulders once again from where he was now standing behind the couch, instantly soothing me. His gentle massage relaxed the tight muscles and tension that was causing pain in my broken arm.

I twisted where I sat, locking my eyes with his and hoping for some relief from the obvious pain my mom was feeling, some relief from the guilt, even if only for a second. I hadn't counted on his expression though. I hadn't thought about what this would do to him, how hearing their thoughts as they dealt with the idea of losing me would reflect into his mind. All I could see was what they showed, the carefully constructed masks they both wore to conceal the true extent of their pain to save me, the one who caused it, from feeling it too. Edward, however, could see it all. Their pain and loss was laid completely bare for him, regardless of whether he wanted to see it or not.

There had been a time when I would have argued that no man would or could ever be worth hurting your family like this over. That no bond of love could ever be stronger than that between a child and their parents. But that was before I met Edward Cullen, before he barrelled into my life and turned my world upside down. From the moment we told each other our feelings that day in the meadow, I had known that I would do anything, give up anything, _become _anything in order to be with him. Because in my heart I knew that living without him would not be living at all.

I hesitated for a moment, turning to Charlie and pleading him with my eyes to say yes.

"Will you give me away?" The question finally came out in a hurry, the words almost tripping over themselves to be the first out, but Charlie clearly understood as he came and knelt before me, placing his hands over mine and smiling.

"It would be my pleasure, baby girl." I smiled tearily into his eyes, forcing myself to remember that Edward was worth this. He was worth the pain of leaving my family behind, he was worth the agony of the change because nothing and nobody had ever felt quite so much like home to me before.

"Aliiiice," I whined, slumping wearily in the scratchy white fabric and almost toppling over in the ridiculous heels she had forced my protesting feet into. She flicked her measuring tape at me menacingly, a look of murderous impatience on her face as she pushed on my knee forcing me to stand upright for at least the fifteenth time since this began.

"We don't have much time, Bella." She clicked her teeth at me, shooting me a look of death before leaning back down to the hem of the long white dress and putting pins around it at dizzying speed. "No matter what you might think, you are _not_ getting married in jeans and a t-shirt, and converse are strictly forbidden, you hear?"

"Yes, ma'am!" I answered obediently, snapping my hand to my forehead in a mock salute and causing Jasper to burst out laughing from the couch where he was lounging languidly with a book that he was pretending to read whenever Alice happened a glance in his direction. The rest of the time he spent pulling faces at me, mocking my current predicament cruelly.

"Don't think I can't see what you're doing, Jasper Whitlock," she snapped at him, her eyes never leaving the hem of my dress. "Just remember that you need new clothes too, and the more you enjoy this, the less you will enjoy our shopping trip." I couldn't stop the triumphant giggles that bubbled up at the look of outright horror on Jasper's face; his eyes had grown as wide as saucers and his mouth had turned down in a pout.

"But darlin' we just went shopping a few weeks ago, I can't go again so soon, my feet haven't recovered from last time yet."

"Jasper, that was December, and we were buying clothes for Bella, you idiot." She lifted her eyes from her task momentarily to roll her eyes at him before getting back to work.

"I bought a tie," he muttered petulantly, earning himself a reproachful glare from Alice which he replied to with a cheeky wink. Sighing heavily she waved her hand at him dismissively.

"If you can't be useful here you can be useful elsewhere, it's nearly two, you can go make Bella some lunch before she keels over on me." Jasper's eyes slid to mine uncomfortably, but softened when I smiled reassuringly at him.

"Sure, what can I get for you, baby sister?"

"Anything is fine, but can I have it with a side-order of using my actual name?" I asked, trying and failing to sound serious.

Jasper laughed heartily as he sauntered from the room, calling back from the hallway, "no can do, little one," then scampering off downstairs quickly. Alice watched him go, shaking her head and sighing affectionately before she applied the final pin triumphantly. Then she jumped gracefully to her feet with a huge smile on her face as she stood back and looked at me.

"Perfect," she danced over to the tall, full-length mirror, which she had covered with a white sheet so that I couldn't see the dress properly until it was finished. "You look perfect."

She pulled the sheet dramatically from the mirror revealing the beautiful dress to me properly for the first time. It truly was beautiful, soft layers of white fabric swaying around my legs, the top layer embroidered with a stunning design incorporating pearly beads which sparkled in the soft sunlight falling in through the French windows. The bottom half looked amazing, but I almost cried when I scanned my eyes up to where the sleeveless gown left my battered and bruised arms hopelessly exposed.

"Sure, Alice, the sling really sets it off," I sighed, the effect completely ruined by the ugly purple bruises that still covered the top of my right arm and the sling that still supported my left.

"Relax, Bella, I've got it covered," she winked, before disappearing in her closet and re-emerging a moment later with a soft white cardigan which perfectly matched the dress. "Carlisle says we can forgo the sling for the day as long as you promise to be careful," she finished, smiling.

"In heels?" I questioned sceptically, quirking an eyebrow at her.

"Yes, in heels," she retorted. "You'll be fine, and besides, Edward won't let go of you all day." She squealed to herself, pirouetting on the spot elegantly. "It's going to be perfect."

"Yeah, perfect," I whispered, barely allowing myself to believe it. "Perfect, as long as..."

"As long as what? Bella?" Alice had stopped dancing on the spot and was now eyeing me with concern.

"As long as _they _don't choose Saturday to put in an appearance. We know they're coming, it's just a question of when."

Alice looked down, biting her lip and shuffling her feet.

"They're not coming on Saturday," she said, softly.

"How do you know, Alice?"

She hesitated for too long, her eyes not meeting mine. I was just about to ask again when she cleared her throat.

"I can see her now, ever since you came back I can see her. I don't know what changed. It's not clear, she keeps changing her plans all the time, like she knows I'm watching, but if she'd settled on Saturday I would have seen it." She still wasn't meeting my eyes and I didn't understand why.

"Why didn't you tell me, Alice?" I questioned, softly. "Surely this is good news?" Again there was a long, drawn out silence that confused me, why was she so cagey about this?

I stepped forward to where she was standing and pushed her chin up with my finger until she was reluctantly looking at me. I gazed intently at her, waiting for her to spill whatever it was that was making her shut herself off to me. I began tapping my foot and periodically looking at my wrist watch, implying that it was her time we were wasting. Eventually she seemed to realise that I wasn't caving; she sighed and swatted my hand away from her chin in frustration.

"Fine," she barked in frustration, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bed, then looking up and down the dress, thinking better of letting me sit down. My feet protested at the carrot that had been dangled then cruelly removed as she sat and made me continue to stand. "Yes, Bella, the fact that I can see Victoria again is good news," she started, then paused for too long, eyeing me speculatively.

"But..." I prompted, getting frustrated at the lack of information I was getting.

"But," she continued, reluctantly. "The bad news is that it's not just her and Ja... him." She stopped just short of saying his name, having seen my reaction to it before. "I'm not sure exactly how many she's changed, but I've seen at least twelve, possibly thirteen. The numbers seem to change but I suppose that's not surprising..." She seemed to be thinking aloud now as much as she was talking to me, her eyes looked slightly unfocused, though not like they did when she was having a vision.

"What do you mean, Alice?" I questioned, placing my hand lightly on her arm to try to pull her from whatever trance she had fallen into. Her eyes shot up to mine, a look of surprise creasing her flawless face.

"Well, you know, they're newborns so they'll be fighting amongst themselves, doing what newborns do," she spoke as though I should somehow know what she was talking about. I allowed the confusion I was feeling to seep into my expression, waiting for the lights to go in Alice's brain when she realised that what she was saying made no sense to me. I could see the exact moment that the light bulb sparked into life; her face fell and she grabbed my hand and tugged me down to sit on the bed, forsaking the dress in favour of filling in the obvious gaps in my knowledge.

"Bella, you're about to become one of us. Do you know nothing at all?" I recoiled back from her evident anger, a little hurt that she thought I knew nothing.

"I spoke to Jasper a little about the change, I just kind of hadn't looked past that part. I should have, I guess," I shrugged, hoping that Alice would be willing to fill in some of the blanks.

"So you're where? The part where you wake up?" she asked, her tone softer now.

"Yeah, we got through the crippling, being burned alive agony part, but no further." She grimaced at my choice of words but nodded, leaning back against the head of the bed and gesturing for me to do the same. Biting her lip, she seemed to think for a while about what she was going to say before turning her head to face me.

"So, when you wake up you're going to be thirsty. Like _really_ thirsty. Like crawling through the desert hallucinating and looking for an oasis kind of thirsty." Her brow wrinkled as she thought deeply for a moment. "I don't really remember it, not well, but there's this faint memory, more like a shadow at the back of my mind really. It's sort of animalistic, like the need to hunt overrides everything else in your head. You will crave blood from the moment your eyes open to your new life. _Human_ blood, Bella. In the first years, the blood lust is the worst, as you learn to control it you will start to find it easier to resist. But to begin with, you must not be around humans at all; it is too easy, when the scent hits you, to give into the monster inside and before you're even aware of it you could have taken an innocent life in order to sustain your own."

I considered what she was saying carefully, working through it in my head.

"But, I can be vegetarian from the start, right? I mean, I don't want to drink from humans, not ever."

"Yes," she sighed, "yes you can, but it isn't easy. We'll all be here to help you to get through it; we won't let you lose control. Knowing you you'd never forgive yourself if you did, and eternity is a long time to beat yourself up, ask Jasper."

"Jasper?" I questioned, unsure of what she was referring to.

"You talking about me, baby sister?" Jasper's voice sounded out from the hallway before his face appeared, smiling around the door frame, followed by his hand which held a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich on it surrounded by salad. "Your dinner, milady," he smirked as he crossed the room and planted the plate in my lap, picking it up again sharply when Alice's squeal reminded him of what I was wearing.

"Sorry, baby," he smiled, grinning charmingly and placing a kiss on her forehead as he swung round and placed the sandwich on the dresser. "Looks like you're gonna have to get changed before you're allowed to eat, Bella," he said, apologetically.

"Fine by me," I muttered, eager to be out of the gorgeous dress as soon as possible before I damaged it and incurred the wrath of crazy wedding-planning Alice.

"I was just telling Bella about how much fun it is to be a newborn vampire," Alice hollered from the bathroom where she had dragged me to un-hook me from the crazily complicated fastenings of the dress.

"Oh?" Jasper called back, as I saw his feet kick up on the bed through the slightly ajar door.

"Yes," I responded, "and I can't tell you how excited I am to become a raging fiend who thinks of nothing but draining the locals of their life's blood; it sounds enthralling."

"Sarcasm will get you nowhere, baby sister," Jasper chuckled from the next room, "and besides, it's really only like that for a year or so, I mean... you know, for these guys it was anyway."

"Not for you?" I questioned, now walking back into the bedroom in my trusty jeans and t-shirt combo, which was apparently not appropriate wear for my wedding day.

"No," he started, running his hands over his face looking slightly flustered. "No, my introduction to this life was a little different to theirs. I, ah... I shall we say, embraced the inner 'raging fiend' for a lot longer than I care to remember." He tried to keep his tone light, but there was an undercurrent of pain which he couldn't help but show. "You have to understand, Bella, I didn't know that there was another way, not for a long time. I was brought into this life and trained to fight other vampires during the Southern Vampire wars. We were encouraged to feed off human blood since it makes you stronger and the stronger the army the easier the victory." He was almost pleading me to understand what he was telling me, his eyes entreating me not to hate him for what he had once been.

I walked over to the bed and plonked myself beside him, crossing my legs casually and leaning back on the head of the bed.

"How is it now, Jasper?" He turned to me, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"How is what?"

"The blood lust, I mean, you seem to do so well. Is it still painful for you? Do I still make your life difficult?"

"No, not exactly," he began to reply. "I mean, I can still feel the burning, I don't think that ever really goes away." He looked to Alice who nodded in confirmation. "But after your birthday, after I lost control of myself so completely, I was distraught. I couldn't believe that I could have taken away the one thing, the one person, who managed to make Edward truly happy. You were a part of this family from the moment he laid eyes on you, _before_ that even since Alice saw you coming, and I almost destroyed that. After we left I decided that I couldn't be _that_ person any more. I didn't want to be the weak link in a family of unbelievably strong people. So I worked solidly on my self control until I felt that I was no longer a danger, and it must have worked. You were bleeding in the hospital that day when you came back to us, and it didn't even occur to me to be tempted. And now, I can do this," he laughed, pulling me into his side and holding me there with his arm draped over my shoulder, "with my little sister, before she's changed."

"Right, Bella," Alice jumped up off the bed clapping her hands. "We have to do your make up and hair test runs yet, no more of this lounging around. Come on, up, up, up." I groaned loudly at the thought of hours sitting in front of Alice's vanity, having her prodding and poking me with various instruments of torture, but I got up, knowing that if I didn't she would simply drag me there anyway.

There was a soft tap at the door which was followed by Esme's head peeking round, smiling.

"Sorry ladies-"

"Ahem!"

"Sorry, Jasper, ladies _and _gentleman, I hate to disturb you, but Bella has a visitor."

"Salvation!" I smiled, giggling and dodging past Alice's death glare as I ran to where Esme was still standing, grinning at me. She put her arm around my shoulder delicately, guiding me towards the stairs,and ignoring Alice's shouted threats about taking her scissors to my hair when I returned.

"He's outside, sweetheart."

* * *

**_I don't really have a recommendation for you this chapter. Anybody got any recs for me? I need some reading material for while I'm on holiday! _**


	35. Chapter 35

**_Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight. Still wish I did! _**

**_A/N: Thank you to my awesome and super-efficient beta, Kimmydonn. I literally sent her this chapter and a few hours later she'd done it. THAT is awesome! _**

**_Thank you to Weezy (Nostalgicmiss) for pre-reading and kicking my emo butt when I was writing this chapter! _**

**_Now, to my dear readers, I have a heartfelt apology! I am so so sorry to those people who reviewed the last chapter and got no reply. I don't usually do that, but my holiday came and by the time I got back my inbox was such a disaster zone that I couldn't tell which I'd replied to and which not and... it was just a complete mess! So I'm truly sorry for that and I will do better this time. So here's a feeble blanket response to all reviews to chapter 34. "You're awesome and I love you for telling me what you think! Thank you so much!" I hope that will do... _**

**_Now then, on with the show! _**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 35**

**Bella POV**

Esme's hand rested softly on the small of my back as she accompanied me silently down the stairs and to the front door, where Carlisle was standing talking quietly to Jacob. His face was serious, but his posture was open, welcoming. His back leaned casually against the doorframe as he chatted nonchalantly with someone who he should have considered his enemy. Jacob's stance was a little more defensive. He was standing a few feet back from the door; his arms were crossed protectively across his chest, and his body angled slightly towards the forest as though he was poised to run if necessary. It seemed slightly crazy to me that he could ever consider himself in danger around any of the Cullens, Carlisle especially; he was the kindest, most non-threatening man I had ever come across. Nevertheless, I could understand Jake's uneasiness. He was standing on ground, that by rights, he should never walk on. His being there was a direct violation of the treaty, and although I knew that the Cullens would never attack without justification, he wasn't so sure.

They both must have sensed me coming; their eyes both swivelled to meet me as I walked into the foyer with Esme still by my side. Carlisle's face broke out into a heartwarming smile as he raised his arm out to me, inviting me into a one-armed hug.

"Here she is," he said happily, tucking me into his side neatly. "My future daughter-in-law."

I smiled up into his beaming face, my heart jumping at the unconditional acceptance I felt amongst Edward's family. He planted a fatherly kiss on my forehead before pulling away and walking into the house with his arm around Esme.

"You kids be good now," he said with a chuckle, winking back at us before he shut the door.

Jacob's posture immediately softened, his hands dropping to his side and his muscles relaxing as he grinned at me.

"Hey, Bells," he said as he reached for my hand and encased it in his huge one. His skin burned against mine, which was slightly cool. He tugged on it gently, pulling me towards the porch swing. Then he sniffed; a slightly disgusted look crossed his face before he could stop it. He shrugged and sat down anyway, pulling me down with him. The searing heat of his body was in perfect contrast to the chilly evening wind, which was gusting around the porch, and I was grateful for it since I hadn't thought to bring a jacket down with me.

"How are you doing, Bella?" he asked, his eyes scanning up and down my body closely, as though he was taking inventory of my physical condition. His face creased into a frown when he saw the slight bruising that was still dotted on my chin and neck; Jack's fingerprints could still quite clearly be made out. His fingers reached out to touch my face, dusting lightly over the bruises, as his face became troubled, and he let out a soft sigh.

"Your monster?" he questioned softly, his eyes boring into mine. They were filled with a pained intensity I recognized from Christmas day on the beach, when he had talked about his feelings for Leah. I said nothing; I simply nodded and allowed him to pull me into his side carefully, mindful of my broken arm.

"He'll pay for hurting you, Bella," he whispered softly, leaning his chin on my head and staring out at the forest in silence. The silence was a comfortable one, not strained in the least, but after a while I began to wonder whether he just dropped by to the home of his supposed mortal enemies to say hi, or whether there was another purpose to his visit. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder, basking in his comforting warmth as I looked up at his face. His eyes were still averted towards the tree line, where the darkness claimed the forest, which stretched out as far as the eye could see.

"Is everything alright, Jake?" I eventually broke the silence, dragging his eyes from the forest and back to me. They were alight with an emotion I didn't recognize, a small wistful smile curving his lips upwards ever so slightly.

"Yeah," was all the response I received, before his eyes once more shifted to the tree line, focusing intently on something that was too far away for my eyes to make out.

"It's...uh... nice to see you," I said softly, almost afraid to break the trance he seemed to have fallen into. "I have to admit I'm a little surprised to see you _here_ though. You know, mortal enemies and whatnot?"

His eyes blazed with a raging fire as he glared at me, his expression slightly fierce.

"I know who my enemies are, Bella," he spat at me, but his expression softened somewhat when he saw me recoil from his hostility. "The Cullens are not my enemies. Their father is a doctor; he tries to preserve human life just as we do." His hand rose towards my face, halting in mid air when I flinched back minutely from him. Immediately feeling guilty, I reached out and took his hand in mine, touching it gently to my face. I flattened his fingers around my cheek and held it there as I apologized with my eyes for my skittishness. His other hand came up to the opposite cheek, his fingers once more tracing the bruises there with a mixed expression of pain and anger on his face. He gritted his teeth and repeated in a whisper, "I know who my enemies are."

I fought against the tears that stung my eyelids at the memories that accompanied the bruises. Jack's face appearing round the bedroom door at Riverside House, the cold, callous way he had ended the life of my only human friend and his hands all over my body as he tortured my mind with promises of all he would do to me after the Frenchman had left us alone together.

"Don't cry, Bella," he crooned, his thumb running beneath my eye and wiping away the tears I had failed to hold in.

"I'm sorry." I pulled back from him, leaving his hands hanging in the air for a moment before they dropped into his lap. Shaking my head I ran my hands roughly down my cheeks, clearing away the tears I had promised myself I would not shed over _him_ any more.

"Don't be sorry, I understand." He smiled lightly, his eyes once more darting to the forest.

"Jake, did you adopt a tree or something?" I questioned, giggling slightly as he looked back at me, a guilty expression morphing his face before he righted it again.

"A tree?"

"Yes, I mean, I like the forest as much as the next person, but you can't take your eyes of it."

He chuckled sarcastically before responding. "No, Bella, I didn't adopt a tree."

That was it; that was all he said before his gaze swung back to the forest. They were filled with a look of longing, as though he was gazing at the most beautiful sight in the world and he couldn't take his eyes off it.

Waving my hands in front of his eyes, in an attempt to drag them from whatever he was gazing at, I got up from the seat and stood in front of him. He blinked at me, a slightly confused look falling onto his face as I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What's going on, Jake? Trees are not that interesting, not even arborists have this level of fascination with them. So why the staring? Huh?"

His eyes looked as though they were straining to look through me as he whispered an answer that made no sense.

"She's beautiful."

I frowned, turning to look where his eyes had been fixed, but could see nothing but a canvas of green, various shades all crushed together against the darkening sky.

"Fallen in love with a tree?" I questioned sarcastically, turning to look at him once again.

"She's there, Bella. You can't see her?" He looked genuinely surprised as his eyes finally held my gaze for longer than a single second. Frowning, I turned back and searched the area for a figure, but I could see nothing.

"Aren't you a little old for imaginary friends, Jake?" I only half teased, wondering what on earth he was talking about.

"Humans!" he tutted, rolling his eyes and patting me on the head patronizingly.

"Ugh, creatures of the night!" I raged, starting to stomp away from him, aggravated by his cryptic evasiveness and his teasing. Just before I reached the door to go inside, I felt his warm hand gently encase mine and tug slightly, pulling me back to him and into a tender hug.

"Sorry, Bells," he whispered in my ear, before pulling back and smirking at me. "I just always forget that you human types don't see as well as we do."

I huffed, feigning annoyance and pulled out of his arms, turning once more to stare at the tree line.

"She's there? Leah?" I questioned, unable to conceal my confusion. The last time I spoke to him, she wanted nothing to do with him, and now she just happened to be in the forest surrounding the Cullen's home at the same time as him.

"Mmm," he responded, distracted by the girl he was gazing towards. His eyes were misted over with a look I had seen a thousand times. It was the expression I saw in Edward's eyes every time he looked my way, every time he told me he loved me, every time we kissed. It was a look of pure, unadulterated adoration. I could see every feeling he had for Leah swimming in the molten chocolate pools of his eyes, and I could almost feel the crippling pain of rejection that he felt when she turned away from him so repeatedly.

"Why is she here, Jake? I mean, not that she's not welcome, but I thought..." I trailed off, not really wanting to verbalize what was in my mind, knowing that it had the potential to cause him  
pain.

The words were not necessary however. I saw the look of pain that crossed Jake's face before he turned away from me to hide it. Chewing on my bottom lip, I racked my brains for something to say. I didn't want to pry but I still didn't really know why Jacob was there, and I certainly didn't understand why the girl he imprinted on was standing in the forest nearby if she still wanted nothing to do with him.

He hesitated a moment, his hands balling into tight fists by his side before he turned to me with his head cocked to one side.

"Do you want to meet them, Bella?"

"Them?" I responded, surprised at the plural.

"Leah, and her brother, Seth," he replied, as though it ought to be obvious. I thought back, trying to remember Harry's other child, but coming up blank.

I came to after a moment, realizing that Jacob was watching me expectantly, his hand held out to me, waiting for me to take it. My forehead creased in confusion as I placed my hand in his and allowed his to close around it tightly. I still had no idea what on earth was going on.

The night was cool, with a strong wind lowering the temperature even more so that the flimsy jacket I had on did nothing to stop it from battering against my body. Seeing me shivering and pulling my jacket uselessly closer around me, Jacob pulled me into his side, where his unnatural body heat shielded me from the cold somewhat and warmed me to the bones.

We neared the edge of the woods where the first of the trees were scattered randomly, getting slowly thicker until the dense trunks were so close together at the heart of the forest that you could barely find a path between them. I knew these woods well; I had explored them extensively with Edward, and sometimes other members of his family, during the summer before our long, painful separation. As we got closer, I began to see two figures standing a few feet apart beside the trunk of a large silver spruce, which was probably as old as Edward. They were facing us, watching us approach. I tensed a little, moving more into Jacob's side as I saw their protective stance. He just chuckled, putting his arm around me and murmuring softly that they wouldn't hurt me.

The male figure relaxed somewhat as we approached, his hands falling to his sides and a large friendly grin taking over his face. He stepped forward eagerly as we moved into the shelter of the forest, shaking off the restraining hand his sister placed on his arm.

"Bella! It _is _Bella, right?" he shouted jovially, over the sounds of the wind through the trees. Then before I knew it, I was in his arms, being lifted almost off my feet by his strong arms. I stifled back the gasp of pain as my broken arm protested at the sudden movement.

"Jeez, Seth, put her the hell down, you've only just met her," a female voice chided as he set me back on my feet gently and stepped back, grinning sheepishly.

"Sorry, Bella." He smiled, not looking in the least bit sorry. There was something about his face that was instantly likeable. His eyes were soft and warm with lines around them that looked to have been caused by laughter. He was tall and thin, almost gangly looking, but his smile was almost as big as Texas, and I liked him immediately.

"That's ok, um... Seth, is it?"

"That's me." He grinned, then grabbed his sister's hand and pulled her forward somewhat reluctantly. "And this is my sister, Leah. She's delighted to meet you too." He winked at me, ignoring Leah huffing loudly behind him.

"It's nice to meet you, Leah," I said shyly, peering round Seth to where Leah was standing with her arms folded across her chest once more, her eyes narrowed towards where me and Jacob were standing.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," she replied, her tone sullen but the small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth gave her away.

"So what are you guys doing here? Did you want to come inside?" I questioned, still at a complete loss as to why they were there.

Leah huffed loudly, an incredulous look on her face as she glared at me as though I was completely mental.

"Inside," she sneered, as though it were a dirty word.

"Umm, yeah, I mean, it's just warmer inside," I started lamely, as she raised her eyebrows at me.

"Warmer?" Her tone was almost mocking as she looked between Jacob and me her eyes accusing him of some unknown crime. "'Cause the cold is such a huge problem for us."

My eyebrows shot up at the same time as my jaw almost hit the forest floor, her words catching me completely off guard.

"You..?" I looked at her. "And you?" Seth nodded, grinning.

I just stood, gaping at them as my brain tried to catch up with yet another piece of impossible information. My eyes swivelled upwards, looking for Jacob's, but they were fixed intently on Leah, a sad look of resignation on his face. His feelings were pretty clear from his grim expression. This wasn't what he wanted for her. It wasn't what he wanted for himself, but for Leah to have been dragged into it also must have been heartbreaking for him. I could see the lines of defeat and worry etched into his face as he gazed at her intently.

Was this what Edward looked like when he considered the possibility of me as a vampire? Did it make his eyes cloud over with pain the very way that Jacob's were in that moment?

Leah was watching me carefully, her eyebrows raised as though she was waiting to see what I could come up with to say. But I had nothing. I didn't even know this girl, but I loved Jacob like a brother and she was important to him, the _most_ important thing to him. She was to him what Edward was to me and the idea of Edward being hurt in any way, or going through something against his will the way that Leah was, was almost physically painful to me.

"I'm sorry," I muttered eventually, the only thing my brain could come up with to say. "That's..."

"Crap," she finished for me. "Yeah, it is." Her eyes was glaring at Jacob accusingly, as though it was his fault that she found herself in this position.

An uncomfortable silence descended over us, four pairs of feet shuffling and four brains trying desperately to think of something to say that would break the tension that enveloped us.

"Bellaaaaaaaaaaa!" Emmett's voice rung out in the silence, making the four of us jump and turn towards the house, where he was shouting from. My heart leapt, knowing that if he was back at the house, then so was Edward. They had been out, trying on their suits for the wedding and doing what Emmett described as _man stuff_, all day, leaving me to be tortured by Alice. Part of me wanted to run away from the group I was standing in and find him. One day apart and I missed him like he had been gone for a year.

"Oh baby sister, where are you?" Emmett hollered once again, a smile in his voice as I could just about make out his form, silhouetted against the lights from the house. I rolled my eyes, not replying, knowing perfectly well that he knew where I was. If Jake could see Leah and Seth in the forest here from the porch, then Emmett certainly could.

"Who wants to meet Emmett?" I laughed, turning to where I could see him making his way towards us, slowly for him, maybe keeping his pace human as he didn't know who was with Jacob.

"Aha, Bella-Boo, there you are," he teased, ruffling my hair playfully. "Thank God, you need to find Edward. He's been whining like a bitch all day; I think he missed you."

"You know, _big brother_, they say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," I returned, beginning to learn to fight fire with fire when it came to Emmett.

"You know they say that humans are at the bottom of the food chain, little one?" he countered, wriggling his eyebrows dangerously and trying to look menacing.

"Yes, Emmett, you're a terrifying monster," I humored him, patting him patronisingly on the arm before turning back to the others and making introductions, which seemed strange considering I had only just met Seth and Leah myself.

"Are you guys hungry?" Emmett questioned, his posture open and friendly as it always was. "Esme is cooking up a storm in the kitchen, and if you don't stay, then poor Bella will have to eat it all."

He didn't wait for a verbal response but instead threw his arm across Seth's shoulders in a brotherly gesture. It was the same one I had seen him use a thousand times with Edward and Jasper, and he began to walk towards the house, chatting away easily with Seth as though they were old friends. Seth seemed quite happy with the arrangement; his posture was completely at ease, and he was answering Emmett's questions with an open friendliness, which said more about his personality than Emmett's.

I followed a few feet behind, unable to keep up with the long strides of the boys as they made for the house, leaving Jacob to convince Leah to come too. It seemed he was successful as she was by his side when he walked uncertainly into the house, albeit with several feet separating them from one another.

The house was a flurry of activity, sounds and smells. The scent of the flowers which were just _everywhere _was mingling with the mouthwatering aroma coming from the kitchen where Esme was - from the smell of it - grilling steaks. Alice was flitting around arranging flowers while Jasper watched on with a smile. Her loud huffs and mumblings about his lack of know how when it came to flower arranging were like water off a duck's back to him.

They both looked up when we all walked in, an unfamiliar look of surprise on Alice's face. It was unusual to catch her off guard, but the wolves held that advantage over others.

I meandered through to the kitchen where Esme was singing happily to herself and throwing food around with all the co-ordination of an olympic archer.

"Can I do anything to help, Esme?" I asked, catching her attention as I stood in the doorway. She beamed up at me, an unnecessary pair of pot holders covering her hands as she reached into the oven and pulled out a tray of baked potatoes. I knew it was rude, but I couldn't hold back my laughter when I saw how much food she had prepared. There was enough to feed a smallish army, and she hadn't even known whether Jacob, Leah and Seth would stay for dinner. She had to have at least suspected that they wouldn't.

"Sure, Bella dear. Do you want to see if they would like drinks?"

"OK," I replied, smiling as I turned to leave the kitchen and bumped into something hard and cold. I stumbled back slightly before I felt cold arms closing around me and pulling me into a familiar cool, chiselled chest.

"Here she is," his velvet voice whispered in my ear, as his fingers curled under my chin and nudged my face up to look at his. I felt my face break into an involuntary smile at the sight of his smile. His intense eyes were back to a golden honey color - his hunting trip evidently successful, and his lips were curled upwards into his crooked grin that had the ability to make me weak at the knees.

"I, uh.. I was... umm.." My mind was completely blank; I knew there was something I was meant to be doing, but I was damned if I could remember what it was as his lips brushed lightly against mine.

"Edward, that's not fair. Stop dazzling the poor girl," Esme chided, laughing lightly to herself and watching us fondly.

"I can't help it," he replied, not taking his eyes off me as his fingers tangled in my hair and his lips moved down my neck. His head came to rest on my chest, his ear pressed up against my heart and his fingers tapped along to the beat of my heart on my shoulders. They even stayed in time with the stuttering rhythm as my heart skipped several beats, the way it always did when he was near. My fingers nestled into his hair, running through the long, bronze strands and enjoying the soft purring noises that emitted from his chest.

"Oh Jesus!" A harsh female voice broke the contented silence, as Leah walked into the kitchen followed by Emmett, Jacob and Seth.

"Oh God, yeah, just ignore these two. They'll make you vomit with cute if you let them." Emmett gaffawed loudly at his own joke, mussing my hair up as he walked past. He reached into the cupboard for glasses and started getting drinks for the others.

Drinks.

I was meant to be getting drinks. I looked sheepishly over at Esme, but she just flashed me an understanding smile and placed a perfect salad on the counter.

I leaned back into Edward's chest now that he was standing again and felt his arms encircle me tightly. I breathed him in deeply, his familiar scent the only smell in the world that could make me feel safe and protected.

"I missed you," I whispered, my fingers fiddling with the buttons on his shirt and felt his arms tighten minutely around me.

"I missed you more," he retorted, smirking down at me. "Next time Alice wants to get me out of the house for dress fittings we say no, ok?"

"Sounds perfect to me." I snuggled closer into his chest and allowed him to walk us to the table where he lifted me into a chair and pointed me towards a plate filled with the food Esme had been preparing.

"Eat, love," he murmured into my hair, planting a kiss there before pulling into the chair next to me and leaning on his arm, finally acknowledging the other people in the room with a nod and a smile as Emmett took on the introductions.

Leah looked a little uncomfortable, sitting in between Jake and Seth who both attacked their plates of food with gusto and looked confusedly at her when she didn't. After a moment she sighed, shrugged and began to eat, making Esme smile broadly from where she was standing in the doorway.

The food tasted really good and I had no trouble eating it, even with Edward's hand running distractingly up and down my thigh. His fingers left trails of tingles wherever they touched and sent my heart leaping into my throat with each movement. I could see him trying to keep his expression neutral as everybody concentrated on eating, but each leap and bound of my heart made the corners of his mouth lift just a little more.

"Do I need to separate you two?" Emmett boomed, looking pointedly at the point where Edward's hand disappeared under the table.

"You could try," Edward scoffed, moving his hand to my waist and pulling me onto his lap, kissing my forehead affectionately.

"Oh, I reckon I could take you," Emmett smirked, deliberately rippling and rolling the muscles in his arms and shooting Edward a challenging look. Then he looked at me, his head tilted to one side as though he was sizing me up. "Bella on the other hand..." He winked at me before turning back to Edward. "The woman has a sharp tongue, man. She could cut down empires with that thing!"

I smiled demurely, trying to look innocent as Edward rolled his eyes and pulled my back into his chest, his arms wrapping around my waist holding me to him tightly.

"She can do whatever she likes with it," Edward countered, then kissed my neck suggestively.

I pulled away slightly when I became hyper aware of Leah's eyes boring into me. They were not, as I expected, cloaked with disgust, but were full of curiosity, intrigue. I smiled shyly at her and she returned the gesture minutely.

"So," Emmett started, plonking his arms down heavily on the table and resting his chin in his hands. "Are you guys coming to the wedding tomorrow?"

Three pairs of dark eyes shot first to Emmett, and then to Edward and I, when he pointed towards us with a broad grin.

"Wedding?" Jacob asked, with a soft smile. "You're getting married?"

"Yes," we both replied in unison, Edward's chin coming to rest on my good shoulder. "On Saturday," I continued. "Will you come? All of you? " I looked to both Leah and Seth to ensure that they understood that the invite included them too.

Both Jacob and Seth stood up quickly from the table, their chairs scraping loudly against the wooden floor in their enthusiasm.

"I'd love to come," Seth started, ignoring Leah's not so subtle hiss behind him. Jacob rushed round the table and scooped me up off Edward's knee and held me in a bone-crushing hug.

"Congratulations, Bella. Of course we'll come," he said, with a smile in his voice. "Won't we, Leah?"

We both looked up to where Leah and Seth were standing glaring at each other, apparently locked in some sort of silent sibling communication that nobody else was party to. Their eyes burned with intensity as they appeared to have an entire argument silently in the Cullens' dining room.

Eventually their eyes parted, and it appeared that Seth had been the victor in their silent war. He stepped forward and repeated again that they would love to come and this time Leah made no effort to stop him.

Our visitors stayed for about an hour after dinner. Leah gradually looked more and more comfortable as it became evident that the Cullens meant her no harm, and Seth looked like he couldn't have been more at home if he tried.

Standing on the porch in the darkness of the night, Jacob put his arms around me and told me that he was happy for me, and he couldn't wait to see me walking down the aisle.

"Be happy, Bella," he whispered in my ear, holding me so close that I could hear his heart beating in his chest. In the same moment that I heard it skip a beat, he had thrust me inside the door and the three of them were standing defensively with Edward and Emmett snarling and growling behind them, all staring out into the dark at something or someone that I couldn't see.

I backed away from them, knowing that no human could make them all react so strongly. For Emmett to suddenly be defensive and almost frightening, there had to be some threat out there, a serious one.

My knees buckled beneath me as the thought hit me.

Jack.

Alice had said that she didn't see them coming, that she could see them now. But had they managed to slip through again? Was he here? I gasped as my knees hit the hard, wooden floor, feeling a familiar fear coursing through me at what was coming. Edward, Emmett, Jacob, all people I loved could be in danger again. My mind reeled as images of them being hurt or torn apart flashed through my frightened brain.

"Ssh, Bella, it's okay, sweetheart. We won't let anybody hurt you, not again." Esme's soothing words meant little to me, though her touch was comforting in it's familiarity as she wrapped me up in her cool, strong arms and rocked me like a baby.

"N-no, Edward. Please. Edward, he can't... Please, no!" I pushed against her arms, which surrounded me, desperate to get to Edward and to pull him out of harm's way.

Looking up through tear blurred eyes, I could see that all the Cullens, with the obvious exception of Esme, were now standing on the porch, all of them poised and ready to attack.

The sight of tiny Alice ready to fight, to put herself in danger, broke my heart and I fought even harder against Esme's grip on me.

"Please," I begged, desperately. The idea of losing anybody else was gut wrenching. I wasn't sure I could handle any more. Tears streamed down my face as Esme pulled my head into her chest and cradled it there, her hand softly stroking my hair.

"Who?" I heard her question, her eyes fixed firmly on the doorway where the family were gathered.

"I don't know," Carlisle's voice responded quietly. "It's not a scent I'm familiar with, it isn't Jack, Bella. I promise." I looked up to see his concerned eyes gazing at me. I blinked several times, clearing the tears from my eyes and then studied his face carefully. He had no reason to lie to me, and he never had before.

"I recognise the scent." Jasper's voice followed by his head, appeared around the door frame. "Bella, I think it's your Frenchman."

"Benoit?" I screwed up my face in confusion. His presence here made no sense. Sure, he had been kind to me, but why would he be here now?

Esme's grip on me loosened somewhat as she sensed that I was becoming more composed. The fear that had gripped me was evaporating and leaving behind a strong sense of curiosity.

I moved towards the doorway and onto the porch, where everybody was gathered. The three Quileutes still looked defensive, their arms all crossed rigidly across their chests as they watched what was going on carefully.

As I made my way forward, confident now that the danger had passed, Edward grabbed hold of my good hand and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me protectively and burying his face into my hair.

"Easy, Bella," he whispered into my ear. "We don't know why he's here." His arms were tight around my torso as we anxiously watched Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper moving forward to meet him. I could tell that Edward was somewhat uncomfortable at being left behind, but his desire to stay beside me and ensure that I was safe was keeping him rooted to the spot.

His thumbs moved in soothing circles on my stomach, pushing my cotton t-shirt up slightly so that his fingers were running over my bare skin. I felt the skin rise into goose flesh at his touch, the gentle humming and tingling distracting me from what was happening on the lawn next to the tree line, where they had stopped and were standing a few feet away from the tall Frenchman I recognized from _that _day.

I sighed and shook my head, trying to remove the images that had jumped into my head when I started to think about that. No. I forced myself to focus on the here and now, not allowing myself to fall into bad and traumatic memories. Sensing my discomfort Edward's arms pulled me into his chest a little tighter, and his lips dropped kisses on my neck in between whispering words of comfort in my ear, bringing me back to now.

"How come Alice didn't see him coming?" I whispered into Edward's ear; the whole situation was a little too surreal for my brain to cope with.

"That's not exactly clear, but he must have some sort of shielding ability; I can't hear his thoughts." His face was scrunched up in concentration, but he didn't look particularly worried about it. I turned in his arms and buried my face into his chest, breathing his scent in deeply and tangling my fingers in his shirt again.

"You can hear what they're saying?" I asked, knowing the answer before he spoke it.

"Of course."

"And?"

"You want it in English or French?" he asked, smirking playfully at me.

"English now, French later on when we're alone," I came back, enjoying the thought of him speaking to me in the language of love.

"They've asked him why he's here, and he just said he was concerned for you, wanted to check up that you were alright. He said he never intended for his 'gift' to be used to hurt an innocent."

"Gift?"

"I'm not sure, he didn't elaborate and they didn't ask, but I'd wager that maybe he's responsible for the gaps in Alice's visions."

I had no idea how that was even possible, but I was glad that it seemed we weren't all in danger just yet. Strange as it seemed - and I would never let Alice know this - but I was almost looking forward to the wedding. Of course, I was excited about becoming Mrs. Cullen. But it was more than that. Your wedding day was supposed to be perfect - the most perfect day of your life. A perfect day sounded good to me. A day where I could just be, where I could enjoy being with Edward and with my family. Where we could forget the past, forget the imminent danger and just have fun. I knew Alice too well to think that it would be a half hearted affair, and in all honesty I didn't want it to be. I wanted the perfect day, with the perfect dress and dancing and smiling and photographs. I wanted the memories my parents had of me to be happy and smiling in the arms of the man I loved before I had to leave their lives. I could give them that at the very least.

"Will he stay? He was kind to me when I was frightened, gave me water and tried to stop Jack. I'd like the chance to thank him for that." The fact that I'd just said Jack's name for the first time without flinching did not escape either of our attention. Edward's eyebrows raised as the word came out just like any other, but he did not comment and neither did I. We just stored it away in our minds as another step forward, another brick in the road that carried me away from the past and towards the future I could now see so clearly. A future filled with love, happiness, laughter and family.

Edward's fingers curled under my chin again and brought up my face to meet his.

"Yes, love. He'll stay," he replied, before pressing his lips up against mine and holding me to him so tightly that I knew he would never let me go.

* * *

**_Thank you for reading! _**

**_Recommendation: It's only just begun, but it's the piece I bid on for the Fandom Gives Back auction and the first chapter just posted and I'm so excited! So you should stop by and read _****Minuet in F you Major by LightHeartLoreli. These ladies completely own me with their beautiful writing and have even won me over to the idea of Roseward! Go leave them some love. You will get it back from them in spades! :D**


	36. Chapter 36

**_Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Still wish I did!_**

**_A/N: Sooooo... *shuffles feet* I'm so so sorry that it's taken so long to get this chapter out. Real life has pretty much spat in the face of my writing productivity recently and I just haven't been able to dedicate the time to it that I've wanted. I'm going to be moving house pretty soon too, so I'm afraid things may stay a little slow. But I promise I am still working on it when I can. :)_**

**_Thank you and huge hugs as always to my beta KimmyDonn! You rock bb!_**

**_Huge tackle hugs and girly squeals to my pre-reader/other half of my brain, Weezy, who frankly I wouldn't cope without! 45 days bb!_**

**_And tackle smooshes to all my wonderful reviewers. I love each and every one of you for taking the time to tell me what you think and for being so sweet to me. You really do keep me going. :)_**

**_And now on with the show! You'll like this, it's mushy! ;)_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 36**

Lock the doors  
We'll leave the world outside  
All I've got to give to you  
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes when I couldn't see for  
Parting my lips when I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me

_Thank You For Loving Me - Bon Jovi_

**Edward POV**

"Your hair is mine, Swan." Alice swooped down on Bella, grabbing her hand and dragging her out of my arms. In her mind she had consistently been reciting the collected works of Abba, to stop me from seeing Bella's dress or any of her plans for the wedding. The onslaught of _Mamma Mia_ and _I Have A Dream_ had continued right through Benoit's appearance, which frankly was dedication to secrecy that even I didn't know she possessed.

"But..." Bella protested weakly, her eyes holding mine with a pleading expression as she was pulled towards the stairs.

"Sorry, baby," I said apologetically. "Not even _I _can stop Alice when she's in hair cut mode."

Alice stomped her feet petulantly with her hands on her hips, as her eyes flashed dangerously between Bella and I.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Bella. But either way I'm cutting that hair. The sooner you let me do it, the sooner you two can go back to being sickeningly cute again."

Bella rolled her eyes and huffed, before turning on her heel and stomping upstairs. She was followed by a triumphant Alice, who was now internally singing _The Name of the Game_ - probably the Abba song I liked the least.

"Alice," I said, just as she reached the top of the stairs. She twirled on the spot to face me with a smug look on her face.

"Enough Abba, _please_. Anything else, just no more Swedish pop songs."

"Sure," she acquiesed easily, before stalking away again, now reciting British war poetry in her head. I caught the opening lines of _Dulce et Decorum Est _before I tuned out and meandered outside for some peace.

I pulled up short when I saw Benoit sitting on the porch steps, staring out at the forest with his face scrunched up in thought. He looked up at me when he sensed me watching him and smiled, gesturing for me to join him.

I sat beside him and turned to him, waiting for him to speak. I was aware that his English was somewhat limited and my French was fluent, so I opened the conversation, speaking in his native language.

"I haven't had the chance yet to thank you for what you did for Bella; I know that she wants to thank you too. The kindness you showed her, when she was more frightened than she's ever been, meant the world to her, to me."

He smiled at me, and I could understand how his presence had given Bella comfort. In spite of his crimson eyes, his face was soft and kind; there was no malice or cruelty there.

"Isabella did nothing to deserve what that man, Jack, did to her. I drink from humans to survive, but not to frighten and torture. Anybody could see how afraid she was. That was not acceptable to me."

I liked this man. It was frustrating to me that I couldn't see inside his mind, to make sure that he was genuine, so I had to trust my instincts. They told me that there was no lie there when he looked me in the eye and said those words.

I sat chatting with Benoit for about an hour while Bella had her hair cut. He seemed very interested in our way of life, so much so that I held out some hope that he could be convinced to give it a try. Being around Bella when she was injured and vulnerable, and not drinking from her had revealed him to have an extraordinary amount of self control. It would have been easy for him to have just killed her, but instead he had helped her. He had risked himself in order to help her.

"Edward?" Bella's soft voice carried to me from the porch where she was standing, having been released by Alice. I turned and smiled at her. The grin that she returned lit up her face, as she started towards where we were sat. Alice had taken several inches off her hair so it hung down just below her shoulders in soft ringlets, with a strand from each side pulled back and clipped behind her ear to keep it off her face, which was flushed with happiness.

She stood beside me, resting her hand on my shoulder and smiling shyly at Benoit, who had stood to greet her. They both stood, eyeing each other shyly for a long moment, the language barrier obviously playing on both their minds.

Eventually Benoit stepped forward, taking Bella's small hands between his gently and smiled at her.

"Isabella," his heavily accented voice whispered softly. "I am glad to see you again, safe." I could see him grasping for the words he needed as he spoke, the language not coming naturally to him. Bella looked from her hands in his, up to his face and I could see the tears playing at her eyes.

"Th-thank you," she returned, and it was evident from his expression that the deeper meaning to her words had not been lost on him. He nodded, patting her hands then pulling back, the language barrier effectively overcome in only a few words.

I sat back down on the step and watched Benoit saunter away, before I pulled Bella into my lap, wrapping my arms around her and planting a soft kiss on her temple.

"You look beautiful, love," I crooned in her ear, earning myself a heart-warming smile. She sighed and snuggled into my chest, her hands gripping my shirt tightly as though somebody was trying to drag her away. I fingered her curls lightly, savouring the sound of her staccato heartbeat and the warmth of her breath on my skin. If it were even possible, she shifted so that she was even closer to me, as though she was trying to climb inside my skin.

Sighing she traced her fingers along the red, threaded pattern in my shirt.

"Alice says I have to say goodbye until the wedding tomorrow. I'm not allowed to stay with you tonight." She was pouting adorably, but there was something in her eyes I didn't like. Fear.

I pulled her tighter into my arms, cradling her head against my chest and felt her shudder slightly against me. Slipping a finger under her chin, I pulled her head up so that she was looking at me.

"Bella, sweetheart, are _you _ok with that? Alice means well, but if you're not comfortable with that you need to say." Images of Bella sleeping assaulted my mind. All the nights she had lain in my arms, thrashing around and whimpering as her demons tortured her while she slept. The thought of leaving her to face that alone tonight horrified me. Her eyes flickered down to her knees and I could feel her shaking in my arms, but she didn't say a word.

"Bella?" I coaxed, softly running my fingers into her hair and tilting her face up to meet mine again. Her eyes stayed angled downwards for a moment, before they finally met mine hesitantly. She blinked a few times but didn't say anything.

"Will you be okay alone tonight?" I pushed, holding her head up so she couldn't hide her face from me again. She nodded hesitantly, then turned it into a shake of the head when she saw the skepticism in my eyes.

"It's stupid, but I feel safer when I'm not alone," she whispered, almost inaudibly as her chin fought against my finger, trying to hide from me again.

"It's not stupid, Bella. What do you think to Esme staying in your bedroom with you tonight?" The corners of her lips turned up in a small smile, and her eyes started to shine with hope again.

"You don't think she'll mind?" I chuckled.

"Turn around, Bella," I twisted around with her still on my lap so that she could see Esme standing in the window, beaming and nodding enthusiastically.

**Bella POV**

I sat on the bed with my back resting comfortably against the headboard, holding a pillow to my chest and fingering the silky material. Esme sat quietly on the sofa across from the bed, watching me with an affectionate smile playing at her lips. I smiled back shyly, unsure about sleeping in the room with her. There was no question of my trusting her. I was just aware that I often talked in my sleep, spilling my deepest, darkest thoughts, fears and secrets to anybody who was listening.

I didn't have secrets from Edward, so I wasn't afraid of what would come out as I slept in his arms. But I wasn't sure how much Esme knew, or indeed how much she wanted to know.

I looked at the bed I was sitting on; the deep burgundy sheets stretched out too far. The bed looked too big all of a sudden. Too big for just me.

"Is everything alright, Bella dear?" Esme asked, her tone sweet and loving, the way that it always was. I nodded sadly at her, unconvincing in the extreme.

"May I?" she questioned, gesturing to the spot beside me on the bed and the empty gaping hole where Edward ought to be. I nodded again, smiling a little more convincingly this time and shuffling along a little so that she could sit beside me.

Her hand landed on mine, lifting it from the pillow and taking it from me. She placed it on her legs and gestured for me to lay down. I manouvered myself into position, so that I was lying across the bed, with my head on the pillow and her fingers trailing through my hair.

"I'm getting married tomorrow," I stated quietly, staring up into her butterscotch eyes which seemed to melt with happiness.

"You are," she smiled. "You've been a part of this family for a long time, but I must confess that I cannot wait for you to be officially another of my children. I couldn't ask for a better addition to this family. I'm so happy he found you, Bella dear."

"I'm happy too, this family means everything to me." I yawned, tiredness overcoming me as her soft ministrations on my hair soothed me into relaxation. "Thank you for welcoming me into your lives. I love all of you so much."

"We love you too, more than you know." Her voice was soft as she bent down and placed a motherly kiss on my forehead. "Sleep now, sweetheart. Big day tomorrow." And then she began to sing, so quietly I could just barely hear it, but the gentle song lulled me into a deep, peaceful sleep, free of nightmares.

**Edward POV **

I was on edge all night. Knowing that she was sleeping in another room and I couldn't go to her was making me antsy, and more than once I had to talk myself out of going to check on her. I trusted that Esme would take care of her and I could hear her thoughts as she watched over her, stroking her hair and singing to her through the night. I was glad that at least Bella would still have mother and father figures in her life when she had to say goodbye to her parents. She already had such a strong bond with both Esme and Carlisle, and they had seen her as one of their own for a long time.

I was standing now, at the front of the room that Alice had transformed beyond all recognition during the night. Carlisle was by my side, his hand on my arm calming the nerves I seemed to feel any time I was away from Bella for any period of time.

I cast my eyes around the room, taking in Alice's handiwork in order to steady myself. The walls were all draped with soft, white fabric, and stands holding arrangements of daisies, in stunning colours, all around the room. My suit was a standard black, with a white shirt and blue waistcoat and tie. Carlisle standing beside me as my best man, was wearing the same, and we had matching blue gerber daisies in our button holes.

My Steinway had been pulled into the corner of the room, and Jasper sat behind it, playing soft classical music as our few guests arrived and took their seats.

Bella's mom, Renee, sat at the front, her hand clasped tightly in the larger palm of Bella's step-father, Phil. Intruding on his thoughts, I could tell that he seemed to be a decent guy, and I was glad that Renee would have him to lean on once Bella disappeared from her life. I very much hoped that Charlie could find that support in Billy Black and his other friends from the reservation and at the station.

In rows behind them sat were a large group of Quileutes, including Jacob and his father, and Leah and Seth Clearwater who had visited the previous day. They were all neatly pressed into smart suits, an unusual sight, almost comical really. It was clear that some of them were less comfortable being here than others. Seth sat nonchalantly chatting to Emmett, who had squatted down next to his chair. From what I caught of their conversation they seemed to be talking about all the ways they intended to hurt Jack when the opportunity arose. It made me smile to think that there were so many people out there who wanted to help rid Bella of her monster forever.

Bella. One night apart from her and I was craving her presence like an addict forced to go cold turkey. I could hear her heart beating and the quiet whispered conversations she was having with Alice and Rosalie upstairs, but they were all keeping pretty quiet, knowing that I could hear every word. I smiled proudly when I heard my girl winning an argument with Alice about heel size; not many people won fashion arguments with her.

And then they were coming downstairs. I would swear that my heart began to beat in my chest as I heard Charlie whisper to her that she looked beautiful and she appeared around the doorway. The rest of the room fell away, as I took her in. The strains of Bon Jovi's Thank You For Loving Me rang out on the piano as the earth jumped on its axis. She looked so beautiful that I couldn't have formed words to describe her. She was resplendent in a stunning white dress, with a soft pattern embroidered into it, sparkling as she moved and caught the light. Her hair was hanging loose down her back in soft curls, with the front strands caught up in a clip with daisies twisted all along, matching the bouquet of brightly coloured gerber daisies, which was clutched in her hand where I would be placing my ring so soon.

She was staring intently at her feet, maybe in the hope of keeping her footing. Then slowly her face lifted and her beautiful brown eyes met mine, alight and shining with happiness. Then, as she moved slowly towards me, she trusted my gaze to keep her upright as our eyes remained trained on one another. The moment our hands were entwined nothing was important any more. All that Bella had been through, all she endured, fell away into the past and all that mattered was the future. Our future. Together.

We pledged our lives to one another, saying old, familiar words as Emmett utilised his online ordination to conduct the ceremony. My hand shook as I placed the ring on her finger and a single tear weaved it's way down her cheek when Emmett pronounced us man and wife and gave me permission to kiss my bride.

Cupping her cheek gently with my hand, I gazed into her eyes and moved my face to hers. Our noses touched and our heads tilted as I pressed my lips to her's, feeling her love and passion as her body moved into mine. Our lips were locked, dancing a perfect dance together for a long moment, before her father good-humouredly coughed, reminding us of where we were.

As we pulled apart, she smiled up at me, an intense love burning in her eyes.

"You look beautiful, Mrs Cullen," I whispered, planting a kiss on her nose and revelling in the way her eyes lit up. Then I took her hand and turned to face the small group of guests, who all simultaneously reached for their cameras. Bella smiled radiantly, her hand clutching mine with all her strength as we made our way outside into the area Alice had set up. It was surrounded with more daisies and a canopy covering the area, which was strung all over with fairy lights so that it sparkled brightly. The lights reflected in Bella's wide eyes as she gaped at the area, a large smile lighting up her face as she snuggled into my side.

"Are you ready to dance, Mrs Cullen?" I muttered into her hair, enjoying the happiness that seemed to radiate out of her.

"Say it again," she whispered, turning her wide eyed gaze on me.

"Do you want to dance?" I replied, slightly confused.

"Not that part, silly. Naturally I have no interest in dancing, but Alice said if I wore the lower heeled shoes that I had to. I meant the other part."

I was confused for a moment, not understanding what she was talking about, before it hit me.

"Mrs. Cullen," I laughed out, lifting her into my arms and swinging her around happily. Her light-hearted giggles warmed me to the core. I planted her back on her feet, before pulling her tightly against me, my arms around her waist as she beamed up at me with hope and love lighting up her face.

"I love you, Bella." I smiled down at her, basking in every ounce of her happiness as she wrapped her arms around my waist and lifted her feet on top of mine.

"Remember prom?" she smirked at me, reminding me of dancing with her before this all began.

"I remember everything," I crooned, bending down so my lips were against her ear. I felt her shiver in my arms, a look of wonder on her face.

I hoisted her up more comfortably onto my feet and began to dance to the soft music that was playing in the background. The gentle beat of her heart and her head resting on my chest sent waves of desire coursing through me. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to take all of her, everything she was, but I knew that she very probably wasn't ready for that. Might never be.

Time seemed to disappear as people moved around us. We remained in our little bubble, just us. Bella and me, dancing, lost in the moment with nothing but _now _to worry about.

"Look, Edward," her soft voice broke the magical spell I had been under. I followed her gaze across the floor to where Jacob and Leah were dancing together. Leah looked slightly uncomfortable and Jacob like the cat who got the cream. Her thoughts, however, betrayed her. Although she was still not overjoyed about the idea of being an imprint, she was warming up to Jacob in a natural way. His easy nature and likeability made it hard for her to remain hostile towards him.

I could sense Bella's pleasure at Jacob's obvious joy at having the girl he loved in his arms. The fact that she cared so much for her friend only made me love her more, if that were even possible.

"I reckon those two will be just fine eventually, love," I said to her, feeling her attention shift back to me.

"You think so?"

"Leah will come around. She's already starting to."

"I'm glad," she started, sighing and burrowing her face into my chest. "I want everybody to be as happy as me."

My heart melted at her words; keeping her happy was the single most important goal I had set for the rest of time.

"Hey, dude, stop hogging the bride." Emmett's jovial form loomed beside us as he started to pull at my fingers, disentangling me from Bella. "Brother bear wants a turn." She laughed happily as I passed her over to him, her feet sitting on top of his now.

She danced with everybody during the evening, including her father and mine. I danced with Bella's mother, who told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever hurt her baby girl she would hunt me down and make me sorry I ever laid eyes on her. I laughed and reassured her that if I ever hurt her that she wouldn't need to hurt me because my family would do it for her. She sighed and seemed appeased that her daughter would be taken care of.

I enjoyed the festivities, especially seeing my Bella so happy and content with all the people she loved and cared for. But as time wore on, I couldn't help longing for it to be over so that I could be alone with Bella. The family were making themselves scarce tonight. They would be close enough to the house that if anything were to happen, if Victoria were to suddenly decide to show up, they could be back in moments. But they would be far enough away to give us a night's privacy as a newly married couple.

As people began to leave, I left Bella alone with her parents to say her goodbyes. I knew that wouldn't be easy for her, though her parents had at least made their peace with losing her, and they trusted my family and I to keep her safe.

As she took her time with them, I wandered inside the house, making for the piano where I sat playing random tunes and waited for her. I heard her approach and smiled as she came and sat beside me, resting her head on my shoulder and watching my fingers dance over the keys.

I felt her sigh and relax against me as I began to play her lullaby, the song I wrote for her all those years ago. It struck me that we had come full circle. We had been so young, innocent and carefree when we first sat at this piano together, and yet here we were again. So much water under the bridge that we were almost unrecognisable from the children we were, and yet here we sat, together at my piano as a married couple.

She looked down at the shiny white keys, her fingers running over the smooth, polished surface. Her face was contemplative as her eyes shifted backwards and forwards from her fingers to my face repeatedly.

"What is it Bella?" I questioned, cupping her chin in my hand and lifting her eyes to meet mine. The look I saw there wasn't what I expected. Her eyes were hooded, cloaked in what was unmistakeably lust. There was a long drawn out silence as she gazed at me, as though she was trying to communicate with only her eyes.

I reached out to her, lifting her from the piano stool and into my lap where she snuggled against me, still keeping her eyes fixed on me.

"Edward, I need... I can't be close enough to you... I..." She trailed off, biting her bottom lip between her teeth and averting her gaze down to her fingers which were still running over the piano keys.

"What do you need, Bella?" I coaxed, running my fingers through her hair.

"You."

**Bella POV**

His arms tightened around me minutely as he lifted me into his arms and stood. He carried on humming the melody he had been playing on the piano as he carried me up the stairs and into my bedroom. I kept my eyes trained on his face, watching each line and curve as he smiled down at me and sang.

As we entered the bedroom, he pushed the door shut with his foot, then walked forwards and sat me on the edge of the bed, staring at me intently with a mixture of concern and excitement on his face.

He knelt down in front of me, running his fingers down my cheeks so lightly that I could barely feel them, but for the tingling sensation they left behind.

"Bella, baby, are you sure about this?" His eyes locked with mine, his gaze searching, looking for signs of hesitation on my part.

"I'm sure," I returned in a whisper. I knew what I wanted. What I needed. I needed my _husband, _the man that I loved more than oxygen, to make love to me. To take away the bad, the traumatic and the painful, and replace it with him. All him. I wanted to complete our connection, add the final link in the chain that would seal us as one forever.

Nodding, he rose from his kneeling position and lifted me once more from where I was sitting. He cradled me tenderly in his arms then lay me back onto the pillows, still clad in my beautiful, but rather huge wedding dress.

"You look so beautiful today, Bella," he crooned, in between planting soft kisses on my lips. "You damn near took my breath away, and that's an impressive thing."

I smiled up at him lazily, enjoying his proximity and breathing in his scent as it surrounded me. He was lying beside me on the bed now, his torso leaning over me as he continued to place loving kisses over my face and neck before he started to work his way lower, his hands weaving behind me and working the long zip of the dress down.

When he finally manoeuvred the zip all the way down, he gently lifted me off the bed, pulling the dress away and thrusting it to the floor, which I was certain Alice would make him pay for tomorrow. But in that moment, neither of us had it in us to care. Placing me back on the soft bed, now hopelessly exposed to him, left in only the lacy underwear that Alice had insisted I wear, he continued to kiss me. As he did I reached forward, undoing his buttons and pulling off his blue, silk tie, followed by his shirt.

Then he sat back on his heels between my legs and we took one another in. His chest was perfect, chiselled like a work of art. His muscles rippled and flexed as he stretched above me, his eyes raking up and down my almost naked body.

I lay, under his loving scrutiny, waiting for him to cringe, or to frown when he saw the marks - the scars and bruises that still remained. But instead of frowning, he leaned down with eyes of molten amber trained on my body, and kissed each and every mark, removing the pain the scars represented with each ministration of his lips.

He started around my neck and worked his way down, past my collarbone, paying extra attention to the bruising there before moving lower. I stiffened involuntarily when his fingers started to trace the edges of the cups of my black, lacy bra, unable to control my body's instinctive reaction to being touched so intimately. And then the fingers were gone and his gentle hands were cupping my face once more, his mouth dropping kisses on mine.

"Relax, baby. It's me; it's just me. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you say stop, we stop." His eyes blazed with a burning intensity as he waited for me to respond. I gazed back at him, allowing myself to fall into the deep pools of his eyes, drowning there and not wanting to be rescued. I could feel my body slowly relaxing once more as he ran his hands lovingly down my sides, his touch so soft and gentle that it almost brought tears to my eyes.

I said nothing, instead I weaved my fingers through his auburn locks and pulled him back down to me, slamming my lips against his, needing to feel him against me. I felt myself bathing in his scent, letting it overcome my senses and fill me up with my need for him, taking away all the fear I felt at what we were about to do, and replacing it with desire.

I ran my hands from his hair down the strong curves of his back. His muscles curled and smoothed in a sinuous dance as he once again began to lap and kiss down my body. I kept my eyes fixed on his as his hands moved behind me to undo my bra and then eased the straps down to remove it. I threw every fibre of trust I had in him into my eyes as he looked at me questioningly, seeking my permission before he lowered himself down and closed his lips around my nipple, sending a whirlwind of sensations coursing through me that I had never experienced before.

My back arched off the bed as the ministrations of his tongue made me moan and wriggle in pleasure. Nobody had ever touched me this way before, never made me feel the things I was feeling. To me, sex had been just another cruel form of torture, used against me, to break me further and further each night. But _this. _This was ecstasy. Having the man I loved with all my heart, worship and caress my body was making me ache in places I had only ever ached in pain before.

"Edward," I whispered, as his mouth began to work its way south, his fingers running in soft patterns around my thighs and his tongue lapping at my stomach and around my belly button.

"Yes, baby?" He paused his progress long enough to look up at me, a lustful smile curving his lips.

"I need you," I continued, breathlessly. "Please." He smiled at me, the look in his eyes so full of love that it took my breath away, then leaned back onto his ankles again. He began to remove his belt, one handed, still running the other hand up and down the soft skin on my thigh. I reached forward with nervous, fumbling fingers and took over from him, tugging on his trousers and removing them with his assistance, taking his boxers with them.

He sprang free from the confines of his clothes, already clearly aroused and I blushed at the thought that it was my body that had made him react that way. With one hand caressing my cheek lovingly, the other moved down and played with the lace trim on my underwear, nudging it down slowly, while his piercing eyes watched me carefully for any sign of distress. But there was none to be seen. I wanted this. No. I _needed _this.

I lifted my hips off the bed, allowing him to remove the last barrier that separated us, before he came to rest above me once again. His body weight rested on the hands that framed my face, as he leaned in to kiss me again. His kiss was deep and passionate and not nearly long enough as he pulled back to whisper in my ear.

"Are you sure?" I closed my eyes, smiling.

"Positive."

And then his arms wound around me, holding me to his chest as I felt him between my legs, lining himself up and then pushing into me slowly, gently, filling me up and making me whole; more complete than I had ever been.

"Are you ok, love?" he asked, his lips against my temple as his arms tightened their grip around me. Realising the death grip I had on his shoulders I released him, running my fingers through his hair instead and humming against his chest as my body acclimated to his size inside me.

He kissed my hair and brought his hands up my back, leaving trails of tingling goose flesh in their wake, before they tangled in my hair, cupping the back of my head tenderly and kissing me deeply.

"I love you, Bella," he said, with conviction, before he began to withdraw. Then just as I started to whimper at the loss of him inside me, he thrust back in easily. He repeated this pattern several times, keeping his actions slow and gentle, and constantly looking at me for reassurance that he wasn't hurting me. As he started to pick up the pace somewhat and increased his thrusts my eyes rolled back in my head at the sensations he was making me feel. Love, passion and intimacy met with physical pleasure to give me the greatest feeling of ecstasy I had ever known. My head rested on his shoulder as he kept hitting a spot inside me that made my toes curl and my breath come in short, panting gasps.

"Oh God, Edward," I cried out as his finger came down and found my most sensitive spot, flicking and caressing it and sending me flying into an orbit of pleasure as he pulsed and throbbed inside me.

Both our heads rolled back as we screamed out our climax together, everything in the world lost to us in that moment except for each other and the feelings and sensations we were experiencing together for the first time.

Both of our bodies, drenched in sweat, we collapsed back onto the bed, panting and gasping for breath as we stayed in our tight embrace, not ready to be separated just yet.

I burrowed my head into his neck, holding him to me tightly, never wanting to let him go.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered, snuggling into him just a little more, knowing that he would understand what I meant. That I was thanking him for giving me the most amazing gift in the world, for giving me himself. For taking away all that had happened, all the pain in the past, and replacing it with he and I together, forever.

My fingers played with the ends of his hair as he held me in his arms. The only sounds in the room were our soft breathing and the pattering of a light rain on the window. My head was rested on his chest, our legs still tangled together under the cosy bed covers as my eyes became heavy and I surrendered to sleep in his arms, knowing that he would keep me safe until morning when we would start our lives together as Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

* * *

**_Thank you for reading! _**

**_I haven't read anything in forever I'm afraid, so I have no recommendations for you. I did read The Hunger Games books though, they're AMAZING! _**


	37. Chapter 37

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Sad face. But I do now own a shiny new set of the books, thanks to my awesome friend, Stan (NewMoonaholic). Thank you!**_

_**A/N: Thank you to my beta Kimmydon, who despite being super busy, still managed to get this back to me so fast that my head spun! You're the best, thank you so much! I nominated her in the fandom people awards and you all should go and vote for her when voting opens, because she's awesome!**_

_**Thank you to my amazing friend and pre-reader Weezy, who teaches me new writing skills all the time, and blows my mind with her own amazing stories. Brace yourself, Texas. Bob is coming!**_

_**To everybody who reviews. I know I always say this, but you truly do keep me writing and keep me smiling. Your reviews are better than coke and chocolate, and I can give you no higher compliment than that. :)**_

_**So, on with the show:**_

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 37**

And I'm melting  
In your eyes  
Like my first time  
That I caught fire  
Just stay with me  
Lay with me now.

_I Caught Fire- The Used_

**Bella POV**

For the first time in so long, my dreams were pleasant, not filled with fear and pain, but with love and safety. His scent enveloped me as I slept peacefully, wrapped up in his arms. His head was buried in my hair and he was breathing deeply.

As the morning light streamed through the thin curtains and invaded my sleep, forcing itself into my consciousness, I cracked one eye open and was met with the sight of his perfect face, gazing down at me with a broad smile.

Forcing my protesting eyes open fully, then squinting against the harsh light of dawn, I rolled over in his arms so that my face was pressed up against his bare chest.

"Good morning, beautiful," he crooned, resting his chin on top of my head as I enjoyed the feel of his cool, marble chest against my cheek.

"G'morning," I returned sleepily, snuggling deeper into his embrace, and feeling his arms pulling me tighter into their protective circle.

"And what would Mrs. Cullen like for breakfast this morning?" he asked, the smile evident in his voice without even having to look at his face.

"Mmm... Mr. Cullen," I replied drowsily, keeping a firm clasp around his torso, as though that could stop him from pulling away. He chuckled and kissed my hair, pulling back slightly to look at my face and eliciting a groan from my chest.

"Shall I take that as a 'surprise me' kind of answer?" He laughed, trying to disentangle himself from my protesting fingers.

"No, stay," I moaned disapprovingly, fighting against his freeing hands.

"How am I supposed to get my wife breakfast in bed, if she won't let me out of bed in the first place?" He was laughing again, but I thought I felt the slightest increase in the grip of his arms around me.

"Don't want breakfast," I began, my brain still not functioning quite enough to form a coherent sentence. "Want Edward."

"You have me," he responded, nipping at my nose playfully. "Forever. So two minutes while I get you something to eat for breakfast isn't going to make much difference to you in the long run, is it?"

"Two minutes?" I eyed him sceptically.

"Two minutes," he repeated, a smug grin on his face as he looked at me confidently. I started to loosen my grip on him somewhat, then grabbed for his wristwatch, undoing it and taking it.

"I'll be counting," I threatened, giving him a stern look before releasing him altogether and watching him disappear at dizzying speed.

After one minute and forty nine seconds he reappeared, carrying a tray covered in various breakfast foods and dressed up with a beautiful red rose.

I quirked an eyebrow at his impressive speed, looking between him and the wristwatch. He merely smirked and cited "vampires" as his reasoning, before taking the watch back and depositing the tray on the bed beside me.

I couldn't help the grin that overtook my face when I saw the strawberry pop-tart. It sat on the plate in the middle of the tray, surrounded by much more elegant and nutritious foods. I picked up the warm pastry, shooting Edward a winning smile, and began to nibble at it while watching him lie back down on the bed beside me. He raised his arm and I scooted around so that I was nestled into the comfortable space there.

We both revelled in the comfortable silence as I worked my way through the pop-tart. I followed that with several strawberries and a glass of fruit juice. Then, finally with a last swallow, I declared myself to be entirely full.

"You make a good breakfast for someone who doesn't eat," I joked, prodding his taut stomach with my index finger teasingly. He didn't say anything; he just gazed at me with an odd expression on his face. He looked happy, contented, and yet confused somehow.

I knelt beside him, my fingers tracing the lines of his bare chest, unwilling to lose contact, and quirked an eyebrow at him in question.

"What?" I asked when he didn't speak. His smile grew wider and his hand came up, his fingers running idly across my cheek, cooling the blush, that burned there at his intense scrutiny.

"Just you," he replied, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Me?" I asked, rolling my eyes and draping myself onto the bed, so that my head was resting on his chest. "What did I do?"

"You said 'I do'," he said, awe filling his tone as he continued to caress my cheek happily. "You're my wife. I never thought that this day would come. When you were so sick, and I watched you through those gates every day... I never dreamed that..." He trailed off, as he began to choke on his words.

"I hated those gates," I stated softly.

"I hated them too," he responded, moving his fingers into my hair and brushing it silently down my back.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry I pushed you away, sorry I shut you out. I never once stopped loving you, not ever. I just... I was afraid, afraid of loving you. After everything that happened, I was just scared of getting hurt again. I'm sorry. I should have trusted you, should have known that you would never hurt me-" My rambling was cut off by his cool finger on my lips and his gentle shushing.

"No more, Bella. No more looking back." He lifted two glasses off the tray and handed one to me. "To the future," he announced as he clinked his glass against mine, then grimaced as he drunk to his own toast.

I took the offending glass from him, placing it on the night stand, and pushed the tray onto the floor, before snuggling back under the covers and into his side, enjoying the sensations of his fingers as they ran up and down my side.

We lay that way for the rest of the day, enjoying being alone together and exploring each other's bodies, free from fear and pressure. He was sweet, loving and tender and made me feel like I was the only woman in the world.

Then, as the light began to fade in the sky, I heard the sounds of the family beginning to return, and I giggled in Edward's arms as Emmett's voice boomed up the stairs.

"Oh, baby sister, you better be decent because brother bear is coming up."

Blushing deeply, I buried my face into the crook of Edward's arm and pulled the covers up tighter around me. Within seconds, Emmett's fist connected with the door, and it flew open before either of us had the chance to invite him in.

He stood, framed in the doorway, beaming all over his face as he looked at us, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively at Edward and sending my flaming face to the color of the bed covers.

"Carlisle brought morphine from the hospital," he said, still smirking and looking pointedly at first Edward and then me, as though I ought to understand what he was talking about. I looked up at Edward, who apparently understood what was going on since he was nodding seriously and his arms had tensed around me somewhat.

When he noticed me looking up at him in confusion he leaned down, placing a kiss on my temple and whispering in my ear.

"For the change, love."

_The change?_ I mulled the word over in my mind for a moment before realisation struck and my eyes widened in surprise.

"N-now?" I gaped, slightly taken aback by the suddenness of it all.

In reality, I knew that it was what I wanted; it was all I had wanted for so long, that the idea of it had overtaken the reality in my head. Yet now here they were, ready to give me what I wanted, and suddenly the idea of it was terrifying to me. I could feel the high of my wedding and night with Edward starting to wear off as I thought about the pain that was coming. As long as I'd had to prepare, Emmett's sudden announcement had knocked the wind out of my sails.

Edward's fingers dusting down my cheek grounded me, as I began to feel the beginnings of panic setting in. His index finger looped under my chin, nudging it up so that I was staring into the eyes that soothed me.

"When you're ready, Bella," he said, his eyes burning with intensity as they searched my expression for evidence of the panic, which had started only moments before. "Not before."

I nodded, using his touch and his gaze to steady myself as I fought to remember my reasoning for deliberately putting myself through more pain.

"I'll leave you kids alone," Emmett said softly, shooting me a sympathetic look before leaving and pulling the door closed behind him.

Edward didn't say anything, he just sighed, then pulled me into his arms, enveloping me in their protective circle. His scent invaded my senses, calming my shaking nerves and filling me with a deep sense of peace and the knowledge that I was doing the right thing. His face nuzzled into my hair and he held me tightly to him, his nose nudging my scalp as he inhaled deeply, the scent of my favourite strawberry shampoo making him sigh with pleasure.

"You don't have to do this, Bella," he whispered, after an infinite moment.

"Yes I do," I replied, without a moment's hesitation, pulling myself further into his arms.

I held myself there for the longest of moments, working through my fear in my mind. For the first time in so long, I allowed myself to fall, knowing that he would catch me. I allowed myself to let the fear show, knowing that it wouldn't be interpreted as a sign of weakness, but as a natural response to what was coming.

"Will you stay with me?" I whispered into his chest, feeling his grip on me tighten ever so slightly.

"Every second. I promise I won't leave you."

I breathed in deeply several times, allowing myself to bathe in his scent and bask in his love, before I spoke softly into his chest. "OK. I'm ready."

He didn't say anything for the longest moment, just held me tightly in his arms. Then I felt his fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of my neck, and he tilted my head back so that I was gazing into his butterscotch eyes. He studied my face, his eyes scrutinising my expression for any hint of doubt, any small sign that I wasn't ready. I smiled nervously up at him, letting him see that it was purely that, just nerves that were making me anxious. He could stare into my eyes all night and he would see no hint of doubt or hesitation there.

After a long period of scrutiny, his lips curved upwards into a smile and then dusted against mine softly. My head found itself buried into his chest once more as his arms enclosed me in a desperate embrace.

"Okay," he whispered softly into my hair, then pulled back from me slightly, tilting my chin up with his finger and smiling as he repeated, "okay," more positively this time. Then he took my hand in his and pressed it lightly to his lips before tenderly dressing me, then pulling me downstairs, where the family were all gathered, chatting and watching a movie.

"Bella," Carlisle said, smiling as we entered the room. A small squeal was the only warning I had before a tiny speck of black flashed across my vision and Alice's arms flew around me, almost pushing me to the ground.

"We're sisters, Bella," she giggled happily. "I always knew we would be one day, but _some people_ didn't believe me." She shot Edward an accusing glare as she spoke, but he just laughed, winking at her and pulling me neatly into his side.

"You'd think he'd know better than to bet against you by now, wouldn't you, darlin'?" Jasper came and wound his arms around Alice from behind, stooping down and resting his chin on her shoulder, smiling brightly. "Welcome to the family, little one," he winked at me as I childishly stuck out my tongue at him.

"Edward says I'll be able to kick your ass when I'm first changed," I threatened, trying to look menacing but just earning myself another smile.

"You wouldn't want to do that now would you? We are family after all." He stepped forward and ruffled my hair patronisingly. I reached up and hit him in the arm, then shook my hand in pain while he laughed at me.

"Just wait, Bella," he said, smirking. "A few more days and that might actually work."

I felt a small jolt of fear track through me at his words, which Jasper immediately noticed. His face turned down in a frown, but he didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Edward stiffened beside me, evidently seeing my fear in Jasper's thoughts. He looked down at me with concern once more, but I shot him a look that clearly said '_we're doing this,'_ and he nodded seriously.

* * *

I snuggled into the cool, silky covers of the bed, my head resting on Edward's chest with his arms wrapped around me. I closed my eyes tightly against the needle Carlisle was using to administer the morphine that they hoped would take some of the edge off the pain I was about to experience. I felt the sharp prick of the injection and the cool run of the fluid into my vein as Carlisle did his job as painlessly as possible. It seemed almost ironic that he was being so very careful to cause minimal pain, knowing what was coming next.

I could feel the drugs making their way through my system, relaxing me and numbing the areas of my body which still smarted from Jack's attack. I felt myself going a little drowsy as Edward's face swam before my eyes. His expression looked almost apologetic as he kissed me and told me that he loved me.

And then the fire started.

Like a thousands blazing arrows shooting through my veins, the venom began to spread out from all the places Edward had just bitten me. He had spoken with Carlisle about the best way to go about this, and Carlisle had recommended multiple bites as it apparently sped up the process. The pain was more than intense as it rocketed through my body, rendering me unable to hold in the cries of pain, or to hold myself still, as the agony tore my self-control to pieces.

I tried to keep Edward's face in the forefront of my mind. He was my reason. My reason for living, my reason for getting up in the morning, my reason for _everything._ But as the pain coursed through me my mind blurred, taking the comforting image of his face away from me and leaving me with only the agony and depriving me of the reason why.

"Edward!" I screamed out, when his face had left my mind completely. I felt his cool arms around me, a stark contrast to the burning, and I needed more, more of that beautiful coolness.

There wasn't a single cell in my body which wasn't ablaze, as I squirmed and cried out in his arms. Jasper had been right; this was a million times worse than any pain I had ever experienced before. This was like taking the day that Jack burned my hand, but instead it was my entire body - every single cell. The inferno raged from the ends of my toes to the tips of my hair; each and every millimeter of me was ablaze and there was no relief from it, even with Edward's cool body pressed against mine.

**Edward POV**

Her body convulsed in my arms, her eyes shut tight against the burning pain that wracked her suffering body. I held her to me as tightly as I dared, hoping that the coolness of my skin could offer her some respite from the fire that raged through her veins.

I fought against her thrashing arms that flew around as she sought relief from the pain. Shushing her pointlessly, I ran my cool hands down her body, praying to a God I wasn't even sure I believed in that the three days would go by quickly. Watching her suffer like this, and knowing that she was going through this in order to be with me forever, was slowly breaking my heart. Selfishly I had wanted this; I wanted her to be immortal, strong, less fragile, less vulnerable, but this was torture. Slow, painful torture which now started could not be undone.

I told her over and over how much I loved her, not even sure whether she could hear me, but needing to say it nonetheless. I held her all night, never once relinquishing my grip on her body as she continued to writhe and cry out in agony.

Various members of the family came to check on us during the night. Jasper's presence seemed to be especially soothing to her, as he worked his voodoo on the room to calm her and give her some measure of peace as her body convulsed in pain. He stayed with us for a long while, talking reassuringly to me and pumping positive emotions towards Bella hopefully.

Carlisle dropped in and out repeatedly over the days that followed, checking on Bella's physical condition and re-administering morphine, though it didn't seem that it had much of an effect. Not quite managing to drop her mothering instincts, Esme came in halfway through the second day and forcibly removed her from my arms, telling me to go and get away from her crying for a while and promising to take care of her while I was gone.

I went and sat outside on the porch swing, which was doused in Bella's scent from all the time she had spent there. Emmett joined me after a few moments, sighing and sitting beside me as I listened to Bella's cries from inside the house.

"How you holding up, man?" he questioned, his face creased up in an uncommon expression of concern.

"I promised I wouldn't leave her." It wasn't an answer to his question, but it was what was on my mind.

"She's with Esme. She couldn't be with anybody better right now. She'll take care of her while you take a breather. That can't be easy to watch - you need to give yourself a break."

"Does she get a break?" I came back, fiercely.

"It's only one more day, Edward."

"You don't think that she's been through enough? And now _this _on top of it all." I tugged at my hair savagely, knowing logically that torturing myself over this was pointless and wouldn't do Bella any good, but old habits die hard, as they say.

"She's chosen this, Edward. It's what she wants. She knew it would be painful. She knew what she was walking into, but she walked in willingly because she loves you. You better make yourself worth it, 'cause I swear to God, Edward, if you hurt my baby sister, I will personally tear you from limb to limb. Like I intend to do to that bastard, Jack, just as soon as I get my hands on him."

"I won't hurt her," I said simply, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees with my head resting in my hands.

"See that you don't," he said, before clapping me on the back and sauntering back into the house.

When I returned to the bedroom, Esme had given Bella a cool bath and redressed her in a simple, white cotton nightgown. She was lying on top of the bedcovers with Esme's arms circled around her. Her writhing and crying seemed to have lessened somewhat, and I couldn't help wondering whether Esme's natural calm had caused that.

As though she was reading my thoughts, Esme shifted, lifting Bella off the bed so I could lie down before she placed her gently in my arms.

"I think the cool bath helped her some. She was much more settled in the cold water." I nodded my thanks to her, before turning my attention to the whimpering bundle in my arms.

"Not long now, angel. Not long until it's all over and you can be free of pain forever."

The rest of the time passed by agonisingly slowly, as her poor body suffered it's torment. We continued to hold her, to bathe her in the cool water, which soothed her, and Carlisle even tried reading her favourite books to her in the hope that maybe she could hear him. There was no indication from her that she could, but he persevered anyway, wanting to give her whatever comfort he could.

On the third day, I could sense her body starting to change. Her heart rate slowed dramatically, until it was barely beating and her back arched off the bed. The agony of the final part of the change ripped piercing screams from her parched throat. I held her to me tightly, remembering all too well the torment of those final moments, as the pain receded from the extremities of your body, and all converged painfully on your chest, making a burning ember of your heart and finishing the process.

"Nearly there, Bella," I crooned, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead as she cried. I carried on whispering words of comfort to her and trying to soothe her with soft touches, as her heart beat out it's final, slow rhythm. Then, with its final beat she let out an ear piercing scream, her body almost jumping off the bed, her chest leading, until her body went limp in my arms, her heart now silent and still.

I lay her back on the covers, leaning on my arm beside her and stroking down her cheek with the fingers of my free hand. The change from human to vampire had brought about subtle changes to her body - nothing dramatic, nothing that made her unrecognisable from the Bella I fell in love with. She just looked stronger, more durable somehow. Her body, which had still bordered on too thin and frail, now appeared more rounded, healthier, less breakable. She had always been pale, but now her face was flawlessly white, just the same as the rest of the family.

"Come back to me, Bella," I whispered, cupping her face with my hand and dropping my lips to hers. Pulling back, I saw her eyelids begin to flutter, her long eyelashes tickling against her high cheekbones. Then slowly, hesitantly, her eyes started to open. Blood red, they focused on me for only the tiniest of moments before they squinted shut again, her face scrunching up against her now heightened senses.

I don't know why I was startled by the colour of her eyes; I had known it was coming. But after spending so long enjoying her deep, brown eyes, the bright crimson caught me slightly off guard. As they opened once more, and remained so this time, I smiled at her, watching her carefully as she started to sit up.

Blinking rapidly, she looked around, scanning the room before her ruby eyes lighted on me.

"Edward," she tinkled, looking slightly surprised by the new bell-like tone to her voice. "Am I..?"

"Yes, love. You are." I smiled brightly, then tumbled to the floor as she threw herself at me, not realising her new strength in her enthusiasm. Laughing, I hugged her back, enjoying putting all my strength into it for the first time ever. "How do you feel, baby?"

"I...um... A little bit overwhelmed. Everything is so _big_, so bright. Has there always been so many colours? I can see everything_; _I can hear _everything. _How do you stand it?" Her hands flew up to cover her ears and her eyes closed tightly again as she buried her face in my chest. Then, scrunching her face up in confusion she looked up at me, her hands running softly down my chest. "You don't feel different to me now. Not like stone. Just... normal."

"That's because we're the same now; you're not so breakable any more." She nodded slowly, then a small smile started to creep onto her face.

"I'm married to you, and now I get to keep you forever." Her smile could have lit up the heavens, it was so bright. She threw her arms around my neck and pressed her lips up against mine in a desperate, passionate kiss, and for the first time ever I did not hold back. I threw every ounce of myself into the kiss and felt her do the same. Her fingers threaded into my hair, tugging lightly on the strands as our lips moved together in perfect harmony. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, tangling with mine as she pulled me closer to her, using my hair. No longer hindered by her need for oxygen, we stayed locked in this embrace for an infinite amount of time, allowing ourselves to truly let go and feel.

Breaking apart, I could still feel her smile as she rested her forehead against mine, her fingers still tangled in my hair.

"I love you, Edward. Thank you for doing this for me," she whispered, stroking my scalp with her fingers.

"I love you too, sweetheart. Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" Her face scrunched up in confusion.

"Immortality."

* * *

_**If you fancy something a bit different and like Emmett, I highly recommend that you go and check out Subway Strangers by Miztrezboo. I started reading it the other day, and didn't stop until I was caught up!**_

_**See you all soon xx**_


	38. Chapter 38

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. However, I do own almost every piece of Houston merchandise available in Texas :D_**

**_A/N: Thank you to my beta Kimmydonn who got this chapter back to me about an hour after I sent it. She is amazing and I adore her!_**

**_Thank you and tackle smooshes to my girls Weezy and Stan (a.k.a Nostalgicmiss and Newmoonholic) for being the most amazing people, who I finally got to meet last week. Which brings me on to the excuse of the day. I'm so sorry, I know it's been forever since I updated, but with moving house and then going on holiday to the States, I really just didn't have time. I promise to try and get back on track now I'm home though. :)_**

**_So on with the show. I've re-posted the last few lines from the previous chapter for you since it's been so long since I last updated. _**

* * *

_"I love you, Edward. Thank you for doing this for me," she whispered, stroking my scalp with her fingers._

_"I love you too, sweetheart. Are you ready?"_

_"Ready for what?" Her face scrunched up in confusion._

_"Immortality._

**Empty**

**Chapter 38**

Should I resurrect this hope?  
Would it Find a Home?  
Or Just Leave me Alone?  
Now I struggle to Believe  
I'm Capable  
Of Waking up these Dreams

_Melectric - Ramona Falls  
_

**Bella POV**

Everything was _so _bright. Opening my eyes was like waking up to a thousand watt bulb being shone directly into my pupils, and I squeezed them tightly shut again. It was only the cool touch of Edward's hand against my skin and the soft velvet of his voice that could tempt me to open them to that blazing inferno again. Blinking, I tried to adapt to the brightness of the light and the vividness of the colours in the room. It was as though the rainbow had taken on a whole new spectrum of colours during my change. Nameless hues danced in my vision, brilliant and strong. What _were _these colours?

Dust motes flurried and danced in the air around me, flamboyant and carefree, as though they had always been there. I suppose, in reality, they had been, but to me it was all new - the light, the colours and the sounds. Every small noise resonated loudly in my ears. The footsteps in the house, the hum of the television, which was left on standby, even the sounds of the forest beyond the closed windows. Each sound was clear and crisp, as though it were part of an epic symphony.

Edward's sweet words grounded me as I fought to adapt myself to this brand new spectrum of colours and the booming sounds, which would once have been too quiet for me to hear.

I swallowed several times, trying to clear the burn there. It felt more severe than the usual early morning sore throat, pre-coffee, but it was to no avail. I grimaced slightly at the thought of what I would have to do in order to ease it, but felt no great desperation to go out and drain the population of Forks dry, the way that Jasper had led me to believe I would.

Was I ready for immortality?

"Yes," I replied, tentatively taking his hand in mine and following as he pulled me towards the door.

Standing in the hallway like sentries were Emmett and Jasper, both with serious looks plastered on their faces. The sight of my goofy and playful big bear of a brother with such a serious expression sent me into fits of giggles, which I was helpless to control.

"Why so serious, boys?" I asked, when I had got my hysterics under control.

"We have a newborn in the house. We're kinda waiting for you to go lunging for something with a pulse," Emmett replied honestly, looking slightly bemused by my reaction to him.

There was no denying the burning sensation in the back of my throat, but if I was being honest with myself, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Part of me had been expecting to wake up and immediately lunge, completely out of control, for the nearest source of blood. But in reality, I was finding the thirst quite manageable. Of course, I hadn't been faced with the scent of blood yet; that would be the real test.

"I'll try to control myself, brother bear," I teased, winking at him and patting him on the cheek.

"Bella." Edward's soft voice accompanied his hand, closing around mine once more as he pulled me to him, his arm snaking around my waist. "These guys are going to come with us for your first hunt." His eyes looked into mine warily, and I could see in my peripheral vision that both Emmett and Jasper were watching on tensely.

"Um, okay, I guess... Why?" I asked, surprised that Edward didn't want to go alone. His eyes widened momentarily, before he looked down at his feet, mumbling in a low voice I wouldn't have been able to hear three days ago but now was as clear as a bell.

"Because you're stronger than me at the moment." He scuffed his shoes sullenly against Esme's shag-pile carpet, like a school boy being chastised. The sound, which would once have been almost silent to my ears, was practically deafening now, and I placed my hand on his thigh to make him stop. But I couldn't help the burst of laughter that bubbled up in my chest at his pathetic admission.

"Is little Mr. Cullen afraid of his big, bad wifey?" I teased, standing on my tiptoes to pat him on the head in mocking patronisation. He swatted my hand away then pulled me into him, my back against his chest. Wrapping his arms around me and holding me there tightly, he nodded to Emmett and Jasper, who moved forwards with mischievous looks on their faces.

"Individually, we may be weak," Jasper said, smirking as he started to wriggle his fingers threateningly.

"But united, we are strong," Emmett guffawed as he started to tickle me as I writhed and squirmed in Edward's arms.

"Stop, stop! You can come. Fine!" I gasped out, half-heartedly prying at Edward's vice-like fingers, as my big brothers tormented me. They stopped the torture at my verbal white flag, both of them pulling back and smirking at me. So this was how it was going to be now that I was one of them.

"Umm, Bella, not that you don't look stunning or anything, but are you going to go hunting in a nightdress?" Emmett gestured to my attire. Looking down, I realised that at some point during the three days of hellish torture, somebody had taken the time to change me. A soft cotton night dress, which fell to just below my knees, replaced the jeans and t-shirt I had been wearing when the morphine had been administered.

"Esme," Edward whispered in my ear, bringing a smile to my lips at the thought of my surrogate mother, now turned mother-in-law.

"Where is everybody? Can I see them? It feels like a lifetime since I last saw them." Identical frowns covered the faces of Edward, Emmett and Jasper as they looked at me with some confusion. "What?" I asked, confused as to why me wanting to see my family would surprise them.

"Bella, don't you want to go hunting? You must be thirsty," Jasper asked curiously.

"Yeah, sure, I guess, but can't I see the others first? I've missed them." The frowns were replaced by incredulous looks.

"You're not thirsty?" Edward's face loomed suddenly in front of mine, his eyes wide with interest.

"I guess so. I'm not desperate or anything. There is a slight burn there though, I suppose," I replied, seeing Jasper's frown deepen.

They all stood gaping at me for what seemed like forever until Edward once more took my hand in his and started pulling me towards the stairs. I could almost feel Emmett and Jasper's bemused stares boring into my back as they followed us down to the living room, where Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Alice were all sat, looking up at us expectantly.

"Bella!" Alice hopped up from where she was sat next to Rosalie on the couch, bottles of coloured nail polish scattered around them. Astonishingly I could see each movement of her body as she shot towards me at full pace and threw her arms around me. I could feel every ounce of her strength behind the embrace and rejoiced that my family no longer had to treat me like a porcelain doll. I was truly one of them now.

Eventually she pulled back from me, keeping her hands on my shoulders and studying my face carefully. Under normal circumstances, I would have blushed under that kind of scrutiny, and I had started making a move as if to hide my face before it occurred to me that I couldn't blush any more.

One of her hands left my shoulder and her finger came up to my right temple, brushing lightly against my hairline as a small smile lit up her face.

"The scar is gone," she whispered, continuing to run her finger in circles around that same spot.

"What scar?" I asked, suddenly feeling stupid for not ever knowing there had been one there.

"All of them, I imagine," Edward chimed in, pulling me back against his chest and wrapping his arms around me comfortably. His chin rested on top of my head.

I hadn't even considered that the transformation from human to vampire would remove my old scars from my body. I smiled at the thought that all the marks _he _had left on me were now gone, no trace of him remaining anywhere on my person.

"Bella, dear, you look wonderful," Esme sung, pulling me from Edward's arms and into her own. Her motherly embrace never failed to be comforting to me, even when I wasn't in need of solace.

"Thank you for reading to me," I said softly, turning to face Carlisle who beamed brightly.

"You heard?"

"I did! _Pride and Prejudice_, one of my favourites." If I was honest with him, the story didn't really get through to me in amongst all the shrieking and pain. But I could recall his soft voice caressing the words of Jane Austen for my benefit, and the fact that he had bothered was beyond sweet, in my mind.

"Welcome back, Bella," Rosalie spoke next, also pulling me into a hug. I still hadn't quite got used to her wanting me around and hadn't spent much time with her since the day she spoke to me in her bedroom. Yet she was always there in the background, giving me knowing looks when I faltered, and just the fact that she had some understanding of where I was coming from, made me feel closer to her. I squeezed her a little tighter in gratitude for her silent support, then pulled back and looked around at my family.

Looking at them through new eyes, I could see that my human sight had never done justice to their beauty. They weren't just beautiful, they were exquisite. So much so that I wondered how any of them could ever bear to look at me or why Edward constantly insisted on calling me beautiful when he had this to come home to.

I suddenly felt horribly self-conscious and realised that I hadn't even seen myself since I had 'woken up'.

"Alice, could we... I mean... I need some help." Alice looked confused for a moment before her eyes went blank and then she was squealing and clapping her hands together in delight. She grabbed my hand and was about to drag me upstairs when Edward growled at her and clung onto my other hand.

"Oh, unclench, Edward or that coal will turn to diamond. We won't be long and then you can go on your precious hunt. Bella is fine; if she was going to have a problem, I would see it." She tapped her head with her pointer finger, rolled her eyes, and then pulled me away from him sighing.

Upstairs, she danced around my closet, refusing me access to the mirror on the back of the closet door until I was - in her words - 'finished'. She kept bobbing her head out with hangers of clothes in her hand, looking me up and down for a moment with a studying expression on her face, then flouncing back in and rummaging some more. Evidently she was having a hard time.

"Alice, I'm not going to a ball - I'm going hunting. Let's face it, with my co-ordination issues, the likelihood of the outfit you pick out being fit for use again is somewhat limited." Her face appeared once again at the doorway, eyes rolling and head shaking, then she huffed without offering a response and disappeared back into the clothing world's answer to the Black Hole of Calcutta.

Finally, after an indescribably long time, she emerged with clothes draped over her arm and a triumphant smile decorating her face. Gaping in horror at what I thought I saw hanging over her arm, I backed away.

"Alice, is that a dress?" Her smile brightened, sadly proving me to be correct. "Alice, you're my sister and I love you dearly, but I am _not_ going hunting in a dress."

She just rolled her eyes at me then patronisingly patted me on the head.

"Silly Bella. This is for afterwards. These," she held up a pair of ratty old jeans and an old AC/DC t-shirt of my dad's with an expression of disgust, "are for hunting."

I let the air whoosh out of my lungs in sarcastic relief that she didn't expect me to traipse around the forest and mountains in a dress, which would undoubtedly have been coupled with heels.

"Please, Alice. Can I see?" I implored her to allow me access to the mirror, desperately wanting to see how my transformation had changed my body. The loss of my old scars was an obvious bonus, but I wanted to be beautiful, just like the rest of my family.

"In a nightdress?" Alice's incredulous face was enough to have me doubled over with laughter.

"It's the night dress or the jeans... The choice is yours," I teased, knowing that she would a thousand times rather I looked in the white nightdress, which was actually quite pretty, than the tatty old clothes, which would probably find their way into the trash before the end of the day.

"Fine!" she huffed, and flung open the closet door, curling her fingers to me in permission.

I approached the mirror somewhat hesitantly, afraid of what I would see. What if I hadn't changed at all? What if I was still boring, plain Bella? What if I had to spend the rest of eternity with my bronze God, looking like some urchin he picked up on the streets on his way home?

Eventually I found myself beside the mirror, my eyes firmly trained on Alice, unwilling to face the reflection that showed how I was destined to spend the rest of eternity. I could see the light reflecting off the glass and onto Alice's face and body in small patterns, which held so many more colours than I could ever have imagined before. Maybe one day I would get used to this new way of seeing.

My sharp ears detected the sound of somebody coming up the stairs and then hesitating outside my bedroom door.

"Edward, I know you're out there. We're married; I think it's okay for you to come in." His face appeared around the door looking slightly sheepish, then turning up into his trademark crooked grin.

"I wanted to see your face, when you look."

"Yeah... I'm working up to that," I said, still avoiding looking towards the mirror at all costs. Edward frowned when he saw my reluctance and came over to me, standing behind me with his hands running up and down my arms, which were now blessedly free of bruising.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked, his lips ghosting against my ear enticingly as his fingers left trails of fire down my skin. I said nothing, but leaned my head back against his chest, my eyes tightly closed. He spun me in his arms so that I was facing him, then cupped my face in his hands.

"Look at me, Bella," he whispered, while his hands on my face sent shivering sparks shooting through me. Not only were my other senses heightened, but apparently my sense of touch had been magnified by a million, and now, each place where his skin met mine burned with a fiery intensity I had never experienced before.

I kept my eyes stubbornly closed, determined to imagine how I looked now, rather than being forced to see what was bound to be a disappointing truth. My whole body quivered with need as his lips pressed softly against each of my eyelids, before coming to rest on my forehead where he planted a kiss before whispering, "Open your eyes, Bella."

"That's not fair, Cullen," I accused, as his hands drifted from my face and down my sides, his touch light and teasing, coaxing me to do as he said.

"All's fair in love and war," he started, nipping my nose before he started planting kisses down my neck. "And this, Mrs. Cullen," he continued, as he started moving down my throat, "is most definitely love."

"Euww, gross!" I had almost forgotten Alice's presence in the room, and it seemed that so had Edward. "I'll leave you love-birds alone, shall I?" She glared at us both, trying and failing to keep a straight face, before stomping off and pulling the door closed behind her.

"Thank you, Alice," I called after her, knowing that she would hear, and receiving a hollered, welcome," from her in response.

"Now then, Mrs. Cullen. Where were we?" I leaned into his chest, my eyes still firmly shut, and breathed in his scent deeply, enjoying how it was so much more potent than ever before.

"I believe you were doing that dazzling thing, but it's fine by me if you wanted to stop."

"Oh?" he asked, with a smirk in his voice as he started nibbling at my neck again. Feeling myself starting to go weak at the knee, I tapped on his shoulder with the palm of my hand.

"Edward, aren't we supposed to be doing something?"

"I _am_ doing something," he responded, before reattaching himself to my neck and lapping and nibbling his way down to my chest where he started to pull down the straps of the white cotton night dress. "I'm checking out my wife's new body. So far... I approve."

The soft cotton dropped to the ground, leaving me standing before him completely exposed. His face took on an awed expression as he pulled me up into his arms and carried me over to the bed, where he lay me flat and then crawled up beside me. Gazing at me with adoration in his eyes, he took away all my self-consciousness with his whispered words of love and worship of my body. He adorned every inch of my skin with loving kisses before sealing our love once more. My newer, stronger body screamed in ecstasy as every touch, every caress and every movement as he filled me, sent me flying higher and higher.

I lay in his arms watching him as he ran his fingers over my body with a smug smile on his face.

"What?" I asked, bringing his smirking expression up to meet my eyes.

"Nothing," he responded, looking back down at my body briefly and then meeting my eyes once more. "But it would appear that this body is good to go."

I waited for the usual blush for a moment, before realising that it wasn't going to come. It would never come again. I couldn't help the smirk that appeared on my face, unbidden, at the thought of no more teasing from Emmett over my body's natural response to just about everything.

"Would my wife be ready to see said body yet?" he asked, his nose tickling up and down my stomach as he continued to kiss me lightly all over.

"I...uh... yeah, okay."

He wound his hands around me, pulling me into his chest. Burying his nose into my curls again he inhaled deeply.

"You're perfect, Bella," he whispered into my hair, before lifting me onto my feet and dropping the white night dress back over my arms. "Come on then." He took my hands in his, walking backwards and pulling me with him as he led me to the mirror on the back of the closet door.

"You have to open your eyes, Bella," he chuckled as he shifted behind me and ran his hands up and down my arms soothingly.

"Yeah, eyes... open. I'll get right on that," I muttered. In truth I hadn't even realised they were closed; it was almost like an instinctive response to being in front of the mirror, and I was starting to worry that there was a reason behind it.

"Are you going to let me see those eyes again, or do I have to coerce you some more?"

"As tempting as that sounds, my throat is starting to feel less like sandpaper and more like an inferno. I'm going to need to hunt soon."

"Finally!" he exclaimed, sounding almost relieved. "You better get those eyes open then, hadn't you?" He laughed, tracing his fingers lightly down my temple and along my jaw.

Shivering at the sensations his touch brought out in me, I fluttered my eyes open and found myself face to face with a woman who looked like me, but not quite. It was like I was still there - it was still intrinsically me - but I was different somehow. All the small imperfections I was so used to seeing were gone. The small scars that had once littered my body, both from Jack and from my general clumsiness, were all gone, leaving me with smooth, flawless ivory skin.

I cringed slightly at the sight of my crimson eyes, but I had known they would be that way at first, and would fade to amber with time. Still, there was something more, something I was struggling to put my finger on. I was still definitely me, of that there was no doubt, but I was different, more robust somehow, less fragile. Before I had looked and felt as though one well placed blow could shatter me into a thousand tiny pieces, but now, I looked at my new body and I felt strong, like I could finally take on the world and come away victorious.

Edward's arms snaked around me, pulling me back into his chest as I watched a smile tug at the corners of the mouth of the girl in the mirror.

"See?" he breathed, his mouth almost touching my ear as his chin rested on my shoulder. "You're perfect."

I twisted round in his arms and rested my head against his chest, marvelling at how different his body felt pressed up against mine now that we were the same. The cool, hard feeling was gone. Now it was just like hugging another human. I smiled and snuggled into his arms further, enjoying the way that his scent enveloped me, so much stronger than before. I could feel the gentle movement of his chest as he breathed in and out, not out of necessity, but out of habit. The sound of the air moving through his lungs was as clear to me as the racket Emmett made when he was playing his drums.

He squeezed me to him tightly; the circle of his arms around me felt like the safest place in the world, and I never wanted to leave it. Then, pulling back slightly, he danced kisses across my face before quirking an eyebrow at me in question.

"Are you ready for your first hunt, Mrs. Cullen?"

* * *

**_Recommendation: Go read The Long Way Home by TheHeartOfLife. You will love it and fall head over heels for her Emmett, he's just perfect. I started reading and couldn't stop until I finished! _**

**_Thank you for reading :)_**


	39. Chapter 39

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer does. *Sad face.*_**

**_A/N: I know, I know... I'm sorry. It's been forever since I last updated. I have no excuse other than that I suck on an epic scale. Forgive me? :S_**

**_Thank you to Kimmydonn, my fabulous beta, for her help with this chapter. She's super fast, otherwise you'd have been waiting even longer! _**

**_Snuggles and thank yous to my girls, Weezy and Stan, for their constant support, encouragement and friendship and awesome pre-reading help. I couldn't have got this chapter out without them. Stan even bribed me so thank her! _**

* * *

**Chapter 39**

**Empty**

**Bella POV**

The moment the door opened, a million different colors, smells and sounds assaulted my senses, leaving me reeling for a moment before my brain adapted to the change. Everything was so much _more_ now - louder, stronger, bigger and brighter.

Even with all of this going on in my head, I was aware of the chuckles behind me and the feel of fresh air dancing across the surface of my skin. The air even smelled differently, the pine scent of the trees mixing with the rich odor of the earth as it invited me out to play.

I was flanked on all sides by Edward, Jasper and Emmett, who were apparently there to keep me "under control". I had to admit, I didn't understand what all the fuss was about; I didn't feel especially out of control. In fact, aside from everything being so much sharper than before and the slight burn in my throat, I didn't feel all that different. I don't know what I had been expecting, but this wasn't it.

It occurred to me that even the burn hadn't really bothered me while my eyes lavished the new intricacies of the landscape sprawled out in front of me. I'd expected my attentions to be divided, I'd even been warned about it, but I had expected the thirst to be more commanding, to be always dancing in the shadows waiting to assault me.

Edward was standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders massaging lightly, and Emmett and Jasper stood to either side of me, almost like sentries guarding a dangerous prisoner. We walked down towards the forest, a slightly uncomfortable silence shrouding us as we went. Even Emmett, usually so jovial and light-hearted, was quiet, his eyes flickering back and forth between me and the forest.

I walked on a few more paces before stopping dead in my tracks and crossing my arms petulantly across my chest. The boys all stiffened around me and I felt both Emmett and Jasper's hands close around my arms as they appeared to be sniffing the air around them.

"What the hell, guys?" I almost growled, beyond frustrated at their odd behaviour. "Why so serious? Are you always this much fun when you're hunting?"

They all looked at me incredulously, not releasing their grip on my arms. Edward walked around so that he was facing me and shot both Emmett and Jasper a look, which had them instantly dropping their hands.

"We're just being cautious, Bella," he started, his hand reaching out and caressing my cheek gently. His fingertips were like satin against my skin. "You're kind of... not typical, for a new-born. Most would be rampaging through the forest by now, desperately trying to find the nearest source of blood, preferably human, and yet you don't seem to be all that bothered. I mean, you said you were thirsty, but it's been hours now since you woke up and you're still so... placid. We kind of expected to be holding you back from drinking your way through the population of Forks, and yet here you are, just... Bella. It takes most new vampires at least a year to be able to just walk around like this without feeling the need to seek out blood. It's remarkable really."

I stared at him in confusion for a moment, letting his words sink in. My mind ran through all of the stories and warnings I'd been given by my new family members. The memories were slightly dulled being human, but the message was the same. They thought I was going to attack.

Suddenly the guard of honor made sense.

"So, I'm... different? Odd? A freak?" I questioned, chewing on my lip in an old familiar habit. Pools of emotions gathered in my mind. I was unsure of what to feel at this new revelation. Embarrassed? Proud? Guilty? All of these new thoughts and emotions were swirling up what I should be feeling. "I can't even do vampire right?"

"You're perfect. You just seem to have more control than we expected. That's not bad, Bella." His hands cupped my face delicately as he spoke, his thumb tracing the apple of my cheek lightly in reassurance. He pressed his lips against mine briefly, almost making me weak at the knees, before he pulled away smirking and offered me his hand. "Shall we?"

I nodded and allowed him to tow me along, speeding up until eventually we all broke into a run. Initially I was concerned; running at vampire speeds with my history of clumsiness was a recipe for disaster in my mind. However, as we got faster and faster and I felt my feet falling sure and true each time, I stopped worrying about it and allowed myself to enjoy the sensation of running like the wind through the forest. My feet seemed eager to cooperate with me as we dodged through the trees. Without much thought I found my body ducking and weaving without command. It seemed to know what was required of it before the conscious thought entered my mind.

I had spent so many years wondering what this was like through Edward's eyes, and now I knew. I always wondered how he managed to avoid the low branches as he ran, how he never lost his footing moving so fast, but now it was clear to me. Although I knew that we were moving faster than human eyes could truly follow, to my new eyes it seemed almost as though we were merely jogging. I could see everything that came towards me and dodge it easily. It was almost like, although I was moving faster than I had ever propelled myself before, I was watching it in slow motion. I could see and feel everything around me so clearly, the sights, the sounds and the smells were vivid and fresh. I could hear the sounds of each small animal in the undergrowth; I could smell every tree. Each had it's own unfamiliar scent and my senses revelled in the newness of everything I was experiencing around me.

Edward, Emmett and Jasper kept pace with me and I basked in the freedom of being able to keep up with them without being carried. I could feel the power in my legs to go faster and wanted to test them out, but I didn't want to push forward and have them worry that I was about to ravage the town, chewing my way through it's inhabitants the way that they seemed to think I ought to want to.

Finally, we reached a wide clearing at the edge of the forest. A small stream had broken away from the river and woven its way along the tree-line and through to a small mountain lake, which basked at the opposite end of the large field we stood in. Tiny prisms of light fluttered from the surface of the water and danced around the trees and my escorts, only enhancing their beauty. Colors, so many colors seemed to bask in the light, some suspended in mid-air waiting for discovery.

I grinned a little at the knowledge that I ran all that way and wasn't even out of breath, then turned to the boys waiting for some hint of why we stopped. And then I caught it. Just as I felt three sets of hands close around my arms, holding me securely, the unmistakable scent of blood assaulted my senses, only it wasn't repulsive to me any more - I wanted it. Venom pooled in my mouth, but it wasn't unbearable. In fact, I would compare it to salivating when you looked at something rich in taste and waited for it to explode on your taste buds. It was inviting, and invigorating, but it wasn't the slap in the face I'd been expecting.

Something about the defensive stances of Edward and the boys told me that this wasn't animal blood I was sensing. So I froze, knowing it could all crash down around me at any second.

"Human?" I asked, holding my breath and turning to Edward for confirmation. He nodded shortly and turned to me, pulling me into his arms tightly and holding me there, the embrace more restraining than affectionate. Emmett and Jasper's hands were still tightly around my arms as I looked up into Edward's concerned face.

"It's ok, Bella. We won't let you hurt them."

In the cage of Edward's arms and makeshift manacles from the hands of the others, I took my chances and inhaled deeply. I could feel all three of them tense around me, waiting for me to react, but it was the same reaction I'd had when I'd caught the scent. Tantalizing and delicious, but no desperate need. No desire to fight the cage around me to get to it.

"Umm... Edward, I think I'm fine." Edward looked down at me with scepticism and confusion on his face. "I mean, it smells good and all, but I can handle it. It's not so bad that I want to break away from you and devour it. I'm quite comfortable here," I finished, snuggling deeper into his arms and feeling Emmett and Jasper's eyes boring into me as I did.

He loosened his grip on me ever so slightly, pulling back and lifting my face to meet his. Jasper and Emmett poised themselves as though I was deceiving them and would take off now that Edward was barely restraining me.

"Are you sure, Bella? That's an incredible amount of control for a two hour old new- born."

"I'm positive. Like I said, it smells good, but it's human blood right? I don't want to be a killer, I want to be a vegetarian, like you." His eyes were wide as he stared at me. A look of pride mingled with disbelief covered his face as he cautiously loosened his grip on me, until just his hands rested lightly on my hips.

His eyes were focused intently on mine, searching them for some sign of blood-lust, but apparently he found none as he nodded to Emmett and Jasper, still keeping his eyes trained on mine. Their hands released my arms and I stood, restrained only by Edward's light touch on my hips.

"Jasper?" Edward asked, looking for confirmation.

All eyes in the group moved to Jasper as he concentrated solely on me. His head tipped to the side as though he didn't quite believe what he was seeing.

"She's completely in control. I can feel her thirst, but it's reminiscent of Carlisle's."

"Wow, Bella, that's pretty impressive," Emmett boomed, his face lit up in a goofy grin. I half smiled back at him, while wondering if there was something wrong with me. Maybe I woke up too soon and I wasn't done yet.

"I don't get it," Jasper murmured, his eyes scanning up and down my body intensely as though he expected to find the answer there. I could almost feel the confusion rolling off him, and I couldn't help but note the silence Emmett's voice had created around us. Not even a bird was singing, just the thunder of footsteps in the distance; it wasn't distant at all.

I had to shake my head to bring me back to the task at hand. All of this extra space in my head was making it too easy for my thoughts to sway.

"We'll talk to Carlisle when we get back to the house," Edward said decisively, after a moment's thought. "He'll probably understand."

"Is there something wrong with me?" I questioned softly, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Hell yes!" Emmett exclaimed, catching me off guard as he playfully pulled me up into his arms and spun me around. "Welcome to the freak show. You're going to fit right in!"

"Yeah, thanks, Emmett," I mumbled sullenly, after he placed me back on the ground.

I was annoyed that even in my new life I couldn't be normal. There was a part of me buried deep somewhere that registered that I ought to be happy about this. In theory, this was a good thing. This would mean no crazy first year, no insatiable thirst, which no amount of animal blood could soothe, no irrational temper tantrums where I would risk harm to my family and to my home. And yet, I felt annoyed somehow, different again.

Even the Cullens with "talents" had all been through that first period as newborns, so why did I have to be different?

_Oh, stop being such a brat_, I thought to myself, shaking my head to snap myself out of it. Who was I kidding? I was more different now than I ever had been in my life, what was one more thing to add to the list? At least this would work in my favor; I hadn't been looking forward to the all encompassing blood-lust if I was being honest. I needed to embrace this.

"So what now?" I asked, fighting hard to keep the sullen edge out of my voice.

"Now, baby sister, we go find you a herd of something to ease that burn that you don't seem to actually have." I smacked Emmett in the shoulder and delighted when he actually felt it for a change. I was thankful that in that way I was normal. I wouldn't be breaking my hand whenever Emmett teased me or played a trick on me any more.

"We should move on," Jasper said warily. "Those humans are still around. I don't want to over-test Bella's control just yet."

Jasper gave me another look as though waiting for the ball to drop, but sighed almost inaudibly when nothing came back. Edward turned to me, his face brightened with a winning smile, and took my hand in his.

"You fancy stretching your legs?"

My eyes lit up at the thought of being able to really test my new found agility and speed, without the worry that I would suddenly catch a scent that I would be unable to resist. In that way my new-found weirdness was a blessing of sorts.

Edward took my hand in his, his smile filled with love and pride. And then we ran. Clutching tightly to him, I followed his lead, allowing my legs to push as hard and as fast as they desired. I propelled forwards, enjoying the wind on my face as I cut through the air. The tensing and release of my muscles felt amazing as my strength pushed through my body. Scents and sounds surrounded me as we ran, invading my senses and filling me with a never-ending stream of new and different experiences, making this one of the single most enjoyable moments of my life.

On and on we ran, eventually leaving the forest completely and finding ourselves in the mountains. We ran up steep inclines which would once have inevitably caused me serious if not life-threatening injury, but now I barely even noticed the change in gradient. The only reason I had noticed at all was the different movements my muscles made. It was liberating.

I could sense the change in temperature as the light began to fade slightly as we moved up steadily, higher and higher, but the cold no longer made me uncomfortable, it merely was. I could sense it and that was all.

Eventually we stopped, standing on a small area of flat rock, high in the mountains where humans rarely came as the area was notorious for sightings of bears and mountain lions. I quickly quashed the voice inside of me that told me to be afraid of those things. They would be afraid of me now.

Edward stood before me, my hand still in his, and smiled as I looked to him for some sort of guidance. The fingers of his free hand dusted down my jaw as he whispered, "Close your eyes, Bella."

In the absence of light, my other senses became suddenly even sharper, with sounds and scents I had not previously registered hitting me in turn. I could feel the wind on my skin - it was like silk sheets, slipping and sliding over the exposed skin as it made it's way around me. Water bubbled gently from somewhere far away, rolling over rocks as the current pulled it further down the river. I was even sure I could hear the clouds dancing above me, but that was impossible.

"What do you hear, love?" Edward asked quietly, his fingers disappearing from my face and his hand breaking contact with mine.

"Everything," I replied with a small smile. I listened to the shift of fabric as his arms fell to his sides.

"And what do you smell?" I took a moment to sniff the air, trying to determine where each individual scent was coming from. There were so many that they almost overpowered my mind, but I forced myself to break them down, knowing that my brain could manage that now, if I just trained it to.

"All sorts," I began. "The trees, the plants, the animals... You," I added at the end with a slight smirk. I heard him chuckle beside me, the sound carrying on the breeze along with all the others.

"Do you hear heartbeats?" Yes, faintly on the breeze there were the sounds of multiple heartbeats, heavy and wet as they mingled with the scents of the animals. I nodded, keeping my mind focused on the sounds and scents around me and waiting for him to speak again. He didn't for a long while. I could hear him breathing beside me and I could hear Jasper and Emmett several feet away, though their movements could only have been tiny.

In the absence of any instruction from Edward I began to try separating the things I could sense, picking out each individual scent and trying to put a name to it, and doing the same with the sounds. After a moment, I caught what I guessed he was waiting for. The faint scent of blood on the air. It wasn't as potent as the humans had been in the clearing, but it was definitely blood nonetheless. Pushing my senses out, I tried to match the scent with a heartbeat and found myself bombarded with a multitude of both.

My instincts told me to run, to hunt down the source of blood and devour it, but something held me back and I wasn't quite sure what it was. A force stronger than gravity kept me rooted to the spot as the delicious smelling beasts moved around in the distance.

I sensed him before I heard him as his cool breath fanned across the skin of my neck and his velvet voice whispered in my ear.

"It's okay, Bella. Follow your instincts." At his words the force that had held me in place so strongly suddenly released, like a catch. I started forwards, lithe and strong, with the wind in my hair, in the direction of the animals I could smell. My footfalls were almost silent on the rocky terrain as I got closer, locating a heartbeat and zeroing in on it until I was close enough to attack. I smiled at the thought of the pride I would see in Emmett's face as I brought down a large grizzly bear, sinking my teeth instantly into it's neck and enjoying the cooling nectar as it ran down my throat.

The bear's blood was like honey against the harsh burn and I drank thirstily until I felt the soothing stream dry up, then lay the huge beast down beside me. Looking up, I could see the boys all watching me, identical grins covering their faces. After a moment, Emmett lunged at me, lifting me into his arms and swinging me around while laughing raucously.

"A grizzly on your first hunt, not bad, Bella-Boo," he bellowed as he deposited me back on my feet, where, for a first, I didn't feel unsteady after one of his hugs.

After repeating this process several times, and disappointing Edward when I decided that I preferred the bear to mountain lion, we started to make our way back to the house. I was eager to see Carlisle and see if he could shed any light on the subject of my apparent weirdness. The journey back to the house was a decidedly less tense affair than the journey out. Edward, Jasper and Emmett were a lot more relaxed, joking and teasing all the way. I was in the middle of challenging Emmett to an arm wrestling contest when we found our way back onto the Cullens' land. I grinned childishly, tapping Emmett on the arm and calling out, "Tag, you're it," before hurling myself towards the house and hearing him chasing behind me.

As my hand connected with the door handle, I felt his giant arms encase me and fling me over his shoulder, running back towards the forest we had just run from. I squealed and kicked, giggling as he spun around a few times, trying to disorientate me.

"Put. Me. Down. Emmett McCarty. Right now!" I yelled out between my giggles, banging my fist against his back and hearing him wince at my new stength.

"Sorry, baby sister. No can do," he said, laughing heartily. "You cheated. I demand a re-match."

"Ugh, always so competitive," I teased, slapping him playfully on the arm.

"Ready... GO!" he shouted and began to run.

After a moment, I ran too, amazed that I managed to stay on his heels. We both crashed into the front door at the same time; Edward and Jasper watched on in amusement. Jasper was shaking his head and rolling his eyes at Emmett, and Edward was just smirking.

I knew it was childish, but I was enjoying the freedom to just be, to enjoy spending time with my family and allow myself to be light and carefree. What was coming was coming, but I wouldn't allow it to spoil my first few days as a real member of the Cullen family. Jack and Victoria did not deserve that.

Edward's arms helped to steady my resolve as they snaked around my waist, and he rested his chin on top of my head before speaking.

"Shall we go in and see if Carlisle has any theories?" I nodded enthusiastically in response, and we went inside.

I jumped in surprise when we entered the living room. Sitting on the couch beside Carlisle and Esme was Benoit. He had been out of town at Carlisle's request, in order to hunt. I knew that the Cullens held hopes that he could be convinced to give their way of life a try. After all, he had said that he fed from humans in order to survive, not because he truly wanted to.

They all stood as we entered and Esme stepped forward, wrapping me in a loving hug.

"How did you do, Bella dear?" she asked. Her face held a smile with an edge of concern. The concern soon faded though, when I explained to her what had happened. She looked disbelieving at first and then eventually pride took over and she beamed at me happily.

"That's wonderful," she exclaimed as she pulled me once more into her arms and squeezed tightly. I clung onto her for longer than was strictly necessary, my hands clutching tightly to the back of her soft sweater. Her maternal embrace was just what I needed, and I felt the tension slowly fading from my mind.

"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked cautiously, directing my question at both she and Carlisle. He chuckled and stepped forward.

"No, Bella. I very much doubt that. I imagine that it's simply your special gift. You know that we all bring something of ourselves into this life. It strikes me that self control, when it comes to feeding, could well be something that you brought along with you. Wouldn't you agree?" He winked at me, probably unaware of how much relief his words had brought to me. I could feel the tension leaving my shoulders at the thought that I wasn't broken or incomplete and returned Carlisle and Esme's smiles genuinely.

"So, I'm not... a freak?" I asked, shooting a pointed look at Emmett who just shrugged and tried to look innocent. I managed to suppress the giggle that threatened to bubble in my throat when I saw the strict look that Esme directed at Emmett.

"Emmett McCarty, what have you been saying to the poor girl?" Her tone was almost angry as she stared him down, with the look I knew she reserved for when she wanted to make one of her 'children' squirm. It worked like a charm; Emmett shuffled his feet and wrung his fingers together under her stern gaze. I watched on, amused for a moment, waiting to see what he would say, but in the end, I couldn't suppress the laughter any longer and I let him off the hook, explaining to Esme that he was only teasing. She shot him another look that told him, in no uncertain terms, to knock it off and then turned back to me.

"No, Bella. You're not a freak. You're perfect and we're so proud of you." I smiled shyly at her praise, scuffing my feet on the floor in embarrassment and whispering my thanks.

"Bella," Carlisle said, breaking the slightly awkward silence that had descended. "Benoit has been telling me a little about himself, and he has expressed a desire to be involved when Victoria and... the others come." He hesitated slightly, clearly not wanting to use Jack's name, unsure how I would react. "We want to be sure that you're alright with that. I don't want to push you too hard and neither does he. We know that his presence could upset you, force you to remember painful memories. Nobody wants to force that on you."

I smiled lightly at both Carlisle and Benoit, slightly overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and wanting to put their minds at ease. I stepped forward with a little trepidation, nervous about what I was about to do. I couldn't express how I felt in words - my French was virtually non-existent. So I did what I hoped was the next best thing, what I hoped would set his mind at ease and show him that his presence did not scare me. I looked up into his kind eyes briefly, before wrapping my arms around him in a reassuring hug. He stiffened slightly in surprise for a moment - long enough for me to wonder if I had done the wrong thing - but then his arms closed around me and he rubbed my back gently. It was a brief embrace, but it said all I needed to say without the difficulties of the language barrier.

"Well, I think that's answered that question," Carlisle said, with a laugh in his voice, before he turned and spoke to Benoit in his native language.

Turning to Edward with a smile, I said, "You have to teach me French. I can't always communicate in hugs." He laughed loudly and agreed with a wink. Yeah, French lessons could be fun.

As Edward's arms wrapped around me, and I rested my forehead against his chiseled chest, I began to think about what was coming. Everybody seemed to be confident that with the wolves on our side and Alice able to see when they were coming, that we would win easily. I wanted to believe that was true. I wanted to believe it more than anything because the thought of anybody being lost was too painful to bear.

Thinking of the fight to come reminded me sharply of how useless I would be in a fight against other vampires - vampires who were being trained in combat. Vampires whose sole purpose in this life was to destroy me and my new family. As the images of my family's faces flashed through my mind like a montage, I suppressed a sob at the thought of any one of them being hurt or killed in order to protect me and resolved that I would not be useless on the field of battle. When they came, I would be ready for them, even if I had to spend all my time between now and then learning.

I twisted in Edward's arms to where Jasper was standing, talking quietly to Emmett with a serious expression on his face.

"Jasper?" I said softly, drawing his eyes to me. He smiled and quirked an eyebrow at me, maybe picking up on my emotions.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Will you teach me to fight?"

* * *

**_Recommendation: I've been reading a fic called As Children After Play, by Cris, just recently. If you can cope with bad Charlie and you like angst I cannot recommend this story highly enough. It's excellently written and completely heartbreaking in parts. Give it a try, I think you'll like it. :)_**


	40. Chapter 40

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Sadly. However, I don't care cos my girl, Stan, is coming to see me in August. So Stephenie Meyer can keep her vampires and her werewolves! **_

_**A/N: Huge, whopping great big thank yous and smooshes to my beta, Kimmy, who somehow managed to find a legible chapter in the drivel I sent her. Seriously, this girl is one of the best betas around and I could not be more grateful to her for putting up with me!**_

**_To my girls, Stan and Weezy, for pre-reading, for snuggling, for friendship, laughter and tears, thank you, thank you, thank you. I couldn't do any of this without you and I am so very grateful to you both._**

**_To those of you who review, a special thank you. It means so much to hear what people think and to know you're not going completely off track. Your words mean the world to me, no matter what you say and I love every one of you to pieces. _**

**_I'm dedicating this chapter to my brand new girl, ethan's mom, who has brought a little bit more sunshine into my world just recently. You're awesome and I send snuggles with this chapter! xx_**

* * *

**Empty **

**Chapter 40**

**Jasper's POV**

I could feel the tension rippling off Edward at Bella's request and hesitated to answer her. His jaw was tight and his hands were clutched into fists down at his sides as he tried to get himself under control.

I raised my eyebrow at him, trying to keep my thoughts quiet Somehow, I knew that memories of my fights with Alice or Emmett's with Rosalie, wasn't going to help. He needed to accept that Bella was one of us now. She was stronger than any of us and couldn't be hurt, but I could see why he would struggle. He had seen her hurt too many times. He had watched her slowly fall apart as her body followed suit. He had seen her broken remains that her animal of a roommate left behind. He had sat beside her for days as she lay recovering in the hospital from James' attack. The transition from having to protect her and take care of her, to allowing her to be put in danger, was going to be a tough one for him.

Bella huffed when she saw Edward's posture and the wary looks I was shooting him and turned her back on him, staring me down.

"Well, will you?" she asked again, shooting me a look that clearly told me to ignore Edward's overprotective stance. I wanted to chuckle at her irritation, which rolled off her in waves as I shot Edward one more furtive glance. Watching Edward and Bella adapt to her change was going to be a lot more fun than I'd imagined.

"Sure, Bella, I'll teach you," I said. In my thoughts I was daring Edward to piss her off by contradicting me. He chose the wise path and kept his mouth shut, but it was clear that he was both concerned and annoyed.

"Great," she sung, dancing forwards and throwing her arms around me. She hit me with such force that we both almost tumbled backwards, then shot me an apologetic look before releasing me. She wasn't used to her new strength yet. That would be no problem. With her incredible self-control, I would be able to work with her right away, to teach her how to use her newborn strength to defeat the ones who sought to destroy her. I knew that Edward wasn't keen for her to even be anywhere near the fight - not only because he was ridiculously over-protective, but also because he didn't know how she would react when faced with Jack again. That was an issue we had to consider. But when all was said and done, it had to be Bella's decision, and if she believed that she was strong enough to face him again, then we had to support that.

She smiled brightly at me before looking down at the old clothes she was wearing with a smirk.

"I reckon I'm already dressed for it. How does now work for you?"

"Now is pretty good, darlin'," I replied, before looking round at the rest of the family. "Who wants to blow off some steam?"

"Hell yes!" Emmett jumped up straight away with a goofy grin, followed by Rosalie, who smiled while rolling her eyes at his juvenile enthusiasm for any opportunity to wrestle. Alice linked her arm with mine and looked up at me with a small smile. I pecked her nose affectionately, then looked up to see that the whole family had assembled and was looking to me for guidance.

**Bella POV**

I had never seen Jasper more in his element than when he was helping the family to train for the upcoming fight. I knew that Edward wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of me being involved, but he was doing an amazing job of hiding his discomfort from me. I could see Jasper's hesitation when I asked him to teach me to fight and knew that it came from his read on Edward's emotions. But I would not be excluded from this fight. Wild horses, or werewolves as Edward had once said to me, would not keep me away from the chance to see Jack gone forever. I had regretted a thousand times over my decision to stop Emmett and Jasper from killing Jack when they first found out what he did. This was my chance to put that right. To put it right before he had the chance to hurt anybody else. I would do this. I would do it for Alfie. I would do it for Dana, and I would do it for me. For every time he hurt me, every time he made me feel like less than I was.

Standing a little taller, with my fists clenched by my sides, I listened to every word Jasper said - every word that could help me to destroy the man who had systematically tried to destroy me. As Jasper spoke about how best to kill newborn vampires, I could feel Edward's posture stiffening beside me. Taking his hand in mine, I stroked my fingers across his palm in silent comfort. I wanted to be annoyed that he didn't want me to fight, but if I was honest with myself, I could understand it. A very small part of me wanted to bolt too - wanted to get as far away as possible from any place where Jack would be. But a bigger, much more dominant part, wanted the chance to face him as his equal. There were things I wanted the chance to say to him, things I wanted him to know before he disappeared entirely and my chance was gone.

My ministrations on his hand seemed to relax him a little, until Jasper called me up to attempt to put his words into practice. His fingers were suddenly tight and unyielding around mine as I tried to pull away from him. Twisting back, I stretched up and pressed my lips against his lightly.

"It's Jasper," I whispered. "He's not going to hurt me. Please, let me do this?" I felt his fingers loosen around mine as the slightly tortured look disappeared slowly from his face.

"Thank you," I said with a smile. Then I turned to face Jasper, who was smiling widely at me.

"You ready for this, baby sister?" he taunted, rippling his muscles and trying to look menacing.

"Are you?" I smirked as I tried to give as good as I got, then lunged towards him, keeping his instructions in mind as I did. The teasing was gone as our bodies clashed together and I tried to keep everything in my head at once. It was easier than I had expected. He had stressed that the most important thing was not to let them get their arms around you from behind; they could crush you that way.

"Never turn your back on a newborn," he had said. I fought back images of the newborns doing just that to Jacob and the other wolves. I knew that Jasper had promised to go over all this with them too, and he would do his best to ensure they were as ready as they could be. Killing vampires was what they were built for, after all. Worrying about them was pointless and would likely only get me killed anyway.

Focusing on the present, I countered each of Jasper's movements with one of my own, but I was finding it difficult to gain any advantage with him. His reflexes were so sharp that every time I tried to attack, he would block me. He had said not to go for the easy or obvious kill, but he was making anything else close to impossible. Ducking and weaving around each other, it felt like forever we were locked in our stalemate, neither relenting or giving any ground, until eventually his arms closed around me from behind and his mouth found its way to my neck.

He released me immediately and my shoulders sagged in disappointment at being defeated, until Emmett's arms closed round me and threw me in the air. He guffawed loudly as he caught me and passed me off into Edward's arms.

"Wow, Bella. That was impressive for your first time. Even Edward got beat the first time! Jasper's the best fighter in the family and you kept him going for almost twenty minutes. That's got to be some sort of record."

"Well done, Bella," Jasper said, as he smiled with a slightly amazed look. Edward's hands landed lightly on my hips and he scrutinised me carefully, his eyes scanning my body as though looking for some sort of injury. I tugged on his t-shirt until his eyes met mine.

"Not a mark on me," I teased. "New, improved and more durable Bella, remember?" The corners of his mouth twitched slightly as I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest.

"More durable, maybe," he said, leaning down and nipping playfully at my neck. "But not improved. Never improved. That would be impossible."

"I may vomit," Rosalie huffed, as she walked past us to go spar with Jasper. "And that's not even possible," she finished, turning back towards us and winking at me. I giggled and turned back to Edward, who was looking at me with a serious expression.

"I'll be fine, Edward. Let me do this," I almost pleaded. I knew he wouldn't physically try to stop me from joining the fight, but I wanted his approval nonetheless. His arms tightened around me infinitesimally as his eyes gazed into mine. The deep amber pools seemed to reflect a whole myriad of emotions, which all merged and swirled together to form a confused butterscotch. His hand came up and caressed my cheek softly, his thumb sweeping across the apple of my cheek as the confused swirls fought against one another. His internal struggle was all written so plainly in his expression that it was clear the moment my request won out and he resigned himself to my involvement in the fight. His shoulders slumped and his hand dropped from my face to pull me in tighter to his chest, as his chin fell to rest on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I just..." His voice trailed off as I shushed him, rubbing circles on his back.

"I understand, Edward. Truly, I do. But I _have _to do this. I have to face _him _again to know that I can - to know that I can see him and not fall apart. I have to prove to myself and to him that he has no power over me any more. I can do this. I know I can."

Finally the smile I had been hoping for forced its way onto his face as he tilted my chin upwards with his fingers and whispered, "Yes, you can."

I turned back to watch as Jasper continued to train the family. I took mental notes as he and Emmett demonstrated some of the rookie mistakes that could be made, leading to a defeat on the field. Jasper was calm and commanding; clearly his early life experiences as a vampire had stayed with him. His instructions were clear and concise, and his knowledge appeared to be invaluable, not just to me, but to all the family. I couldn't help but giggle when I saw Alice pretending to swoon when he was giving us instruction, and he winked at her with a suggestive smile. I didn't even want to think about what they would be doing in the semi-privacy of their bedroom later on.

Eventually, as the light was fading from the sky, we began to make our way back to the house from the clearing we had used as a training ground. Tucked under Edward's arm as we sauntered back, I got a mischievous grin as I saw Jasper walking and chatting with Carlisle just up ahead. I planted a quick kiss on Edward's chest before breaking free and running swiftly, jumping on Jasper's back. With my newborn speed I had succeeded in catching him by surprise.

"Never turn your back on a newborn, big brother," I teased, as he spun me off his back with a roll of his eyes and a good-natured smile.

"Yeah, very good, little darlin'." He laughed as he pulled me into his firm grasp and mussed my hair playfully. "But I wasn't really referring to family."

"Newborn." I pointed to myself, giggling, after extricating myself from his arms. He laughed as Edward caught up to me, chuckled and swept me up into his arms.

When we reached the house, Benoit was sitting on the front porch, apparently waiting for us. He had opted out of the training in favour of going hunting, but looking closely at him I noticed that his eyes looked more orange than crimson. Looking up at Edward, I quirked an eyebrow at him in question and he smiled and nodded in response.

"He's giving it a go," he explained. "No promises, but he doesn't like taking human lives. He's considering this as an option." I smiled at the thought of my kind Frenchman becoming a vegetarian; it seemed like the perfect lifestyle for someone with as much compassion as he had. His eyes sparkled with the same kindness I saw in Carlisle's every day, and I could see the friendship they were already developing when Carlisle walked forward and greeted him happily. I couldn't understand a word they were saying, but they both looked pleased as they walked inside, side by side, still talking animatedly.

"Benoit is going to give us information about Victoria's army. As much as he can anyway. The newborns are fighting amongst themselves. He can't be sure that they will still be the same group of people by the time they come here, but he will tell us all he can."

"I'm glad he stayed. He's too good for them," I mused, more to myself than to Edward, but he responded with a smile, before taking my hand and pulling me into the house.

Inside, everybody settled down to watch a movie - some gangster movie that Emmett begged and pleaded with everybody to watch. His puppy dog eyes could be extremely persuasive when he really turned them on.

I didn't really pay attention to the movie anyway. I was curled up comfortably in Edward's arms, as he sat behind me with his chin resting on my shoulder. I could feel his soft breaths fan across the skin on my neck, and fought hard to suppress giggles when he recited some of the lines from the movie in a mocking voice.

I smacked his forearm playfully and saw Emmett smile gratefully at me, before he turned his full attention back to the movie.

Jasper's gentle voice drifted to me after a moment, murmuring softly to Alice.

"What is it, darlin'? What do you see?" Her eyes had taken on that familiar glazed look she got when she was experiencing a vision that she hadn't searched for, and her hands were balled into tight fists on her lap.

It seemed like an eternity, waiting for her to snap back to us, to hear what she saw. Jasper sat beside her, rubbing her back soothingly with one hand, and placing the other over her balled fists, lightly.

When she finally came to, she slumped against him as though she were exhausted and locked her eyes with his.

"They're coming. She keeps changing her mind as to when - she knows I'm watching - but they're coming soon. She's had enough of waiting. She wants her revenge."

* * *

_**Thanks for reading, guys. Sorry for the delay. As usual, I am lame!**_

_**Recommendation: Wrenfield Hall by Wannabe Charlotte. I love this story! It appeals to the classics fan in me. It's kind of a cross between Jane Eyre, Upstairs, Downstairs and Downton Abbey. If you like historical fics, go check it out! :)**_

_**See you next time, loves! xxx**_


	41. Chapter 41

_**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight. Still not as rich as Stephenie Meyer, who does. Still depressed about this! **_

_**A/N: Thank you and get well soon snuggles to my beta, Kimmydonn, who did this for me this morning, even though she's poorly! Get well soon, bb! **_

**_Epic amounts of gratitude to my girls, Nostalgicmiss and Newmoonaholic, for their help with this chapter. Not being of a violent disposition *cough* I struggled somewhat to write this, and their help and guidance has been completely invaluable to me. They're both amazing people and amazingly talented writers. If you haven't read their stories I would strongly recommend that you do. You won't regret it!_**

**_To you, the readers, I won't insult you by apologising for how long this has taken. A combination of real life, writer's block, emoness over the chapter and another story tugging at my brain meant that this has been badly delayed. It's here now though and you hardly want to listen to me waffling on, so here it is. One more chapter left after this. :)_**

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 41**

**Bella POV**

They came through the mist, like ghosts, emerging from the murky shadows, teeth bared and lips curled. Each crimson eye was trained heavily on me, waiting and watching.

After Alice's vision, I had expected a flurry of panic with everybody rushing around and preparing, but instead I was met with an odd sort of resigned calm. We had known for so long that this was coming that the air in the room was thick with a strong sense of relief that it was finally here. There was something almost liberating about knowing that it would all be over soon. For better or worse, the threat of the fight would not be hanging over our heads for much longer.

Jasper had spent a lot of time working out strategies with the wolves and in the end it was decided that we would face the newborn army alone, as a family at first. This would lull Victoria's army into a false sense of security. If Alice's most recent visions were accurate, her troops would outnumber us almost three to one, and when they saw this they would, we hoped, get complacent. Then the wolves would make an entrance, bringing up the rear and picking them off from the back. Jasper and Sam Uley both seemed content with the plan, so that was how we had worked it.

So, there we were, standing in the meadow, which had always held only pleasant memories for me, waiting for the inevitable. I could feel my family standing around me, all poised and ready to respond when the newborns attacked. At one point Jasper and Emmett had discussed the idea of taking the fight to them. Hunting them down, and attacking before they had the chance to come to us. But Carlisle had vetoed that idea. His utter repulsion at the idea of ever taking life did not bow down to the thought of attacking without provocation, and he refused steadfastly to do so.

So we waited, and Alice watched, and when a decision was finally made we were ready.

Now they stood in a line, snarling and staring in the hazy green light of the twilight, as though they were waiting for some signal to attack. I stared at the forest behind them, waiting for the two faces I would recognise to appear. I was looking forward to seeing Jack's face again with a grim sense of determination. I _would not _allow his presence here to stop me from fighting alongside my family.

My hands were clutched into tight fists by my side and I was rolling onto the balls of my feet, just waiting for the fight to start. I just wanted this to be over. Jasper and Emmett were supremely confident that we could beat them. With both the wolves and Benoit joining us to fight, we stood a much better chance of coming out unscathed, but I was still so scared that somebody would be hurt. In reality somebody _would _be hurt. Even if my family and I escaped from the fight unscathed, there would still be casualties. Young lives taken and lost to satisfy Victoria's need for revenge. People with their whole lives ahead of them, plucked from them and forced into a fight that had nothing to do with them.

I felt Edward stiffen beside me just a moment before they appeared. There they were, side by side, walking through the mist as though he was her new mate. They both held perfectly smug smiles as the line of newborns parted to allow them through. Jack's eyes fell on me and he smirked evilly. Snarls erupted from the chests of the men in my family on either side of me, and I could see their hands twitching, desperate to get their hands on him and make him pay.

Victoria looked at each of us in turn, saving Edward for last. When she saw him, her face lit up with a malicious grin, before turning to her troops and nodding.

The moment she made that small gesture, the vampires behind her started forward, advancing on us swiftly and purposefully. We stood and waited, braced for their attack, drawing them away from the relative safety of the edge of the forest and further into the meadow where we, with the help of the wolves, could surround them.

Victoria stood back, with Jack by her side and watched as the others ran forward. She seemed to think she was going to stand and watch as her troops massacred us. Of course, she couldn't know that there was an entire pack of werewolves poised on the outskirts of the forest, moving in slowly behind them, keeping their distance so that their scent was not noticed. When they arrived, Victoria and Jack would be effectively forced into the fight.

The weather seemed to reflect what was happening below; a loud clap of thunder rung out as marble flesh met marble flesh and the fight begun. The air was filled with a loud, metallic squeal as limbs were forced from stone bodies and flung into the fire we had already built to dispose of remains. Emmett and Jasper had moved forward to meet the fastest of the advancing army. Their movements were lightning fast and their aim was true and deadly. Jasper's work was quick and methodical whereas Emmett was more flamboyant, taking a certain amount of pleasure in this dirty work. He even smiled ever so slightly as he tore the arm off of the first newborn to think himself a match for his massive form, and used it as a club to remove his head. Not wanting to be far from their mates, Rosalie and Alice stayed just a few steps behind, finishing off several mangled castoffs from Jasper and Emmett's assault on the front line. Those that made it through our front four were met with the same ferocity and skill, as the rest of the family was engaged.

Each movement was sharp in my new vision, and it was easy to keep up with every punch they threw, every attempt they made to access my limbs or my neck in order to bring me down. Of course, the same was true of them; their reflexes were just as sharp, but they had not had Jasper's knowledge and expertise to guide them, and I found that I could easily hold my own against them. They didn't have my control, so I found my attacks hitting home efficiently. They were bloodthirsty animals acting on instinct because they believed they would be given a reward at the end. For us it was about survival.

I knew that Edward was working his hardest to shield me from the fight, trying to tear the newborns apart before they reached me, but I was very clearly their target, each of them seemed to be determined to fight their way to me. They were obviously acting under orders, but they hadn't factored in the Cullen's experience, or Jasper's training.

Somewhere amongst the fray some of Victoria's newborns began to pull back. I was sure they could see that their numbers were doing them almost no favours. Unfortunately, for them, they were met with the wolves as the pack made their appearance. I gasped momentarily as they came into my field of vision; this was the first time I had seen them in their wolf forms, and they were enormous. They looked more like bears than wolves, and suddenly all my father's warnings about hikers spotting bears in the woods made sense.

The newborn that had engaged me in battle, froze when the wolves caught her eye, turning with wide eyes as they moved forward. I couldn't blame her; they were hard to miss considering how imposing they were. They moved quickly and lethally, immediately getting involved in the fight.

She didn't resume her assault on me, but instead kept her eyes firmly trained on the gigantic beasts who had just joined us and were now tearing newborn after newborn to pieces. I watched her curiously, and as I gazed at her, recognition dawned on me. A face I recognised sat right before me. I had been fighting her and I hadn't even known it.

"Katie?" I whispered, drawing her eyes reluctantly from the wolves to my face. A familiar long, blonde ponytail hung down her back and she looked at me through crazed, crimson eyes. But it was unmistakeably her. She looked confused for a moment, then her eyes widened in recognition, and she took a step back from me.

"Y-you're..." she started, her face awash with utter confusion. I couldn't blame her; the last time she saw me I was lying in a hospital bed, being effectively force fed, and now, here I was, in the most unlikely setting for a reunion.

"I'm so sorry, Katie," I said, heartbroken that that sweet, shy girl from the hospital - the student nurse who had been so nervous to treat me - had been dragged forcibly into this life. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to _be _this. You're too good to fight for _her._"

She eyed me carefully for a long moment, while the fight continued on around us. The air was heavy with the sounds of the battle. Like a thousand car wrecks all happening simultaneously, the metallic screeching rang around, like a death knell for those who fell. It seemed like such a terribly tragic waste of young life, and as I looked at Katie as she eyed me with suspicion, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of hope. Maybe, just maybe, if I could save just her, then this wouldn't seem so tragic in the morning.

She was so tiny, no bigger than Alice; she looked so much like a child, that even though she had come here with the sole purpose of destroying me and my family, I couldn't hold it against her.

I stared at her and watched in confusion as her eyes drifted over my shoulder and fixed there with a look of wonder. Wary at the possibility of a trick, I cautiously followed her gaze to where Benoit was standing, with a newborn in his grasp, staring right back at Katie with a matching expression of awe.

If the timing hadn't been so utterly appalling, I would have found it amusing. They just stood there, gazing at one another in the midst of the carnage that was going on all around us. His crimson-tinged, amber eyes held hers even as he fought, his incredible strength tearing at the newborn in his arms easily.

I turned to Katie, waving my hand in front of her face until she dragged her eyes to mine, blinking a few times before she really focused on me.

"Katie, his name is Benoit. I will introduce you when this is over, but right now we're under attack. Fight for us. Help us and you can stare at him all you like afterwards."

She stared at me for a moment, before shifting her eyes warily between myself, Victoria and Benoit. Then, after a moment of what seemed like tough deliberation, she nodded almost imperceptibly, eyeing Victoria with a look of fear.

"Don't be afraid of her; we'll take care of her. Just help us to win first."

After her brief nod, she turned so that we were standing side by side, and facing those who had, only moments ago, been her allies. Their numbers were substantially depleted now, and still standing on the sidelines, Victoria had at least the decency to look a little perturbed. Things had not gone at all according to her plans, and she and Jack looked decidedly uncomfortable where they stood.

Jasper had ordered the wolves to leave them where they were. They wouldn't run - they knew they would be pursued if they did. But standing where they were, they were forced to watch as their mighty army was taken down, one by one. They were forced to watch as those they sought to destroy were victorious. She had started this fight, and now she had to stick it out to the bitter end.

We would win. I believed that now. With the wolves on our side, the fight was almost easy. As Emmett had joked when the decision was made for us to form an alliance, there were barely enough of them to go around.

Katie and I fought side by side, and even though I still had that twinging gut feeling of remorse, I couldn't stop. It was them or me; it was about survival and this was the only choice I had. My body moved with thought rather than commands and it came easily to me. All of Jasper's lessons rang through my head as I stayed out of the newborns' grasping hands. I couldn't help but hate how easy this was. There was so much death involved and it seemed almost unnecessary considering the two people that orchestrated this still stood on the side lines

As the fighting slowed down, some of the newborns surrendered, and Carlisle and Esme stood guard over a group of about five frightened looking young men and women. All so young and all forced into this life and this fight through no fault of their own. I could see Carlisle's eyes sparkling with compassion as he stood over the cowering newborns.

"It's okay," he said softly, looking at them sadly. "If you surrender, you won't be harmed."

They looked slightly less afraid when he spoke to them so gently. It must have seemed odd to them that a family who had, only moments ago, been fighting ferociously against them, were now treating them with kindness.

It was plain to see though, that Carlisle much preferred his new job of protecting those who had surrendered, to that of fighting and killing. This was much more in his nature.

The residual newborns were now being taken care of by Edward, Emmett, Jasper and Benoit, and the wolves had moved to surround Victoria and Jack, who were still standing defiant.

The wolves now stood in a ring around the two biggest players in my human nightmares, their hackles raised and snarling as their prisoners stood, looking uncomfortable.

The last of Victoria's army, who had refused to surrender, died at the hands of Jasper and Emmett, with a whimper and a high, metallic keening that echoed around the meadow, and then the world fell into an eerie quiet.

The silence hung heavily around us as we stood, bunched together, still defensive despite the fact that only two of the many remained.

I don't know what I expected to see in Jack's eyes when they met mine. He had never shown any remorse before. But a small part of me thought, hoped even, that when this time came, he would show some semblance of humanity, but there was nothing. Just the same old arrogant smirk and the same hungry eyes as he scanned me up and down.

We stood before them, all of us together - a united front. Amber eyes glaring into crimson, until Victoria broke the silence.

"Oh, how sweet," she sneered, looking scornfully towards Benoit and Katie, who were standing shyly side by side, with their hands just barely touching the other's at their sides. "Those two could prove to be just as sickening as you two," she continued, gesticulating towards myself and Edward with a look of unbridled disgust.

"You know, _you_," she spat, pointing a long, perfectly manicured finger, complete with bright red nail polish, towards my chest, "were so much more entertaining to watch when you lived with _him_."

All the breath left my lungs in a rush as her words set in and her smirk in Jack's direction became a blur as I realised that she had been there all along. I knew she hated me, wanted me dead even, but what happened to female solidarity? The thought of standing by and watching, _enjoying_ even, while another woman - _any _other woman - was subjected to the tortures Jack had inflicted on me, was completely incomprehensible to me.

I could feel the air grow thick around me as one by one everybody realised what she was saying. I could almost feel the anger burning off Edward as his hand clutched mine a little tighter and I squeezed it in response and in comfort, reminding him that I was here with him now.

It wasn't Edward, though, who was the problem. Amazingly he managed to keep a grip on his temper - perhaps the comfort I tried to offer held him steady, I wasn't sure- but my still heart leaped in my chest when I saw both Rosalie and Jacob leaping forward, lunging directly for Victoria. Rosalie's expression was one of blind fury as she darted forward just behind Jacob, whose russet coloured wolf form pushed Victoria backwards. Rosalie was a fraction of a second behind him with Emmett and Jasper also charging forward, and I watched as between them, they tore her apart. Defiant to the end, she didn't make a sound in her final moments. Not even so much as a whimper.

Victoria was gone. Forever.

I sighed, leaning back into Edward's chest as his arms wound around me and held me close. I didn't really know what to feel. Having lived in fear of Victoria's attack for so long it had started to feel like normalcy, my brain struggled to comprehend the thought of a world without her. A feeling that was more like disbelief than relief soared through me and I knew that, could my heart still beat, it would have been racing, trying to catch up to reality. Only one of my nightmares was still standing and I could hear and feel a soft growl emitting from Edward's chest as he noticed Jack watching me with a familiar predatory look.

"Looking good, Isabella," he sneered provocatively, causing Edward to loosen his grip on me and start towards him. Restraining him with one hand on his chest, I shook my head at him.

"No, Edward. He's not worth it. He's trying to make you angry and he's trying to make me afraid. Don't give him the satisfaction."

Edward's eyes were aflame when they finally met mine, but I extinguished them with a soft smile and a small kiss on the end of his nose. "He's not worth it," I whispered again, right into his ear.

"Finally grew some guts did you, Isabella?" His voice drawled from behind me. I clenched and unclenched my fists several times, but refused to turn to face him. He didn't deserve to see my discomfort. I refused to show him anything other than my strength today. He would finally see what I had inside - see what he had tried to beat out of me. I would show him that he didn't break me. That despite everything he did to me, he failed to destroy my spirit. I would show him that, far from being afraid of his presence, I was simply disgusted by it, that, in my opinion, he was unworthy to breathe the same air as myself and my family.

I held Edward's eyes with mine, smiling at the love and reassurance that shone from them with a burning intensity. I drew strength from them, so that when Jack demanded to know if I was listening to him, it was without fear that I rounded on him.

He was standing defiantly, flanked by Emmett and Jasper, but his eyes burned into me as I approached him fearlessly. I could see that it was taking every ounce of control that my new brothers possessed, not to tear him to pieces right then and there, but I knew that they were holding back to give me this opportunity to say what I needed to say.

"No, _you _listen to _me,_" I spat at him, almost dizzy at my opportunity to vent at him everything I had wanted to say so often but had been too afraid. His lip curled at me, and he opened his mouth as if to speak, but when Emmett tugged on his hair, forcing his head back sharply, his mouth snapped shut again. His eyes blazed into mine, trying to look menacing and buckle me under the weight of the fear he was so used to instilling into me. But not today. Today I was strong and he was nothing.

"I'm not afraid of you any more," I started, my voice much stronger than I ever believed it could be in his presence. "You can't hurt me. Not now. You're nothing. I have everything I ever wanted, and more. Everything I dreamed of when you were hurting me. All that time you spent trying to break me, and yet I'm still here. I'm happier than I've ever been, and you will die knowing that all you ever did was make me stronger.

"You're pathetic. You took all you wanted from me to make you feel powerful, to make you feel big. You preyed on someone smaller and weaker than you because you're a coward. You had no right to do what you did to me, and yet I don't hate you. I _pity _you, because you will never ever know what it's like to have somebody love you so much that they would die for you. I have a family who cares for me, a husband who would do anything for me, and you have nothing. You _are _nothing and I will never think of you again."

With that, I shot him one last contemptuous glance, before turning on my heel and walking away from him for the last time. I took Edward's hand in mine and walked slowly away, leaving Jack to Jasper and Emmett. It was hardly a surprise that the sounds of his body being destroyed were the most ugly of all.

* * *

_**In the words of my eloquent and awesome pre-reader and friend, Weezy, "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" I hope I did justice to their finale! **_

**_Thank you for reading! xxx_**


	42. Chapter 42

_**Disclaimer: For the last time in this story, I do not own Twilight or any of the characters thereof.**_

_**A/N: Advance warning: Long author's note is long!**_

_**When I think about all the amazing people who have helped me to write this story and put it out there for people to read, it makes me want to cry with happiness. I have met some of the most amazing people in the world through pressing that "submit" button and heard so many stories from brilliant people around the globe.**_

_**Through writing and fan fiction in general, I have made three of the best friends anybody could ever hope for. They are literally the wind beneath my wings (if you'll pardon the expression), and without their constant support and reassurance, this story would never have been finished. Weezy, Stan and Ronnie, you are wholeheartedly the finest people I know and I appreciate you all more than you will ever know!**_

_**To my beta, Kimmydonn, truly one of the finest betas around, thank you so so very much for all your help and guidance with the grammar. I have learned so much from you and am beyond grateful that you gave up your time to help little me out! You all need to go out and buy her book, because yes, she's now a published author! Her novel, Cargon - Honor and Privilege, is available on amazon and she is busy writing a sequel.**_

_**To you guys, the readers... I have been completely overwhelmed with the love you have sent my way. I never thought anybody would want to read my words, but you have proved me wrong time and time again. You've laughed with me, cried with me, yelled at me for those pesky cliffies I just couldn't help myself from including, and you have made my day, my week, sometimes even my year, with your kind words of encouragement. Thank you so much for every review, every tweet, every alert and every PM. I loved every single one and consequently love you all, too.**_

* * *

**Empty**

**Chapter 42**

**The beginning**

**Bella POV**

The moon shone down, bright and full, casting eerie shadows over our gathered party. The sound of the waves and the crackling of the small campfire provided a soothing soundtrack to the happiness of everybody present. I smiled quietly to myself as I took in the radiant faces of my new, extended family. My head was nestled comfortably against Edward's shoulder, enjoying the sensation of his fingers as they raked absent-mindedly through my hair. The sea air blew in gusts around us - a thousand different aromas, all mingling on the edge of my senses to create the familiar scent of First Beach.

It felt strange at first to be on the reservation with my family, but now, four months later, it felt like it had always been this way. After the "epic battle" - as Emmett named it, hoping the title would catch on - the treaty between the Quileutes and my family was all but dissolved and replaced instead, with a deep friendship that could only come from fighting together, side by side, against a common enemy.

We sat now in a small cove on the beach around the fire, reminiscing and just enjoying each other's company. Emmett and Seth were having a competition to see who could throw pieces of driftwood the furthest into the water while Rosalie watched on, rolling her eyes affectionately.

"Such a child," she huffed, her twinkling eyes belying her disdainful tone.

Through the moonlight, I took advantage of my newer, sharper eyesight, watching the two figures who were strolling down the beach, barefoot, with their feet getting soaked each time a wave curled over them. I wondered if they even noticed the water - they were so wrapped up in one another. Their hands were clasped lightly as they walked, and every so often they would stop, and he would face her, gazing at her as though he couldn't quite believe that she was real. His fingers kept drifting to her face, smoothing the loose, blonde tendrils of her hair that flew around in the breeze, behind her ears and kissing her delicately on the lips.

It made my heart swell to see Benoit and Katie so happy together. He was gentle and kind, and she was quiet and shy, but together they just clicked. From the moment their eyes had locked on that battle field, they had barely seen anything or anyone else.

I sighed watching them, happy that the man who risked his life to save mine, even when I was a stranger to him, had found the other half of his heart.

"What do you think, Bella?" My eyes darted from the private moment I was intruding on and flashed instead to Edward's face, which was watching me with amusement.

"Uh, sorry?" I asked, embarrassed at being caught out spying on Benoit and Katie and not paying attention to the conversation around me. Edward smirked and winked at me, resting his arm over my shoulders and pulling me into his side. He landed a light kiss on my temple before explaining.

"How do you feel about extreme sports?" he asked, grinning widely with an eyebrow quirked at me. Looking around, I could see everybody's eyes on me; apparently they were all paying attention to the conversation, while my mind was elsewhere. Carlisle had laughed endlessly at me, teasing that I was the only vampire he knew with the attention span of a gnat with ADHD.

"Umm... I'm sort of indifferent to them," I replied, still utterly confused and more than a little annoyed at all the laughing faces around me. "And you can shut up, Jacob Black," I added, shooting him my best death glare, which would have been effective if I'd been able to hold it instead of dropping into a wide grin.

"You break my heart, Swan," he retorted, trying and failing to look miserable.

Sitting beside him, Leah rolled her eyes and smacked him playfully around the head, before turning to me with a small, shy smile.

"They're talking about cliff diving, Bella. Since nobody here can be bothered to tell you."

"Cliff diving," I repeated, with wide eyes. "I'm not sure I even want to know what that entails."

"Diving off a cliff, baby sister," Jasper said with a chuckle, winking at me.

"Yes, thank you, Jasper. You can now consider the obvious stated. But why? Why would you want to dive off a cliff? I assure you, big brother, whoever she is, she's not worth it." He threw his head back and laughed heartily at me.

"It's recreational, Bella. For fun." I stared at him incredulously, searching for the joke in his eyes, but found none.

"You're serious," I stated, rather than asked. "You want to jump off a cliff, for fun?" My tone of voice left him in no doubt that I thought that he was completely insane, but he simply shrugged and nodded, smiling.

"Yes, and you're coming too."

"Nuh uh, no way. If you want to prove the insanity I've known about for months to the rest of the world, go ahead, but leave me out of it. I'm keeping my feet firmly on solid ground," I barked petulantly, with my arms crossed over my chest.

"I'm not interested either," Rosalie piped up, shooting me a smile of solidarity. "But I'll happily push _you _off," she finished, winking at Emmett who had sauntered over after hearing the conversation turn to his liking. He jerked back dramatically with his hands covering his heart, feigning hurt, but his huge, goofy grin sold him out.

"That's cold, baby," he whined, pouting and gazing at her with wide eyes.

"So is that water," she retorted with a smirk.

"And this affects you how?"

Rosalie didn't reply, but instead punched Emmett in the arm, hard enough for him to rub it and pout.

Shivers tingled along my spine, a sensation I was delighted wasn't lost with my human life, as Edward nuzzled his nose into my neck, his soft breath fanning across my skin. It still surprised me when his touch no longer sent my heart leaping through my chest, but I was gradually getting used to it.

"You won't be hurt, you know, baby," he whispered, his lips right beside my ear. Periodically he still had to remind me about my new inability to be wounded or maimed. I had spent so many years trying, unsuccessfully, to avoid injuries, that being reckless and doing things that would have once put me in the ICU was not yet natural to me. But it was becoming more so as time went on.

"I know, but..." I trailed off, not able to find a reasonable explanation for not wanting to hurl myself off a cliff into the swollen waters of the Pacific Ocean in the middle of the night. It was an interesting predicament to find myself in.

"But?" Edward questioned with a smirk, knowing that I had nothing.

"But... I... It's insane," I finally spluttered out lamely. "Who does that?"

My incredulous question was met by loud laughter from Jacob and the other assembled Quileutes.

"We do it all the time, Bella," Jacob started with a grin. "And we don't even have the benefit of being made of stone." I scowled at him and he laughed harder. "I haven't died yet."

"It could be arranged," I threw back at him with a grin.

"What do you say?" Edward whispered temptingly, knowing perfectly well that he was cracking me.

I stared into his eyes, hoping to use my glare to convince him that the plan was utter madness, but instead I was met with a fierce excitement that I knew I could never deny, no matter how hard I tried.

"Ugh, fine!" I finally conceded, feeling Edward's arm squeeze my shoulder contentedly.

"It's fun, Bella. Trust me."

"I knew you'd cave," boomed Emmett with a huge grin, before he reached out, grabbing Rosalie's hand and pulling her up. "Not gonna be outdone by Bella-Boo are you, Rosie?"

He had her and he knew it. If there was one thing Emmett knew to appeal to with Rosalie, it was her competitive side. She rolled her eyes at him but allowed herself to be dragged along the beach. Apparently Emmett was impatient to defy gravity.

~:~:~:~

Standing on the cliff edge, staring down at the swollen waters crashing in waves against the rocks below, I wondered, not for the first time that evening, whether we were all completely insane for attempting this.

A small hand slid into mine, the fingers curling together as I looked into Alice's beaming face. Leaning her head on my shoulder, she sighed as she looked out over the ocean.

"You're free, Bella," she whispered with a wide smile and I felt an identical one draw across my face, too.

It had been a whirlwind four months after the battle, getting used to the idea of not having to look over my shoulder all the time and learning to live in my new role as a vampire. I had hardly spent any time truly getting to grips with the idea that Jack was gone.

Forever.

I had spent so long living in fear that it had become normal to me, and now, being free to get on with my life with my family and friends around me still hadn't quite sunk in. So Alice had taken it upon herself to periodically remind me of how great things were now. She would sidle up next to me in my happiest, most carefree moments and give me a small reminder that life was good. It was such a small thing, but I loved her for it. She knew how strange it could feel for me sometimes to not be fearful of simple things.

She, Rosalie and I had spent countless hours together, hanging out and chatting. It was just the way I always imagined having sisters would be, and I loved them both dearly. Emmett always joked that he couldn't believe that Rose and I were so close when once she had hated the sight of me. Of course, reminding her of that usually earned him a cuff around the head, but that never stopped him.

Carlisle and Esme had stepped cheerfully into the role of surrogate parents to me. Though they knew that they would never replace Charlie and Renee, I found their wisdom and guidance invaluable and frequently found myself curled up on the porch swing with Esme, talking for hours about just about anything, and she always knew immediately if something was bothering me.

I had spoken to Charlie and Renee a couple of times on the phone, pretending to be living in France, and I was happy to hear that they sounded content. Charlie had even started seeing Leah and Seth's mom occasionally, which was a cause of some hilarity when we hung out with them.

It was my biggest regret on entering this life, that I couldn't see my parents any more, but it warmed my heart to know that they seemed to be happy. They were always so happy to hear from me when I called them; we had all thought that even that much would be impossible, but since I had proven to be insanely well controlled within the first twelve hours of waking as a vampire, Carlisle didn't see the harm in me having some contact, even if it was just by phone. I was grateful for that and for Jacob who gave me regular updates on how my dad was, from Billy, and from Leah and Seth who saw him as a frequent visitor to their home.

I leaned my head to the side, resting it on top of Alice's and sighing, contemplating how everything worked out alright in the end. I remembered vividly being told so many times that everything was going to be okay, when I was too far gone to possibly believe it, and now, here I was, standing on the edge of a cliff with my immortal family and my almost as immortal friends, about to jump without a shred of fear.

No. I was excited because this was freedom.

Tomorrow, Edward and I were travelling out to Alaska to visit the Denalis I had heard so much about and to see how the newborns who surrendered were getting on. Carlisle had asked his friends out there if he could send them to stay until they had their newborn instincts under control, and they had willingly accepted. Then he was taking me on a belated honeymoon and he wouldn't tell me where to. All he would do when I asked him was give me a knowing look and say "you'll see". It was extremely infuriating, but I was unbelievably excited.

"Are you ready?" I felt Edward's arms snake around me from behind, his chin landing softly on my other shoulder, and Jasper adopted a similar position behind Alice.

"As I'll ever be," I replied, shrugging him off my shoulder playfully. He laughed and moved to my side, taking my hand in his and squeezing gently.

"Alright!" Emmett whooped loudly from behind me, dragging a somewhat reluctant Rosalie, who wasshaking her head good-naturedly behind him.

Eventually we were all standing in a row, several feet back from the cliff edge, my family and my new, Quileute friends. I watched in fascination as several of them, including Jacob and Leah, who were hand in hand, ran forward, plunging over the edge, screaming in joyful abandon as they plummeted towards the raging waters below.

Edward turned to me, grinning widely, and kissed me lovingly on the lips. He whispered, "I love you," before we started forward, in tandem with the rest of the family. After several steps, the crunching of the gravel stopped and the ground dropped away from beneath my feet. Suddenly I was falling, flying through the air, with my hand encased safely in his. The ocean filled my vision, spread out below me, lit up by the moonlight - vast, eternal and full of endless possibilities, just like my life with Edward. I could hardly believe that everything we went through, everything we endured had led us here to this place, together.

He was my salvation, my freedom, my forever.

_Fine._

* * *

_**Thank you all so much for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. I believe review replies are now bac**__**k online, so I will be able to reply to all the reviews for this, the final chapter.**_

_**I am currently working on two new projects. One, a collaboration with my girl, Nostalgicmiss, written for Newmoonaholic's birthday called Letting Go of Maybe. It's a Bella/Emmett story and can be found on our joint profile, where we are known as Weebble.**_

_**The other is an historic story starring Rosalie and Emmett, set in the UK in the early 1940's. I will post that once I have more of it written, here on my profile.**_

_**But for now, thank you and goodnight! My epic author's note is finished!**_

_**Bob xxxx**_


End file.
